God Save Our Voluptuous Queens

Bobby: 0:08

if that's even fucking possible. Wow, ready? Are we ready?

Jim: 0:13

Are we ready? I think we're ready. Ready?

Bobby: 0:16

Hello, everybody. Welcome to another episode of not Well, I'm Bobby.

Jim: 0:19

I'm Jim,

Bobby: 0:20

thank you for joining us. Now what was that move?

Jim: 0:24

I just seen if you know that morning someone's feeling a little frisky today, but

Bobby: 0:28

he's feeling a little junuh Say, I'm just gonna warn the viewer.

Jim: 0:32

I think they can tell. Okay, you're in one of the sweat on your brow is giving it away. Well, I had a really rough

Bobby: 0:38

morning I had therapy. And then I had I took down this entire studio and rebuilt it because I was trying to do a stupid green screen.

Jim: 0:44

Yeah, there's holes in the ceiling. The plaster is falling down.

Bobby: 0:47

Yeah, and I mean it just this I think these these, like lighting stop

Jim: 0:51

lighting is awful. The lighting is the lighting is harsh. It just I need the highlights of your life. Okay, guys, you're watching it in real time. You're

Bobby: 1:01

watching in real time. I think that's good.

Jim: 1:03

I think that's fine while you're completely blocked yours and mine is just full blast.

Bobby: 1:06

Well, we didn't get you you anyway, I had a really rough morning. So here we are. edible. And I was like I'm gonna make butter noodles.

Jim: 1:21

Yeah, I came in and he full box of pasta and a dish full like a full but I was like that's a lot of pasta.

Bobby: 1:28

It's only half of the box. Oh, was it right? Yeah, it was just like,

Jim: 1:31

I forget how much pasta is in a box. You're right.

Bobby: 1:34

It really is a lot more than you think. Okay, so you had a half a box. And you just get over a little bit. I need you in the center. Think you

Jim: 1:41

got this high ass motherfucker. So you had butter noodles, and then why not? You came. I came so hard.

Bobby: 1:51

You came so hard. And then now here we are. And that's why I did a little little change. So you

Jim: 1:58

seen sure earlier it was soaked soaking. I walked in and I'm like, Did you exercise? And I knew the answer to that.

Bobby: 2:05

I mean, I guess I kind of could count. I mean, oh, yeah, you

Jim: 2:07

were you were lifting.

Bobby: 2:11

And I kept doing this. I was so dramatic. I was so fucking math. Anyway,

Jim: 2:15

so here we are. And there's pieces of metal around

Bobby: 2:18

there is metal shards available for pickup below.

Jim: 2:22

Below. Below. Know, okay, okay, let's take a soft reset. No, really? You want to know? No. I just mean you mentally not like not for How was your week?

Bobby: 2:38

I don't know. Well, I just read my notes really quick just to make sure I'm not like I want to like make sure I talked about what I want to talk about. This is not good because I always your

Jim: 2:49

week. I don't know. Okay.

Bobby: 2:53

I have his bumper stickers. Like stop putting on your cars. Okay. Put one on my guard this week. Oh my God has to say dog dad now. No, it

Jim: 3:04

says Tim Ryan because he's actually like, we need him in the Senate for Ohio.

Bobby: 3:08

I mean, maybe that's okay, but like I'm sick. Like,

Jim: 3:10

I know what they are papa bear, baby bear or like Paul's on board. What we need show the fucking family and it's like, the five little faces are the five stick figures. That shit is weird is so bizarre to me. I reproduce it. It's like, okay, cool. You your

Bobby: 3:27

penis in your vagina is work like God intended.

Jim: 3:32

Or do that because a lot of men have to take pills these days.

Bobby: 3:35

I need them. Oh, I

Jim: 3:36

have them if you need them.

Bobby: 3:38

Okay. Oh my god. I forgot to tell you. I got my bloodwork back.

Jim: 3:42

How's your liver doing? Because I know your liver numbers have been high in the past down all the way down. normal normal. Oh, thank God. Way. Oh, okay.

Bobby: 3:52

No, you're like, you're like absolutely not. But no, I think it actually did do a little like help for my body. I mean, I had my blood pressure's Perfect. Oh, I'm sorry. It's not perfect anymore when it's 120 over 80 has to be 119 Oh, really? So

Jim: 4:06

120 is considered high? Yes. I'm always like 130 something. I'm like, listen, bitch, like, you're gonna you're gonna get what you're gonna get with me. I'm gonna be I'm on a medicine for my blood pressure. Are you? Oh, yeah. Less than a pro when you Max dose like when you have high blood pressure. You feel it in your head. If it gets too high. Yeah, but like you can if you're on the medicine, you don't feel it. But do you feel sometimes like your body's like, yes. Okay. But that could also be many of your other problems like anxiety, unresolved childhood trauma, depression, depression. Your sleep apnea mask didn't fit well last night. It's the weed it could be the alcohol. You have a lot of things it could be butter noodles, like I wouldn't go straight to oh my god I have high blood pressure. Like when you feel that while

Bobby: 4:47

Yeah, usually I go to have cancer.

Jim: 4:51

But you haven't lost any weight haven't lost any weight.

Bobby: 4:54

Sir Yeah, weight loss no cancer.

Jim: 4:56

I actually when I was like throwing up a couple weeks ago like after Eating like, inappropriately and I thought like, I don't know I have cancer, maybe I'm gonna make cancer I'm gonna not have like I haven't lost anyway, I use your golden rule. It's how I fell asleep at night. And now like,

Bobby: 5:09

ladies and gentlemen, if in these terms if you decide that you want to, like, this is not medical advice, it's not medical advice but like, if you notice that you've lost like 15 pounds in like three weeks and you haven't dieted or exercise you need to answer it's cancer. It's Bobby's world, that's cancer, a really bad infection or cancer. Or maybe it's one of those worms. Oh,

Jim: 5:32

I don't want to take how can we get those? That is where that money's at? Yeah, if we close with worms in them, and then feed them to people, and then be like, you will lose 100 pounds in a year, just take this pill. And then we'll go in and retrieve the worm and get it out. And then you'll be fine. Like that would be it'd be awesome if you know it was there. And you might feel weird have diarrhea like, Could you really imagine a worm like attach your wallet if I have a worm in there? Now? Once again, that golden rule you haven't lost any weight? You have don't have a worm shirt, no worms, no worms here. Maybe do you have a worm but they're the kind of thing that was weird.

