Swell AI Transcript: 213 to upload.mp3

00:00 SPEAKER_00 I just don't think that we need another person in their 80s. I'm a little long of tooth already. We don't need more like me. But I do think that the times we're living in really demand the next generation to step up and express their point of view and to make the decisions that will shape our American politics over the coming century. And just having a bunch of guys who were around, circle jerking around, baby boomers, who were around in the post-war

00:23 SPEAKER_05 Hello everybody welcome to another episode of not well, I'm Bobby. I'm Jim. This is 2 1 3 2 1 3 now This little long a tooth situation, okay, but I'm kind of like questioning what the fuck here's how I learned about long of tooth because There was a movie series called Centennial. Have you ever heard of this? No, it was like this Western where like people are moving from the East Coast across the country and gold rush. Nowadays, it would be profoundly racist and all of this, but it would be canceled like it would not be made. Okay, but so it's like a Western type thing and there was like a Native American man who I think used that phrase like long of tooth basically as you get older like your teeth start to fall out because you don't have good dental care and Your gums recede and then as the teeth fall, so there's a longer it's because the gums receding it's about to fall out and So then when they say they're long a teeth, they're old. I I'm not actually a fan. Yeah.

01:21 SPEAKER_00 So that's going to happen to you.

01:22 SPEAKER_05 Okay. Long of tooth. For some of us, we're already long of tooth and we're young. So I'm just kind of curious about how that's going to work out for you. It's like you're Mr. Ed just right behind you. So, um, well, I guess you learn something new every day. Long of tooth. I agree with Mitt Romney and I'm really proud of him for saying that. I mean, did you? I mean, I get it. These Republicans are insane. Did you see Laura Biber or whatever fucking name is? Have you seen Lauren Bobert went to Beetlejuice or Breitbart? A family friendly show. Family friendly. Grabbed her date's dick as she got her breast on fondle at a family friendly show and was smoking a vape. Yeah. Is that a drag show? Oh, no. She's doing sexual things on a family friendly show. You are.

02:13 SPEAKER_01 Tonight, surveillance video revealing the truth about the night Colorado Congresswoman Lauren Boebert was kicked out of a theater, her version of events going up in smoke. After denials she was vaping inside a Denver theater during a musical performance of Beetlejuice, this video clears the air. Boebert is seen on video blowing smoke before the start of the show. The Colorado Republican representative is also seen dancing and clapping along to the music, her arm raised above her head, even using flash photography. A woman sitting behind her appears to lean over and say something to Boebert. At one point, her date is apparently unable to keep his hands to himself. Eventually, the couple is escorted from the theater, Boebert giving staff the middle finger and allegedly saying, don't you know who I am, according to an incident report from the venue. Before this video revealed the true performance, her campaign manager denying the allegations that Boebert was kicked out for vaping. telling the Washington Post in a statement there might have been a misunderstanding from someone sitting near her, and attributing the source of the smoke to heavy fog machines and electronic cigarettes used in the show. NBC News has reached out to Drew Sexton, Boebert's campaign manager, and Boebert herself, but has not heard back. Boebert alluding to the incident, tweeting, It's true. I did thoroughly enjoy the amazing Beetlejuice at the Buell Theater, and I plead guilty to laughing and singing too loud. Everyone should go see it if you get the chance this week, and please let me know how it ends. The end of that evening for Boebert and her date, holding hands and twirling into the night.

03:48 SPEAKER_05 You think you are so, how embarrassing is this? I was in a different country that used to look up to the United States and be like, this is like when, this is when you meet your heroes. This is like the same thing. All of a sudden you realize that just because they're on this platform doesn't mean they're actually anybody you really even wanna fucking talk to. And so, this whole thing is just disgusting. I hate everybody. And so let's just not talk. Yeah, let's just, everyone go quiet. Which is what I'm practicing. Mitch McConnell, like Mitch McConnell. Everyone needs the Mitch McConnell right now, okay? Everyone needs to just sit there and wait for their parmesan cheese to get put on their fucking… Just tell me when and I'll stop. What's so funny is I feel that way too. I'm always like… Stop. I know. I get so nervous. Because then I'm like, am I looking like a fat fuck? Yes. I start to count after I go past three seconds. I say stop, no matter how fast it's coming down. That's my policy. And so even if it's only a little bit, if it's been three seconds, I'm like, thank you. That's a really nice thing. That's how I look skinny. And well, not physically, but in their minds. Right. That's how you feel. He only did three seconds. And then Matt's like. Meanwhile. Yeah, that's me too. When? I'm like, okay, that's good. Thank you. I just hate restaurants. I just hate everyone. I'm like really in that mode. I'm really sorry, everyone. I'm in a mode. We learned some secrets. We learned some witchcraft. We've learned some life lessons, if you will. Honestly, we've learned that if you think you won't get let down, you will. I know I kind of touched on this last week, but it's true. I mean, no matter what, I had to let down somebody this week. Okay. Then you had to let go of somebody this week. Yeah. And I'm not going to go into detail that much, but let's just say the biggest pain in my ass is now gone. But it was hard. That's going to be like one of my topics, actually, I think. So I'm going to kind of hold off on that conversation. I don't think we have a voicemail, though, but let me just see. I mean, what's going on with you, babe? Well, it's funny you say that. Because. Oh no. I also had to let someone go this week. And we're going to go up there? Probably shouldn't. Yeah, we will. Yes, we should. That's our bar. Oh no, no, yeah, yeah, go into it I thought you meant. Oh yeah, we're definitely going to AWOL. Oh hell no. Oh, okay. No, absolutely going there. So what happened? Okay. So wait, are you like, this is spilling tea, like we're doing it. I'm like, oh no, I don't think any, I don't think he's ever listened. And it doesn't matter if he fucking does. If he did, he's already, I mean, we've already talked about him before. Okay, wait till this real edible hits in like I'm scared. I'm already like like slurring slurring slurring Well, that's when the episodes gonna get real good. Um, I know Yeah, so you basically I had to let someone go this week and we know who one relationship has ended Well, another one is probably blossoming truly Yeah, I mean, what'd you learn from this? Like did you feel like you've learned some things like I feel like you I've learned a lot from this experience. Yeah But I want to know out of your mouth. Well, that's what Sabrina was telling me last night. She said, well, you have to figure out you have to understand why this all happened. Like, why did you allow it to happen? Like, if there were ever moments where you didn't like something, how did you let yourself be this uncomfortable or uncomfortable or change your mind? And so that's when I'm like, oh wow, yeah, you're right. Like, all the little things where I was like, well, it's okay, like, I can justify it.

07:19 SPEAKER_00 I do.

