Actually, I Don't - Heartbreak/ Ending a Wedding

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Now here they are. Bobby ended the buds.

Hello everybody. Welcome to another episode of She's not doing so well im Bobby and I'm here with my best bud jim.

Hi, it's Jim. How are you? I'm good. I've been better. Same[inaudible] oh, so it's such a great start. Great start. We've both been better been no. This episodes like, I mean, this is gonna be, it's, it fits the episode. This one's going to be a little different from our normal episodes except for the beginning. I have another street interview. Oh, Oh yes. So I'll play that. But um, this episode's gonna be about heartbreak and actually, oh, I have a friend Michelle. Okay. And she called off her wedding. I did an interview with her. Yes, I did an interview with her. It's about 30 minutes long. Wow. You talked about how they started dating, what was going wrong, how it went bad, what she would, you know how she would have handled it differently? That was deep. That is deep. But color for wedding. Yeah. Can Imagine. Oh, I can like all that. That's all of the PR. That's the thing. Like that's a lot of emotional prep to go to a wedding. You're like, I'm going to my wedding. Here we go. Yeah, it's, it's dressed in my life. Starts after this. This is the first day of the rest of my life. Yeah. And it's like no calling off. Done. That's when we start texting. That's what we should start texting after we were dating. Yeah. This is for the date. This is the first day of the rest of my life. Like that's when they go go. It goes there like and no, so let's hear the street interview. Okay. That's funny. Okay, good. We'll get the giggles out or make me feel better. We'll laugh, we'll laugh. We'll chat about it for a second and then we'll get into the interview that I had with Michelle. Okay. All right. Here it is. Hold on. Well, not the interview. Here's the street interview of the funny one. Good.[inaudible].

There you go. Okay. The question came up, the funniest. What is it? Sexual[inaudible] sexual experience. So tell years I was 18 dating a higher Practer. Oh, you gave me a full body massage. I was so relaxed and he gave me my first room job and while his tongue was in my home, I was so relaxed. I farted. It was, it felt so good though. Punched me in my stomach until they get the fuck out. Last time I ever saw Todd kind of quiver, it sounds pretty good. I wanted to die. It was so embarrassing. Oh my God. I mean I can't,

