Everybody Needs a Gay Daddy

spk_0:   0:00
welcome to she's not doing so well. It's a pot. I'm Bobby. In fact, you're free to come. Tongue is my comings in my throat. And I wanted to try to limit the bucks to 10. Loathe. Honey, I'm just so awkward at this. God. Hello, everybody. And welcome to another

spk_1:   0:33
episode of she is not doing so well. I'm Bobby. I'm Jim. We want to thank you for coming to our show. We just took a oh, left turn Hard left R rated turn. Well, you know, that's how we need to roll at this studio from now on. Studio 69 0 is that what it is? Yeah. Yeah. Studio 69 up in the hills of Ohio, the hills of Ohio. It sounds great. They're leaving a bomb. You should see our Hollywood sign. Honey, It was like it's got Israel. Wonder Bread. Wonder bread. God, Israel. God hates fags. Well, duh. I mean, clearly. I mean, he has to It's why wouldn't he were too good in the rule book? Well, so last episode we discussed our callie trip. Got some good feedback. People were laughing. Sorry. Really? Yeah, I was lonely. Oh, yeah, like I need to go back. So I know we've been talking about, like how we need to find a way to somehow work out there, like, temporary, like, part time we're actually looking for, like, maybe sugar daddies were actually looking for, like, full time E. I mean, well, I would be a sugar baby. I disagree, but I still I'm not over my relationship currently. So that's the problem is like, I want my relationship with me. But then also, I have a sugar daddy to pay for us to get there. Right. We both Yeah, gonna both. I think. Well, we learned about fellas of coming interview, so Oh, my God. I never heard that term. So maybe we need some fellas. I have money that want to just fly us out. Yeah, well, we kind of fur found a couple fellas. Well, kind of, so Okay. Okay. Okay. So we have our new, um, phone line that I keep trying to promote that nobody really wants to call, but did you got me all you did? Yeah. So it's the pissed off line. I really want people to call in and be like, Hey, you know, it could be anything. Like what? He cut you off. Hey, this the bitches cut me off. Fuck you like I mean, that's it's simple. That can be. Do you know what Roxy does? That a lot on her Snapchat story. She

spk_0:   2:33
needs to call Shikha call. She'll be, like, driving like

spk_1:   2:36
in a British accent, talking about how she's not get

spk_0:   2:38
on the car. I'm not going to kill this passin. I'm not going to get out of the car and kill

spk_1:   2:44
them. I'm like that. So I'm looking for because there's I don't know. There's funny moments. And even last week I was like I should call the lengths. I was pissed that something that was so bizarre. That's what it's there for, Right? So? Well, I needed to put on your hot uh, what's it called? You're hot list. Oh, no. Your speed dial, honey. Oh, that's what I was what hotlist got on my favorites list. Yeah, I'm getting old. I just can't speak anymore. It's just bad. The dementia setting in my neck hurts. It feels like, Oh, somebody shove an ice pick into my throat. Well, not really. My throat more less side your side neck is in pain, and I tried to crack it last time, but like I said, you have a pumpkin head.

spk_0:   3:23
Yeah, so I mean, I put my

spk_1:   3:25
hands around it and was like, What is happening? I'm used to working with cantaloupes, not pineapple.

spk_0:   3:29
I was trying to turn it. I

spk_1:   3:32
can't the great. So if they're thank you. Think you have a bumpkin? Had whatever we put a candle in your mouth. You be a Jack O'Lantern. I've had a Michael was working it out for me. But Betty, why? You worked it out, so he worked. Oh, also, we want to take a poll as well. But I'm not gonna like I'm asking for you because clearly it doesn't happen to people will vote tol me. It'll be Jim's. Like I have a question like you're on the show.

spk_0:   3:58
Done. Do you normally fill out your story? I'm like, I

spk_1:   4:01
do have a question. I know, but I just I don't know what I was gonna say. Now what was I saying? You have a pole, but what the

spk_0:   4:09
world? You're gonna have a pole, and then you're I don't know. I'm looking at you. This is what I mean, okay, I'm just gonna get something,

spk_1:   4:18
too. Okay? I know that we're talking about, like, cannabis a lot because I use it a lot Now, Little bit. I've noticed a lot of little bit. How did the other day when a neighbor Jackie came over, which, Well, I mean neighbor Jackie, I need to meet. We're going to episode with her. I just want to be like a fixture on the show. Like, Oh, neighbor Jackie's here to give you the latest on E. And she could She's Yeah, she's probably more in touch with culture than we are so funny. Okay, so anyway, I had taken a little baby edible because it was a Friday night. Now is we're ready to relax. Well, it hit me hard when she came over, and I was like, So and I was like, So how's the podcast? Like, it's really going great. Like I was going in detail that I'd be like, so

spk_0:   5:01
Yeah, yeah, yeah, That's like What? Yeah, right. I try to run, and she would die and,

spk_1:   5:07
like, nobody was like filling in like Michael wasn't like saving me. Like you were just drowning, drowning, and I'm

spk_0:   5:11
like. Sorry. So sorry, Jack. That happened a few times in L. A. I'm talking to you

spk_1:   5:19
and I'm like, Oh, no. Sometimes it happens for me. Like so then even to the point where I later and bad I'm laying there and I'm Googling. Of course I'm going on WebMD and something like this'll marijuana make you forget what I'm like. This is the biggest joke of the world. Exactly the whole

spk_0:   5:31
thing about right. I'm like your stupid little jiggly. Miss, you're such

spk_1:   5:36
an amateur. Like I do have a brain to mars the marijuana, like come on. I don't know. I feel like I'm already forgetful, so I'm a little afraid that I've never tried that. I would just that you just instant dementia. I feel like like I would probably have a psychic break or something. I don't know. I just got to stick to the I p A I just six. I p h, honey, they smell like weed. So it's basically you. Yeah. Hops doof smell like very musty. Hear another word about socks. God, I don't in the dirty sock pile. I don't know. I was gonna say that, but you're gonna have a pole, but I don't know what I'm really upset about it.

spk_0:   6:19
Like I really would have a pole would

spk_1:   6:21
go calling the hotline. Um, no, I really think inedible before this. No, I had a few puffs. Uh, my neck hurts. Oh, that's really terrible. Yeah. Anyway, I'm done with that. I don't know what I'm gonna say. I remember I'll put up the fucking pole and you can vote on it, but I probably remember. And if I do, you won't vote, so it doesn't matter. So either way, it doesn't matter really what I was saying. Doesn't even fucking matter. Well, yeah, That's kind of like Larry. Whatever you were doing doesn't really matter. Oh, that was deep. I can't go that sorry. Together, we won't go down there right now,

spk_0:   6:55
But anyways, I want to hear

spk_1:   6:56
what people said when they called it. Okay, I'm gonna play. We have to. I'm gonna play. And the 1st 1 to people. Yeah, and so I want to, like, comment on it after, but yes, I've got to Voicemail. So here they are for the

spk_0:   7:10
pissed off line pissed off hotline or the line today. Tell us what you fucking hate.

spk_1:   7:18
Yeah, Yeah. Okay.

spk_2:   7:22
Hi. She's not doing so well. My name is Heather Keddie. I am straight. Um, I'm calling because you want to know what's pissing me off today is when I find a really good law. And the underwire had broken in the middle of the day, one at work. And you know what? Holy might hits up right now, Toobin eight to, um I'm trying to be funny. This is so not funny. Two band aids are holding my brought together. So just that I would let you guys know that I'm cutting you off. You wouldn't know what it feels like.