07:20 SPEAKER_05 And that's what she said. She's like, she told me, she was like, this is why, this is her talking to me. She said, this is why when you say certain people are nice and I say they're not nice, I'm saying they're not nice. because you're giving them a pass. You give people a chance and you, you assume that, well, it's out of the good of their heart or they're trying, they're just in a tough situation. So that's why they're acting like that or this. And she's like, the reality is they're actually just a shitty person. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's really kind of funny actually. Now I just had like an epiphany that maybe we're not well because we're just fucking nice. Yeah, we put on this all like, whatever, you know, we actually do like really nice over us. Literally, like how many people in the past like, I mean, I have people that I'm like, yeah, I hate me for being nice. Like, I don't. And so basically, what happened with the situation is I shared how I felt about something. Um, that happened where, with the situation on Tuesday, that Tuesday situation, I shared how I felt about it, how I was a little disappointed and radio silence. Oh yeah. You told me this. And then, Hey, I want to meet up and talk now. And then I said, when, and then silence for three days, no response to when I said, when I was like, if you can't respond to a text message, absolutely not. It's over. That's if you can't talk if you are someone who shuts down when you're supposed to be having a conversation I Can't be with you. I can't be in a relationship and it's not even like if you need time You can say hey, you know, I need a few days to think through things and then we can talk Okay, and then you respond to text messages right away But if you're someone who shuts down or tries to ghost Gary said this Gary the other bartender he was like Oh, Gary's hot.

09:09 SPEAKER_00 Gary's hot. Gary.

09:10 SPEAKER_05 I think you need to go for Gary. I would maybe not a bar. You need to get somebody who has a nine to five so that you can at least have like fun on the nights instead of being like, I know he works. But if you're higher up like Gary, you don't work the nights all the time. True. And you don't work Sunday nights. You work Sunday day. And you don't. So once you actually do your job and show up and do a good job, And don't give up shifts for no reason when you need money Then you get those shifts that are like more maybe some days afternoons You know I think this whole situation was really good for you because I think that you realize like you can still pull some ass Wow, but also like I mean learn that like okay, so he was really hot like he's a very attractive person well But until you want to know, no, until you get to know them and you get, and that's how everybody is. Everybody's hot on the outside. Everybody, again, this is this whole, look at us. We're so crazy on here, but really we're just nice people. Your outer shell is always hiding what's really happening. And once you meet somebody and you, some people are even better, some uglies are actually hot because of what's on the inside. Does that make sense? Yes. Because a lot of, and a lot of these people who, Attractive it's on purpose. Mm-hmm. Like they are it's God's plan. They are trying to look a certain way They're putting makeup on they're dressing a certain way. They're going to the gym just to get muscles to look good not to be healthy and That's about insecurity because they can't hold a conversation. They're dumb as fuck. They can't hold a conversation What have they accomplished in life? And yeah, they're insecure. I think that's their way of saying, I don't have to talk, I just have to look good. Yeah, yes, exactly. They rely on their looks. What they don't know is that everyone gets older, looks go. You might get an injury or get sick and your body will change. Like Matt has a disability, he gained weight because he can't walk or he couldn't walk. But yeah, it's like things change, nothing's permanent. But what's inside and your mood and your attitude and your energy, those can stay the same throughout your life. Right. But you have to work on those just as much as you work on your body. Don't get body conscious just because we're talking about attractiveness. But that's why you're saying like the traditionally, societally, physically attractive people can be like the worst people. But then the really hot ones might be physically considered unattractive by most. I agree with that 150%. I've had the most fun sexually with people who you would not be like, oh, they're You know saying that's like we're not really hot. I mean and then it's like that was the best Because you click with them on a different level. It's really interesting. That's how also like a lot of things work folks. So Make sure you communicate. Yeah, like the thing is is like you've got to learn to communicate So if you're hot right now, and you're not a good communicator, don't just keep trying to go to the gym and look hot It's not gonna last like you need to get a long-term plan here because you're not gonna make it past 32 Yeah, it's after that. It's like you start falling apart. Then you're doing Botox and you're doing all this shit and it's like, well, or you're already doing it and you're doing it. I mean, actually, you're already. Oh my God. No, I kind of want to do it, but I'm also almost now. I'm not saying I would never do it. No, the way to do it is like one of my close friends. I won't name names because then they might get mad, but you do it like maybe once or twice a year, but maybe just once a year. It's a secret. And you just do a little bit. So you still have some lines. You don't, you won't want no lines. That's when you look like, just like a doll. You kind of look like a, what's her name? That was like really creepy and died. Joan Rivers. Oh God. Yeah. Nothing moved. She was a funny bitch, but oh my God, her forehead was so tight. I was like, just like your pussy. Just imagine her pussy. Tight. Yeah. It's like a facelift, but it's like a vag lift.

12:49 SPEAKER_00 I think they actually have that.

12:50 SPEAKER_05 It's a vaginoplasty. Vagiplasty. You would know. Pussyfly. I need one. Pussyplasty, pussyfly. I need a scrotoplasty. Scrotoplasty. Plexy. Oh no. Plexy. Scrotoplexy. Anyway, so yeah, that's what happened to me. I let someone go and it felt great. Actually. Yeah, that's good. I mean, it's weird. Like I, I thought I would be very upset, but then it's like, I could tell you weren't gonna be upset because I could tell you asked me like a month ago. You were like, so I haven't heard a lot about Yeah, you're like I haven't heard a lot about him. How are things and I'm just like I'm just not really impressed Like there's just not a lot. They're not a lot of so I do see you. Yeah, I know That's what it's like. I was like building a character like he's great But you also like the chase and you like the game of it. I mean, I will just say that like you do We all do like that's fun. Like when a hot guy gives you attention all sudden you're like, well, how am I gonna I'm gonna keep giving him attention and then all sudden you're like dating and all the stuff so it's like I don't know. I'm high. Oh, I was like, you're high because I've never done that before, but I've never dated someone before just because of the chase. That's what you think. But really, you are chasing that. That's what it is. No, but I mean, well, you said you chase and then you day I'm like, I've never dated anyone else. It was like before, Matt, there was a chase. I mean, like, go after okay pursue okay yeah that happens you love that you but that's not what's happening in this instance oh my god i love how you're like oh okay like you don't know what i'm talking about everywhere we go and there's a hot guy you're like pursuing pursuing let's go sit by you're a pursuer you're a little cheetah cat Right next to the fucking hyenas and it's like hey, no, but it doesn't go into a relationship. No, I know In particular, yeah this then did go into a relationship so technically because again It was so weird cuz it was a week. I think he was supposed to be in your life. Yeah, he was no I that's what Sabrine said too cuz you were like going to a full DDP and all sudden you're like, oh I'm in love cuz Not love, but like DTP. She was like, um, you know, I was like, I don't know, I guess it was a bad thing or something like that. She was like, it wasn't bad because it taught you a lesson. Nothing that taught you this is bad. Honestly, nothing's bad. You learn something from everything, good, bad, or indifferent. Right. So I feel like I'm in a better place. And then on the plus side, the coolest thing is that Matt and I are in a better place because Matt also went through it on his own and we went through it together. Like we did therapy again. We talked about how, what it is to be in a relationship, what it's like to be Polly. Like we talked through that. And now I'm looking back and I'm like, none of this year would have happened if this hadn't happened. And then Matt and I would have, have had to go through it at some point anyways.