I mean, so as you know, that was, that was the same guy as before, the older gentleman that we want to have on the podcast, but he had another sound bite, so I was like, wow, do I want him to stick around? He is going to be on this show 100% I mean farting in someone that's like you're, there's no time that that's okay. And there's no coming back from that now it's like no time to find a new chiropractor. Yeah. Like your back adjustments are fucked for life. Oh my God. Yeah, so that was the street interview. I know that's going to be a weird, we are really bad at transitions. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah, we are back. We're like, I'm like, that was farting. Now let's talk about this ending of a wedding. But it's true. I had a really good conversation to you. Before we get started though, I want to know if there's anything that like, have you ever been heartbroken? Heart? Yeah, totally unexpected. Like weirdly like looking back on it like I feel like I shouldn't have been heartbroken really. Well, you know it's everybody though. Yeah, it probably is. Like you look back, you're like, I really should've moved on. Like I should have been okay. But yeah, like I wasn't even officially dating this guy. We never called each other boyfriend. We never said we were dating. I think I know the story. Yeah. But like I just, I had been talking to him for a while, helping to take care of his dog, you know, we would go out on dates that I thought were dates but like doing things alone. And so then after like a few months of that, I just assumed like things were happening. You know, you had a couple of sleepovers, you think, okay, wow, like this is going towards relationship. But then like not totally ghosted, but he kind of stopped talking to me as often. I felt like this is weird, like what's going on? And I just remember finally at one point he said, well, you know, I just, I didn't really like think of you that way anymore. Or like you didn't, I have maybe not anymore, but not ever even. Yeah. So that was kind of like, wow, are you kidding me right now? But it's a whole bundle of emotion that just is heartbreaking. Yeah. Like it was, I think my heart was broken, so like this was a crazy thing I did. Like I'm sure other people have done this. I went back through text messages in Ims[inaudible] and I took, I actually took screenshots of moments from our discussion. I never, no, no, no, don't freak out. You're judging you. But that was not, that was a look a judgment though, was like, ah, that was my craigslist. But high lifetime moments out we have, so I am like screenshotting this shit and then I'm literally like swiping through the screenshot so I could scroll easily and be like, I wasn't crazy. Like we were texting about like how much we like each other. We were texting about how this is like, this is great and how we want to hang out again and we'll want to do this and then we want to have another date. I'm not crazy. No, I'm not like, this was definitely a relationship. And Yeah, so I did that and I will, I still have the screenshot. It's like, dude, I was crazy. I mean, but at the time I was like, you know, crying. I thought I had really lost something. Like the one that got away. I'm okay. Have you ever, like, I didn't have like a Celine Dion type. I'll be like, honey, I'd even worst worst. What happened if you'd been heartbroken. Yeah, but it wasn't again, it's like what you said, it's not even a real, I know he has that moment of like it's not real, but to you it's so real. It's like it meant a lot. Yeah. And I think it actually changes you as a person to direct you in the direction you're actually really supposed to go. Yeah. So I mean, I remember it, this is going to be really sad. I'm sorry, but it's going to be like tissues, tissues. But I like would lay in bed and cry. I mean I did. This is, okay. This goes back to when the first dating story that I told. Yeah. So I was like, I mean it was kind of like borderline unhealthy. Why so sad? Because it was like that first year, your very first time really connected with him and he was like, he liked football and he like, I was like, oh my God. Like he was a bro sort of. I mean he's gay and he's engaged now anyway. Was he out then? Yes. Okay. Okay. Okay. Um, but he didn't have time for me and that's fine. So like whatever that means you, if you like somebody, you have time. So if anybody ever tells you they don't have time, that means no, that means you need to Bateson. Yeah, next. So I didn't know that at the time, so I would lay there in bed. I'm telling you it was pitiful and just like play like really sad songs and cry and go to bed. Oh Bobby or no? Wow. Cute. Huh? I'm going to really cute west. Pathar yeah, everybody's like, wow, can somebody get him higher dosage of everything that he's on whenever he's on is not working. Needs to be more. Yeah. That's like, but heartbreak is like awful because then you hear, so I would hear songs and be like, and that's not just on him. Like it wasn't his hand. Like there was the other one too, the second dating story. So the two like impactful people, there was other people in between them that I would like Dara. But these were the two impactful ones in the second one was even worse. I mean I drove like a bat out of hell on the highway home. I left work cause he texted me and he was like, I don't think this is gonna work. Like I can't be this person. And I'm like, wait. So I like went to my boss and I was like, I gotta go like Whoa. Like yeah, it's real well cake. Can you even imagine then if you had been like in a relationship for a long time or engaged or like you're getting ready to get married and all the sudden you're like, no, I have to change everything I because I can't imagine like my heartbreak story is about a guy I thought I was dating for three months. Your same is very similar. Like a few months maybe and I still like you. You were crying in bed. I was extremely upset. I just wonder if those are harder or not. Like the one, you know, they always have the songs, the ones that got away. Yeah, I mean, I don't know. Like, I don't even know if that's the one that got away. Never know. Maybe it was a month, maybe it was three years. Maybe it was supposed to be forever, but the person couldn't. Right. So that's the thing that the human mind does, I guess is like you play tricks on yourself and then you torture yourself until you're over it. Yeah. So like, I mean, I am happy that that didn't work out because of my current situation. I'm very in love. Like, yes, everything is a universe has responded. The universe responded to me, but I had to go through. Sometimes you have to go through that heartbreak to get to, and it might not be your happier ending forever. And I'm not going to get deep and dark, but I'm about to say one thing that is really deep and dark. Nothing lasts forever. No life doesn't last forever. The relationships certainly does. Podcast won't last forever. This Mike, God, thank God. Thank God I'm already tired of it to be honest. Just kidding. Same. No. Um, but yeah, I, that's a really depressing thing to say honestly, but it's true. That's, and I hate to say, but even in my current relationship, like sometimes I think scarily like, and it's not, what if, and it's not about breakup either. It's like one of us is going to die first. One of us is going to each other first one, at some point, one of us is going to be heartbroken. Oh yeah. Oh no matter how it ends. Yeah. No matter how, and I end in heartbreak, but this is why I'm interested about this interview is good. I want to know what it would be. I mean, I, I can't even imagine what it would be like to get to the point of a wedding and then say it's, you have to have balls to be able to say, wow, you gotta have balls and you've got to, I'm not ball. I mean, that sounds so broey. You got head ball. It's gotta be a man. The bowls. Yeah. But I mean, you do have Tufts and balls. Sorry. You'd have to be a fully realized human to say thank you. Thank you Jim. Jim. That's why you're here. You're buying the best bud. Your, your, your society's voice. And I'm trying to help guide worse God, but trust me having to have my moments too. I know we all have our moments, but the things of not even aware of, you know, the interview, it'll, you know, it'll take a while to get going and get some backstory, but it really, I think people who are might be struggling with their relationship currently, not even just like a wedding, but in general you could really listen to this because there's a lot of stuff that you can look back on after something's probably going to give us a lot of insight. There is some insight and I asked her at the, you know, like, what would you