Bobby: 6:09

Like, my neighbor, she or I think she was like a nurse and she had made my neighbor friend put tape over his butthole at night just in case the worms came to see if the worms were there. That's like a test

Jim: 6:23

the tape test. Yeah, I think you'd like you put but you're supposed to just like put it on and pull it off and see if there's worms like I don't think you leave it on overnight. They Well, I don't know. I think it's like in the middle of the night you go and like pull it off. Can you imagine your mom bending over you and like pulling tape off your butthole though? Like why? Yeah, like, I'm sorry. What? What are you doing? Mom?

Bobby: 6:42

I'm like, I have to look at your butthole I'm 17. Like, what?

Jim: 6:47

If you're gonna be down there? Can you look at it?

Bobby: 6:50

It's not your dad.

Jim: 6:52

Okay, okay. unresolved childhood trauma. sample number one.

Bobby: 6:56

Oh my god. Today, it was great. I'm really working through it actually, when you

Jim: 7:04

need to give a shout out to Angie because she's one of our listeners. And she appreciates us talking about mental health. Yeah, so we do it in a joking way. But also seriously, like, we're very proud of Bobby for going to therapy. Yeah, God knows he needed it and the Prozac and the Prozac went up

Bobby: 7:18

and killock. trintellix

Jim: 7:21

What did you do? Was it cold chain mechanics is not what you take trintellix trintellix I take trintellix X and when I finally got up to a higher dose, I was no longer depressed and it was amazing. And also therapy also. Therapies where it's therapy is honestly with me. I was like, I was on these pills since 2007. I've been on medication forever, but it's like finally when I did therapy dedicated it was going like right

Bobby: 7:44

yeah, like works. That's where it's supposed to work. I guess why? I love it that you're you're driving the ship right now.

Jim: 7:55

Give me your high thought. Because you have your your high right now. Like give us your high thought because every thought you've had so far is high. This is so bad. Uh huh.

Bobby: 8:05

I can't wait to get skinny and hot and then piss all over haters.

Jim: 8:12

piss all over haters. Yeah, what's that?

Bobby: 8:15

I don't really know. I was high. I think I'm saying bits when I get skinny. Nobody wants to be me and be around me. I'm not gonna it's not gonna happen for them. Because they didn't come up to me as a fat and then I'll piss on

Jim: 8:27

their faces apparently I'm like, was this a bad dream or not a good dream for some for some golden showers. Okay, if

Bobby: 8:33

I'm listening to intensive something on the radio and driving if I really listened later, not driving I think at the place I was driving. Is that normal?

Jim: 8:39

Oh, yeah, totally. Stop. We always associate songs with like, I associate certain songs with like walking around campus as in an undergrad. Oh, I thought I had like a special power. That's normal. Oh my god. I like smells like you can smell a smell and be back in your grandma's house like smelling chicken noodle soup. It's so bizarre. You can be listening to a song and be like, last time I heard this. I was at my grandpa's funeral. Like it's you have Danny boy. The pipes the pipes are Colleen glen to glen

Bobby: 9:11

from sea to see.

Jim: 9:16

Nope. Okay, so whatever high thoughts did you have that or no? I'm not sure if these are high thoughts are normal. Yeah, I think I was like very normal. Oh, I hope I don't have a memory thoughts sit in some songs

Bobby: 9:30

just make you feel so much emotion like sad and happy. This sounds like I was like in fifth grade. So much emotion sad and happy. This is seven year old Bobby coming out when I'm high. Oh, I like that. Yes. This is seven year old Bobby. Ready to get three Retrogrades I know.

Jim: 9:49

No, the M word. The M word awkward observation. Oh, seven. Wow. No, there's something I've noticed. First of all, update life up aid. I got a puppy. Her name is Penny. Yeah, we saw it last. So,

Bobby: 10:03

everybody, okay, she had her own little fucking moment with on video.

Jim: 10:07

Okay, well you haven't brought it up or talked about it or asked about it today. So she's doing great for all those who care and the update. She's doing grand. But I did notice when I go on, I go on a stroll with her. I've seen this around the neighborhood and actually a lot of different places. Little there are bags of dog poop, like those little poop bags tied up, but then left on the side of the sidewalk. What is that? Why? Like, what is that? Like? Who is picking the poop up tying the bag? And then is throwing on the sidewalk on the side of the sidewalk? Yeah, it'll be like next to a tree or like on the side and I've seen like three different bags like that. Okay, that's somebody who's trash. What's like, is it?

Bobby: 10:48

You're supposed to take it to the trashcan?

Jim: 10:49

I'm trying to think of like, why? I don't get why is it because they don't want to carry poop around? Is it like a good Samaritan going around seeing dog poop picking it up and put it in a bag time? And then like, I can't take it to my trash? Maybe? Is it like the dog walker is just being lazy and just want to catch me is bullshit. Once I can't figure out. That's dogshit that's dog shot. Yeah, I don't know. It's weird. Have you seen that ever? You don't walk? Yeah. Let me just around this neighborhood. Oh, honey. No. Yeah, I wouldn't either. I just I don't know. I don't get it. I'm kind of confused. I'm like, But why are you picking it up? If it's your dog? Why would you pick it up? Even the first place? Just leave it in the grass? And then if it's your house, why don't you take it to your? Like, I cannot honestly none of it makes sense. Well, so what do you think is happening there? Well,

Bobby: 11:35

the rule is you're not supposed to eat your dog shit and somebody else's yard period. Okay, so I mean, and and so you're supposed to pick up the bag and throw it away at your disposal?

Jim: 11:46

We know the rule but I'm saying what are these bags have tied up dog poop on the side of a sidewalk? Where are they coming from? who's leaving them there?

Bobby: 11:52

It's got to be the laziest son of a bitches in the neighborhood. Probably the Karen's been your transporter. If you're that

Jim: 11:57

lazy. Why would you even pick it up and put it in a bag and tie the bag? When you just leave it in the grass? And then we'll keep walking? Yeah, so why I just cannot Wow, we have a problem. I'm calling the police. Well, that's bizarre. Yeah, I walk around. I'm like, I can't figure this out every time I see what I'm like. So you're gonna

Bobby: 12:15

you're gonna take the time to put over your hand scoop the shit out, feel that warmth, nastiness to close it tie and then go oh, here's a trim and drop it up.