15:35 SPEAKER_00 So it's like, you're, you're gonna move forward.

15:36 SPEAKER_05 So now it's like we already went through it. Here we are. We did it. And you're getting messages. I just wanna make sure it's not like… You're getting broken into? What if, like, there were people with machine guns in the backyard, like, coming in? Fine. Does this door lock? Everything happens… Yeah. Okay. We'll have to go into the attic. Oh, this tastes weird after a Coke Zero. Yeah. After fake sugar, babe. Yeah, I was like, ooh. Yeah, it's like a little… Yeah. People this week mine wasn't as dramatic dramatic. I didn't know her longer But it's just weird like I will say this like I don't wish any ill will on anybody Especially if I don't I don't wish ill will on them, but I wish they would wake the fuck up That's not my problem anymore. That's what that's my new. I'm not I don't sorry if you're not at woke woke Which I almost- Oh, you almost lost your shit, which I would have. Listen, who the fuck says woke like a real thing? Like- Ron DeSantis. Right. And I'm in my meeting and one of my people says, well, the military's woke. So what does that mean? Do you want to tell that to the people in the military, please? Which he is in the military. But I'm just saying it's weird to me. So he's one of the KKK members of the military. It makes me think that maybe he is one of those people that are marching up and down the street. And I hate to say that because I really did like him, but he's a quitter. I like that. He's like France and we don't do that. I don't even think that's a good joke and works I think everybody's dead. So nobody really would get that job. Yeah, France gave up in World War Well, and this is what I want to talk about with that reference there last night Sabrina and I went out and And we just wanted to get a couple, literally a couple drinks. A cocktail. She worked today. So we go to Forno, we get a glass of wine. I'm sitting next to these girls who, these two girls who are beautiful and they have these flowers in front of them. Well, they were at a Glossier event. They brought home all these flowers. We're talking to them, getting to know. And are you okay? What's a Glossier? Oh, it's like a makeup. company. Okay. I was like, what the fuck's a Glossier? I think that's how you say it. And then, um, so we're just talking to them and then one of them gets up to go to the bathroom. I look at Sabrina. I'm like, how old are these girls? Yeah. So they come back. We are like, is it okay if we guess your age? Oh, I love it. Cause we're, we don't give a fuck. We're old. We're like, I'm 30. I'm almost 36. She's 40. Like we don't give a fuck. So I was like 22. And I thought that was old. Like I, or I mean young, like I thought that was being young. I was like, they're like 28. They're 23 and 22. I almost fell out of the chair. Sabrine was like, Sabrina goes, I'm old enough to be your mother. And that's when it hit me. And that's when I was like, these girls are drinking, having fun, living their own lives. One of them was engaged and about to get married next year. And I'm sitting there like, she's old enough to be your mom. I could almost be your dad. And you're here doing what I'm doing. I'm too old. I'm sitting here guessing your age. And the reason I wanted to guess is because they had two different people that I had never heard of that they brought up that they then had to Google in front of me. Because I was like, James Cameron. I was like, what? She was like, this one. It's all like influencers and shit.

18:57 SPEAKER_00 That's all they know. That's like the new, like popular person.

18:59 SPEAKER_05 Actually, that's creepy is that both of the people they talked about were that, were like influencers.

19:04 SPEAKER_00 I looked at her.

19:05 SPEAKER_05 I was like, so what have they, what do they do? And she's like, He was on this TV show. He was on this TV show. I was like, no, but like actually do like, he just films his life playing yourself, playing yourself on a reality TV show is not a job. Cause that's just like, we could do, we're doing that now it's free. Right. You know, it's not a big deal. So yeah. So she had to show me both of them. She's showing me on Instagram. I was horrified and I was like references.

19:30 SPEAKER_00 They're like 4 million references. We're not going to know the references.

19:34 SPEAKER_05 So I yelled at Matt actually I think yesterday about a reference to he kept making references like commercials from the 80s. So he's stuck in the 80s. We're stuck in the 90s. And now these kids are like not even stuck in the 2010s. I know. I know. It's just weird to me to think how quick you get old. Like I hate this conversation because I know we have it a lot, but like it's just bizarre when you look back and you go, but that was only like 15 years ago and 15 years ago. I thought I had the whole world to my, and then now 15 years later, you're kind of like, right. And then now you're like, wow. I guess that's why they always say ahead of me. Everything gets harder as you get older like and I always be like whatever I don't believe it But it's true cuz when you look back, it's like all these dramatic moments were not dramatic. Okay at all really not dramatic at all Your body just doesn't know how to process. Yeah, what's happening? I don't know why I'm talking like this I just realized I feel like I'm having a helium balloon I Honey! Honey, she's high! I was gonna say! She's so high! Okay, now- Now, I already got my list, too. I have some things. Okay. Fire, honey. Okay, so I just did the first one. Oh my god. Okay, I know- What it what? I'm just going- I mean, I just went off like- It's going to be you go. Just go now. No, go, go, go. No, you got to go. You got to go. I told the past two story. You have to go. No. I talked about Joey and Sabrina. Okay, so I have a couple things. This is gonna come off as really unhinged right now. I mean, I don't know which one to read first. I have graveyards have coffins coming out of the ground due to climate change. That's number one. Listen, okay, if I see your fucking grandma bar, that was my grandma's name. I was trying to change it. Mid. Maria. Mid. If fucking Maria. If fucking Maria starts going down the goddamn river, because there's a fucking overflow, and I see your fucking grandma in her coffin floating down bones, I'm gonna fucking snap. That's her hat! We buried her in that hat! Like, I'm sorry. I think it is so fucking weird. I actually think now, after I read the article, I was like, What are we? I'm like, yeah, you're like, well, like, actually, it's really hard to keep things buried. It's like, oh, the earth is shifting. I was like, are you talking about, like, you know, within ourselves, like that's like flood and then it floats up. It's disgusting. So that it floats up. I think I got to go check on grandpa real quick to be honest with you I'm just telling you right fucking now if I see a fucking body or any sort of like I'm telling you and especially if they just got buried like God they're like you still hear like the arm meat just like the bone like you're eating ribs, and it's just like you pick their faces just like Yep And there's like maggots coming out grandpa. It's like the flood of century. They're like go ahead and get in the water We got to get in there's grandpa flat. No, I won't get in the water. I'd rather I'll never I'll never play in the rain again Honestly because of that story that we should never Cause it's flooding out of the sewers. Um, like if you're in a flood type of situation. Oh, in a flea, not just like rain, but I'm saying I was like, as a kid, we would go play in the rain in the street. Oh, Sam, the gutters. We would hope that it would cause the water would just be pouring down. We would sit there and let it hit our pussies. I know. That's how I knew all kids do that. I don't know. We like our privates. I think there's a thing like, well, like, What's this thing? I would sit in front of the Jets in the pool like all the time. Oh my asshole. Just blasting shit chunks off. Oh fuck. Oh yo. This is the best bidet ever mom. Actually I remember when I was in like younger. and realizing that the pool. Last night. Well, I remember when I was younger. No, like the jets at the pool, you could put your wiener there and it would like, so I would like do that just like when I was a kid, like at 10. What? Did you not know that? Did you not discover that as a child? You didn't have free time at the pool where your parents weren't supervising you. Where your parents were out back divorcing and you're like in the pool alone. No, it was the moms just blacking out. Oh, is that what they did? Yes. Oh no. My mom would swim with us and she was always sober. Oh, well, they would smoke cigs and get fucking hammered. Why? My mom didn't smoke cigs, but good. Thank God. That's a horrifying picture. Actually reminds me of stranger things. My mom, like the mom's like stay at the pool.