tell somebody who it's good. So let's take a listen to that. Okay. We'll talk after it's over. Just briefly close out the show. I like it. So here's the interview, the exclusive interview with Bobby and Jim there too. Somewhere. I'm listening. He's always listening. Okay, here it is. I'm just going to go. Okay. All right everybody. I'm here with an exclusive interview with my friend Michelle. Hi. Hi. How are you? Good. How are you? Good. Um, Michelle, how old are you? I'm 25. 25. That's a good age. Yeah. It's been young in minutes so far. Yeah. I'm sure. Um, what, I have a question. Okay. So today we're talking about, um, actually I don't, is the episode, which is I want to discuss what happened with you when you decided to end your engagement. Because I feel like that's something that people, I mean not a lot of people have the balls to do it. Right. That's pretty scary. So I guess I want to start off with you kind of telling your story about how you guys started dating and then we'll sort of go from there. Okay. So when did you guys meet?

Um, I was about 17 years old, so still in high school. Um, he was a couple of years older out of school, but um, yeah, we just started dating. It was kind of long distance for a couple of months. Um, but we always stuck together. Yeah.

Yeah. Like how was that? How was long distance? Like, was that hard? I mean, obviously it's cause I've been in long distance.

Yeah. Especially at that age. Yeah, it was really tough because you just kind of, I felt like I kind of wanted that, like constant attention and like, you know, you're young and you're trying to learn how to trust somebody and it's just like, oh, what are you doing? Or, Oh, who's that? Who's that,

who's in the background talking and you're like, I think it's just like a party, like normal college kid with, yeah. How many was he one year older than you? Or a couple to two. Okay. Okay. And, okay, so you guys have been dating for whatever. You ended up getting engaged. How was that? Was that something you were expecting? Were you shocked? Like,

I guess a little background just on the relationship in general? Um, I think because we started at such a young, younger age and there were a lot of changes with our living situations and like when I went off to school, like college initially and he was, you know, doing his thing. Um, but pretty much, uh, we would, it was pretty unhealthy for awhile. Like, and at the time I didn't realize it, I just thought like, oh, this is like what the young kids do when they're dating like and getting in these huge like blowout fights and just like putting each other down like name calling. That was like a big thing was like immature, like very immature, abusive

in a way, not like abusive like, but when you're young in that age, you're kind of an asshole anyway. Right, right. That's got to be tough. So then you went to school at the same school as him then af, is that how

it works? It off like my first two years at a different school where he was not, he was doing something else. And then he went, he went to this other school and I went to visit once and then I was just like, oh, like I met some people there. I was like, this would be cool and we could be close and like it would just be like a dream. Cause we've been long distance for so long. It'd be fun to be close by. So I ended up transferring there. And at that point then, yeah, we did not, we both had our own roommates and stuff, but we were really close by a couple of minutes down the street. So that was like a really good time, I would say in the relationship the best. Yeah, I would think so. Yeah. Did you guys still fight a lot or was it sort of one of those things where, I mean I feel like when you're that young and you get into relationship, you're really mature regardless of how big, how mature you think you are. Yes. And you notice that as you get older and as you're going to keep getting older, you'll be like, that was so dumb. Like why did we even fight about Taco bell or whatever it is. Um, yeah, I mean while we were still there, we definitely still have some fights that stick out in my mind to like that bad. And you know, going some days without even speaking to each other. Just like that's kind of how we dealt with things. Instead of like talking things out, like open communication. Like there was a lot of just, oh I'm going to ignore you for a while or like you are horrible. I don't like talk. It's hard to explain it because looking you see those kind of relationships all over the place. So I understand exactly what kind of relationship you're talking about. Okay. So then you, what happens next? Where's the next step? So actually, so we both like finish school and then we're both living back in the same area. Like both back with our parents saving some money. Right. Um, we had been talking about like eventually getting a place together but we wanted to save up and blah blah blah. And then we, we kind of had like this falling out and um, I just kind of felt like very detached and I was trying to like figure out my career at the time too. So that was really stressing me out and just causing a lot of, you know, uncertainties and things like that. I was very unhappy with that. So we kind of had a falling out and I was just like really down. And were you still together during this family? No, we were, and then I broke it off. I did break it off. You're the one that broke up. It was probably, it was probably like five or six months before we got engaged. So we broke up. I wanted my space. I kept like reiterating, like I just need some time to figure out what I want and what I'm trying to do here. And he was very, you know, still persistent and trying to make things work. And I was just trying to have, have an understand like,

