Choke Me With Your CPap Hose Daddy

Do we say hello? Oh, we haven't said hello. Hello everybody. Welcome to another episode of not Well, I'm Bobby. I'm Jack we are in bed in the Westin on Fifth Street in Cynthia. It's sanjak shamrock which sounds French but it's actually Spanish. But then the Texan shortened it into an English phrase. And that's pretty much Texas in a nutshell. I'm gonna Texas everything is not really Americans definitely not bigger and it's definitely not better. Like walking around in the streets of Austin you realize there's no one hot here for us now we did come up with a little of a realization we've also had a straw poll out of the pool. We'll talk about the pool later. Oh, no. Oh, are you doing that we maybe Oh shit. Okay, let me check this the people want to know what was I just saying how you just got me all distracted. We came up with a phrase of the pool and came up with a straw poll at the pool, the straw poll the pool and what we noticed is that based on the applications in the area, there is no gays that are consistently good looking. Including us and to be right, it's true. There's a bunch of sevens here. We're walking around and we realize now seven back rolls. Back rolls. I wouldn't say seven for either of us. No six is walking around. That's what I see six is Yes, I am not a six. You're not even a six. You're a file that's humming if I did a straw poll on that we'd be fine. Struggle accepted. Now it does depend on which bar you go to if you go to iron bear, you're gonna find a little people fear hairier. stinkier half the bar smells like piss and the other half is filled with what honestly and that's not a bad thing. But I just have to point out right I know we know what I'm talking I actually want to take it can't communicate Russell came up just yesterday he brought honestly he's great we love Him. God bless Russell Okay, so iron bear like we would do well now the clubs I went to last night though I would not want to be caught dead in rain for example. There are a lot of shirtless men there that look much better than me shirtless now what are their faces look like though because you're scarred and battered faces are still rode hard and put away wet. But the bodies some of them like four out of 130 of them are great. Now the problem with Austin one of I would say one of the prop I'd say one of the major problems for people like us that not least sadly affecting gays backing backing get the straight men here are so fucking hot. Like that's the issue is that the gays are all fives. But this straight or 10s?

Literally, like there are 10 guys like 10 rating that are with and I'm not trying to like, I mean, everybody you are trying everybody's trying. Everybody's putting their own way. But we all know what number we are. Okay, so like there was like fives, fives and I'm like, do you understand

what you can you in what up in the Midwest and what you could pull on the market and when you can pull in Ohio, you could pull some of the nastiest ugliest mountains in the bathhouse so that you could now I will say there are good mouths here. Like everybody has like well. Good mouth, mouth mouth play here. Now we have written down so much we have so much to share. We've really been through it. We've been through the wringer. That's why we're in bed and bed. Well. We're acting like we're hungover. But honey, we're drunk as shit. We are well I am. You're not You're Hi. I'm literally both Oh no, it's fun. We have two more drinks to get through. By the end of this recording. We're not drinking or we are doing an all drunk. Player. Okay. Now, what kind of subjects do you have for the people? So many things to go over? We need to go and just rattle one off. I got several. Oh, no. Wait. Oh, I forgot to update the people on my status. Now. Are you HIV positive now or no? What status? Are you talking about?

The status of my life and my health on Monday? Is there something that's funny? Your life and your health? I just wanna give everyone an update on my life in my house. Now, Monday came around. Well, okay, first let me just go backwards. As you know, my nasty toe yada yada yada. Well, I started in antibiotic and well, we were recorded last time Do you remember when I said to you I told you so I'm sorry. I'm really gassy. I start getting gas pain. You're

like I'm gassy. I don't know if it was gas or was it the shitstorm brewing up it was the was that like call it like the calm before the storm? Yes. This was the calm before the storm wasn't even calm. No. But comparatively, you weren't taking gas X like a motherfucker. I took a lot of gas taxes like what's going on? Blah, blah. Then Saturday come around. I kind of still felt the same way. But I was okay. I remember I fell asleep really early. But I also maybe you do that all the time. So Have some Monday rolls around we go to work. Yeah. And I know you're shading me and that's fine because I didn't I would never mad that I go to bed at 11 or 12 at night because I'm 37 years old and that's being generous and to be honest with you and isn't normally I mean well I will start drinking at 11 with anybody and I will drink at least until eight o'clock at least a firm eight o'clock boundary will not boundary but I just don't have my body operates on on net. I thought we were talking about your C diff. You just went off on a rant because you started ranting at me. I threw mild shade and you acted like I put you in the dark Penumbra of the moon. Hi gay. Okay, so you Monday came around and I went to work and I was like, Oh, no one to the bathroom three times, like in a quick succession. And I was like, well, and my stomach was like starting on maybe I'd Pad Thai the night before you know like you should a lot in the morning you're well and I did it food. I did. You get spicy food? No, but I had I had actually Pad Thai on Saturday. I just made that up. By the way. By the way. I did have Pad Thai the ones that I had a pad thai incident ones just driving around I had to shit in a Walmart because it was too Ferris it was about to burst and I was in Indiana after a wedding. And I'm like Matt, you have to pull over Matt pull over whoever it was the pad thai pothole. Now, do you know have you heard people talking about like, I'm gonna get a little graphic here. So if you don't like throw up her short stories, you might want to just skip forward 30 seconds. Here we go. Hi, she's high. But I know what she wants to say that she she's just trying to get it into the right space obsessed with it.