24:02 SPEAKER_02 Yeah.

24:02 SPEAKER_05 That's what Billy one of we're like, fuck you, bitch. And they're like, quiet. It's it was bad. So anyway, so put my wiener near the jet and it would get a little hard. Oh wow. 10 year old Bobby, 10 year old Bobby trying to figure out then if you're only this big now is probably it was able to go right into the hole. Yeah. Like, Oh my God, you plugged it up. Why is the pool? Bobby plugged it up with his cock. Yeah. Like why it gets sucked in there and I get fucked. Oh my God. There's something about the pool. That's horny though. I'm just like, Oh no. It's really fun, like especially in the bathrooms when you're like peeing because I feel like everyone just shows their dick because at that point it's like you're wet and just like it just doesn't matter. No, because there were like changing rooms in there and it was just like benches. Yeah, just a bunch of old men. I would have to go to the bathroom quite a lot as a kid. Like all the time I was like, I have to pee again. And I'm like walking in like maybe someone's changing. Please, oh my God, please see a doctor. How bad is that? It's sad because we had no. Because we had no other outlet. We had nothing. And we had no chance of possibly seeing Dick on our own terms. We had to resort to like straight golf course locker rooms, okay? Oh my God, you just triggered a memory.

25:11 SPEAKER_04 Where's all that fucking weed? Bloody little mouth.

25:13 SPEAKER_05 Oh my God, you triggered a memory. I love a good. So I was at a clubhouse bathroom and it's, um, it was, um, basically I took a shower there for unclear reasons. Because you're like, well, we took showers. It's like, why? Oh, because I was hoping someone would walk in. Like, why did I have to shower after the pool? First of all, if I'm my age right now. I didn't even have long hair. And a 14 year old walks in. I'm not showing him my penis.

25:41 SPEAKER_00 Does that make sense?

25:42 SPEAKER_05 I would run. I would. But like, first of all, he'd be bigger than me. But I was 14 thinking, I'm going to walk in here and there's going to be naked men just, no, they're going to be like, get out of here, you dumb kid. Yeah, because now that I am that man, I'm like, why is this like teenager in here? I would be really annoyed. Not a man. Nope, but here we were. Or when I was 14, I was like, I'm a man. Oh, it's so sad. I was probably a little younger than that. Yeah, I mean. Like I was young enough to not, yeah, I wasn't in puberty quite. You had just a little cubic hair? Yeah, a itty bitty baby bit. When did you go through puberty? Oh God. Were you a late or an early? I think you were an early, because of your hair and your chest, I can tell. And your face. Was I? People who are hairy, yeah. Maybe I was early. People who are hairy, I feel like are, I was late. Yeah, soft. It's that's reason. Yeah, you don't have enough testosterone It took longer to build up and trigger. I Mean, I didn't go through free till 17 or 16. Oh my god That's insane. I was waiting for hair to my arms. So 16. Oh Yeah. Like 15 to 16. Oh, I know. I was through it then. Cause I got my license in senior year of high school and I was 16. I definitely had gone through it by freshman year. So that's like four years before.

26:56 SPEAKER_00 That's what's funny.

26:57 SPEAKER_05 I was probably 12 and you're like, I was 62 when I graduated high school. So I'm six, five now. So I wasn't even done growing at that point. But I remember the basketball and football coach being like, Why don't you start playing when you were younger? And I'm like, I did. I was five, six as a freshman, like five, six freshmen, six, two as a senior. I'm six. Oh my God. I always could eat two ham sandwiches though. No matter what. Just saying. So anyway. No, we're not calling you fat. No, I know. I'm just saying 16 is really delayed. Yeah. Yeah. I was really, I was like really worried about it. I was so worried about it. You were probably like, is my dick going to grow? I still masturbated though, but. Oh, but nothing came out? Yeah. Well, actually no. When I first started masturbating. Stuff comes out? No, nothing does if you don't have any cum. I didn't know that. Yeah. I probably ruined something. So before puberty, nothing will come out if you're jerking off. See, I don't remember jerking off. I never jerked off before puberty. I don't think I had a choice. I had a wet dream. I'd never jerked off. My brain was old enough. You were like 14, 15, like at that point, I probably was. I mean, I just never really had to be a little juice, a little bit of juice, a little nectar, syrup, sappy. So, yeah. That's weird. Yeah. Puberty is the things that we're just learning. How are we on?

28:14 SPEAKER_00 Oh my God. I forgot.

28:15 SPEAKER_05 Oh, I can only, I'm not going to mention who told me this, but somebody with children, uh, told me a story. Oh no. That one of them is like, who's I guess eight or not. Nine is knows about puberty and big ball sex.

28:32 SPEAKER_04 You're going to fuck my slutty.