spk_0:   8:00
There's a lot of assumptions there. Here's the

spk_1:   8:02
thing. Oh, here's the first thing I tell them in the eye for getting the answer machine. I'm like, coming your name, your sexual orientation. Okay, So

spk_0:   8:10
why don't you start with a

spk_1:   8:11
nine stray? She's making it very clear you made her. No, she's actually one of her biggest fans. I always I love her. She will always taxman be like, Hey, this part was the best or hey, and it's very good feedback. I love it. So we love Heather and I want to say that I can kind of early with my whole spank situation, which, yes, I'm pulling that out tonight when we go see Roxy and plenty of smiles. Oh, yeah, We're going to their show. Yeah. You need toe wear this, banks. Yeah, And the fact that shirt, you're going to get a lot of attention, Superman. But anyway, anyway, I can relate to the broth things, sort of. Yes, Um, I was gonna say, holding with banana clips or something. I was like, But then she stumbled and aids. And then the other thing is, I don't need a picture. I was trying to imagine how band aids hold abroad together. It's not for me to know because my little is my little ninny nannies would not be held together by a Band Aid. Honey, my big ninny nannies wouldn't

spk_0:   9:06
help by mandate. IRS, our nanny nanny. Just pure nanny. Like that tape, the athletic tape way needed triple wrapped that, like a sprained ankle. Because that is

spk_1:   9:16
not gonna be held together. No, not at all. But, Heather, thank you for calling. Thank you. Have very for participating. Yeah, show Thank you. Have there for actually doing what we request. Thank you. And you were funny. That was funny. It was actually really funny. Well, you did imagining you holding your brought together with band aids is a funny and then trying to be funny. But you were being funny without even trying is the great it was It was great. They give her calling. Here's our next one.

spk_2:   9:41
What's up, bitch? It's Anthony from Mr Podcast 27 on Gays Buck. And I'm gonna tell you right now to talk the hell off. All I'm gonna say, I have no question. I have nothing that you could help me with. I'm sitting in bed with a goddamn Christie chicken sandwich, just literally with my fucking dick in my hand so that that on that

spk_1:   10:09
hot cast fucking came through and cold That's amazing because I didn't know he listened. He we follow each other on social media. I think we're both very like, uplifting each other. Funny. He is sustained. A comedian, New York. You have to Adam. His name's Anthony. Something Italian. I don't

spk_0:   10:26
have one of me. He's cute. He's gay. What's his actual like story? His story.

spk_1:   10:31
I'm looking now. Um, it's Miss just have been m i z, you know? Yeah, Well, because the hot Yeah, well, he just basically his podcast is basically being miserable. And he's like, Hey, it's fucking Miz. Here's what's happening. So I reached out to me was like, Hey, we have this line like you should call it. And then lo and behold, he fucking called it. So, um well, and that's what's bothering him today. So I guess he needs his fucking Christmas chicken sandwich. Very adamant. I wonder. What did you also wonder? Like, which crispy chicken? So I did. I was like their eyes. Or is it? It's New York City. I mean, do they even have Popeyes in New York City? It's probably like Cheesecake Factory or something, though. No, they probably better ones in her city. Probably. It's probably good chicken sandwich from some, like, dive that some right? Yeah, it's probably better than any fucking pop eyes. But I heard the pop eyes. One is like I would never know But you're a vegetarian. I love how am I talking about me? My, my I love chicken. Oh, I'm sorry. Live chickens. I like to pat them. Yeah, I don't like chickens at all. If I see him, I wouldn't eat up. Right. Like if you really look at these animals, you're like Hill. Oh, yeah, like now. Thanks. No, Virtually to pull all the feathers off like, No, it's a lot of feathers. Like those feather marks because I've been stuck. Yeah. Throw up. Yeah. Anyway, you have a vegetarian. Now, that was quick. Very quick. I'm trying to go. What else? We have coming up? We've got a lot of exciting things, but I want to talk about this episode. Oh, yeah, Absolutely. So the topic was Daddy's daddy's daddy. I would play that song, but I don't know if it's a copyrighted. Yeah, and I think it's for women. Well, it doesn't matter, does it? Is fuck. Okay, good. So what do you think of that when you hear, like, the term daddy? Like, if someone like Well, what if someone called you a daddy like, Are you a daddy? What is it, Daddy? I don't feel like I'm not a daddy yet. I'm a daddy and training as we discussed in this interview. Fully. But I feel like a daddy for me Is somebody who I look at as a mentor thing. I'm not saying no. I'm not saying it doesn't have to be sexual, but I look at it more of a You're learning the ropes kind of deal. I know that sounds really like interesting. Like when I was older guy like Rosalee back and be like, Hey, how are you doing? It makes me feel not important. But, like, listen to Yeah, and listening to. Yeah, looked at. Exactly. So that for me is a daddy. Like you're a capped woman, Honey, I'm a little boy. Someone gave you an apartment in L A and just took care of you. Just rub my brother back. You would love it. I mean, wouldn't anyone. You're gonna rub my back and you're gonna buy me an apartment. I'm not doing anything. I'm just gonna show up. I'm just gonna look pretty well. I mean, it's a job. It's a job. You have to look good, Ugo And I'm a novelty, so I have to stay the size. I'm sure you please picturing you at any other sizes. Like a crime, right? I'm not quite the sisters on TLC, but I'm not quite, um, skinny, either. go with winds Disease. Beer song is really not quite a woman. I not a girl. Not yet A woman. What does that mean? What's in between? Teenager, young woman? Yeah, I don't know any kept. If only she knew because about a new and downhill and not good for her, though. For her. For you, Bret. Bret. Well, but she wasn't at the Super Bowl. We'll put it that way. Yeah, she never will. And she broke her ankle. So that's a good thing that her career is dancing and lip singing. So how are you going to your shows if you don't have enough? Oh, in Las Vegas? Yeah. Going 70 chair like Adele in Big a chair. Like PS, Adelle apparently is like a stick now, too. She is a hater. I

spk_0:   14:20
know. You're like, uh,

spk_1:   14:23
anyone loses weight. I hate that. If anyone's losing weight, it should be me. Well, now it shouldn't be travel T. Um So what's a daddy to you? Basically the same thing. I'm like thinking someone who can give you advice. Someone who is definitely I'm sorry, but you have to be a little older. Like if you get it, he has a 20 year old and started giving me advice. I would be like, Shut up. You're not gonna believe, right? Just go. You're not a daddy. Don't give me advice. I'll give you advice. Here's the advice, honey.

spk_0:   14:51
Shut up. Shut up! So you do feel little older? Um, I don't know. I think all shapes and sizes

spk_1:   15:00
can be daddies. Like I don't think you have to be a ripped like a 55 year old guy. I think you just have to be like an older man, right? I don't think it's like it's like there's no like definition for sure of, like what exactly? A daddy looks like. There's no right look, but I want them to be able to give me advice. I feel like it's an advice thing. I feel like it's like, Oh, in a sexual guy. Well, yeah, they'll they have. Yes, they have technique. Sorry, they have their ways. Well, this episode we discuss with Tim, Tim Tim, who is such a great guests, like he's acting like it's not gonna be. He's like guys I like. I'm not looking for fundamentally, but it was like when I was it was actually funny. It's funny. It's informative. It's from the heart sensitive. It's respectful. Yes, there's a lot of things. So we're gonna go ahead and play that now for you. Excellent. But we'll come back from a little commercial break into the interview hole. So I hope you guys enjoy bye bye for now.