Oh my god. We're talking about

your shitstorm. And then also there was brown shunts without or there's the stories you hear from people that are like, I had a bucket and I was throwing up and shitting in the same town and I was like, Okay, you actually where I throw up and I throw up and shield some time. Not only once that day, one time in the bucket and one time in the toilet, which is fine. That's great. Let's put the bucket in front of the toilet. It's fine. Right? So but when you went up to the chair, I'm sitting on the toilet and then you into the bucket. So let's fast forward 17 Oh, like shitting experiences and probably six through experiences and at least an anal fissure, probably an eight hours. I go upstairs and like, Okay, I'm gonna take a shower and like, try to feel better. Literally, I shut myself while throwing up, I listened. I was like, I'm gonna get sick. I've never thrown up so hard in my entire life. My body was sore. On Wednesday, we were flying here. I was like, starting to laugh. And I was so sore from throwing up so much Monday, I throw up and shoot myself Michael had come in and clean it. He brought little gloves. Like, I just want to let everyone know that I almost died of stuff. That was riveting. Thank you. I just needed everyone know that I'm here. Even though I almost didn't make it. It's true. I really was fucked. But I'm gonna probably didn't make it but your cultural and cultural is use we could say culture? Well. You could do a commercial for culture. That's why I wouldn't that was a big thing that happened to me this week. I just had to let everyone know. And it's honestly horrifying that you can just take an antibiotic and then two days later be like that it's scary. It really is supposed to help you. So then I'm like panicking. I'm like, what if I ever got an infection? You'll be terrible. And we'll be shitting your brains out. Now we know so well. You're one of the ones we let go. There's some infections. So I was gonna say if the side effects are worse than the treatment, we let you go. So we gotta go. So if you get a bad infection on your diabetic leg, we will let you go. Sorry. So there were some things that I needed Bobby to clarify. Because I heard we're here in Austin and visiting friends of his hims Himes Bobby's friends here have told me some stories that I'm really confused about. No, I do have a question about why exactly. Were you called Connie for a while? Why were you called Connie? Connie honey is something that you brought up to me earlier. In the podcast like a year ago, you were like, Oh, you want this honey, honey. And I think it means like Cantoni or like pussy juices, pussy, honey, honey, honey. Honey from bees. Correct. Somehow, in growing up and meeting some Courtney's friends, which Emma is one of them who lives here, they somehow started calling me Connie. But it was like because we used to say Konkan and we just like hung out and we were like, like, oh ConCom and they're like new Connie. It was I think I said I said something sometime like you're just a little fucking Connie or something. And they just said we're like that your new name. And so we're just Connie, Connie. And I didn't really think Connie but with Santi twist like Connie Lingus kind of.

Oh, Connie,

your Connie. I am Connie honey, a big gun. Is that a big pun? Oh, what was our con show big con Usher. It was awful. I tried to vibe but I cut out there were some other questions I had. Um, so rumor has it specifically a rumor from your friend Emma, that when you were younger? You did a little rubdown, perhaps with a prostate radiation seed inventor back in the day, who was probably a multimillionaire because he invented a medical therapy for cancer and I heard you did a little Janessa quoi hands Hanzi activity with him. So basically, long story short, I don't know how we started talking about Craigslist once again, but well, because it was your entire life for 10 years. Also, we talked on my cam days and how I met my first person that ever touched wieners with okay, it was a very like on the campus on the cam, the cam really got it going for me. But this guy in particular lived in the country club of the South, which if you know your club of the South, yeah, you have to have like a password to get in like you can't fog it and like you have to know somebody. So he had to literally he had to be white, clearly. Okay, Whitney Houston live there. At some point, I think I'll share too. I don't believe it. Okay. So anyway, I get the buzzin because he this person, and I met him on Craigslist, Craigslist, confidential, but I knew he, he was the radiation guy, because he sent me an email from his real email and I was able to then Google him and see pictures of him, etc, etc. He wasn't that hot, but I think just the thrill of why would he be just thinking of having a rich powerful man? Look at my whole Yeah, Monica Lewinsky think about it all right. So we all love rich powerful men.

It's interesting because I mean it's like it's like okay, that's kind of hot so he said he wanted to give me a rub down that's all he wanted one just rub my naked body. So I so I let him and I let him look at my home to make sure there was things okay. But no, he rubbed me down and then I like kinda got panicked because I thought to myself this could be the person that could kill me because they have so much money that it's gonna bury me and I will know exactly because I had to like park my carpet street walk down the street walk around to the back of the house get let in through the back lay on this like Doctor table in the basement.

I'm sorry lay on a doctor table in a basement basement was like this is the prologue to saw the movie saw literally like you're trying to get devoured sawed in half killed Myrtle closeted Bobby's there, the obvious like, I just need it validation. I love men. I love to get rubbed down. But I'm gonna use it for a rubdown to private club in a basement. This doctor's private club that literally I thought I was gonna die, like to the point where I was like, Okay, well, I got that every gay experience where you feel like you're gonna die. Like literally back in the day until you're out and like fully out and Oh, yeah. Every time you meet up with someone or like, talk to someone, you're like, I could get killed. And it's just normal. Oh, you're hosting? Okay, where do you live? I'll be there. Now. Oh, you're in an alley? Oh, you're gonna fuck me in an alley? Okay, that's fine. Okay, I'll be there. You could die. Well, oh, man, how hard it is for queer people to actually even have a sexual relation. So we have to go through all these hoops per se jumps. Oh, somehow salute hoops. And the biggest thing that I want people to do to remedy this situation is to watch heartstopper because you brought me onto RT solder on Wednesday, and I basically died and died on the plane. Because I could not so I wanted to sob but I couldn't we'll go back to the plane, the plane back to the plane a little bit. I just wanted to like preclude the planning part of the volume. Now Now as you know, as you move down, you're gonna move down. I'm like, I want to get a little slower. We get a little bit lower. Honey, we get a little we get we feel oh my pussy money. Now. This show though. heartstopper is like every feeling we've ever had as gay people. That's what the thing of the queer the queerness of this show will adapt. The queer to acity of acetate, even straight person watching I think will I think will make it a breakthrough and understanding of like, what it's like to grow up queer. Maybe I'm hopeful. I would agree. I'm not sure for sure. I also have you ever seen a gay love story where you had to look up the ages of the actors? Well? No. That's not good. Because if it's Charlie, that's an ex play you know next play. Fully did find out through research. Nick. Nick is allowed. Nick. Nick is 18 years old. And I don't know that like as a creep. We did our research as media people. We had to look into it for media reasons. Nick is still my drink Nick. Nick is spelling it? Are you a veteran? I pissed myself. Water my football so sure there's some people that can relate here? Oh, in Texas. Yeah. They say everything's bigger. So even the food buzz even