28:33 SPEAKER_05 Like I said, I'm going to have a big ball sack soon. God, that's so funny. I know. I'm like, you just see like a nine year old boy. You're like, what? Like, I'm like nine. But like, that's the other thing, though. Think about that. Yeah. Think about a 10 year old versus an 18 year old. Oh, my God. And the difference in that span of time. It's so funny. And then you expect that 18 year old to then like, be an adult. Yeah. And you're like, They just went through all this in 8 years. You were just 10. Yeah. You were just a fucking idiot. Me from like, you from 32 to 40. Right. Like, is that a big… But it's the same thing though. Yeah. I think it really is. Like, I think we don't notice it as adults. But as children, that's a big… Because we're not physically changing. But I think we are still changing a lot. Some of us are physically changing. Well, some of us do. And we all get bigger heads and long teeth and fat asses and fatty ears. And a lot less hair on top. I speak for yourself. Um, I won't be losing this hair, baby. It'll be nice and gray for soon, but already I Think it's my birthmark though. Cuz if you know, yeah, I just asked. Oh, well, first of all, if I pull it like really hard It's all oh god. Yeah, and then it watch this Yeah, that is over here. It's right here. It is that line in there. Wait, why is that? I don't know. I might be like a birthmark I Wonder okay, like us from here all the way. It's like white. It is. Yeah, that's weird I'm special Or cursed. So. Birthmarks. I'm glad we never talked about that. Cause I would go to hell. Do you know what I have to say though, is actually when I was early on in my career, there was this guy who had like a little gray. Oh no, I'm having a revelation. you know, I loved it. I thought he was hot. There was this guy, a straight guy who had like a little gray there. And I thought he was good. He was actually hot. And then I go back. There was a guy in eighth grade too. Oh yeah. Brendan had a, Brendan had it and it was Brandon that had it. Oh my God. He went through when he was like in fifth grade, like he was like deep voice and he had hair in her arms. I'm like grade. No, I'm talking. He that's fucked up. And I'm sitting there going, What's penis? I don't like it. Yeah. I knew that you knew. Oh, I knew that. Oh, fourth grade. I was like, when he now these guys fourth grade, like, why did I know? And this seems early, but maybe it's not. It's not. You're developing everything. Oh, boyfriend. Because we're sexualized at an early age due to thanks, Lauren. Lauren Bo bar drag queens. But mostly our parents are like their friends or You know, social mall, social media. I can't imagine now. I can't imagine now right now. They know everything what they see on those 22 year old girls were showing me this guy who was the bachelor. I think his name was Cameron James Cameron or something. The golden one. What? There's a new one. That's the golden years or something. I'm going to look it up because I don't know what I'm doing on here, by the way. I'm breathing. I'm also I'm old. All right. I know. I was like, I just like clicked search. I clicked X and then I went down to search again. And I'm just like watching patiently breathing heavy though. It was like the grandpa whistle nose. So this is him like pretending. Oh fuck. I know. And this is where he posted that. Oh, he is fucking hot. He slowed it down and zoomed in on that. Oh, he is so hot and it's not a massive dick. Right? So that's why I like it. I think that's why I'm like, if this type of guy walked up, Oh my God, you have no, I wouldn't be able to, I'd probably be scared shitless. Or if this person came up to me and said, you're so fucking hot. I'd be like me. I'd laugh at his face. Probably right. It's crazy. You'd be like, no, like, really? Are you who's paying you to say this? Like, I'm sorry, but like, oh, yeah, I just want to work out those 22 year olds showed me last night. I was like, maybe I do want to be 22. Like, If Tyler Cameron could come into my life. The universe is listening. Unfortunately, I don't understand universe speak. I do. And it's actually there's a really a video that I found. I actually saved it. I could play it, but you'll be like, you'll be annoyed. Do we want to go into the universe right now? We haven't done in a while. Let's go into the universe. God damn it. I'm ready. Fuck. Cause you watched Barbie last night and I had a huge talk with Sabrine last night. We've really gone through it this past two weeks. I've really gone through it. You have to. Yeah. Like it's actually, do you know about friends aligning? It's kind of like, you know, how some women, no, wait, what was I looking up again? Well, the universe video. Okay. But do you know how sometimes after women become best friends or live together, their periods sink, right? So it's the same thing. So what is that about? Okay. Well, I think friends also align with like when they go through like hard times, good times as well. Yeah, absolutely. Cause Sabrina and I started dating again at the same time this past spring. She had to say goodbye to someone two weeks ago. Yeah. And I did too. And then the past two weeks you've been going through it just like I have the past two weeks. Yeah. Like you see what I'm saying? Yeah. And I had to say bye to my coworker. Right. Cause I ain't saying bye to the cash. Cash or what? I'm trying to find this video. I swear I saved it, but maybe I didn't. Universe. Okay, we can talk about this then. Universe! I don't have the universe video though. Let's do this. Okay, so I saw this and I wanted to absolutely murder myself. Oh my God. This is so scary. Are you watching? Yeah, no, this is… Look at his face.

34:04 SPEAKER_06 He's going… Are they afraid or crying? Look at him. You're faking, first of all.

34:25 SPEAKER_05 Like, I would be laughing. He's faking for sure. She's laughing, right? Like, this is the weirdest thing.

34:31 SPEAKER_02 May the Lord bless you and protect you. May the Lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you. And may the Lord look with favor on you and give you peace. And all of God's people said,

34:50 SPEAKER_05 And well, the crocodile tears are gone for our listeners. Basically, what happened was there was a cute young. Well, first of all, I seem like they were way too young to be married. He looked like he just came out of high school.

34:59 SPEAKER_00 I thought he was 17.

35:00 SPEAKER_05 Right. Like he they they made a mistake, probably. And so they've got to make it right. So they get married and they're walking out and these people are all standing like this. I can't say that, but their arms out. OK, why can't you say that? Because I'm talking to our listeners. I'm making sure they just show the video to our listener. Oh, the listeners on the podcast. not the YouTube. Correct, because YouTube can see. Sorry listeners, I forgot about you fucks. Sorry, you codposts. Codposts. You codposts. My codposts, sisters and friends. Oh no. Sisters and friends. So yeah, so they're walking though and these people are like, they're like fake crying while they're walking. Hands are out and everybody's yelling like, Lord, bless them with this fruit. Oh man! It's like, and what do all the Christians say to each other? Amen! Like I can't, okay? I fucking can't.

36:00 SPEAKER_02 How is it real? I don't know.