you know, maybe he needed some space at that time to kind of, yeah. Well, and I think too, a lot of times people who get into relationships really young, you go to school together, you end up together, whatever, you don't have that independent moment where you need to kind of just like figure out who you are in a way. And especially at that age are so vulnerable to be out of control in a way. Like you can just start drinking. You can, I mean things can escalate really quick. Right. So you guys broke it off, you did your own thing for a little while that obviously, how did that go?

And at the time too, I, I had started going to therapy. Okay. Um, just because my anxiety and yeah, I was feeling having some like depressive episodes and I s I did start like taking antidepressants and things like that. So it helped.

I'm an advocate. Oh yes, thank goodness. Thank you.

Goodness for that. Um, so yeah, it was just like a weird time. And then like, eventually he kept, you know, coming back and just wanting

to make it work. Hey, let me see. Can I see? Yeah, I'll try to,

and you know, at that point I was like, okay, like we've been together for seven years. Ish. Yeah, yeah. Like seven years. Like I was like, of course I love this guy, I care about him. I don't want to see it fall apart. So I was like, yeah, let's, let's just start fresh. Like we're grown up now, you know?

Right. We are, we're growing up as you can be at 23 or whatever that. So I was like, okay,

give it another try. And then, you know, before I knew it, it was just a few months later you popped up.

Oh Wow. And was that something you were like, what the fuck? Yeah. I mean like I knew that was the direction we were heading if we were going to be together. Yeah. It's either that or nothing. Right. But,

and that, on that particular day, at that particular moment, I think I was pretty surprised. Yeah.

Yikes. But so you said yes. Did you say yet? Looking back? Did you say yes because you were nervous to say no. Yeah. Like would you ever, I mean, so you probably would've said no if you would have dug deep and saw what you could see now I guess, right? Yes. So how, so you were engaged for what? Like, so did you start planning the wedding and everything? Like the thing start planning. Okay.

Yeah. Maybe not like right away, but yeah, I was pretty excited for that part of it. Right now I'm an event planner. Yeah.

All about it. You keep planning everybody else's events and you're like, it's finally my turn. Okay, let's do it. Oh that's cool. So let's see. Um, so do you think that was more exciting than the actual engagement to him? Like the actual just planning of it? Cause I was wondering that too, cause I think some people get too wrapped up in the actual wedding that they forget why they're even getting married. It's not about, you know, it's not about, it's about the party, but yeah. You know, like exciting. Don't get me wrong,

but, right. Um, I think I was more excited about the planning. Like I feel like I tried to have us plan certain things together and we did, like there were certain things, but a lot of the times I felt like I kinda had to take the reins and I was like, do you, I want you to be a part of this, but like it doesn't seem like, yeah. And then, yeah, it's like, do you even want to help me with this? Or you know, like there was times that I just kind of felt like, okay, cool. I guess I'm just doing this on my own when I feel like this should be like our thing. But I, I brushed it off. Right. Um, sounds like that might be a thing. I did a lot of that. I sure did. So we roll through the months and months are going by or things in your relationship working, is there things that are like not working at that point or so at that point, like a few months after we got engaged, um, we ended up moving in together. So that was first time ever living together. First time ever living together. Yeah. That's like almost bigger than, I mean that's a part of marriage, but like that's great. Big Part of a relationship in general because people suck. Yeah they do. I mean they do. Right. Um, so yeah we were living together for maybe like a month before we got a puppy. Okay. So it was awesome.