the weather? Yeah. But Nick

is a jock. And when I say jock, he's wearing a jacket all times. That strap jock strap for our straight listeners. Strap. Now it's a very wholesome, like, wholesome. No, it's a movie that you would see as a teenager and say, Oh my God, that's the last thing I want. Yeah, that's what I'm having. I'm gonna be and we didn't have schist so so being a 37 year old 34 year old whatever age you are 35 What? You're 44 I'm 34 Okay, so I thought the way you looked at me that I've that if I'm not a doctor. I'm Bobby Well, hi. Yesterday on the roof just announced to someone I'm not only do you have to talk about that I'm not a doctor because I was talking about my partner and like just people in general. And I'm like, Well, I'm not a doctor, and he's like, we'll get back to that. So we recommended stop her or, like,

it's like

it's just so basically I ugly cried final episode. And you were like, well which part you're lying? I'm like no, no, you know, I told you I want him to record his reaction 15 minutes till the end My hands were too shaky to fucking record the ending. I literally was I'm saying like, Oh wow, I was doing that I had to go to the bathroom. But why though because it took me back to my life but what was so was it. I can't tell the listeners I never without telling them. Was it like a good feeling? Or was it a nervous feeling it was a release it was released. I was like things can change and it can be this way now can be explained? Because for us it was not. And for most people, especially here in Texas, it's not sorry to Texas tests are Texas clears in Queens. We're very sorry. And also fuck Florida. Now. I'm just fucking all the states and spill your ranch water and I lost my phone Okay, she's back. She is high as high. Now, can you fill our listeners in on our poll situation? Like, what is it like up there? Who goes there? Who did we see there? Because there is a little thing I do want to tie in? I'm not only thrilled with the pool or the people with the pool. Okay, that's fair, great view. Great view great seating areas and how deep is the pool? Let's put it that way. Well, first of all, the poll is like three feet deep, and it's probably five feet wide. At that point. The rest is all slow plan. And, and how many people are attempting to go into this 20 foot by five foot pool, I would say there was at least 40. And that was like a lot and like one area corner. And now the sizes of these people. These are like, Okay, this is because I do want to say when we went up to the pool, you're a little disappointed by the number of people and I thought that the command was open to everyone but you have to rent it. And when I found out you had to rent it, I said how much now they wouldn't tell me because I look poor. But we did see some group of men there particulary particularly young men, young 20s, mid 20s to late 2016 30. Fuck. It's a bachelor party. I don't want to spoil it. But it's a spoiler alert. It's happened and that's where the Bachelor is. Bobby's people are so hot. It's insane. And they're all these friends. And we kind of did because I talked to him today we went to a Yorkshire we went to Punchbowl social, I will reveal that at my own pace. You fucking Khan's day. So we got to Punchbowl social where you can play barley and ping pong, ping pong darts. And I see the bachelor from the pool the day before and it's the bachelor, the hot one. The Bachelor is the hot one. The one that I think is hot, that's like yes, they're really really hot blonde one. They're really muscular fauna is kind of taking the center of attention, the big bulge muscular, hot blonde, the one that I want. That literally is like a dream of the one that someone may have taken pictures of from across the board now. He saw me walking by and punchable social today. And he said, oh, sorry for being so annoying. And I like looked at him. I'm like, annoying. Like why are you talking to me? Every time you look at me you change my life but and he's like, Yeah, we keep pushing that button for the bullying thing. And I'm sorry, we keep calling you over. I was like, You're not gonna you haven't called. I said you haven't called me over yet. He's Oh, no, no, but the button like the button makes it do that. And I'm like, Oh, you talked about the bowling button. He's like, Yeah, yeah, we keep pressing it. And I was like, actually a fan. Okay, well, so you're, you're a bowling attendant, well, then I go, does that work? And he's like, No, I think you have to set it up. And I was like me, I don't. So basically he thought I worked at the place because I looked like a worker bee you delivered a little whore. I'm a little worker who are working for 10 worker who are working for his tips. And honestly, I would absolutely, I would have taken the whole thing. I don't see that often. I don't think I couldn't but because he looks stuck. He no he is he looks like but average length. I would say like this. Oh. I'm talking fat thick duck. I don't know if I could do that. Or you're like, yeah, that's big. But it's also not long, but it's still like hot. That looks like it showed you're like here's a can. I'm glad we have YouTube now. So you got you got some bears. So you all can see that. It's like I forgot there's a camera in front of me. You've never in a day in your life. You've had only fans for so long that people know you record the original only fan. So basically I got mistaken for a bartender today or a barista pulling barista, and it was the hot guy so we're up at the pool. There's way too many hot people. It's a bachelor party. Bobby as high as a kite. He's looking up this fucking crane. And he's saying things like I'm not a doctor. That's what he said I literally met we met. Okay, so we obviously attracted some of the gays over to our side. When you know how when gays go out like they see each other and then they make eye contact along the X ray though, or like, oh, hey bro, what's up? Now when I was talking to this little cutie he goes, slipped in that his boyfriend was flying in this weekend, which was a dead giveaway for me. I did. But so when I heard boyfriend, I thought, Oh, no mayhem was that so of course we'd have to get a drink at the bar. And I immediately say, are you guys open? Because I just have to check in like before I make moves. I'm not gonna be like, hating on the guy who's allowed to reciprocate, which I found out

that he was open.