36:02 SPEAKER_05 I can't believe there's that many people that are actually like that. I don't understand. Like one or two, I'd be like, yeah, they're freaks. It's like you put them all together and they're what? A hundred people going, blessed is our Lord and these are gifts we're about to receive. It's like what? A prayer tunnel. A prayer tunnel. A prayer tunnel. So if you ever invite me to any kind of wedding like that, I will not be doing that at the end. I will not be talking to you again. I barely can do the sparkler thing. So I'm like about to burn myself. I'm like, I'm drunk as fuck. Whose idea was it to give people, here's a sparkler when you're like blacked out. Open bar blacked out. So it's like you're blacked. Open bar blacked out is the best place. It's true because you just don't care. You're like, oh, I'm not paying. When you're not paying and you're at a- I have another! If I were those the stories they probably have grooming invites with brides brides getting fights with grooms Etc. The last wedding I was at I mean, I think my sister threw up in the car on the way home. My dad had to like no actually Actually, my dad was driving us home from my cousin's wedding. This is our last family wedding night. So how old were we here, you think? I was like 25. And my sister was like 21 or 20. Yeah, because she's like six years, yeah. So like 1920, sorry. Sorry, Hannah. So she's like in the back seat, or maybe it was my other sister. I don't remember which sister. It doesn't matter what goddamn sister. They're throwing up in the back seat.

37:27 SPEAKER_04 Fuck my slutty little mouth.

37:30 SPEAKER_05 They threw up because they were drunk. Oh, and my dad kept driving. He didn't realize we like opened the windows to hide the smell. We were like, don't tell dad. Don't tell dad. My cousin. Don't tell dad. Don't tell dad. It was like people were my sister's weddings on a boat. Or like it was took a boat across the lake channel to like this place Blackout people are throwing up over the boat. There were peaches. We were like throwing into the water. It was so weird We weren't supposed to throw the pieces in water, but we were blacked out on a boat Everyone's going to like people you're lucky people didn't jump off the boat Like some people I have friends who would jump off the boat. Yeah, I that was not a good day for me either that Oh what happened? Cuz you realized you were gay Oh, I knew I was gay. Um, actually this is when I had to get on some Bolta. Uh, yeah. Oh God. It was so the next day. Did you have, did you already have an appointment? No. So I got back and you were like, I got to go to see my PCP. Yeah. Like I went, I got back and I was like, cause I just moved to Columbus in April. My sister's wedding was in May. So you were also going through a new move, right? So I was like, and I'm like, and a new city where you don't know people and I'm fucking gay because when I'm alone, Gay And that's why I realized I was like wow I like openly look at dick like it's like it's weird when you're like have freedom all of a sudden You're like, oh, I'm and then I was like, oh I can like hook up with anybody cuz it doesn't matter. I don't know anybody here So bad, and then I was like, this is dumb and then I fell in love But that I mean full lust. Oh And he's amazing still but no I just saw it getting Too old and fat? No, which one are we talking about? Not Corey. Oh, who? Dan. Dan? Dr. Dan. Who's… I don't know Dr. Dan. Yes, you do. The first guy I ever went on a date with. I think medical professionals are attracted to me, and I think they want to take care of me. I'm a disabled bitch. I have literally never attracted so many doctors in my life. So the first guy we met on Craigslist actually, he's a ear, nose and throat. Oh, he was money, baby. And we really should have done that. I tried. You'd be in a mansion in Upper Arlington right now. No, we'd be in Houston because that's where he ended up. He went to, like, Wisconsin. Then he just moved to Houston. I'm like, what the fuck? I kind of Houston choices. Yeah. Let's do 30 days in a row of like one hundred and ten plus. Like, no. And I always knew he liked non-traditional white. He didn't like white guys. OK, so. Anyway, that's why, that's why I wasn't black or brown enough. It's like, well, you are down there. Well, once you get a little older, it gets a little raw down there. A little raw. Oh, I'm in trouble. At the minute 50, we are in a full blackout, full K hole. Let me check. That explains it. I don't even know what I was talking about. I don't remember. Dr. Dan. Dr. Dan. So we met on Craigslist. We were watching football. Fine. Then we decided to go to Oktoberfest here in Columbus and it was like the best time of my life and I was drunk and then I sucked his dick and then we were making out at my apartment. Hot and heavy, hot and heavy. And then he was like, well, and then he like woke up early. He left like that night and I was like, so then we like would text and we went on another date and then it just didn't work. And he had to like He had to slow fade me, because I was a baby gay at that point. Yeah, so he couldn't just be like, I'm done. He knew that I was so sensitive, so he was like, yeah. And it's so embarrassing looking back now, but it is what it is. You know what I mean? Dr. Dan, though, he's the one that like, so then I was so into him that I was like, I'm gay. That's literally, it was like I fell in love. That's the first time I ever felt age, too. That's such a bad feeling that I'm like, And then I met Tyler. He was hot. I had a lot of hot. And then I was obsessed with him for a little bit and then. I should have dated more. Oh wait, I am now. Yeah, you're just doing the opposite. It's not fun to date. I don't want to date. I don't want to date ever. I just want to fuck. I don't even want to fuck. Let's go take naps. I don't even want to fuck. I just want to do drugs and go to bed. Okay. Well, you do that a lot. I think that's where we're at. I think you are, but do you even want to do it with anyone? Yeah. Oh, okay. Honey. Okay. Don't worry. I just had three men on me two weeks ago. It's fine. You have Cialis now. You should want to do it again. No, I do. I just I'm feeling a little bit just let down by humanity right now I know it's like I'm grossed out by everybody, but not really I would definitely take a dick I have been to the past couple weeks. I'm like god damn it It's just like I just realized I was like is this really what it's like like thank God I have Matt Right like thank god you have that because like right if I didn't I'd be spiral have your anchor. Yeah, and you know what? Whatever happens outside of that anchor is fine. The anchor keeps you upright. That's right, honey like a little pop by the sailor man to to I Have some hey some All right, okay, give it to me daddy. Um, I gotta find it Oh fuck if our listeners only knew how much I had a fucking cut out cuz we're just looking for shit half the time Hooked on the look is what it's called It's just one look it's in a book. It's reading rainbow Fly high against the sky Bet Miller Okay, you gotta keep that part in. Bat Meddler. You're singing Reading Rainbow, and then the next thing you say. Fly, fly high. Bat Meddler. So high I almost touched the sky. Thank you, thank you. Thank God for you, the wind beneath my wings. The wind beneath my wings. Now can we please just say really quick that we haven't sang that in sixth grade to our principal. There was an assembly. How dramatic! To the fucking principle! She came in and was like, yeah, yes. And we all were like, fly high! Higher than an eagle! It's so crazy. It's like, but she's 45, smokes menthol ultralights, and gets drunk on the weekends. Like, why are we singing to her? Fly high, honey. What you need to do is fly low. Fly a little low.

44:27 SPEAKER_06 Oh my god.

44:28 SPEAKER_05 Oh, fuck. Is this it? I think so, yeah. You're gonna lose it. It's real. I don't believe you already. How do I do this? Hit that. Oh.