Jim: 12:23

Yep, that's literally what I'm seeing. And that's what I'm thinking is happening. But I'm like, why don't you just leave it in the so they're saying I'm gonna help you out. But I'm not gonna I'm not gonna carry it away. You can throw it away later when you come outside. It's like,

Bobby: 12:34

I don't know. That's weird. That's just a weird whoever that is. is probably the one person that's habitual.

Jim: 12:39

Yeah, I think it's probably one but we need to we need to stick it out. I'm gonna put a camera out. You should just stick it out. Okay, but what does that stake mean? put a stake in.

Bobby: 12:46

We go into the car and we sit in the car. We wait. We wait.

Jim: 12:50

I love sitting around. We watch. You do that. Okay, this sounds like

Bobby: 12:53

again. When they do it. We go Excuse me. We're with the local news or the local news. Hi, local news here.

Jim: 13:01

Why don't lose at 10 Why are you picking up poop and not taking it to the trash? And then they're like they run away. Oh my god. It's me Satish. Cool. Oh. Wow. Really? Is it you're fed really? Deep for that? Okay, so something else I noticed, specifically today? I for the first time in seven years, eight years, maybe I went to Panera. Oh, it's been that long. Oh, yeah. Easily. Oh, I'd never go there. I mean, why would I? What did you get? So I got to pick two. And I just want to you know, let people know when I was in high school. This how old I am. You pick two was 499 499. And that included? Anything you wanted with chicken without chicken soup. Sandwich. Salad. Amen. Today it was $16 Now that was with a drinks. I think it was approximately like $13 That's before tip before tax. Yeah, it went up really a lot.$13 I got this Asian chicken salad without chicken. The citrus Asian salad. It had no it used to have little mandarin oranges in it. There were none of those. We had to cut the budget. It was salad sesame seeds and the crispy thing. wantons interesting. That's it. But lettuce. That the reason and then I had a Mediterranean veggie sandwich.

Bobby: 14:20

What is that axon?

Jim: 14:21

Motion? Yeah, a little bit. Little judge cranium. Barter, barter password.

Bobby: 14:26

Verbal password.

Jim: 14:27

I got it in the mail today. By the way. Did you date I have horrible password. Oh my god, that is hysterical. So I'm just confused. Like what's happening there? Because it was good. But it wasn't $13 Good. Like, no, it's not. It's like so when the pandemic hit, it was like eight, nine and I was like, it was still 890 Okay, yeah. So then the pandemic hit, and then I remember then I want to start going back there was like 1099 And now it's like 1299 And I'm like, okay, so

Bobby: 14:51

when nobody else is getting raises,

Jim: 14:53

so yeah, like why can't How can we afford Panera? This is like, how much is a bagel now? It's literally like flour and water. otter and they're just like you know we're really excited for dollar bagel you know it's really expensive now is fucking Taco Bell

Bobby: 15:06

what you cow because the dollar money became

Jim: 15:11

two $50 $2.50 $200.50 US dollars

Bobby: 15:14

and 50 cents I didn't say 200 You did to roll it back roll back to the origin 50 cents

Jim: 15:24

oh my god instead of $1 for like a what?

Bobby: 15:28

Like a bean burrito or a beefy beefy melt burrito

Jim: 15:33

Taco Bell names are my favorite thing in the world they're literally like what it's like beefy cheesy but chalupa

Bobby: 15:41

but meanwhile that's the same exact thing is the beefy cheesy

Jim: 15:44

it's also a real it's a sample of rap filled with fake me and then like melting the tastes that meet though pink slime. I'm sorry, the pink slime. Have you seen it before? It's cooked. It's pink slime. No, no, no, they looked at the ingredients like it's actually I'm gonna throw up. I'll show you the pink slime video. I thought you knew no pink slime is what you get. There. That is disgusting. 250 for that.

Bobby: 16:09

Like it's really I just want the chipotle sauce all over. You know what I'm saying? Are Baja or Baja Blast a Baja Blast. I'm always like I'll have a five layer burrito. I'll have a beefy we'll read I'll have to be cheesy roll ups and throw in a chalupa and a diet. Bah blah blah. And they're like, Okay, any sauces like tons of Diablo.

Jim: 16:33

Oh really? Is that? What's that one's the hottest one baby.

Bobby: 16:36

A lot. gives a good like sometimes it's hot. Sometimes it's not. It's weird. Depends on the day. Hot or Not Diablo hot are not sponsored by Diablo.

Jim: 16:44

I just can't believe that. It's 250 for some of this shit you get to talk about. Yeah, so it's I wonder if our listeners would relate to this. Do they eat a taco bell?

Bobby: 16:53

Yeah. Now from our listeners. Absolutely.

Jim: 16:56

I would agree. I think they're ordering it on UberEATS at night.

Bobby: 17:00

I feel like Yeah, I think we're Uber eaters. I think our listeners definitely like

Jim: 17:04

I get like alerts from UberEATS or like, Hey, are you still there? Time? I'm like, I know. It's fucking lunchtime. I just ordered you twice yesterday. Why are you texting? Oh

Bobby: 17:13

my god. Hey,

Jim: 17:15

it's like $5 off and I'm just like, Uh huh. Oh my god. That is fucking I know. And it's never $5

Bobby: 17:22

We have funny skit as Hey, they're like, are you?

Jim: 17:25

Hi? Hey. Hi there. GrubHub here. Hello.

Bobby: 17:30

Aren't you hungry? Thanks for the reminder, but I'm good. buy from me now. And guess what? You'll get 25% off. Don't you want it? I mean, I just drunk bought sheets last night. $50 Worth I don't need to do it again. Today. Uber Eats here. You know you like us better? Are you going to be trashy and use GrubHub apart easy reads later when I'm drunk babe. Are you hungry? Babe? Are you hungry? Babe? Babe, leave me alone.

Jim: 17:56

Yeah, I'm fucking hungry. I'm always hungry. Yeah, like it's 3pm Did you need a snack?

Bobby: 18:00

Oh here's $5 Off you ordered oh, here's 50% Okay great then I ordered like jersey and I'm like I don't want a jersey makes up right I hate the biome get ones a lot but so like last time we did Romeo's I don't get you have to do the same pizza though. You can't change it. Which is so dumb. So if you Buck Yeah, so you have to order.