spk_0:   15:56
This episode is brought to you by pod corn. Have you seen popcorn? The popcorn? No popcorn. It's a marketplace connecting podcasters to amazing podcast. Sponsorship opportunities such as host read ads, interview segments, topical discussions and Maur. Oh, so it eliminates the middleman. Yes. And you never give up any rights to your podcast. And your podcast is great support. Wow. It sounds like there's a lot of transparency, creative freedom and full control of how you monetize exactly. Check out our show links to sign up to pod corn and start browsing sponsorship opportunities today. So we're here with Tim. This is my friend. Oh, I think I met him like three years years ago. Yeah. So we played volleyball together on I infiltrated your team. I'm a Midwesterner. Through and through. I have lived. Come in. I was born in Illinois and moved to Iowa and then lived in Michigan and then came back to Illinois and Ohio was skipped Indiana along the way. So live Mike Pence. I don't And, you know, I think that's, I would say, a fairly conservative, hopelessly middle class Midwestern family, rather conservative parents, but not in a hateful way or anything. Just what they're old fashioned, kind of old, faster they were. They both passed away, but they were member of what used to be called the silent generation. So, like, the worst thing you could do would be to draw attention to yourself in any way at all. So everything was very calm and subdued and not a lot of yelling or fighting. If you did, any of that happened. It definitely happened, like inside your house, with all the doors and windows closed so that no neighborhood or that there was any drama possibly happening in your household. So that's actually sent me to therapy for many years just because you also you don't communicate when you're in that kind of a situation and kind of repressed things a little bit. Yeah, so, you know, for me, therapy was about learning how to communicate and, you know, doing that Still in a real productive way and having meaningful conversations. But that all came from upbringing, for sure. Why did you move around all this time? Um, my dad was a, um, very successful appliance engineer. Um, and so he would get hired by companies like G E and Hot Point and a man. Ah, ah. And Gibson. And those were also machines like, Yeah, but those are also companies that, um, you know, in various recessions that we've had over the last 40 years or so would be, like doing really well. And then there'd be a massive layoff, and we'd go to the, you know, he'd be unemployed for a little while. And, um so that's where he moved around. And then I came to Ohio in 1992 and thought that I would be here for maybe three years and, you know, it was like this. It was a really great opportunity to come here and get a first job. And, um I thought, Well, I won't be here for long. And 28 years later, here I am. And this is how the longest I've lived anywhere by far the longest before. This was like seven years. So Columbus is definitely home, and, uh, I probably will be here until the end. I imagine. I think it's a good home. It's a good place. It is a good guy. Like it Were you out when you moved here? I was. Yeah, for sure. Okay. And was out personally and professionally. That was very that was very important to me to be able to come. Yeah, that I don't know if that was very kind of men professionally to be out back then, um you know, it's like, make back that back then, e ah, back then. That was, like, 30 years ago. That was for the Ellen episode. That right? I mean, this was like, Right. My coming out story is not interesting is when I went to when I went in one of those many moves when I went to grad school, I decided, you know, I've been kind of as an undergrad with super closeted and not having a good time at life and thought, What's the easiest thing I could do? I could just go to grad school and then just be out when I got there. and not let anybody watch the process like again back to my family like little that whole process happen internally and not talk to anybody about it. And you know, I'm out and now I'm out. I'm out there. I was just like, Oh, I'm gay and people like, Oh, cool! And that was Mike. So that was it. That's that's that's

spk_1:   20:29
actually cool. You're able to do that transition in your new life that

spk_0:   20:33
I mean, it was great in terms of, um, nothing dramatic or traumatic happening in there, but not not not emotionally or psychologically. Probably not something I would advise people to dio I'm out. I'm out. Hello? I mean, what? I'm Tim. I'm gay. I

spk_1:   20:50
mean, that seems great professional, because I just recently came out professionally. I mean, I don't know the last couple of years, like slowly been coming out people that I want Thio Okay, so it's but it becomes a different at work. You're more comfortable. You're able to kind of talk about yourself more because I would always be like, Well, I'm not doing anything this weekend and really all that exile, like in the trauma, the trough on the trough in the bathroom. A different job, actually. Tell some my coworkers that actually, but anyway,

spk_0:   21:18
anyways, back to Tim. Bobby, are you Captain Piss? I actually don't like this place. I really thought that was a person who used to be Oh, yeah, I used to hang out. Theo Lay in the way. Really? Yes. You could just send someone

spk_1:   21:41
he would want you to. Yes. Yeah, it got really freak nasty in that bathroom. Look, I just want to pee in there, like, be in my mouth.

spk_0:   21:48
Uh, that's why your pee shy.

spk_1:   21:51
Yeah. And that's why I would go to, like, the lady stall, which,

spk_0:   21:53
by the way, my fiance asked me about that. He's like, Why's Bobby afraid to pee in the bathroom? And I was like, Have you peed in the bathroom at union? I'm afraid of it. To every state in a row. Now you're staring or grabbing, and I've had a lot of people grab People push people. It's not like I'm just trying to urinate now and like now, I can't because, like, you're staring at me and County. You've been here for 30 seconds. I'm like Han. I'm still going anyway. like the vibe. It exile, though, was like it was a dirty bar. You know, like Waas. So, like, so the bathroom is also just a place toe be dirty and yeah, you know, Captain Pissed used to be Oh, here's something that's interesting, though. Is that, like, I also have had moments of being very pee shy in my life. Let's take captain piss out of the mix here. But the trough in exile got me over it. I was able to kind of do it there, too. Yeah, I think that that's ah, setting that. Causes met a lot of anxiety and it actually had the opposite effect on me. Oh, yeah. I need to go to an L S u football game and do it there, you know? Yes, because I had to do that once, and my dad and grandpa were right next to, and I'm like, what is happening? I love like I'm done. I guess I'm done because only face each other there. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd love to stand there, but I don't wait. You're actually looking at somebody while you're across from you and people next to you. So it's a little much for bully. And, you know, I What was it like in Columbus at that time, or even just was there a gay community? Oh, yeah, You could go out and find out for sure. In my opinion, like a lot of changed around the gay scene in the gay bar scene in Columbus. Like at that time there were There were a lot of bars in Columbus then and there was, like, the trifecta, You know, the garage, the eagle and trade winds downtown. And that was kind of the The Superfund heyday for me is back in the 90

spk_1:   23:46
was, um Well, we were kind of wondering you grew up,

spk_0:   23:50
like with the eighties the AIDS crisis happening. How did that influence what you did or how you lived? Um, you know it. I would say that in that late eighties, early nineties, period, I was actually quite activist. I lived in this little town in the middle of Illinois and I was a grad school, and this town had just kind of this powerful grassroots organized efforts there. I work for this little underground newspaper that always, like, wrote about super lefty issues and HIV and AIDS was one of those, um, we started a chapter of act up, and, um, it was called Act up. See, I Central Illinois and we have this I should Oh, I wish I had me. I have a T shirt at home. Still, which is like the big New York Act up logo. But it has a pink ear of corn coming out of it. Oh, my God. And so I think that, you know, I mean, like, we're all scared shitless, like those, like, terrifying times. But for me, you know, getting involved and being activist and really trying to push the envelope in, getting people to think about different and doing that in a small town was actually really, really helpful. For me, it was a way of being active and not being totally paralyzed by fear of what was happening at the

spk_1:   25:03
time. Yeah, I don't look atyou but afraid of Corona virus. And it's half a world away key. There's this new show on Apple TV. Yeah, visible. Okay. And it shows a lot of the history of just being LGBT community on TV. There's a lot that I didn't understand it. No, especially if the crisis. How? I mean, it was a gay cancer and like, Yeah, I don't know. I just feel very after watching that show, I feel very lucky to have people like you who were back then what you were in your twenties or something. Yeah. Yeah, like early twenties. You know, being there and being an activist and like, making changes for me now, today and for people today to be able to live whether they live, it's like no hiding. Yeah, it's incredible how far we've come since then. Probably since when you first moved here, too. Now has changed so much.