I guess you just have to be prepared to die. Yeah, so I'm over here flirting with this guy the natural way going up talking to him. Talking to him at the bar. Bobby is on an app, a private app trying to expose his life like oh, it looks like you're in a relationship but you're out here cheating on everyone in Austin. You're such a freak. No, it says on their open relationship and I knew he was probably like a fuck boy. By the way looks he's not a fuck boy. That's a weird thing. I think he's a circuit. fuck boy. I think he can can shame and he wants to be passed and pooped on. And that's the bottom line period. Right syndrome. Down shut the fuck up. Like skin can shave and he wants to be shut and pissed on. Shouldn't piss you pretty much some be you that could be your Twitter profile. What happened after that? Can you please recount it? were chatting at the pool. We're having a great time serving the crane activity in the air in Austin. I was trying to figure out what exactly was happening. They were hoisting for two hours for me I was two hours you were like

in like the wind would blow a certain way and kind of like move my head that way. And I'm just like, keep it there to the wind like shifted back nine shift back that way. Yeah, we got like a blowing wind like I'm blowing in the wind. So that was we

were like, we're making friends. I'm making friends. You're making friends with the air. And I was like, well, first of all, my head was heading when he fucking showed up. And I go, that's a guy. Yeah, you did out loud. And then I saw him on screen. So then Jim, of course hops right on it. starts flirting, flirting. Oh, where are you from? Oh, double Oh, I like your thick bulge in your shorts. So we've I invited him over to sit with us because I'm nice. I don't remember you doing that. But sure. I said we need to consolidate seats. We did. All right. So if you ever sat with us, and Jim was there being very hospitable and willing to accept any float or thing, anything that they

then needed, it was them so anyway, yeah. So we start talking about I can't say a word like I'm literally like, the dumbest person I've ever like. You could not embarrassing like, you

know each other. You're like, Well, my partner Michael is a doctor. I'm not a doctor. Yeah, like, first of all, it's like, oh, we have a podcast or like, whatever. You describe it. Silence. Cricket. I got this. You were like this. But is he wrong? I was like so. Wrong. I don't think he's wrong. Wrong. So for him, I don't think he wrong. I don't think he's wrong. I don't think he's wrong. He is, you know, and you is he? We are them. And we are them. So I've been hospitable. You're being Hi. And then what happened after that? Well, I went to my room to freshen up. But here's the part where it really for me, for me, for me, I realized I'm a fucking idiot, and I don't know what I'm doing. So we're getting ready to go with the closer tabs. Bobby is high as fuck walking. He had his backpack on he was heading towards the backpack. Don't ask me why I had his backpack on the rooftop of our own hotel. But he had a backpack Backpack, backpack bag in my backpack because it had the camera and I'm trying to do like a documentary. You've got like for Clint,

I do. This trip has been really, really awkward with that. So we're like

heading to leave because I'm like Bobby's disappearing with his backpack. We were heading and I'm like, Bobby, like, what are we? What are our plans the rest of the day? I was like, when are we getting dinner? Because you said 530? Is it still 530? And he's like, Yeah, Bobby's like Yeah. 530. So the cute little guy that I'm flirting with is like, I've got about an hour to an hour to lay around. And then I have to like, meet up with my boyfriend. And then we're going out. I was like, oh, that's gonna be so fun. So we're like closing our tabs. And he goes, he like hits me in the arm and is like, No, I have about an hour to kill. And I was like, Oh, I said, What are you gonna do like lay around? He was like, Yeah, laying around. So it took me three prompts, and about five minutes to realize I was being told to come to that room, his room 1720 I had no idea like, I would have missed out on that entirely. So I did go to the room. And it was incredible. And he had a moment. I had a private moment, which we cannot discuss on this podcast. That's fine. It's it's YouTube. We have to keep it PG But yeah, so you yes was I met someone and three hours later I'm in their room having a little gay moment. And that was the rooftop pool party store that sums up our rooftop, but I really do want to like kind of go back to the beginning. No, but it's quick, but kind of not when we were on the airplane. We witnessed. We went to saying, I've been noticing on this trip that we're all just animals. Oh, Jesus, you understand? I'm saying though, like, we are all just animals. Who ever said we weren't animals. But when you look at it different like look at it like its discovery channel. Okay, why and you're looking at it from the outside looking at. Okay, okay, now we're on the airplane. And yay is we listen to our little Diana Ross or like whatever for takeoff. You get ready to go you go. Diana Ross. Are you gonna go ahead and get us more beer? I was about to move that direction. Okay, let's go ahead and take out five seconds a little intermesh we listen to Diana Ross. Whatever and then we take where's your beer?

Oh, you didn't put them in the fridge for Nova we just put my other beer

holding it there isn't even empty let me take it away but wait for my other my other fear chunky right now. I literally have never felt fatter. Yeah, this is why if you don't have if you've not checked already

if you haven't checked out our YouTube yet, unity so if you're just

a listener on the you know if you're listening to this right now and you want

to watch this episode, that action alone.

Now is that okay? We were telling a story. We were talking about animalistic stuff on the way Okay, now everyone's just an animal. So we're flying on the way we're flying and cocktails are served on Southwest now because now there's no masks and you can basically catch COVID from whoever you want. So they start serving alcohol. Well, there's a group of let's say,

there's gonna say qua kind of again a

group of hot cat again they I mean these boils on these, these chickens. Chicken biscuit. Oh my god, they were so hot. Those streets those Oh, hurry. Fuck. I mean, the third one was vaping during one was vaping during takeoff take off what right when they're like everybody look up here, the exits are this way. And this way, he is hitting a fat cloud on that vape on Monday. He was hitting a cloud. And now they did each order three or four Miller Light and cocktails. Because the one in the middle the bachelor. This is by the way, a separate bachelor from our story earlier on the roof of Apple. We've seen multiple bachelor's degrees out the one thing is about Austin is it's really just a destination for bachelors and bachelorette parties. And also, it's all white people, and only white people. I actually disagree with that last statement. I've seen a lot of Latin X. Oh, now you're using Latin X Mexicans? Oh, yes. There's a lot of Mexicans here. I don't see many black people. Maybe that's the particular I haven't seen a lot of black people. But I don't know if we're, I mean, we're in like the absent country of that culture here. Yeah. And I think that's probably and that's maybe what I'm noticing acutely is I'm thinking now, there's no no you're in the middle of I went to clubs last night and it felt college I would say not actually a fan. But anyways, we were on so we saw different bachelors on the plane and these bachelors were blacked out to the point of when the pilot announces we are now descending and we are going to land in Austin in 30 minutes. So please put your seat backs up and you trade tables by the way now can we talk on key who was asleep? The bachelors friend was passed out. And also cutely leaning on The Bachelor shoulder and it was like your time this weekend? Oh, the bachelor put his arm around him to like, give him first. It's okay buddy. I'm supposed to last fucked up but I'll take care of you. These bachelors are fucking there for all their friends. Now do I have my hand? Do you have diabetes? Yes, you do. No, it's cuz you're putting all your weight on your elbow and I'm trying to look skinny your cubital tunnel. Also though, what we witnessed was a social hour, which I thought was hysterical. The women on the planet we had some good cells. We had some pink cells and the pink cells noticed the bachelors on the plane and they immediately turned around. Oh my god. Wait for a bad shimmy. No Jimmy. Wow. Well he's getting married till that is so amazing. I'm so glad you're about to play with it. We're really talking about Carol like Cox. Oh yeah, I went there I went to you it's the tail, or whatever. They're talking about nothing to fill in the time between getting each other's numbers they can fuck later. Like they really they don't give a fuck. Why did they deliberately the animal game though that's part of the animal game like, oh, that's the new Yeah, that is the I mean, that is where you are in your animal minds. There's two gazelles, three gazelles going after three lions bucks or whatever ox bucks. Three Gizelle is going into the box winner. The male Gazelle is called bucks. I