Jim: 18:19

I've got to tell Matt, Matt, Matt, you Romeo's we know you do their specials on twice a week if he can't Well, and he's gonna have to because he's not gonna be able to do much else. I'm not I'm not cooking. I'm looking at his body. Do I cook? No. Oh, well, that's all so I saw a story that I thought you'd be interested in. I thought kind of creeped you out. Okay, I sent it to you. Um, thanks for reading my text. So right now, some of the groups around the country have requested that the Navy release the videos of UFOs and well they're not even calling them that anymore. But what the fuck yeah, I don't it doesn't matter unidentified aerial objects or whatever they're called. Or phenomena.

Bobby: 18:59

The aliens were offended said to change it to that we ever gotten any message back.

Jim: 19:06

We've really tried to reach out to certain okay.

Bobby: 19:11

We fucked up.

Jim: 19:12

We did fuck up.

Bobby: 19:13

We fucked up an interview opportunity with Roxy Nicole and Hollywood West. Okay, and we both forgot that the interview happened. I was on pills.

Jim: 19:25

He was on. He was increasing his Prozac dose. He was shaky. He

Bobby: 19:28

was shaky. I

Jim: 19:28

was off. I had just gotten off work. And I was like, Wait, why

Bobby: 19:31

not have surgery? So we found out that day, so that's why we couldn't make

Jim: 19:37

it we couldn't make the morning news and make

Bobby: 19:39

that we just couldn't make the recording because you found out Matt had to have surgery. I

Jim: 19:43

literally was in shock. I was like laying around like, oh wait, why? You were like it's Tuesday. I'm like, I know I'm on the couch trying not to die. Oh my god. And then you were like, my Prozac is in Korea.

Bobby: 19:57

And meanwhile, I'm on the phone with my fucking regular dog. Dirt doing that Hi

Jim: 20:01

Dr. Randy and we go V and what's it go on?

Bobby: 20:06

We'll go v we go v we go V and now let me tell you something. He wants to see my bloodwork and bed is ready. Babe is

Jim: 20:16

ready. My bloodwork is ready to go honey, I'm

Bobby: 20:18

getting we go v you are I'm gonna get it like I see him on Wednesday. Oh fuck. So honey,

Jim: 20:23

I really didn't want you losing weight. I mean, it's it's going to be literally it's gonna be it's hoodie season and you're trying to get like it's the opposite of what we agreed to. We said we would go into jeans and hoodie season gaining weight,

Bobby: 20:33

and we've been successful. Thank you. Especially that pink slime that I love to not on. Like,

Jim: 20:40

oh my god, wait, so are you What is we going to do?

Bobby: 20:43

So from what I've heard and the research that's out there, that would be from the New England Research Journal of Medicine. Basically, people are losing like 55 pounds a year, like every year, like a year if they did it for a year. And so what you do is they start leveling you up, but I have friends that are shy. No, I'll be skinny. I made the rose the problem is gonna be I'm gonna have to have skin surgery probably on my belly. Nowhere else because I don't I don't think I don't have fat. It's not really fat. Stop it that I do not have fat arms.

Jim: 21:16

Do you have to do this?

Bobby: 21:18

Right? That's not really fat. Okay, that is not my

Jim: 21:23

Great Aunt Ruth. He had that we call those Turkey arms. turkey neck arms.

Bobby: 21:28

Well, anyway, I'll be a bunch of skin.

Jim: 21:31

bag has skin and bones. So I just don't That's what I'm afraid of. I'll

Bobby: 21:34

be like, oh look, I'm hot now but now I have this little soccer

Jim: 21:39

I've got a loincloth stomach. Like you literally were like,

Bobby: 21:44

Oh guys, I've lost like your nipples are done here like what's worse? Now if we do a poll?

Jim: 21:56

No, you have to do a poll. You're like maybe a worker like draw what I would look like. You don't want that. No, actually, that's a good way to like judge when you're done with we go V you're like you're going you're going you're going you're losing losing and then you're like I've lost enough. Yeah, like I gotta match your saggy enough or it's gonna be really

Bobby: 22:13

slow that it sucks. But I'm old now. Like I'm old. What? I'm old. I'm gonna look really you are like different. Skinny. It's gonna be I don't think I'm gonna be hot. That's the problem. Well, well. Well, what's relative? Well, well, I mean,

Jim: 22:37

I'm gonna build you up. Let's take away the shame. You're gonna be hot. You're gonna be weird because

Bobby: 22:41

then we're not friends. Like he just wants to

Jim: 22:44

eat and eat we go veal. So why don't we both take we go V. Go call your doctor. Go ask your doctor about we go V make sure you you're like a commercial. And for 10% off online, type in not well, for someone being so afraid of cancer and other medical issues. You're taking a lot of pills.

Bobby: 23:01

I love drugs

Jim: 23:06

rocks, rocks.

Bobby: 23:10

That was bad. Well,

Jim: 23:13

wow. Oh, funny. I'm hot as hell, honey.

Bobby: 23:17

I mean, that was funny as well. Drag Um,

Jim: 23:22

wow. You do though. That's fine. Are there any? Why am I even asked? I know there are Are there any side effects of weego V that you should probably be worried about?

Bobby: 23:31

Diarrhea. Chlamydia, like I don't know. I'm just getting

Jim: 23:35

what it sounds like severe pancreatitis.

Bobby: 23:38

I'll be fine. I don't drink that much. It's true.

Jim: 23:44

I'll be fine as he chugs to a Yeah, it's okay. I you could be at the football game getting way drunker what football game

Bobby: 23:55

has higher status. Okay. I

Jim: 23:57

was like yeah, I don't know. Because I know I forgot it was on today. And then I'm like, well, it's Saturday. So both guarantees yesterday. What

Bobby: 24:05

was the day before yesterday?

Jim: 24:06

Thursday? What's wrong with Thursday? Now?

Bobby: 24:09

What happened on Thursday?

Jim: 24:11

September days today? There was the seventh I think maybe 898 It was the eighth what was on the eighth September 8 Nine Eight. Something major happened in the world. chinks visited now Whoa, I don't remember when that was

Bobby: 24:26

last weekend. It just happened like two days ago. Major news story out of England.

Unknown: 24:33

A few moments ago Buckingham Palace announced the death of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth the Second

Jim: 24:39

oh the Queen died the Queen's dead Long live the Queen it's like I feel bad for these kids that are like forgot. Like I literally know I'm What are you? Why are you talking about?