spk_0:   25:53
Oh, absolutely, absolutely. You know, when I when I came to Columbus, you know, I came here for a job and really needed to throw myself into the job for a few years to really impress on the people who had hired me to make sure I wasn't too distracted, allowed myself one distraction. That was volleyball. Um, and, you know, met amazing people doing that. But, um, you know, there was a There was a really great activist movement in Columbus at that time. And, you know, I think that Columbus at that time and probably this is probably still true. Now, you know, the people came to Columbus, obviously, because of the university, Um, they came to Columbus because it was this kind of hidden city. Like, you know, nobody really thought much about Columbus at all. But when you got here, you realize that there was there were things going on here that nobody really knew about her ever really talked about. Um, I think that when you live in a state like the size of Ohio that you have Cleveland, Columbus, Cincinnati, and then Toledo and Dayton and then these huge rural areas that are actually pretty heavily populated. Um, the gay kids who are coming out in those towns are gonna flock to Columbus because there was that, you know, at that time of pretty vibrant gay community, even more so now. But at that time, So, um, you know, people were coming here, and so it was really active in the bar scene, was really active. And, um, like, think of all the bars that used to be right, you know, like on Saturday, you said, Like

spk_1:   27:18
where there's nowhere else to go. I'm like, Yeah, there's not very many times to be a lot. Remember Havana like there was all these names that my fiance goes around.

spk_0:   27:26
I remember at one time there were 28 GLBT bars in Columbus at the same time. What? And that was, like, late nineties, early two thousands. And that included, you know, the big bars. But that was when union and Havana down the short north. It was the time when, like, I always say, Like, the gay bars got windows, you know, like they used to be dark and the doorways were in alleys and you weren't to be seen there. And then union in Havana were kind of like the 1st 2 that showed up in the short north where people were openly walking in and out of there and there were windows so you could see in And, um, but, you know, and the three downtown and there were sports bars and women's bars, And, um, it was it was amazing. And now we're

spk_1:   28:10
having bachelorette parties on her gay bars. Yeah, well, I'm sorry, but yeah, that's why we go to the straight bars now. Yeah, let's talk about being a bad daddy. I Let's just get to it, you know? I mean, all right. So I guess my first question is, what does Daddy mean to you?

spk_0:   28:26
So I listen to one of your first episodes, Um, first couple where you got out the gay glossary and you're looking thing. You were looking up all these terms and everything that it was hilarious. It was really funny. And I'm not sure I agreed with all of the definitions that uncovered, but it was pretty funny. So I did the same thing. I did a Google search this morning. Like, what is it Daddy like, um and, you know, it's kind of all over the place. Um, in terms of what the definition is, I think people associate it with, um you know what? Daddy is obviously an older gentleman. You know, Daddy is really prevalent among straight people. This is not a gay thing at all. You know, like it's it's we think that that's something that we talked about, but it's It's just it's it's everywhere. Yeah, Daddy is a variation Daddy Warbucks bear. Yeah, Um, but I think that, you know, one of the definitions that I found was, um it was somebody that it was the idea that Theo older gentleman called himself a daddy so he could find younger men. Was like, That's kind of a fucked up definition of this because right now we're living in this. There's kind of been this interesting reemergence of this idea of daddy is kind of, ah fun social thing and a label that people are wearing with amazing pride and way we have a new bar in town called Daddy's. You know that I was there on Friday. I did some research on Saturday. Um, for me, this is interesting. So here's my disclaimer. Okay, Um, I'm 55 years old, going on 56. I'm a white dude that lives in Columbus, Ohio. I'm hopelessly middle class myself. My family was I, um an able bodied, um, relatively healthy, though that's the perspective that I have on this aging thing. Yeah, and I will say myself, like I always thought that that idea about Daddy was about a number like was about an age on. I remember when it started happening to me. Like when people were saying, um, sir on and, you know, and that there was this, like, a different kind of rhetoric that was coming out of people, like about about who I was related to, how they perceive me in my age. Um, And then it started happening, like around gay people. And it was like it was younger guys saying, you know, Hey, Daddy. Hi. You know, actually, the bartender at that Daddy's on Friday. I like what? I have to get a beard. Hey, Daddy. You know, maybe that's what they're supposed to do. It maybe Daddy, guess what age did you when did that start

spk_1:   30:58
position? Do you remember when you

spk_0:   30:59
Yeah, I would say I really started noticing it right before he turned 50. Okay, Bob, because my lifetime I know your soul, your eyes. But here's the so no And, you know, and I really like I kind of dig it. It's kind of fun, you know, Um, Daddy's the bar derive from this kind of regularly held event in Columbus called Daddy's Social Club. And there s so they were like, you know, it show up in different locations and warehouses, and they were dances and, um, people really into it. And I went to one of these events. Um, and I was like, I've kind of come into my time, you know, like, here I am. I'm a dad, right on theirs. We went to a daddy social. Yeah. Yeah. And I was like, Oh, this is gonna be really awesome. Um, and what I really realized that the fuckers move the needle, like Like what they were thinking of a daddy was not me. Like daddy had become this kind of, um, kind of more socially constructed notion. And guys who were in there like thirties and early forties were calling themselves badly what I was going to say because I'm 35 I feel like I was like, Well, my daddy now Yeah, well, yeah, It's like what? And so I remember complaining because I was like, God damn it, You know, I was just like I finally, like, hit this this moment. I've got the label and it's mine. And I can embrace it. And now, like Like what? Like a granddad, Daddy? Um, less. And that's where a friend of mine was like, No, no, no. This is not about this is like a state of mind. This is about, you know, fun and about ways that people are into scenes and all of that. So, like, just get the number thing out of there. But you're still in Daddy. Hell, yeah. So he's a daddy like that. Let me tell you, Daddy, aging thing is both different being gay and maybe not different being gay. I mean, you know, we're all susceptible to these messages and images that were bombarded with all the time. And those images rarely are saying, Oh, you're getting some wrinkles or some gray hair. That's really awesome. Like, that's not the message that we're getting bombarded with right now. So when you start looking in the mirror and you start seeing that happen, then you you start to ask all kinds of questions and it gets into doubt. And But I feel

spk_1:   33:20
like I'm in that moment right now where I'm going. Oh, like I am getting old. You never hear this. Awesome? No, actually, people do like my patch. Well, yeah, but like because just a patch and you've had it for other. I'm noticing more like when I go out and I'm looking around. I'm like, Ooh, I'm not like this young guy walking. They're like, Oh, look at me. And I'm like, Oh, wait, I'm just, like, not in that age group I am or where you're so it's just different something that I think it's like Everybody goes through this, that what you're saying,