So the puppy situation, did you get the puppy because you are trying to spark something or was the puppy like okay if we get like what in your mind, what were you thinking? Like okay we move in together, maybe it's going to be like, cause at that point were you already kind of going, I don't know if I really,

it was like a month into it and it was fine. Like it was, we were having fun, like still adjusting. We were, yeah. And you know, we just both have always really wanted a dog. So it was just, it was really exciting and I think it was just, I don't think it was necessarily to like try to spark something as much as it was like we just loved dogs and wanting to get a dog. But looking back like I'm wondering like maybe that was something that we needed because like we were so like maybe bored with each other that like, oh this dog like brings so much excitement. Like, yeah. And then it became like all about the dog and not all, like we really focusing on us and that happens. I mean, why not

dog like could be a career, it could be, you know, whatever kids, whatever it is. So then when did you know that, when was the moment that you said, hmm, or I guess you probably started quite like going, I don't know if this is good. At that point, did you talk to somebody like your therapist or did you talk to like, you're like, who kind of tell me that story I guess.

Yeah. So like over the course of a couple months, we only lived together for a total of like five months. So it wasn't long before I was just like, I just am feeling very lonely. Like I felt lonely living with him when I was like, this is going to be the best. Like we're so over the moon about like getting married in a couple months, blah blah blah. Um, but yeah, I just kind of started having doubts in my head and I definitely talked to my therapist about it at first just trying to, you were like, okay, so by the way, yeah, I was like, uh, actually I don't. So yeah, just like giving her a background of like the way we interacted with each other and just like the way things were at home and then she, you know, it just made me start questioning our relationship as a whole and like what the future might hold. So yeah, going to see her definitely like helps me put my thoughts together. But then I do remember there being times, like just even at work, like I'm like, I have to get up and walk around like I can't focus. And then I'm like googling articles like, oh wow. Literally googling. Yeah. Thank you Google. How do you know when you're having cold feet?

Google is good and bad because I'm the same way. I'm like, how, I mean when I was coming out I was like, how do you come out to your parents? So like, yeah. And I could read articles on that. That's kind of why I'm glad you're speaking right now on this podcast because I feel like a lot of people don't actually hear the story. They read it or they're like, oh, does that bogus or what it is, but you're actually like telling the story. So I appreciate that. I think a lot of people will appreciate that. Um, so you talked to your therapist,

just talk it out. Yeah. And then I was like, just reading stuff and just trying to like meditate and like all that stuff just sorted out. But like I didn't really, I never talked about it to any of my friends. Like I kept it all in except to my therapist for awhile. I'm glad that you were talking to somebody. Yeah.[inaudible] but I don't know what would've happened if I didn't. Yeah,

you're just having an internal battle that no one can even understand on the outside.

But then when it really kind of all came out, it was actually after a drunken night that we had together and that turned into a fight. So the next day it was like just really bad energy related. You guys ignoring each other again and all that kind of thing. Yeah. It living, you know, being in that, that apartment, not even speaking to each other that morning and just like so negative and it just like brought back feelings of like other times that we had been been there before and I was just like, I don't like, I hate this feeling and it's so repetitive over eight years and this is still happening and I'm still feeling this this way. Right. So he actually left for a couple hours and I just couldn't handle it anymore. I called my mom. So she's the first person you told other than your therapist? Yes. Okay, so you call her? She, she came over and we just sat on my bed and I just told her, I was like, I don't think I am sure about this and I don't know what to do. I don't know how to talk to him. I don't know how to move forward. And my biggest thing, we were both crying. It was just emotional. Yeah. And my biggest thing at the time was like, I was so afraid to hurt other people's feelings was like all of my friends that agreed to be my bridesmaids. They've spent this money on a dress and flights and stuff and I'm like, we've, we at the time we had the venue and like the fortress invitations at that point we were about to, we had just gotten the engagement pictures done and we, I had ordered the save the dates and like those were to go out within a couple of days. But then this whole thing happened and I think it just really opened my eyes. But like I guess back to what I'm saying is my biggest fear was hurting other people and when I should have just been concerned about, okay, but how, how do I feel right. That's something that I never really put into consideration and talking to my mom helped me take that first step. Like what do you want? Don't feel bad about what other people think. Say, feel about the situation. Like think about you and him together five years from now, are you going to be happy? Like that kind of way of thinking that I just never used to do. And that's Kinda where it started.