Bobby: 24:50

There's a lot of mixed emotions about her. I didn't realize that so many people are done

Jim: 24:54

with that bed or like their whole monarchy can just, you know, it's like,

Unknown: 24:58

I think it's pretty sad like when Anyone kind of gets an opposition like you wouldn't want that to happen to your own family member but I am not like the biggest fan of the queen or just like the monarchy in general so I wasn't like that upset or overwhelmed by it it was just something that happens I

Jim: 25:17

guess you're not the biggest fan of the monarchy I wonder why

Unknown: 25:20

mainly to do with like British like colonial history, things like that a lot of things that have gone on which have been quite shady even like recently with like Prince Andrew and everything. Yeah, not really that

Jim: 25:32

was nice. It's like America it's like you have all this wealth and from what you pillaged it from everyone else, like you went around. You're like India's going to be a colony. It's just everywhere, all of Africa. Oh, it's Hong Kong.

Bobby: 25:47

It's all about me man

Jim: 25:48

and conquer. It's just like they had all these colonies that they were just extracting from Canada, Australia, New Zealand. I mean, go round and round. But anyways, Queens dead so it's like a family of girls. It's

Bobby: 26:01

like Quintus go to Charles just I mean yeah, we skip him. He should be skipped anyway cuz Kamil

Jim: 26:09

Camila. Looks like a drag queen. I would just stay holy. They all make horrible.

Bobby: 26:14

Harry's be so hot soda, William, but they they both bald like is that because they enter their incest or incest for me? It's like not even a good bald. It's like, No, it's

Jim: 26:25

not like this. Like,

Bobby: 26:26

I'm like, why aren't we like,

Jim: 26:28

poor? We're like, Poor William. He

Bobby: 26:30

was hanged. go bald, and then leave it.

Jim: 26:33

No, no, no, obviously not. No, you're not. You can't No, you can't be a monk. At this point.

Bobby: 26:38

It's pretty much the worst look you can ever have. Like, it's so much sexier to have a bald head. Okay,

Jim: 26:43

well tell the king. I think they need a little hair to like attach the crown to is that probably why they have that little bit of hair. They're

Bobby: 26:50

kind of like they're gonna put insert clips right here like drill clip clips, and drill clips and so they can clip in like I like

Jim: 26:56

that. Camilla is gonna be called the Queen Consort. That to me is like I want that name that basically screamed whore. I'm the Queen Consort. It's horrible. It's like It's like the divorced. Go tell the Queen Consort. I'm leaving. Yeah, it's like don't tell that horror. Go tell that horror. It's true and Bolin. You ruined my

Bobby: 27:15

life. But I'm now King. Actually. She made his life apparently but and that's why Diane's done tiny ding dong those dead.

Jim: 27:26

That's why Diane's dead. We really don't give a fuck about the monarchy do we? Are we bad gays never got obsessed with so over it. Princess Diana. In the weird. It's like what? Drove?

Bobby: 27:44

Okay, so like first of all? Do you think that I probably can slap the shit out of Elizabeth when they met and have Oh, absolutely.

Jim: 27:52

He's like, You fucking bitch. You got me. You ran me off the road and advocated and

Bobby: 27:57

off Dottie or what's his name off? Dottie? Dottie Dottie.

Jim: 28:03

Dottie O'Donnell. Is

Bobby: 28:04

the guy's name off Dottie or like the guy that she was with?

Jim: 28:07

Oh, no idea. Oh yeah, and I know you're saying like an Arab

Bobby: 28:12

best one I'll have mana or him.

Jim: 28:14

You're like is Farsi the same as Arabic? Like nope Yeah, Diana though like to me, to me.

Bobby: 28:25

We're Oh my god. We do not give a fuck. We actually really don't care.

Jim: 28:31

What hap what big thing happened two days ago I was I have no fucking clue. Like I had indigestion and diarrhea. Penny went on her first walk is like oh no, the queen.

Bobby: 28:43

Oh no. Penny is now laying down like no she's

Jim: 28:47

the queen the Queen honey the queen. I was like Gaga.

Unknown: 28:51

Oh my god. To recap on the statement. Nice to six.

Jim: 28:59

Oh, did you stay out? Oh

Bobby: 29:00

my god. Did you see that? Hold though. Beyonce. That mom is so funny here. She's a lesbian. Or a lesbian daughter and lazy

Jim: 29:07

outside and a gay daughter. Queen has died

Bobby: 29:16

Oh, you just scoot closer to me. Can

Jim: 29:19

there be lesbian sons? Yeah, why? Girl? I need you to scoot closer to me Ben.

Bobby: 29:25

Oh, because I didn't want to cover the sign right to put your shoulder like

Jim: 29:30

have you ever heard of the term micromanaging?

Bobby: 29:32

Because I have ever heard of the term micro payments

Jim: 29:34

I have to talk about that. Actually. There's someone at work who's micromanaging and it's annoying the fuck out of me because you never can do anything right their way I'm getting text messages like secure messages through another app that we have and then I'm getting emails all in one day from the same person like this person is out of kilter. Crazy that's my life. Yeah, my life. Have you ever I'm like you're not my boss. You're not my boss. So why are you even talking to me about anything. Yeah, it's literally so annoying. Like, I hate talking to people at work.

Bobby: 30:05

I do too. I hate it. Micromanagement, though is a very sick disease. It is because

Jim: 30:09

once it starts they're like, oh, so Okay. Yeah.

Bobby: 30:13

But wait, oh, and then you're like, What do you want me to do? Literally? What do you want me to do? You

Jim: 30:18

get another message and they're like, Well, I didn't hear back. Did you? Don't worry about all this do it? Okay. Leave me alone. Just literally me. Oh, no, like one message a day is sufficient one message a week. If you're gonna send an email, I better not get more than one a week. Okay, but okay. Please advise, please advise, like, I'll advise you. It's true. I

Bobby: 30:37

hate like Don't be a micromanager. Yeah, but also don't be a manager because it sucks. I'll just say that right? As a manager, myself or a supervisor where the fuck want to call me? I do I have to like, I don't care if you're on time. That's your I don't really do your business. Right? Honestly, if you don't come you don't get paid. So you're

Jim: 30:53

not the leader of the company. Like, right if you don't check in, you're not getting paid. So okay. Yeah, like,

Bobby: 30:59

I don't know. I'm just sort of like, I'm so stuck in America. I'm so grossed out at it. Like I'm really really I'm at

Jim: 31:05

my wit's end on your wit's end Wow, I'm on my candlesticks end and you're burning both ends into the middle of the night. That's true. Or burning the midnight oil.