spk_0:   33:48
right? And, you know, I try Thio like take stock a CZ much as I possibly can and like, you know, say, like, there's a lot of really great shit going on in my life right now and I feel really good about things and I'm like, super healthy and happy And I'm surrounded by love and really great people. Um, and like I could do all of that work and feel really good about myself and then still catch myself like like at the gym going God, I wish you know, I had those arms. I wish I had that body or whatever. And then you're like, Okay, that guys like 25 or 30. So quit doing that, you know, that's not that's it's not realistic, and it's also not healthy, and it just makes you feel like shit about yourself. So just stop doing that kind of stuff, and that's a good thing, literally, you know, and I think that this is where, like, for me have become like coming into my daddy Hood has been really great because at the same time there have been people who have expressed their attraction to me because that would not have 20 years ago, because I like what they were into, You know, like they like a daddy in there, there and all these things. All these things that I'm kind of struggling with, you know, like like my skin's kind of sagging here, you know, And I just like, you know, I did that. I struggle with that. There's some people that are kind of into it. So you're like, All right, well, let's embrace this. I do know there are 20 year old

spk_1:   35:05
into it. They want it. I can't relate to you because I'm B V. So, like there's like a special the chubby chaser, like there's people who, like my beefy guy Billable. I wish I was this, that the other. But then there's people who really do. So I understand the whole embracing thing, I think. Yeah, so do you generally like the term daddy?

spk_0:   35:24
Well, yeah, that's a great question, because I don't mind it. Attraction is a funny thing, you know, like it's impossible to figure out attraction. And for me it's like if attraction is grounded in respect and it's not coming from a super ugly, awful place and everybody's on the same page, then run, then run with it. So if somebody is attracted to me because I have a certain appearance about me that has to do with age, I'm totally cool with that. And if they wanna label that Daddy, I'm totally cool with that, too. But as I said, like I started asking friends of mine, they didn't know I was interviewing them, but I started asking for like like And so it was It was pretty interesting that I had some friends who were like, I'm really not okay with that. Like, I just I don't like a stranger who I don't know who's who's clearly younger than I am because it just feels like I can't tell if they are totally into. Is this something they're attracted to? Are they poking fun? A little older about that right you're doing here, right? You know, and and so there's, like, all that unknown. Um, you know, I I also talked to some other friends that it's, um, that it's actually kind of triggering for them. So you know, there's there's all kinds of people have had experiences that are around abuse and sexual abuse, and, you know, and sometimes they themselves have been the victims of that abuse when they were younger. And so this kind of weird, predatory language that often comes with the daddy boy thing is really, really difficult for some people. And I really, really respect that. You know, I think that that's something to be aware of. People who are parents, like we forget. You know, gay people are parents, like a lot of gay people have kids. Um and so when people come up to them and start talking the daddy son daddy boy thing, it's like, you know, off limits that is off limits for me because, you know, it's it's weird, you know, somewhere leverage. You get weird, though, if you really think about some boy. Yeah, yeah. Do you mean boys like 18 year old? Plus exactly. Boy is an underage illegal like creepy, it's and and for me so my profession is I work with young adults and I'm in a supervisory mentoring kind of role for them. Um, you know, and and, you know, lots of people come at me is like, Oh, I bet you see all these really hot young guys and I just have to nip it, you know, because it's it's just like I can't do that, you know? It's not appropriate. And I also don't look at people like that because of that's my job and, um, but it's also really, really common, you know, it's a it's a really common trope that kind of comes up when you talk about that is if you like Daddy's I I was totally into older guys and I was young. Yeah, my first, my first real boyfriend. He would Let's see, I was 23 24 I remember he was 36 I thought that was so much older than me, you know? Oh my God. But you know what is he was he had kids that those were big years, even though the years were only like 13 years. Those were big years and are in our kind of maturing and development of a lot of years that age. And I was you know, also, like a lot of people think that like it's always the, you know, the older guy who's pursuing the younger guy and there's there's that, you know, But I want to give agency to these younger guys. If you're in an older guy, go for it. You know, like like I don't want I don't want to always victimizer. And Fanta lies a younger guy here. A lot of them know what they want, and they're gonna go for it. Come for me. It's great. Absolutely. It's it's super awesome. True. But again, you know, as long as, um, it's coming from a good place and people are respectful and they're treating each other kindly and nothing fucked up is going on. Then I think like attractions of funny thing. And you go for what you get is a really interested It really is. It doesn't make sense. It

spk_1:   39:22
doesn't make any sense. I don't think it changes to, as you get like, yeah, go for older guys from now. What kind of guys are going to now,

spk_0:   39:29
my fella is my age. Oh, you're talking about the gay gas, Ella with like we never heard this term before we just write boyfriend. So, fella, all of those things l A Yeah, he's the He's kind of my number one. The guy that I am with and we live apart and we have very individual separate lives. Um, and he's kind of my eyes, my number own. It's not still with him. It's just kind of like, this way what we've developed together and it's super positive and super strong and supportive, and, um and he's my age. So here's okay, So can we go back to a fucked up story here? We can come back to the fella. I mean, this is a story of something that he had happened. So we were at Daddy's on Friday. Okay, Um, and this guy who he knew who was, I think like mid thirties, walked up to him and said, Oh, hey, how are you? I haven't seen you in a couple of years. You're aging gracefully on. I was like, Are you fucking kidding me? Like you don't say that to anybody like you Don't say that to anybody. You don't say that to a gay man in a bar called Daddy's. Is this designing women like who says that gracefully. Thanks. And you know, and I have no evidence that the guy was trying to be malicious or anything, but he probably thought that. And like, my fellow is hot like he's super sexy, you know? He's got a rocking body, and he looks amazing. A super handsome and sweet And, you know, so this is like, true is kind of a weird, backhanded thing that happened that night was much older, but

spk_1:   41:11
in a good way, right? Have a nice gracefully bitch. Yeah, you have it bad. I can't say the same for you. You look older than me.

spk_0:   41:21
I used to. I used to always say, like, you know, I'm trying to age with Grace, but I'm never going to say that again. Now that we've had this episode like what I met without that is like not freaking out, not doing dumb right now doing a bunch of dumb things because I'm freaking out about getting older like before, right? You know, that's what I meant. That, like, met mean by that, But

spk_1:   41:40
I think we're afraid of aging. I'm very afraid of you because you're afraid of death. Yeah. I mean, yes, I brought it up.

spk_0:   41:47
Here we go. I heard that was one of the happiest. Terrified. Yeah, but I mean, like,

spk_1:   41:52
you could die at any moment, right? So he doesn't have to happen in your fifties. Right? Right. Everybody assumes I don't want to go. I do want to get older. You do. But I just still scares me a little bit. Especially now looking in the mirror, going What's this? That patch is turning into a full heads. I mean, it's true, and you kind of have to look yourself America. Okay, I noticed. Um, do you notice yourself mentoring Younger guys like us? Far even. Just the gay guys like