Yeah, that's like pretty, I mean it's nice that you had your mom available to like come over, sit with young and you can be like, listen, like yeah, don't, I don't, and I can see why that would make somebody like scared to do that because I'd be like, we have all these plans, we have all these deposits down like, but at the same time, like, I mean, you don't want to go through all that and then be like, I'm not happy. And then you have to try to fake it and then like at what point then you end it and then it's a divorce and it could be child support can be all this crazy shit. So you talked to her. How quickly after that moment, like was it a couple days or did you guys, did you try to work it out with him or did you finally go like, I have to talk to him? Oh Wow. Finally,

um, I think it was like the next day or two days later that I had finally grew the balls to, to say something to him and it, I guess it's just kind of sad to me too that like I felt like I couldn't be open with him. Like I was very afraid,

which is kind of the answer to that. It's kind of the answer that you needed in a way though too, because if you're that afraid to open up to the person you're about to spend the rest of your life with quote unquote. Yeah, that's a problem. I mean, so in a way it's kind of like, you know, you probably self-reflect and I was like, this isn't good. Like I need to say something. So you said like let's sit down and talk, or was it like a text thing? Like how did it go down? I mean obviously you probably didn't tech somebody, we were like, hey, we need to talk. Or

it was just like kind of both got home from work one day and I was like, Hey, like I don't know if I'm ready to get married. Like, I don't know how I feel and you know, it was definitely like a shock to him and like felt very deflated and just a weird, weird thing. But

yeah, I mean that's somebody who you've been with for and like you said, you don't, it's not like you don't love him, but this is not right for me and it's probably not right for him if it's not right for you because at the end of the day, like you got both sort of work it out

[inaudible] but it was hard. Yeah. Obviously it's hard. Um, it was really, he didn't know how to take it cause he didn't see it coming and then, um, we kind of tried to talk about it, but then, you know, talking kind of turned into some anger and then it's just like crying and anger and this and that. And eventually, like after me trying to explain how I felt and I'm still going to therapy, like trying to work this all out too. Um, I just had to go stay at my parents' house. Like, I just like, I need like a week or,

yeah, I like to think, okay, I know that I've said it out loud. I need a process of myself because that's a big thing. Do just say out loud. Yeah. So at that point, after you told him, so you said, you know, I don't think, or at that point where you're like, this isn't happening.

At first I was just like, I don't think, and I don't know, but then the more time that I spent in, the more we kinda tried to talk about it like I did, it just kept realizing like, I can't, I'm, I'm not, I had to make that decision and I was like, I'm, I'm not gonna be happy with this. I, right. I know now, now that I'm being honest with myself and just being real, like I can't do it. So then it was like having like the same conversation, like multiple times. Right. Just because when you're with someone that long and the big, it's a big thing. Yeah. So he didn't take it so well, obviously. Um, I just had to really cut the ties because I was like, we either need like, I need the space now. Like we just need to separate and not, not hang out, not, not really talk for a yeah.

And then maybe the clarity will really be there. Yeah. But that was really hard for him. So he kept like pushing, pushing, reaching into that probably pushed you away. Yeah. Wow.

Good. So I'm like, this is what I need and you're not respecting that. Um, but eventually, yeah. I just have to keep reiterating. Right. What you want.

So you, so you s you finally say, listen, this isn't happening then how do you address like

[inaudible]

bridesmaids and your parents and you know, how do you, how do you then go, okay, look, this is really not going to happen. So first I, I confided in my parents and my brother, um, quite a bit, which I'm very thankful for them. Yeah. Family's everything. Oh yeah. Really is like, if you, and it doesn't have to be like your, it could be your family of friends. It could be. Right. But I mean, having that support system where, you know, you can say anything to them, they won't judge you or I mean, they might be like disappointed, but like really or like, but at that first time I'm like this, they would not be, they'd be like, I'd rather you be happy then.