Bobby: 31:17

Yeah, that's which isn't that like a Jewish thing?

Jim: 31:21

You're talking about Hanukkah? Yeah, but like I thought that's where like oil lasted like so long. No, I

Bobby: 31:25

think it's crazy night. No, I

Jim: 31:28

think it's just like if you're burning oil in the middle of the night to like have a light to keep working like you're burning the midnight oil I think I don't think has anything to do with Jews. But it's interesting when there but then burn they burn oil for eight days. Yeah, that oil lasted eight days was supposed to Yes, that's true. You're talking about Hanukkah.

Bobby: 31:45

Right but you're really burning the midnight. Okay, whatever. I know what I'm talking about. Okay.

Jim: 31:50

We'll ask our Jewish listeners crickets know anybody? Anyone from

Bobby: 31:58

Israel Oh, I know

Jim: 32:00

not bring up Israel. That's why did you see recently Israel requires you to register if you fall in love with a Palestinian within 30 days of falling in love. You are required to register with the Israeli government to say I'm in love with a Palestinian like if you went over there right now and started liking someone you have to register within 30 days you'd say I'm in love with them why? And then you have to leave for like a year to have a cool off period I cannot see if you still want to be with the What is this play is really as horrifying. Like it sounds like Gilead it's like China's bad but Israel is just as bad. It's wait they wait. Yes register so weird to walk on different sidewalks drive and take a break cool down to work or what? Like,

Bobby: 32:44

what are you supposed to do?

Jim: 32:45

Nothing but you can't be together. You can't be there. I have no idea. It's Israel. They're fucking crazy.

Bobby: 32:51

If you don't sleep with anybody in that whole year, then you can get married. It's

Jim: 32:53

like, like,

Bobby: 32:54

no masturbation.

Jim: 32:55

Now that one work? Not for you.

Bobby: 32:59

It worked for me. And now

Jim: 33:00

that's the Prozac.

Bobby: 33:02

I know I've only been one since I upped. Yeah, it's hard tough.

Jim: 33:06

It was I was right at the top of the mountain but I couldn't get

Bobby: 33:09

there getting Cialis because I think that would help with the just like

Jim: 33:13

not having to worry about staying hard. Yes. I think that's why a lot of men have Cialis not a nun here not in this room. But like I feel like it takes the anxiety about performance out

Bobby: 33:26

I don't I love how people are like, should they shame people for like Boehner problems, but I really think it's like stupid as fuck, like, It's so dumb. Why would you not want to take Cialis answer me literally, like,

Jim: 33:37

even there. There were guys in my high school. I remember back then who were like, I took my dad's Viagra. I'm like, why? Oh, seriously, like, Oh, are you gonna be on Dr. Gray? Like there was oh, this was kind of hot. But this hot guy named Michael Smith. He took his dad Viagra at a party we were at and was hard the whole night. And that was like the thing and he was like showing people oh my god, I love straight people like through his shorts obviously like doing this but like I'm still bricked up. I was like, Can I take a picture? Or so straight guys are so fucked up. So like, they really are gross. straight guys are disgusted gross, but I still want to succumb Oh yeah, I literally that night would have been like, give me that high school car.

Bobby: 34:18

I'll make it go down.

Jim: 34:19

Oh my god. This was when I was in high school by the way. Just say that phrase, the local one. Back when I was that age, oh my god, I couldn't but he was so hot. He would rub up against me all the time. Don't just miss your teenagers. Yeah, I mean, yeah, but speaking of not needing Cialis like as a teenager, like being able to come six and I'd be walking around a rock I'd be walking around the gap and like train on jeans and just be like I'm hard in the changing room. So do rooms sexy. My club.

Bobby: 34:50

Oh my god. I know somebody over in the one one stall over the crack sometimes.

Jim: 34:57

Times everyone can look through the crowd. Oh yeah,

Bobby: 35:01

I think let's normalize that

Jim: 35:04

you've been on you know been sworn up you know that people I have videos of through the crack church which I found a really good Twitter page actually I wanted to share with you please have over the toilet stall jerking off and then like around the toilet, urinals and it's probably illegal and we're not going to look at it really, but I just wanted to tell you it's

Bobby: 35:22

I can't wait. Please send it to me. But also, I don't know why I think that like urinal is hot. Like, especially

Jim: 35:28

when you think I want like when you look down in the mall, it's not Oh, there's a lot like we're, you know, there's some stadiums that like the troughs go in a circle and you're thinking that other people pay I look at my grandpa pain across LSU stadium is that where that's at LSU stadium, there's literally bathtubs across from each other, just like right across from each other. And you just, I'm watching my grandpa PIs and I'm standing there like this is my dad and uncle were next to me. I'm like, why is this? Sitting around? It went in the stall. I was like, No, yeah, no, I was like, I do not need to see my uncle's dick and my dad's Dick peen again, and my grandpa and my grandpa struggling to pee like I was like, press down. Really passed out. Oh, he's

Bobby: 36:07

in the trough.

Jim: 36:09

Captain piss again. Grandpa he was your grandpa.

Bobby: 36:14

We figured it out. What was your

Jim: 36:17

grandfather Captain pace

Bobby: 36:19

Captain pissy was

Jim: 36:20

I mean he's dead now. So shows up last God bless him now or someone's peeing on his grave now. I mean, like a dog or a squirrel or something? Not like humans. Well, you never know. Sometimes you gotta take a leak. It is weird. If you're in it. If you're gonna Metairie And you're like, I really have to pee and there's nowhere to pee. I can't make it to the mausoleum. Oh my god, do you need to pee out what?

Bobby: 36:42

I went to a Muslim here. And I knocked on the door three times. Like it said for me to ever tell you that with Emma. And, Courtney.

Jim: 36:53

When they were here for that, that invites spirits out of the muscle. Yes. And why did you do that? Well,

Bobby: 36:59

what I read was that it's not an evil spirit. And it was one that you can knock on the door and he'll like he'll appear or he'll knock back or something like that. But I didn't hear any marks back so I think he was out to lunch. Probably.