don't know. But it's called

the deers that those are going into the deers the Okay. Oh my God. Is it a flashback? Bambi? No, my cousin had a gender reveal party and it was like buck or doe. But don't know.

What is happening?

What are you fucking talking about? She had a gender reveal party for her baby. And it was like bucks or dos or something. weird like that. We're both first of all, there's nothing more cringy than a gender reveal party. Yeah, to be honest, I feel even the creator of the gender reveal party was like eirick I regret making these up because now parents are being pissed that oh, I'm not going to have a boy to play ball with God damn. And I only know know this girl. I'm gonna watch football one man. And that's what gender reveal parties reveal is that these men are just angry crazy. But so are the women. All of these animals that were around have been cultured into a way of seeing gender. It's wrong and my rant is done for the day and good night. You know, it's very wrong because here we go. It's wrong because Demi Lovato is now a Shiva now and we had to talk about it. We have to Demi Lovato second. The Demi Lovato Dee Dee Dee Dee Dee the Demi Lovato cool for the summer moment. Which I love that song called Mother Don't tell your mother or don't tell your baby all of a sudden she decided to fling it the pendulum back when you say she is that the new and improved or now added back to the Instagram the she her? She was news broken. She harsh she she her she she work our little she so well. We're gonna we're gonna talk about security. Right? The elevators don't even work. Look at your goddamn view you're looking at a rooftop now we will be giving you this charity. Now we will have to get your camera camera pan to the left hand stage left stage left. Camera Camera Camera. When we set a name camera cheers to you. Cheers to you Vermeer. Honestly, I would say you've lived your best life for the past 37 years your road hard put away when you are really I mean, if you're dead by 40 What surprised me? Like I'm ready for you to be dead by 40 Just like your body. Now some would say that was pretty mean. Oh no, you're drunk. I'm not or wrong. You're the one who can't figure out if a beer cans in your hand like that was Jed yourself first. Caught on Camera. So that's the Canon camera caught on camera. Gollum. You have been caught. That's a clip. That's a clip where it's right there. Where's my other beer? That's a clip that is this is bad. Like this is probably what's gonna talk honey. Now it makes you famous. We also want to shout out to our new friend Andrea. We really do love Andrea and love Andrea and she is one of the spontaneous bitches who just like shows up in your life takes you where you need to go and make sure you're having fun and allow you not to be having fun in the water. Water. You know what, it's a Thursday and you're in a new city and you have no idea where you are or where to go for good food or drinks. And then someone takes you there. That's Andrea. Sandra. Andrew is like, you know what? I'm I'm gonna have another drink. And you're just like already had one you're working. It's a Thursday afternoon. We can't have another one. Andrea is our main bitch here now. Andrew is our main bits that we want to have been weighing bits for a long time. In a long term main bits way. If you know what I mean. I love Maine bitches. Yeah, she might become our main bitch. And we can talk more about that later. off camera off camera but yeah, so shout out to her. Shout out to her shout out to Amber. Oh, Emma, we have to shout out MLM she's awesome. She's amazing. She She doesn't need to be. She's not bench with capital be the ultimate connection. She does around all the environs of South Texas and we went to a motel with a penis sign we went to Amy's hard soft serve hard ice cream. Now she's been driving us a few times now. I don't want to have concerns about her driving. He's got some driving tips for our listeners. One thing I would say is Don't jerk your steering wheel around now. Don't swerve. Now. We love that there's some swerving. There's a little shakiness that's going on. Also, there's some choices. There's some choices and the problem is like the cops can still give a DUI ticket without a DUI because you could be she's gonna get it. She's gonna get a DUI. She's gonna be the first one She's sober, sober DUI, the very first there's some honestly, I think there's some turns and you turn, she's just kind of you turn. I literally, we've done 10 U turns in Austin in two days. Everywhere we go, she's like, oh, I'll just go up here and turn around. I'm like, Okay, I'm dying because I noticed every fight there's like a five lane road and she is just doing a U turn. Like it's her job. Like, it's not even like yes, I'm going to do a u turn or no it's like a driveway to a house or something. That's a driveway and a hill. Oh my god. But she was so funny. Did you see the jerking around? Yeah, the wheel will jerk. It's cuz she's also texting sometimes. And I go honey, you know? Like, like she's calling people on speakerphone. I'm like, No, you have like a Bluetooth situation here like I still need it. So we're learning and we love her no matter what I'm saying right now. She is like I would risk my life in her car any day and that's what we did multiple times. Like yesterday we jumped out of the car. Literally, we got to iron bear and was in the middle of I was like well, we'll get out here she was whacked but I found out today why she's been there before but it wasn't iron bear and she was like that's not the iron bear. That's bla bla bla. So she she went to the old straight place. Oh, flashback flashback shout out to Amber's or other main new friend. Amber. Amber is a local chef celebrity. Yeah, honestly chef celebrity. We basically we saying I'm a celebrity because she knows Gordon Ramsay celebrity this chef celebrity knows Gordon Ramsay. Let's put it that way. And when you when you get that, Daddy British cock you are really in the top tier of chefs. And also I think we might have an exclusive interview with the other chef. He's a gay chef, which was and shout out to Dylan our new hot straight friend who's definitely need to see Dylan out of the woods yet if you aren't or our honor woods, because we will come back and we knows we only have 12 hours left like he's like so you still want this deck? Yeah, we do. We want to say we want it you need we want to just see no need. Dylan's really fucking hot and cute. And nice. Very nice. He's got an accent from Mobile, Alabama. That is the one thing I've experienced on here other than the grits the accents are just so different in the sound. Yeah, they are really not really by the grits. Can we go back to the grits? And by we I mean myself because I passed over them quickly. I love the grits here. They're the amount of butter and cheese and cream that they put in these fucking grits. Who knew you could take dried animal feed corn and turn it into something that's delicious? Because I know that corn is not that good normally especially like grow cheap corn, feed corn and put the stem chopped up god dammit Say Fuck me. And also the accents. Dylan's particularly he says mall for boil and there's no comfortable fucking he saw he took so we went and saw bats with them now there's a bad situation here they have an infestation and they live under the bridge. Yeah if you don't know where COVID came from in the US it's just fucking Congress Bridge