spk_0:   42:16
they This is where that idea of like Daddy and is not about age. It's more of a state of mind because I think that a lot of people kind of lean into their daddies because there's a sense also of Rahm stability and and security and those kinds of things. And it was a really touching story because he was talking about meeting somebody who had just come out at a later, later time in his life than than many people are today. And, um, this guy was not young. He would not. You would not notice the age difference between the two of them. But this is where I would say like being Daddy is like a state of mind is that he, um, started realizing that the guy just there was experiences and knowledge that the guy just didn't have. You know, he lived in small town Ohio. Um, and he was just coming out, and he was doing what we all did when we came out. You know, he's probably drinking, and he's at the bar and inhibitions drop and boners go up. And you know what kinds of things happen, and you don't really start thinking about exist. Right? Um, I love the Craigslist thing. I was Craigslist was still here. I know for sure, but, you know, my friend was like, I'm gonna show you Equitas, and you're gonna go down there and you're gonna have a conversation, and they're gonna be super opened. Any question that you have, and they're gonna be friendly, and you're gonna get on prep because you're really having a good time. You're enjoying sex, and you're having a really good time, and you need to do this and you need to figure out. You know, if you worry that you've got an S T I you need to know where you can go to get tested. And so my friend was like taking the super awesome mentoring role with this guy. And I would say, like, that's a date. That's Daddy as, ah, as a friend of mine like that as an idea, Two years, a heart. But that's a daddy role, right? Like you got to be safe. I always look, I look at the world maybe too much so through the idea of power, structures and privilege and knowledge is is power and knowledge is a privilege. And if I know something that could help somebody, um, about that, then I think I share that with, um um and I and I show them how to get the help that they need or to get the service is they need or have the fund that they need and not shame them in any way. And I think that if a daddy's having a relationship with a younger person, that stuff is really important. But if a daddy's having some relationship with somebody who needs all that stuff and they're the same age. That's kind of that daddy frame of mind, like you provide that support

spk_1:   44:41
cause I notice, as I'm aging, sticking him in the in the middle of my life, but just sort of, um, 35. I'm noticing that I'm certain mentor people now, too, not just in the gay community, but just in general. And that's what's kind of telling me like I've been meaning to do it, though I'm like, Hey, you need to do this and I'm like, Wait, what am I doing? But it's just a natural thing now to become somebody who helps other people. I guess as far as the younger, the other people, So I don't know, that's what I kind of noticed my shift. So you're a daddy, too? I'm learning you're in the daddy from a mind I am.

spk_0:   45:12
So here's a question I have for you guys. Do you think we're living in a time where there's still a lot of generational tension? Do you feel that? Do you see that? Still like the phrase? Okay, Boomer. So I remember when that happens. So that was Chloe Swarbrick Brick. She's a member of parliament in New Zealand. Oh, and she was talking about climate change and was talking about how the average age of the members of parliaments, um I believe was, like, 49 or something. That and this guy interrupted her another member of Parliament and said, Look, ma, I don't believe we are, And so she, like, shuts him down, you know, completely shuts him down with the okay, Boomer. And I remember when that hit the news, I was like, That's so fucking awesome. And that has legs like that's gonna go That's got traction. And people are gonna be talking about that did. It's kind of it's kind of like, died down a little bit. But then I started and then and then also. Then I looked at up. And apparently it's not a new phrase like that is something that has, like, was many years ago, like 10 years ago, when that was originally coined. But so so then at the same time, where I'm like, That's so awesome At the same time, I was like, Oh, shit, because now what's going to start happening is that it's just a little kind of MIM worthy catchphrase that young people are going to use to start shutting down people who are older than them. And it was true, like I kept hearing it a lot. Yeah, I

spk_1:   46:37
heard a lot of people getting upset about,

spk_0:   46:38
Let me tell you, my stepson told my fiance that once he said that I heard him mumble like, Okay, Boomer, I was like, Oh my God, like your dad is 41 like he's not a boomer And you know, like I totally support what she did because, you know, like I was being destructive e earlier. So I totally supported what she did, so it had nothing to do with, like, she shouldn't have done that, But I think that's the best conception it's taken out.

spk_1:   47:05
I feel like there's young people who know what's going on as well, and so it's automatically when you're older, you know, it's like you know exactly what's going on, and we're not supposed to question you know what? You don't like it. It's always good to question anybody,

spk_0:   47:17
Any agents like, but now you think Okay, Boomer iss, kind of. I have what you have already haven't heard why, like it hit Yeah, hard. So many people were saying it. And the way I heard people using it wasn't very nice. It's still kind of funny funny, you know, and I and I totally support what she did. But I also realized that, um, you have a lot of friends, is gay and straight who said, You know, like, I've got these young people, that we're having these conversations and they're just throwing that out into these conversations like that that I'm not okay with? Um, yeah, I think that the the generational tension that I see is this probably is not just about queer people, but what I see is that it is nearly impossible, like think about your 20 year old self. It's nearly impossible to imagine yourself 20 or 30 years in the future like it's impossible to do that. You could kind of have an idea, but it's not. It's not. It doesn't happen. It's not based in reality, but somebody who is 50 60 70. It is very it is quite easy to remember. So the idea of like imagining into the future and remembering the past those are two very, very different things right on dso so that tension that comes from there, I think again, like as as somebody who is in his mid fifties now I keep trying to remind myself that when I start to sense that generational tension between me and maybe somebody who's younger, I try to be a little bit more generous because I also know that I remember what it's like to be 20. It's not, yeah, I know I know how to do that. But as a young person, it's impossible to imagine it's what's happening in the future. So you know, my I always think like, Well, okay, just be a little bit generous and also just, like, be super excited about a young person's energy, you know, like there's where people my age, where I really have to shut people down because they're like those young people, blah, blah, blah. It's like those young people have, like, amazing ideas, an amazing energy in there, and they're really pushing the envelope. And they said I could work with young people. We would be like, would you shut off right now that you're so annoying? The minute that I can't I work with people between the age of like 18 and 25. And the minute that I can't look at them anymore as somebody who has potential toe do great things and change and be creative and all of that, then I need to get out of what I'm doing. I just need to walk a well. And right now I do still believe that

spk_1:   49:44
about young people. I was gonna say, What would you say to your 20 year old self?

spk_0:   49:48
Maybe quit beings. I was. I was kind of a rigid young person and a rigid young person, Not in terms of politics as much as it was like, Here's your course, and here's what you're going to do and you're never gonna let anything deviate off of that script and that I get for my parents like that. I'm gonna fall my parents for that like that. They were amazing parents. They did a lot of really great things. But one thing that they didn't do very well is that they wrote a script for all three of their kids, and we did not follow the script on. Your kids will never follow the script like don't write a script about your own Children but I wrote my own script I like. That's where I probably got that. I stayed with it and it was okay. But I should have taken some more risks. And I should have been a little bit more carefree than I was. It's good advice. Yeah, even

spk_1:   50:34
now, if not for me. I mean, even now for you take risks, you know? I mean, like for sure. It's kind of weird. How did you get older? You're like, This is a short life. I mean, life is short. You hear it all time. You're like buying. This time's going faster and it's a month after month and then you're like, Oh my God, I want to start taking risks. I want to start a podcast. Well, I did. That was a risk for me. It's still a risk, and it's growing. Did you have any idols growing up?