44:43 SPEAKER_08 Some people say you will never be black. You're joking with us. I want to be black and more black.

44:58 SPEAKER_05 Is this a show? They're following a real person, like it's like- Is it BBC or something? Yeah, no, this is a real- Hello, I'm Steve. It's real.

45:09 SPEAKER_08 I want to be much darker, yeah. I like the contrast between, uh, uh, light, um, jewelry and black, dark skin.

45:17 SPEAKER_03 Black. Martina Big is no stranger to a spot of controversial body modification.

45:27 SPEAKER_05 Not even hot. At all. No.

45:30 SPEAKER_08 My first body modification procedures started in three injections in January last year. Not only my skin color changed, also my eyebrow color changed, my eye color itself changed, and my regrowing hair got darker, and also now you can see it's growing curly like the average girl's, or really my whole body. I'm carrying the water. She's like, I want to be black. This is what she thinks is black. I mean, it's so unreal. Martina's boyfriend.

46:24 SPEAKER_05 Oh, he looks like a faggot wax show. Wait, is she Indian? What is she really?

46:29 SPEAKER_06 She's white.

46:31 SPEAKER_08 She's from Germany. Wait. One of Martina's latest fans is Carol.

46:54 SPEAKER_03 I'm happy to see you. The pair met online, and today they're meeting for the first time.

47:00 SPEAKER_05 Wait, I don't… I'm so confused.

47:02 SPEAKER_07 How she's now black. And then I was much interested. I would like to ask her why. What made her to change the color? Look how low down they are.

47:11 SPEAKER_05 Like, those tits really hurt.

47:13 SPEAKER_07 It's not normal for a white person to change the color. And she's much interested in Africa to know

47:23 SPEAKER_05 Yeah, we have to chat. We have to jump in the African garb for me. Yeah. It's so disturbing. It's the part where she's like, I like to, I would like to have black skin and it's like, she doesn't just get black skin. She then does this, what she thinks is stereotypical black. She's like, I'm going to carry water. Yeah, like curing water with a village. What? It's just so fucked up. People are just so goddamn stupid.

47:50 SPEAKER_00 Crazy.

47:51 SPEAKER_05 I fucking hate everyone. Crazy. I'm telling you right fucking now. You have a whim beneath my wings. So we have this bitch who's trying to be black, and then you have Mary Riley who's saying whim beneath her wings. I know you are a smoker. And I know you did drugs. But told us not to. But what did you have, honey? Sorry, that was horrifying. I'm not actually a fan. Wow. OK, well, that was something. Huh. All right. What's happening? I was waiting for you to have something. What's happening? I don't have anything other than the fact that like I don't think people are cool period That's a clip That is automatically you're a clip I'm just kidding, actually, I'm really high right now, so I'm feeling my oats, I'm feeling good. Oh, really, you are? I'm a little sleepy, but other than that, I feel great. And I'm a little giggly, like I feel like I'm in a fucking full helium balloon right now. I don't know if I was gonna do it for the genie. And you sound like you're cool. Yeah, you were like, genie, cool. Genie, cool. I don't know why that's cool. Like Maria no, that was so bizarre Yeah, like I feel like it's giving me Rachel Jones, but this lady like injecting things into her skin to like make it permanently black Yeah, I know cuz I'm like once you go black She literally got, yeah.

49:40 SPEAKER_00 She tattooed her body.

49:41 SPEAKER_05 I think she injected her skin with something. Like, what the fuck, bitch? Red number three. Ooh! Ooh, girl. Get that off the shelves. That's probably in the Doritos I just ate. Goodbye, Skittles. Oh, really? Oh, Skittles are off the shelves. Wait, I remember they took one dye out when we were in high school because it shrunk your dick. Cancer. Red three is the one.

50:02 SPEAKER_00 Shrunk your dick. No, but it's still in things.

50:03 SPEAKER_05 That's what people said in my high school. I remember that, actually. How do we know it's not real? Well, because those are the kids that their dads were like, don't worry, son. Your dick's a little, but use this joke every time. Oh, we are. Oh, creepy. That would be something a dad would pass on. Like, I got one for you, son. Make sure you always suck on this. Blame it on the mercury. When daddy unzips his pants, you know what to do. It's the mercury.

50:26 SPEAKER_04 That's why it's so little.

50:28 SPEAKER_05 I don't know. Red number five. Like, I don't even know what is. I know. But like, also, what the fuck is that? Oh, red number five. It's like, I'm sorry. Like, what is a red number five? Like, what is that? I think it's a chemical that gives a color red to something. Anyways, next question. You're high as hell. Do you have, what's your sundry? I want to be like a, it's going to be a little sassy. Oh shit. You have a sassy sundry? Sassy sundry? Another short and sweet, if you will. Don't betray your friend but still send them Instagram memes without even reaching out to apologize about said issue. Can you read it? Wow read it again? Oh my god Don't betray your friends, but still set comma But then still send them Instagram memes without reaching. Oh, yeah guys about the original amen So if don't try to fucking sweep shit on the rug ain't going under the rug, babe Well said person that I had to let go Also like yesterday After all this happened like a week ago, sent a meme. Nope. With just an emoji. And I'm sitting there like, what the fuck?

51:47 SPEAKER_04 Yeah, like it's so kind of sending it away.