Yeah. Right, right. Um, so yeah, after like I talked with them quite a bit and then like he and I did have to like sit down and say, hey, we finally both agreed like we're not going through with this, so we have to take some steps to like reach out just all of our vendors and this and that. So we agreed upon that and then we were like, okay, what are we going to do about our apartment? And we had to figure out all that, like breaking a lease or all this like ending all the electric guests TV, who's going where, who's getting what? So like that was all in the war, like starting off those like all happening. And then I actually, um, I typed up like a letter to my bridesmaids because it was the best way that just writing in general

times, it really is the better way to put it on and like be able to, cause sometimes I say things I don't mean and not that like this situation, this would be relevant but like at work and I get really pissed off, I'll write the email that I want to write back and then I would just kind of scared cause I was like, oh my God, what if I hit send but and then I delete it. So at least it gives you a chance to like really put your real true thoughts up there after you've processed everything and you can almost read it back to yourself and go this sounds like what I want to tell him. So you wrote him a letter?

Yeah, I, I remember like taking a day, like a half day of work and I just like, it was like sat there and I like wrote down everything I felt and just tried to explain to them like the way things had been going for the past few months and kind of like when I started having these thoughts and making that decision and I sent it to all of them like around the same time after like everything between him and I was like, all right, that's it. Like we're done. You're moving out your stuff this day. I'm moving out my stuff whenever you're done kind of thing like yeah. And I sent it off to them and they all reached out to me right away.

That's good to know though. Like, I mean cause that's something so scary to send people. Like I could see people being like, are you fucking kidding me? I spent$250 for this and I did this, this and this. But for them to reach out right away and be like, listen,

like none of them, yeah, none of them were like pissed.

Well nobody wants to. And nobody wants to see you go through this anyway. So, wow.

They were all very supportive and I'm, I'm very grateful for that.

So the aftermath of it then, you know, obviously how long has it been since it ended? Like six months or five. One seven. Okay. So we're seven months. How do you deal with that now? Like, you know, I mean obviously it was a big thing and to be honest with you, a lot of people again would never do this. Like this is like a pretty ballsy thing for somebody to do. What I guess would you say to somebody who is struggling or what would you recommend? What would you tell somebody who like, I don't know if, I mean,

yeah, I mean if you're having any doubts now reconsider. Honestly, be honest with yourself. Like just really sit and like think like what is gonna make me happy? What is going to make me a better person to be around? Or just a better person in general. Like does the person that you're with really bring out the best in you and just really take note of how you feel when you're around them or interactions and things like that. Um, cause I mean it's been like seven months since I ended my engagement. And it's been hard and don't get me wrong, but it gets it like everyone says with any hard decision, like it does get easier and I'm just happy that I did it when I did it instead of having all like the legal like

or yeah, or like even like closer to the wedding where you already have all the invitations on everything. Everybody really started booking stuff like, oh right, right. So it's just so follow your heart but also like listen to yourself because a lot of times I think, again, people don't listen to themselves.

And there were plenty of times throughout my relationship that I should have ended it cause it was so unhealthy. Like emotionally, especially like emotionally unhealthy for me. Um, but you know, I was young and then yeah, you just love someone so much. You don't want to give up on them. But don't make, I just have such a different perspective now. It's like when you're with someone you shouldn't like make them like this,

right? Yeah. They're an amazing person. You respect them, but they also, you have needs that need to be filled just like he does. You're also an amazing person. So don't forget that because I did not feel good about myself a lot of times where it starts like, how are you gonna love anybody if you can't love yourself? Exactly. I think you were Paul. Yeah, but I mean that's a true statement. Like it's very hard to, you know, love somebody with all that you have. If you're like questioning your own self and then you're not being like, I noticed that in my relationship now and we've been got, we've been together for almost five years, but honesty is so much better than not. Like if something's bothering me, I just immediately go, hey, like I don't like when you do that please. You know, not like that forceful I guess. But like if something's bothering me, I say it or something because that is making me happy. I say it because a lot of times when you're quiet, then nobody knows. And then it's like you're just playing guessing that takes them assuming what's going on and that takes a person that you really care about though to be honest with. So that was, that'd be my advice for, I mean obviously I have not gone through what you've gone through, but like honesty is a real, it's a real thing. And, and that can go with any subject. I mean honesty is really important. I would say the most important thing. So yeah. What have you, have you talked to him since? Um, and maybe that's like, they're like shortly after