now now well what are

we you sound without a CPAP at night? Every time I have my CPAP right here for those that have been you know maybe I'll put it on at the end for everyone to see Bobby wants you to know he is disabled and he has a CPAP No but I did say I was disabled this weekend and it was used someone who has a actual disabled high wheelchair husband boyfriend situation yes but however my disability was not your disability was I am too creative and I just can't stop creating so I'm just able to think it's really disability that you look like you have a disability

I have a touch

why why it is liquid just flew out of your hair when you did this like liquid anything you bench it's on there I can tell you the wet spot out I

need to make sure I covered everything that I wrote down you need to do okay, let me see because we gotta we gotta wrap this video up a damn thing.

I do want to bring something up from grade school that I've had problems with recently and flashbacks things to you that you brought on. So we were going by a park and we saw a bunch of people playing games and sorry, you Sorry.

Sorry. Continue.

I've never seen you this black. No, where's your other? Oh, I can go get it. Do you need it? One thing from grade school that every particularly fat gay boy has to go through but mostly just any size gay boy, because we're afraid of our bodies because we're afraid we're gonna see about as we like, but when a lot like them and then they're gonna be mad and make fun of us. So shirts and skins shirts. Oh my god. What is that talk? What does that bring up for you? Now? It's gonna come a surprise but I really wasn't the chubby kid in class. I was. I wasn't skinny. But I was not fat. You had to be husky. I wasn't. There's no way you went from skinny to Dallas in fifth grade. I wasn't you were But no, I was actually like, not that big. Okay, don't believe me and let's fixtures or it's not real. I'll show you that you're gonna show the YouTube people. Why was it even 200 pounds? What? Yeah, no, I was like five, seven when I started high school. And then I went to six to my senior year. I wish everything had granted that before so

unfortunately it all unfortunately the deck stopped

No. No.

Gotta call and ask him honey.

His height is the same and now you know his way and also so you gain height you lose. Now, why are the balls dangling? So far? The deck is staying the same? Yeah, like can my deck stretch out? Right. Let's ask God. Basically, God hates us. But anyway, so shirts and skins and we weren't chunky in high school. But it was something that I literally feared with the Ever Living. I used to love it when the coach like oh, yeah, I got these weeks. So what are they called? They're like little netting. Oh, yeah. What were the Yeah, they're like little, like a red one of those like they had a name or they were discussing cuz I never watched them. But they're like jerseys, something that you sweat into. Yeah. And so it's treatment love the smell of sweat, so fuck them. And, and you're not wrong. But yeah, so it was always like, Okay, well, everybody, we're gonna do shirts and skins like, Oh, we don't have those little things. No, we don't have any. Okay, so guess who always became a fucking skin. The ones that didn't want to be a skin, I would say it's always the chunky ones who don't want to be a skin. Because that was me. Like, all these other fucking fifth graders are getting invited to group events where they get to live together and learn how to lift and be men and like stretch out their muscles and bulk them up. And then I show up and I'm like, What's lifting and so I really get in trouble as fat and flabby for my entire life. And they're like, Hey, let's make him a skin. Oh, you just made yourself a skin. Take that shirt off. Take that guy. You're a skin. If I just said to use your skin especially what would you fucking skin? Okay. I just hated that. Like, I literally hated that. Because I was always like, I don't have what time but I'm like, Okay, I'm gonna pick like, oh, no, no, count, I would count. Yep. Oh, you're going off. You're alternating switch by so the switch, switch switch. And then someone else would come into the line and fuck it up. And then I would be the skin. Every time they did this. I had to be skin. It was every time like I hated I like really I quit fifth grade basketball because of it. I played fifth grade basketball and I told Mom, Mom, I don't want anymore. And then my dad mom said, Once you commit to something, you've got to stick with it. I'm like, but everyone on the team hates me makes fun of me. I have to show my flabby skin all the time. And they make fun of them. And you will not give me good deodorant so I always smell what I had to go through. And you want to wonder why I'm the way I am. You want to wonder why I'm the way I am kind of deodorant Did you not get just wasn't good I had off brand deodorant my whole fucking life. Like it wasn't it didn't work. I didn't smell like the other boys. I would say. I was like one of those countries that blooms in the winter. Do you feel like organic directly? I don't get Tom's of Finland.