spk_0:   51:01
I think I have two answers to this are two examples. So, um, I'm the youngest of three kids. Here's my parents were so scripted. So my parents were like We will have our kids five years apart because we will send them to college and we don't want to kids in college at the same time so that we can support them financially, like that's and they try to do that, which is funny. Like what they didn't realize Is that meant, like, 15 years of continuous teenager, you know, which. I don't think any parent should go through a lot, but I'm the youngest. My sister is the oldest, and she's a lesbian, Um, and came out to me when I was pretty young. I think I was, like, 16 when she came out to me. And I know she'll say this, too. And I know like she was able to look at me and say, you know, my little brother is gonna be a queer, and so what I'm gonna do is I'm going to sent it. At that time, newspaper articles were real newspaper articles, like, I'm gonna send him newspaper articles in magazines and I'm gonna send in things from the gay press, send him all this stuff on. And I didn't come out to her until 24 25 when I came out to her. Finally. Wow. But, you know, she was you know, it's not like it's not like I want to be my sister. It was her saying My brother is living in this small town in Illinois and he has no other influences and nobody else that is showing him anything other than these stereotypes and images of violence. And I'm gonna just send him a newspaper article about something really awesome that a queer person did. And that was hugely hugely influential. I mean, I am the person that I am because of those, you know, 8 to 10 years where she was doing that in a very kind of weird, quiet, closeted away like she knew what was going on and she was awesome about it. It's actually kind of something. I would say that my other idol and I can say that I am alive today because of this person. This is gonna get really gay. You ready for this? I'm ready. Bette Midler. Okay, you know, and it's so funny because it's not like, um, it's not like Bette Midler beaches. It was Bette Midler, that super edgy performance artist from the seventies who was doing crazy shit on the stage and had this really, really biting sense of humor that, like a lot of people, didn't get, But I got it. And I knew that there was like, there's something about, like a gay sensibility about what she is doing here. Um, I remember the I remember the very moment, you know, my family had a living room in a family room and there was a TV in each, and my parents ruled the good TV like the really great TV that was in living room. They got to choose what they were watching and they were gonna watch Beretta, you know, like this This cop show from the set from 1977. And I'm like, Well, I'm going downstairs. I don't wanna watch this. And so I go downstairs and Bette Midler had this week really weird TV special called Old Red Hair is back. And it was kind of a, um let's take this bizarre stage show that she did in the seventies and let's see if we can make a TV friendly version of it. And the trend. The translation didn't really work all that well, but you got a sense of like what she was doing. And I remember looking her and saying like, I don't no, if I really understand this, but this is really speaking to me in some kind of weird way. And so then I started buying the records, and I remember the first time that a concert came out on VHS. HBO was an HBO concert. It came out on VHS and I saw this concert. And so I just became completely and utterly obsessed with that period. Like, and then the movie The Rose was like Like, it just kind of, like, blew me away. And then she started doing all that cheesy stuff, which is not really what I'm into. But that moment there, that was my God. Yeah. You could still see some of our specials on YouTube. Funny. Yeah, she was funny. And peaches on the way to Washington, D. C. I'm like the great bus. And I was like, What is happening here? Maybe I am queer. When did you know that you were gay? So when I was very young, I'm gonna say like it was ours. My 45 maybe, um, there was a There was a commercial for a ballpoint pen. You know, I've got a pen in my hand. It's like these little clicker things. The gist of the commercial was how how strong and sturdy the ballpoint was on this pen. And the way that they illustrate that is that they strap this pen onto this male flamenco dancer's boot. And there was like, this black shiny boots and he goes dancing and, like, tapping his feet on the floor, the ballpoint pen it's hitting the floor. And then he takes it off and he writes with it, and it's like, this pen is amazing. And I remember like, I didn't know what it was at the time, but I remembered like I'm totally turned on like that. Ray is so fucking sexy. Me and I'm like, five years old. You can find that commercial on YouTube. It's something out there. Yeah, I'm gonna link it. I ways. Like expecting like they're going to stab some shirtless, ripped guided. 10. This is just some dancer likes pounding the ground sexy, but it's like some guy like a little kid. Boner off. You know,

spk_1:   56:13
I'm telling you, I think that's when I knew it. Five. What were you like sitting on someone's shoulder and your shoulders like, Oh, this feels funny? I don't think a boner. I just feel like when

spk_0:   56:23
he was like my neck feels funny. Little were three on the ground. I think that it's really important also to embrace that. You know, I I do not want I know I said a lot of, like, deep and heavy stuff about this whole thing. But I also think like rock the daddy thing. Like if if you're a daddy and somebody likes a daddy and you guys around the same page and it's all about a fetish, that's amazing. You know, I think it's go for it.

spk_1:   56:53
Sounds fun. So you're saying, Oh, young people go for the daddy? Yes. Oh, yeah. Proper situation, respect, respectful way.

spk_0:   57:01
I want everybody to be on this, and that would be true of anything. That's this is not, um, you know, identified only with, like, the whole daddy thing. Um, I want everybody to be on the same page. I want people to feel safe. I want there to be consent. I want all of that. So even though I kind of the fetish, the scene of the daddy thing is about somebody who is kind of in control and you know that's true of any kind of play that involves power like they're still needs to be that respect in the in the consent on Doll that. So I'm totally

spk_1:   57:33
down with all that, I think for sure. Oh, it's hot. I think you're just looking back to the shop. Shallow way. Okay. Okay, Well, I was very interested in just the whole daddy situation because I feel like I'm tatty and training, sort of. So I was like, training wheels on. Look, I'm ready to embrace

spk_0:   57:53
Let's train this, daddy, You know, with all of the were negative pressure around aging or agent general and generational tension. I think one of those tensions that people are hearing is is to not embrace that stuff. So young people who find older people attractive, they're hearing, you know, the message they're getting is like, Oh, no, he's old, He's gross. You should be with people who are your own age. We're young and we're you know, we have all this this life ahead of us. And older people are being also bombarded with messages about, like, do everything you can to be younger. Don't embrace this older self.

spk_1:   58:28
We're being told old is bad and it's not though. And actually, Daddy, advanced age is bad. Almost. Well, didn't wait. Everyone should have a daddy. Yeah. Oh, no. Don't go into

spk_0:   58:39
the ancient Roman degrees. Don't start with this area. I ready for that? They were getting I'm always well know. In ancient Rome, Major. It was like young. Yeah,

spk_1:   58:51
I'm not talking, boy. Young boys. I'm talking legal like I remember in high

spk_0:   58:55
school were reading like a play from ancient Greece and it was talking about, like sharing your son's with your friend

spk_1:   59:02
male friends. No, no, no, we're not We're not doing it. But I think as a young gay person that just came out So okay, having a older figure mentor. Yeah, but you also could mess around or whatever.

spk_0:   59:17
I don't know. You know, like when I was talking about agency when I was a young person, I was going for like, I loved older guys. I was really turned on by it, and it was part of my coming out process. And on I was and I will say that I was also really, really fortunate that those did not turn into any kind of abusive or rower traumatic experiences like those men they were. I'm hoping they were into me. They seem to be enemy. But it was also, you know, I Kate, I came out better than I waas. Here's what's interesting to me about this topic. And it was one of the reasons why I started by saying like it's important for me to say This is the perspective that I from you that I'm speaking from here, and that is that you can take any of those items from that list and change that and the stories completely changing the perspectives completely changed, you know? So I'm 55. What are the experiences of somebody who's 45? One of the experiences of somebody who's 65? Um, what the what are the experiences of somebody who is, um, not able bodied or what are the experiences of somebody who is also, um, living with with illness? What is the experience of somebody who incredibly wealthy or somebody who is like all of those things change these experiences that we're talking about and so is like a zoo? We've had this conversation. I keep thinking like, Wow, this could really we could have a panel discussion like we could bring in so much way could have a daddy.

spk_1:   1:0:54
Yeah, Yeah, I would love it if some of your friends that I know I want the story I would love to hear because I feel like everybody deserves to hear sort of both sides. So some people embrace it. Some people don't.