Jim: 37:10

He's probably on a stroke. He's on a break. He's like God dammit. I was blocked out these kids keep knocking

Bobby: 37:16

Yeah. Are you into that kind of thing? Like ghosts? Um, no, I don't know. Would you ever we should do a live a Santa recording like at a like scary fucking place.

Jim: 37:28

Let's get a Ouija board out. Stop. That's a good idea. Like in the middle of a cemetery. Okay. And we'll see the dead. We're gonna see the dead live. We might feel them.

Bobby: 37:38

I do feel them. When times like gives me like chills. Oh my

Jim: 37:43

god. I'm

Bobby: 37:43

crying when you're when you're. That was the that was the fakest I cannot wait to replay that. Oh my god freaking me out.

Jim: 37:53

No, it's like you're freaked out?

Bobby: 37:54

Yeah, because when you think about spirits, it makes me like tingle inside you know? Do you remember single universe circles circle dot dot

Jim: 38:03

goose

Bobby: 38:05

around the world in 80 days X marks the spot. stab a knife in your back blood rushing down. spiders crawling up blood rushing down, spiraling up. Tight squeeze. Cool Breeze now you have the chili. Oh, I

Jim: 38:21

do remember the cool breeze heart. Okay, I didn't remember the word. So now around the

Bobby: 38:24

world in 80 days. X marks the spot. stab a knife. Wait, is there a spider in there? Down came the rain and watch a sweater out like I just want to go around the world Navy's expert SWAT stab a knife in your back blood rushing down. spiders crawling up blood rushing down

Jim: 38:42

spiders crawling up tight squares.

Bobby: 38:46

Cool Breeze.

Jim: 38:47

Now you have the Chili's, which is weird. What does that mean? Like the ghost is there's bumps. Oh, you're trying to give someone goose bumps? Yeah, that's what there's no way in this studio. I would ever have goosebumps like it is hot as hell right now.

Bobby: 38:58

Do you believe in ghosts though? Um,

Jim: 39:01

I don't know. I do feel like there might be energy around. You're going getting it like do I see something happening here? I'm getting hotter and hotter. And the further away I am from you the better because you are basically giant heaters is the real gym.

Bobby: 39:12

Look how pleasant he is.

Jim: 39:13

I'm sorry. You have like burr right light shining on me. I'm literally like

Bobby: 39:20

so dramatic because I'm sitting in the same room

Jim: 39:22

and then it's like the fan is pointing to the ceiling. I'm what is happening? Oh my god. Jim's remember when we recorded that my family room when it was actually like 69 degrees. Sad, sturdy. 69 That's what I leave it at. It's perfect. Yes, it's gonna it's actually a perfect it's like perfect. It's not 68 where you're like, Oh, I'm too cold. It's just right. Now the other day Matt complained about it. I said he was a little chilly. And I was like, he's getting old. That was my first thought. I was like, You know what's weird are getting old. That's so weird. 60 night isn't I was like, I'm not cold. Unless if you are a blanket

Bobby: 39:53

or something because he's 69 and I was like, what?

Jim: 39:57

You're writing a 69 year old car. Oh no. No, you don't write anymore at that age, it can't get up.

Bobby: 40:02

You'll break it. I

Jim: 40:03

feel like you could. Yeah, the ligaments what was that? That's what we have to look forward to old age getting old and being cold.

Bobby: 40:12

I kind of welcome Max I'm always fucking hot right? You're

Jim: 40:15

gonna wait if you feel cold, you're gonna love getting old,

Bobby: 40:18

that's probably going to have cancer to bring it back full circle once again, but

Jim: 40:23

the weight loss is ozempic Not how are you going to know if you have cancer or ozempic? Well that or what's it called blaming?

Bobby: 40:30

But it's epic is actually the same thing.

Jim: 40:32

But you're gonna lose weight. What if you have cancer and you're on weego V then I'll be really skinny honey. So you get like so skinny and we take you off we go from like, he keeps losing weight.

Bobby: 40:41

He's dad and a huge gallstone but he thought it was just the will go. And he died.

Jim: 40:49

Does we go the increased risk of cancer because there are some medicines that do. Like several there's some diabetes ones non

Bobby: 40:59

diabetic has. Oh, I noticed it's not diabolical. Oh, no.

Jim: 41:07

Drink your beer. You need your beard.

Bobby: 41:09

Shelby.

Jim: 41:12

Do you have any sundries?

Bobby: 41:14

Let me just say this.

Jim: 41:15

Oh boy. Here we go. Here we go.

Bobby: 41:18

If somebody

Jim: 41:20

kind of word this how do I word this without sounding like a total con? Um, no, please do like I need you to.

Bobby: 41:26

I think it's really funny. When you call somebody out. And then they find out that you call them out. But they don't know who actually did. So they bring ice cream in next day. I forgot to tell you that. So no, literally. Oh, there's

Jim: 41:45

ice cream in all three frigerators and then. No, no, no calling for that bullshit.

Bobby: 41:51

I'm like, It's really funny that 24 hours ago, there was an email sent to somebody to complain about you and now you're getting ice cream and helping out. And then the whole fake going into the office of being like, Hey, how's it going? You're not happy? You're just doing this because you're a fucking it's a sideshow. Bob

Jim: 42:06

Okay, sideshow, Bob.

Bobby: 42:08

Why would be, first of all, HR should keep it private. But other than that, don't try to come back with ice cream as a way to say it's like he like here. If I give him ice cream. They'll forget about the abuse that I've done to them.

Jim: 42:22

Right and you get called out to try to grow from it. But don't act fake the next day. I mean, oh, why we have ice cream? And I would never be like that. No, it's like, no, you have been like that. And you know it or really that ice cream is not gonna fucking fix the problem and a fake smile. Right? Also,

Bobby: 42:39

I'm on a diet so like you're really just making me fat. So I have to stay here because then we will hide our fat person.

Jim: 42:44

That's true. Or give you health insurance gay people. No one wants to hire a gay. They don't want to nobody wants a fat bag. Oh, fat fat. Ff let's get a shirt that says that. Actually. Yeah, sounds cool. Yeah, cool. Sounds QL

Bobby: 43:00

so that's my like one

Jim: 43:02

thing that's really kind of just ironic. It is like, Oh, ha, yeah, like, oh, ice cream is gonna fix I

Bobby: 43:08

almost fucking died. To be honest. I was like, and you know who was in my office? I big big big deck. Yep. And I go do you see that? Wow. And he's like, What the fuck? Like everybody's seeing it now. I love it. It's gonna be a coup d'etat.