51:50 SPEAKER_05 But now you want to do a meme? Like, girl, bye, girl. No. Like, why? I mean, I texted back. I wasn't rude, but I was just like, I don't care. I mean, you cannot not text back. Yeah, we both. Oh, you're right. I was not. So I was just like, oh, OK. Or something. I said something back. Probably thumbs up back or something. Nice. You're probably nice. I was funny. I wasn't mean. That's the thing. You're right. We're maybe we need to be mean. Yeah. We need to learn how to like we are cunty, but we need to be mean when it comes to boundaries. Oh, yeah. So we need to be mean with boundaries, maybe. But in real life, we're just not going to be mean. Yeah, we're not. It just sucks. Sometimes I wish I was an asshole. That's weird. I know. I'm telling you, that's our problem. I mean, look at that. Look at them. They look like they're having fun where people please. Yeah, that's why they don't people pleasers. And then these other people don't give a flying fuck now about any consequences ever. And they're just living their best lives. And we're over here. freaking the fuck out. So anyway, if you have, so if you need to apologize to somebody though, make sure you actually fucking do it and don't just send memes. I'm just going to give that advice to the general public fucking hear it. Um, sundries, um, mine is less sassy, but both of us go through waves of like, we hate gay people. We like them. We hate gay people. I realized I'm going back into, I only want to be around queer people because last night, uh, Sabrina and I go from like, Forno and we're like, let's go find the next bar. Okay, Forno was already very straight So she forgot that Union was evil now. And so I was like, well, we can't go to Union and she goes what about she's like, yeah, it's old bag of nails now. She's like, well, I think I like this bar She points to pint house and in my head. I knew something was wrong. I was like you you liked this bar She's like, yeah, I think we liked this one. I was like I don't think we've ever been there, but okay, she wants to go there. We go across the street, get carded, and we both just looked at the guy like, you're 19, why are you carding me? Walk into Pint House, and it's all of these fucking football sports bros with hats backwards. They're wearing jerseys over long sleeve shirts, they're wearing the jeans or the shorts. They are all bros. These are the ones we were talking about in the early, where they're hot, but they all just like, oh. That's all they yeah, I think we're cracking the no we've cracked that's what I'm saying. This is what we figured out It's like all just it's all for display. It's unattractive actually, but we think it's attractive. We're raised to think it's attractive because we're animals We are and that's attractive. You know what? I always think No, you know where you really see this like legit. Yeah, is that gay campgrounds? Yep. Oh when you're at the pool and somebody new walks in, everybody's like, Oh, it's a strutting his stuff. Who the fuck is that? We all do it. And that's actual like human nature. That's being, but if we were just human nature, we wouldn't be human. If we were just animals, then we're just be an animal. And I w we wouldn't be talking right now. I mean, So I think that's what we have to decide is, what part of our nature do we listen to? And when is it bad for me and when is it good for me? So we use our intellect to do that. And we're like, so bizarre. Let's figure this out. Is that guy really hot right now? Am I really turned on by him? Should I pursue a relationship with this person? Or is it really not worth my time? Because I'm in this place and they're in this place. And you also needed to have a life mate to get through life because you were building huts and hunting. Oh, you're on that zone. Sorry, yes. Oh, what, is that how you were talking about? A little bit different. Wait, am I hearing a whole different thing? Kind of, so that's okay. Back to the sundry. So we're in Pint House and we're just like, Sabrina turns to me and goes, none of these people are like us. And I said, uh-huh. And I said, that's why I wasn't sure why you wanted to come in here. And she's like, weren't we here before? I said, no. And she's like, oh no, I was thinking of another bar. So we left. We walked in, looked around at everyone. Oh, my. And then she's like, let's find another bar. So we start walking. We walk by a cash only bar right there. I think Mikey Mike bar and it. was also frightening inside. There were fold-up plastic chairs, like those were the seats were fold-up, you know, like picnic chairs, like picnic chairs. And the guys in there were wearing like leather vests, one bathroom, and it's like cash only for like a Budweiser out of a freezer or refrigerator. Like just, it's one of those places. First of all, how do they still even own that? And so that's when we both looked at each other, we were like, why didn't we just go back to like Alibi or something like queer? And so we went to Alibi and we were like, Oh, okay. You look around, you're like, oh, diversity. Oh, thank God. I know. So I'm back in that zone of like, you know what? Fuck the straights. Our straight listeners, we love you. When we say the straights, we mean the worst of your group. Yeah, the worst of your worst. The worst. And it's not probably a high, well, it's probably a decent sized percentage of them, but we know who's good. We know who's good. We know who's good and who's not. That's my sundry. And they had to have a life mate to build huts and stuff. And I was like, wait, what are you talking about?

57:09 SPEAKER_06 I was like, huh?

57:11 SPEAKER_05 I'm like, they have to get berries, collect berries and nuts and stuff. I was like, yeah, life mates for Hudson stuff. Like he's there, he's like, you know, you're fat when you hear hot pizza. You know you're fat. I could always eat two ham sandwiches. I was like, wait, pizza hut? I'm trying to get all deep about it. It's not deep, bitch. It's just- It's you're hungry. You had pizza for dinner and lunch. Also, can we talk about the fact that what is a hut, quote unquote, and why in 1990 do we want to go to a pizza hut? Why didn't we want to go to a pizza building? Why are we going to a pizza hut? You know what a hut is, okay? Yeah, it does make you think of like a dirty, trashy, like, like, I don't want to go in a hut. Right? Fuck a hut. A hut's gonna have a spider building a web in the top of it. Like, that's what's in a hut. A hut has a cockroach running across the floor. I don't do no hut. There's a mouse digging a hole in that hut. Like, I'm not going to a hut. You know what? Like, hut's not cute. A hut is never cute. It's not cute. A hut is a horror film. Pizza hut. Pizza, the Americans are like, Oh! We gotta get on down to that salad bar and pretend to eat salad for that pizza! Oh, fuck the left bar. But that, you know why that… But it's a ho! but it's a hut. But do you know why that salad bar pizza was good? Because it was free. It was the least healthy form of salad. It was like iceberg lettuce with no vitamins or nutritions. Yeah. Buttered rolls, like just tons of cheese. You could scoop onto the salad covered in ranch and bacon bits. It's like this ain't a salad, but it's an American salad. It's American salad. And that's why it's so good. And that's why we go to a hut. And this concludes our discussion of pizza. Oh my. Like corral. Like why am I going to a fucking corral? Why am I going to be an animal? Why am I going to be a steer? You're telling me I'm basically a fucking cow. Cow robot that's just going to feed me. Come on down to the corral and fill up on lobster bisque and buttered rolls. And we're like golden though. It's golden. Well, it's golden. What a selling point. Golden Corral. You couldn't even get past the tables in that dining room. All the chairs were pushed up against each other. The wheelchairs, the driver ones. Honey, I know. And it's like they walk, they drive. Here's how they do it. They're driving around with one hand on here to drive and they're holding their plate out under their leg. Hey, And I'm like, I can't right now. And they're like in the corner too with their little thing. They're trying to back out. You're like, why'd you even go in? Like I could have went and got you something, you fucking idiot. Like I can't. So anyway, that concludes the episode. Try to call us 614-721-5336. 614-721-5336. It's not hard. Well, for some people apparently it is. Well, for some it isn't. Some it isn't. Somebody and somebody not Yeah, somebody somebody thank you so much spread us like so first. Oh wait, which we might be doing a syphilis ad Yes, that's a teaser for you. That's a teaser because we are gonna do that. That's a great idea Yeah, cuz I noticed a spot down there on you and I'm actually worried about syphilis like can you get in your throat? Oh Throat goat. She's a throat goat. Wait, can you though? That's what we're going to learn. We're going to teach everybody about syphilis. Oh, because someone's recently been giving out blowjobs, haven't they? Well, no, but I was thinking about it and thinking like, if I want to blow, that's why I just like handies. I'm just telling you anyway, a handy day keeps the doctors away. Thank you for listening. Goodbye. Goodbye.