spk_0:   1:1:08
I think it's hot. Oh, no. Here he goes. We're like, it's okay if everyone's in agreement about doing it. My body's like,

spk_1:   1:1:17
I like it when I'm Daddy just picks me up. And Fox may I'm like what? No, but actually noticed when I was younger, I used to like older guys. And now that I'm getting older,

spk_0:   1:1:28
I wonder of the natural shift or what? So here's something. Oh, this also came out in one of my one of my so called interviews. Let's go with that. Let's go with the stereotypes. So Daddy is older with a younger guy and that the younger guys kind of looking at Daddy is like, I want to lean into you and I want that support and I see your is being really stable. One of the things that came up in one of my conversations with somebody was the idea that when we are pigeonholed into one of those roles, sometimes we just need a fucking break. And we want to do the opposite. So if I'm the daddy and I'm, like, constantly being leaned on and people are looking at me as the you know the picture of stability and oh, my God, I just love the support that you provide me. Sometimes I just want to be the I need a daddy. You know, I need a lean into somebody every once in a while. Advisors, Everyone needs a daddy. Everybody needs a dad. Sometimes There's a great everybody needs a daddy. Everybody does need a daddy. And if you think about, like that kind of times, I'm a daddy, Daddy State of Mind or Daddy Frame of mind? Yeah. Then we all need a deadly everyone something you know, at some point, our lives we need a daddy. And at some point in our lives, we should probably be a daddy for somebody. Oh, my. That's so great phase where he wants to be a daddy.

spk_1:   1:2:48
But here's the thing. I think about it like this. Okay, so I look up to you and your experience. Some listen to you like I'm taking what you're saying very seriously. And I'm looking up to you. Well, I'll see you somebody younger than you, but yeah. I mean, yes, that's kind of what I was thinking. Like I could meant. Like, I'm mentor mentor. You lessons. And maybe a 25 year old sitting there. It would be like, No, I'm not eight shaming you. I'm just saying you're an adult. You're older now. You're older through Nike for 30. It's like I'm seeing there's, like, 20 something year old sitting here that he would might be looking at me like I look atyou trail just kind of like an evolution of people. You understand? I'm saying Okay,

spk_0:   1:3:33
I mean, our roles in life shift as well. But I'm

spk_1:   1:3:37
35. I could be a daddy for somebody who's Yeah, you could. Technically Yeah. Big brother,

spk_0:   1:3:45
we're gonna get a big brother and uncle stuff. Like who? I've always wanted to step Dad. Actually, not a daddy Stepdaddy

spk_1:   1:3:54
on a stepbrother. Oh, Bobbie. Sorry. Sorry. No, I won't let

spk_0:   1:4:02
you know. It's been missing from this conversation, though, is what it's like that we haven't really talked about like the idea about a relationship is that, you know, like there's something else that came up. It was I was talking to people is like, Yeah, you know, they're super sexy and I can really get into But the idea is that, like the references and the history and the shared experiences air so different that I'm not sure I can overcome that. And my response is kind of like we'll figure out how to overcome it if you're if you love this person really attracted to this person, Probably a sense of humor. Is your first step at some of those differences? Oh, yeah, and you know, But you can You can figure that out. I know a lot of it. I know a lot of long term couples that have huge age gaps between them, and that's what they that's what they think. That's

spk_1:   1:4:50
more common in the gay community. Because I kind of think it is. I don't know, question. It

spk_0:   1:4:55
seems like there's a lot

spk_1:   1:4:56
of more not for money. If you're thinking of, like Michael Smith and her great great grandmother, all that she married

spk_0:   1:5:02
No, I mean I know a lot of gay couples that

spk_1:   1:5:04
are, like, 10 years plus apart, like me really know, You know, I really do. Like I look around, I'm like, Okay, well, I'm five years older than Michael. That's five years. I don't know how common that. I mean, it's I know I have some straight friends who are like that, but not that many. Most

spk_0:   1:5:21
of them are within, like, 23 years high school sweethearts. All we met in college, you know, literally. Like all my friends, like. Okay, Yeah. I'm not sure I I know a lot of straight couples who have, like, you're okay caps in there. But I think that the right ones, I think Well, I think the idea is like, how did you figure it out? Like, how did you make that work? There's the idea of like, hey, I'm gonna go down to the bar and I'm gonna be a daddy tonight, And it's gonna be It's gonna be kind of a fun evening versus like, yeah, there's 15 20 years between us and we want to be together. So how we gonna make that work? How we gonna figure that out? I can't figure it out. with anybody. Love somebody like ages even imagine you also have a fella like we worked it out. We figured that

spk_1:   1:6:08
out. Oh, I love that term. I love the situation. We need a fella. My fellow is awesome. Oh, I mean, you share fellows.

spk_0:   1:6:16
Yeah. Oh, totally. You can Totally sharp, fellas. E need to

spk_1:   1:6:25
look this out. I will after the show.

spk_0:   1:6:26
Yeah, well, I'm not sure it's a thing. I think it's just

spk_1:   1:6:30
Oh, my I'm gonna look it up, but I feel like it could be a turning share. Okay? But we definitely appreciate you coming on and being open and honest. And

spk_0:   1:6:37
I love what you guys are doing. The podcast is super fun. I've really like I've been playing sports with Jim here for three years, and I had no idea this was going on and on and he said something. It was like, What is this rinky dink way? Start listens like, man like, there's, like, multiple episodes and they're coming out weekly like that. That's a huge chore. That's a commitment. Come out. Yeah, it's huge. Obvious. Commit him. I I I would like to come back, So if you can think of other way back.

spk_1:   1:7:08
We would love way have actually want to do, like, bring Thank you very much for coming. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. And that's the daddy episode. It was good. It was really good. It was very informative again. We appreciate him for coming on tens coming back. He's coming back. We're gonna do it. I

spk_0:   1:7:36
think we do like

spk_1:   1:7:36
a dirty aversion, to be honest, like, yeah, he wants to get a little freaky. I mean, I think we can ask him about sex stuff cause he's been around the game for a while, you know? I mean, yeah, he's very experienced Syrian, I would say. Yeah. So well seasoned. There you go like a well seasoned iron skillet. Oh, that's right. Corn bread. Everybody needs an iron skillet. Daddy. Everyone needs to Daddy. So, uh, coming up next week? We don't know exactly. Episode's gonna come out, But guess what? There's gonna be one, right? Yeah, for sure. Thank you. Thank you. Um, anyway, thanks for listening. Go. Subscribe. If you haven't subscribed yet, call our phone line. I don't have the number again because I'm an ass away. Ay, dio, it's 669 to 074643 Caller lying. Tell us what's pissing you off. You give us that number one more time, honey. 6692074643 Yeah, um, I remember what the poll waas. Oh, the pole. The pole hit you. It was gonna be if we should do an air some our podcast on the side like a five minute like the answer is yes. The answer is yes. I mean, I don't even have to have a bowl. Okay? There's been another episode of she's not doing so well. I am Bobby. I am Jim. Thank you for listening. Thank Gil. Share with your friends. All the above. Love each other. Do something good for somebody this week. Bye

spk_0:   1:9:04
bye. Thank you for listening to another episode of she's not doing so well. Leave a message with questions or comments At 669 to 074643 Don't forget to subscribe and check out our links in the podcast description of this episode views, information or opinions expressed during She's not doing so well, podcast or silly. Those of the individuals involved and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of any other agency, organization, employer or company. Thing has

spk_1:   1:9:38
been a house of Brecht production.