I know it was probably like that

spirit. No, it's just like deodorant that you're you know how like, the X boys like when you're in high school. You're supposed to smell like x bodies. You want to smell like lemon pie. So I saw him like a cream pie. And the poopy kind. And it was just like a little little bit of that puberty Tang. I smelled like puberty Tang. But I wanted to smell like Almaty Tang Wu Tang Putin Tang. So yeah, that was my time growing up and that's why I hate skins. I hate the back to like it brings to my body I hated my life. I hated my acne. I hated who I was as a beam. I

hated that. I was good at sports, but like deck,

I hated that. We were all just animals. I hated that. We're all in a simulation. Maybe we were hating the wrong things. But the point is the shirts and skins should be banned. Because you don't make girls be skins. I'll point that out a quality. If you're not going to make a girl with titties, be a skin. Don't make maybe like a boy with today's to be scan. Okay. Now I know you're all gonna be shocked, but it wasn't big. We don't believe it. I'll literally send the pegs out right here. So right here. Now I do have something else I needed to bring up. I know I feel you had a lot we kept other than all the gay people in Austin who we do not find attractive. There is another group that are even more foul and they permeate the lands away from Austin. They're not just here. You can find them in any city you'll go into a bar randomly. It's a nice Sunday afternoon you're just drinking you want to play a little darts you want to sit around you want a lounge you wanna get the bar and then you hear every night in my dreams. I see you I for you, everybody and welcome chanctonbury Walking karaoke gay there is nothing worse. Nothing worse than a karaoke. I have to agree. Enough. I'm gonna say even karaoke Yeah, I'm gonna I'm no offense to our karaoke bars here but like, I don't give a fuck. Karaoke in general in general to me. If you're not a trained professional college educated singer, I don't want you to sing. But there are people that literally I just went like this. It was like, we're gonna go sing her. She dressed karaoke tonight, put your name in, put your name and now we're it's gonna be a two hour wait, do it. Should we go sing? And you're like,

No, she was actually good. But it was like, I know what she went through to like, kinda like, but like, why she made it seem like was a performance of her lifetime. We're like, we're going there fucking blackout drunk me like, my every night having mom doing?

Like, yeah, it's, there's a bar in Columbus on the south side called Club diversity. Now now, I was there a recent Wednesday evening playing darts as one does. And I had to listen to for like, for real? I'm just going to be honest, for real, bro. The worst music I've ever heard. It was funeral dirge is it was how's that? Like, you know, the judges are songs like, just dragged out sad, slow 10 minute versions of a song. I know. You mean like so it's like a remix song. Let's go. And it was. Yes. But yeah, it was karaoke though. I had to listen to these people sing the saddest songs in the world. And they were like eight minutes long. And I'm like, Why did you pick the song? Why did you die of cancer? One guideline I would get for karaoke is you need to play a song that everyone can sing along to and feel happy about. You know, the classic wedding John, these are Jim's tips like Sweet Caroline. Get up there and do Sweet Caroline. Bah, bah, bah. Each ship passes. Now you should pet because you don't like certain sports teams or something. That's so cute. So that's a good guideline for karaoke. Pick a song that everyone can sing to? Because if you're just one of those, but can we focus on karaoke gaze for a minute? If you glossed over that? You went to your Oh, my straight friend used to do this and she would have a note saying hey, you're talking about karaoke. You get A's, gays, gays, gays, gays with a slutty Puffin now well, what? Okay, at least Hi. We went Oh, time for me to switch gears now we went to an event that had karaoke. And these guys want to pull out of this really deep, dark, dry drama, drama catalog that they have. Okay. And they want to play a Georgia Michael song that no one's ever heard of. It's always some like super like a Kylie Minogue. Like acoustic version of some song you've never heard of. And you're like, so you picked this for dinner. The other problem that karaoke gays have is they'll pick a song that is from a musical. You've never been to that no one's ever seen that there's not a movie version of that toured for one year out of New York City and came to like Chicago, and you're like, Oh, what's this from? Like? Oh, it's from that musical? She likes trans? And you're like, she likes trans? They're like, yeah, trans AM's but it was a play on words. And then you have to like learn about a shitty musical while you're listening to someone sing about it's it's a bad song. But it's a bad performance. It's a bad everything then you're supposed you're supposed to love it and clap at the end. Show your support show your love for them even though you're in our community. They're really coming out to show that we are one we are one I'm not trying to like, I need you to rearrange because you look uncomfortable me and you can't feel your left hand. And I know rearranging is a whole process for you. Oh, this is perfect. Like Hi Donnelly. You can sit there like the happy Buddha and not Hi Bob. Okay, that's better. Now. This and this is why you don't want to go out at night because you want to sit like this for four hours from 8pm to midnight. i Oh, I have been home. Now. He's Jim's mad at me because I'm sorry. I need to ranch water if I'm gonna put up with this bullshit. He gets mad because I don't want to stay up past 11 This is disgusting. The ranch water yeah, that

was good. Oh,

there's a reason it's only 80 calories. I'll say that. Now, once I saw that, I believe it's really good. If it's less calories and White Clay You know it's gonna taste like ass. I thought it was really good and not good as good as that badass. Whole poopy that poop. Oh, now we're going to talk about eating ass now. You looked like you were I'm not. Back to you. Back to you, Stan. Can we bring up one little trip we had so after we went to the iron barons awesome, awful karaoke did explore the rest of the town. And then part of our explorations led us to raw sushi. And I don't know if it's a plan words and raw means like our aw but it's spelled r a r a sushi ra sushi really annoying. So you walk up five flights of stairs to get into the entrance the stairs alone we're on air conditioned we literally were walking up the stairs and so when it goes keep going even higher we're like what they saw is struggling there like it's even higher waiting. They're trying to like get their breath like keep going and keep it's like oh, so we're literally climbing Mount Everest to go to some nasty sushi place we

thought was gonna be great.