Jim: 43:29

I nearly did Canary. Okay. Scenario. Scenario. tation dysentery.

Bobby: 43:37

My dissertation.

Jim: 43:39

Oh, God, don't I'm gonna be a doctor.

Unknown: 43:43

of weight.

Jim: 43:48

I was gonna say eating. Honestly, you don't even need to write. I don't even you get an automatic you know, I really don't. I just saw you eat an entire box of pasta that you say was a half bar. It literally was okay. It was swollen. It does really swell up and you take a penny it's and then it's like,

Bobby: 44:09

right and so like after you've

Jim: 44:11

No wonder my mom used to make it like we're having spaghetti tonight.

Bobby: 44:14

I know. Everybody said the fuck down. ZD last for our like, I mean Yeah, that's true.

Jim: 44:19

Well like spaghetti like a jar of Kroger sauce is like$1.50 or was 5099 cent pasta you throw that it's like a $4 meal. It feeds the whole five people

Bobby: 44:29

you get some of that pink slime or pink me

Jim: 44:31

and we would get the Kroger pork roll. Or the Kroger pork like sauce and you'd on cut it up and you and it plop out it plops out the to slop now impossible sausage does that we love it. No.

Bobby: 44:41

Are you not afraid of impossible sauce? Cancer not. What don't they like artificial flavors now? No, actually, there was a study that came out they may. It was a surprise study that came out that said eating bad food gives you cancer, processed foods I'm

Jim: 44:59

like so every I know it's like so Doritos were bad for us like our parents have told us forever Lunchables. Oh my god Lunchables, everything beer. Everything we consume, you know, even his kids are like I would have those Huggies pop tart for breakfast Lunchable for lunch, come home and have a real can of Coke and not diet and then like or even diet like it doesn't matter. It's still processing. And then I'm having some redoes my edibles processed. No, that's not what they mean. That's from the Lord.

Bobby: 45:29

It's Lord's ragweed.

Jim: 45:32

The Lord's ragweed. Okay, my sundry is Matt's having surgery on Monday on his foot.

Bobby: 45:38

I'm really sorry. Oh,

Jim: 45:40

Daddy duty double daddy duty DD D O DD.

Bobby: 45:45

I have a nickname for CP. So my first ever like crush,

Jim: 45:50

okay, well, thanks for making the story all about you and the narcissism and your family runs deep. So, yeah, I have to deal with Penny the puppy and then Matt the puppy and he'll be on the couch. I think I tried to get him to the basement. I said, So do you want to recover in the basement? That would be actually the place to be but then he goes, You're gonna make me go up and down the stairs in my boot. I was like, I guess not. If we just had a bathroom down there, though. You could?

Bobby: 46:15

Well, maybe it's time to furnish

Jim: 46:16

the basement better. And then the couch comes like couple months I have finally this fucking couch. I ordered in January 3 I ordered it January 3, we don't have the couch yet. I know. They were like No, it was was coming June then it was August. And I remember November. It's now November. I'm like, oh, yeah, they want to hire me because I'll go work in this factory. I don't think they'd let you and just judging by the studio, but yeah, sure. Maybe in China, where it's built. They're like, sure. Actually, you wouldn't fit there.

Bobby: 46:44

I know. I will play anywhere. Absolutely not. Well, for my long term disability short term disability. I was looking at Greece to go to let's go to an island and terrain A Yeah, just live on one of those huts for a month of the white ones. Yeah, then whoever can come visit me but I'll be there for

Jim: 46:58

actually a friend who went there this past week. And she's big. Now because the huts are really small, like those houses are tiny. But she's like laying in the bed posting Snapchats and I'll show you they're beautiful. Yeah, but like if you sit up to fashion hit your head. They're really surprised. Like, they are like white plaster Hobbit house doesn't always have to keep cool. Like I'm kind of confused. Okay. Yeah, the white does reflect the sun. You're right. I really liked those.

Bobby: 47:20

I use a let's go there. Which I mean, okay. vandrie. Bitch. First of all, we're talking about math recovery. And I love how it went to us go to Santorini Greece.

Jim: 47:30

I'm leaving them for a week in November to go to Mexico City to Oh, so well. Let's be nice. Yeah, must be nice when you know someone plans a trip for your bachelor party, but I don't know what you want me to fucking do? Well, we have to worry about you and your therapy. And I agree. And so we'll worry about that right now. And not me getting married. It's okay. It's fine. It's fine. You don't have to talk to me. You need disability. We got to get that first. Wow. Well, that was another 100 months. I'm getting married. And Bobby's my best man. But you wouldn't know. From the looks of things.

Bobby: 48:07

I don't have a roster. I don't know who to call. Like, I mean, some of this is not my fault. I know. I'm kidding. I hope so. I'll be doing much and honestly Sabrine Zune speech. I'm not speaking.

Jim: 48:17

She is reading a poem.

Bobby: 48:19

I'm not. I'm not doing anything. I'm literally not I will walk out. Okay. We'll see. Stop. You wouldn't do actually, to be honest, there is

Jim: 48:30

going to be a little thing for you to do.

Bobby: 48:33

I'm not doing it. Oh, do I get the whole Penny? Oh, yeah. Is that the thing? Yeah. You

Jim: 48:37

get peed on? Oh, yeah. Penny is coming. You can't hold Penny. Yeah, just like grandpa. Oh, that's good idea.

Bobby: 48:44

Yeah, I'll hold Penny. I'll be pennies like that. And I'll be right there with Penny. Okay, good. I'll be like their daughter wants to say

Jim: 48:52

that's a good idea. Their daughter wants to speak.

Bobby: 48:55

Now we need to learn how to speak though. Speak. Now. Do it. I mean, I'm Yeah. I literally anyone taking days off at the end of the month, so I don't know what you wanted this

Jim: 49:04

month. October. Okay, we're in September. Okay. Yeah, sorry. Oh, okay. Okay, like okay. Okay, we gotta go. Um, it was great. Next week.

Bobby: 49:20

Don't hate me.

Jim: 49:21

I don't actually hate me. I fucking hate and I want you to that was circled around the world. It's in the back. spiders crawling, stab in the blood. And blow. Now yet the guest

Bobby: 49:35

said World War II. Thank you for listening. Goodbye.