just like, oh I still have this of yours. Like can we Erin? Like, oh, I found this. Like, let's meet and give that to you. But honestly, did you ever meet, we like you drop off stuff like that. And would you guys talk for a minute for a short while? It was awkward and no we haven't spoken in quite a few months and I don't expect you to. But, and it's not like it was, I don't want to say like it wasn't like civil, but it also was very like one sided too because I kind of feel like I dropped that ball on him and he wasn't expecting it. Right. But I think we both came to the realization after some talks and things that like this is not good for us. Right? So

that takes a really strong person. So you need to know that like, and I think I've seen you like working through this and it's obviously not fun, but I feel like, you know, like you said, you are getting better and things are getting better for you in the more you have more life in you and you realize, hey, I'm important too and I am worth somebody else's time and now you can be truly. Cause I feel like, I mean just hearing your story, like you started dating at 17 you were almost nonstop until you ended this wedding. So now this is probably the longest time you've been like sort of single. Yeah. I don't know. What do I do? Like I'm sorry, I was 17 when I started. I don't know how to talk to people. Oh God just gets worse. Flirt right a second. And it's like God like fuck, sorry I called you bro. Um, well I appreciate you coming on in and talking about this cause it does. Again, I feel like a lot of people don't know this side of the stories and they, they just read something, gloss it over or whatever. But I think hearing somebody else tell the story is really awesome. So I appreciate you coming on.

Thanks for having me. Yeah. Yeah. And I hope it, hope this may help somebody or just no matter what you're going through, like I said, just be honest with yourself. And remember one of my favorite things that someone told me, yeah, we'll have a dwell. This was all happy. And it's just one of those cheesy things, but like you can't pour from an empty glass. Yeah. It's one of my favorite things. Yeah. Cause it's true of just like take care of yourself. Yeah, I think[inaudible].

Oh then I'm like so philosophical woman. Oh my God. Wow. Wow. That is cool though. I mean that is something that you really can't think of like you are out of whatever liquid you're out of gas. But I'm not sure you're pouring gas out of a cup, but the amount of, regardless, hopefully you know, if, and if anybody has any questions regarding that, you can always call the phone line or email me and we can get my shell to actually help answer questions. I would love to ring her up, love to. So I appreciate it. Thank you so much. Thank you. Right and that was the interview that was like, you were like Terry Gross on NPR. I don't think my voice was that gun, but it was wow. That is very deep. It's amazing.

It's very deep and I think it's really brave of her to like kind of step up and say, yeah, I'm going to talk about this. Because a lot of times in our society, I feel like we kind of back off of of serious subjects cause we're afraid to talk about it. And her talking about this could really help somebody else. It really cut through. Yeah. And of course at the end of that episode, end of the interview, I said, you know, write us an email or call our line if you're having issues in your relationship. We have people who have gone through a lot of stuff and we can try to help you. So I mean to, in closing breakups, Soc God, heartbreak socks, but there is always something better coming and you can learn from it. You I learned from it. I learned to a lot actually. I learned that. So did she and she's still in her growth process. Like I mean I think days for her still hard. Yeah. And I and but she's on the other side of the initial like shock to the body. I mean it's a shock, especially when you've been with somebody since high school. Like she was, it's like my God like yeah imagine. No I can't, that's, I'm by listening. Cause I can't. I know I can't either. It's it's, it's too much, but I guess that's where we're going to end up because at this point the tissue boxes are getting put away because I have a little teaser for everyone way Wyatt Grant Vanderbilt stop might be in contact with us. I don't know, but we will find out. No episode. No, no, no. Yes, that's the teaser. Oh, are you? Okay. I'm going to tease it now. We'll see. But thank you so much for listening. Yeah, thank you to another episode of She's not doing so well. I'm Bobby. I have gym. Bye Bye guys. Bye. I always have to say by last. Bye Bye. Bye Baby. Bye Bye. Bye. Okay, bye for L. Bye bye.

Thank you for listening to another episode of She's not doing so well. Leave a message with questions or comments at six six and nine two zero seven four six four three don't forget to subscribe and check out our links in the podcast description of this episode. Views, information or opinions expressed during she's not doing so well. Podcast are solely, those of the individuals involved in do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of any other agency, organization, employer or company.

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