We get seated in a booth where the table is falling off the wall because it's supposed to be wall mounted, But honey, we were amounts the amounts were coming off the wall and the separate Emma had unfortunately done like 45 circles around rocks we hadn't we weren't like we didn't So Emma finally drops us off as we climb Mount Everest to get your head we're gonna get seated at a broken booth. Okay, so we're e Okay, so we order food Bobby's food which is cooked some outcomes that'll be for my raw sushi. They had to kill the fish the fish Okay, so we finished our meal even though it was a struggle and it wasn't great it was 50 minutes long and this is the part where it Bobby to take Okay, so checks are signed okay. And I noticed a gay on gate to my right and I'm seeing this type of what type of gay week so I'm not talking about the homeless gay which we will get to I'm talking about this is the the catering gay the case the interior designer gay or the kid what's catering gay What is it catering gay? You mean one who does catering jobs on the side to make money Catering is and they take on cases they take on problems they take are you talking about me now Can you scoot that over so you don't accidentally like pump up my volume? Thank you No, I'm talking about catering it is the guy that Okay, so let's just tell the story so you are putting off so much heat right now like you're so warm. Literally I've leaned over and I feel like I'm in a furnace maybe I have a fever you have Shigella diarrhea fucking shit on you. So all of a sudden we're about to leave I'm like okay, let's get the fuck out of here like we just ate like it was like they didn't have what we thought we needed and blah blah. A gay slides into the booth next to Jim the other gay the let's call him let's describe him better. The word homeless is appropriate but it's not the best descriptor the describe the shirt for me briefly clear shirt. What do you mean by clear see through shirt clear we're talking about yes but describe it black lace flower floral pattern floral black or Jack from Will and Grace this Yeah, this Yeah, exactly. You ever watch queers folk This is Justin. If he was the only scrapers on that show but if you saw Justin maybe learn what you're talking about before you forget to say something you fucking dumb bitch don't talk to me like that. Don't fuck with me fellas. God you dirty con. Well, you can't even describe shirt but it was a see through floral lace shirt. Show up into the booth next to us and we're like now these little see through shirt queer Sami pops up like a little gopher popped up, pop up, pop pie and goes so we sit with you with you and I go, you can bet our tables broken and it's falling off the wall come to ours. And they said instead of just like having already knows. And they said come to ours. Okay, so we're not trapped. We're not trapped. Yeah, like we you don't want to be on the inside of a booth. It whenever you're on the incidence. We're like, you're not getting out. So trips are like when in Rome. Like if someone's gonna like move us over there. We're just gonna do it. We'll do it. So we sit down rock, okay, fine. It'll be fine. It'll be fine. So I'm sitting next to this guy and a little see through floral black lace shirt. And he is a thin as a rail, I would say hasn't eaten in 30 days minimum. And he starts telling me about his life. I said, Well, Oh, do you live here? You know, I live in Austin, but my parents kicked me out of the house. I'm like, Okay, well, that's an instant. Give me sympathy, ploy. So we're like, Okay, well, there's your sympathy. I'll give you someone call that so bad. But how are you tell her in a floral shirt and glitter and glitter on his face and then he pulls up his sleeve and just turned to me and says I donated plasma today.

No. I donated plasma today. Now as I read is that as this red flag situation is happening I'm also incurring in a situation where I'm in a red flag situation where I'm like, this girl is here and she's

this girl with a raggedy hair. I should I tell them should I tell them should I tell them it's it's talking to I'm busier as I'm lazy with plasma boy, no other old guy. That was the table who, again was a catering to these children, regardless, literal, literal geography lessons, you know, I think it's kind of told me the story yet Tell me. So we're sitting there and we're chit chatting nice. I'm literally like, I don't know why she thought I couldn't hear. Maybe I gave that I presented that for her. But she's like looking at her friend and she's like, and she's like, should I tell him like I'm 23? Right? And I'm like, So how old are you? And she says, 18. fan. I go 18 And I look at the other Arizona K. And I'm like, now, I'm gonna have like, shaped like what's happening here? Oh, that met her at a club last night. They met they met your guy at the club. Yeah, I'm talking about this other girl that just said she was 18 And the guy that scares zone a guy. He's the older one. He basically said, Oh, I'm like, I know her grandma. Okay. So this guy comes from Tucson, Arizona with a child with grandma he knows. And then they meet a little queer in a club the night before for whom they go out to a sushi dinner at a nasty fucking restaurant meet to fats and films from Columbus, Ohio. And were to sit in this booth sitting there all together. And this young young bitch hands me her ID and I said, Why is it facing this direction? Because it was vertical. I go Why is it like this? And she's like, don't say anything until I'm like, are we 20 We won't get any alcohol if you say something. Now this is like when you're in college and you've already turned 21 You're like, Okay, I'm so far past that. So I'm looking around here like this doesn't like I've got to make an exit like this is not happening. I don't give a fuck. What does Jim can because Jim's over. Because plasma boy says don't boy and I kiss you. So plasma boy. He also had a describe his mouth. The scent coming out of his mouth could be described as no less than vomit. A potluck

dinner

smelled like last night so bad. And I was like,

parents have to eat out of the trash.

You have to eat poopy holes when you're kids. You got to try to so I said I mean. Okay, so I'm so I do a, I do one. And this is the type of case where it's closed mouth. You're like, that's enough for me type of case. Really? You know, the waist trainer. When my husband's like, yeah, I guess I could kiss my wife. They're like, so it was like, Great lips. And Bobby stands up and puts his backpack on I want to focus on the fact that he had a fucking backpack. I still have the Backpack, backpack backpack. And it's like a meme. It's just like the meme right? Literally. And so then he escaped from this hellhole and I follow him down the Mount ever stairs. I'll throw it onto the street and this is where we part ways. This is where we had to part ways. No, we went home together that night. It was the next night we parted ways. So okay, so this is what like you don't know actually, but okay. Oh no. This has been no. You say your part so this has been another episode of not well, but I do need to say I don't know what I need to say we're not going anywhere anytime soon. But Jim is going on another vacation and going to loom and so we're gonna have to figure out how to work some episodes so we will have we will I don't you don't worry honey. Honey, honey Mama's neck someone come to you won't be laying in a bed. Honestly, I haven't seen the video but I can imagine it looks like two fat hogs because I know there's a sheet over my belly but I know that they are above the belly. That's a white sheet. Tits. Yeah, so like it was a cute idea. Idea but like this he wanted to do this right now I would do I would do because

I put on my CPAP CPAP CPAP with the hat. With the hat on. I'm now coming to you live from The CPAP machine. Wow, this is how I want to say goodbye.

You look like Darth Vader's fucked up because

it looks it's a little tight on my face. And

you said something rude, rude. And your nose farted? I can't believe you wear that in sleep like that. That's the part where I'm struggling as you sleep like

learn to swim the house like I swim in over my head like this.

But it's pressing on your face. You don't feel smothered or like

I don't feel smothered, recovered or not well, I'm Bobby and I'm in my suit.

And I'm Jim and I'm here. horrified by my friend, my former friend

and that's Thank you.

Thank you