Heavenly Hookup: A Priestly Affair to Remember

00:00 SPEAKER_02 We have a really, I only listen to a part of the voicemail, but it is so fucking good. Like I think when he started saying to me, I'm stopping this so I don't react, because I didn't want him to wait. Okay. So anyway, we have stuff to go. We have stuff to go. Um. Okay. Okay. Oh my God. I don't even know. Like I just need a sip and then. Yeah, I just need to, my lime. My lime. How much lime did you put in? Is that why it tastes like that? I think I put too much maybe. No, there's probably never enough. I mean. I probably put in 10. 10 milligrams. Oh, that's. Oh, I did one, two. Oh, okay. That's yeah. You're supposed to measure it in the cap. Yeah, so I did it like this. Oh, okay. So I filled it like here. Oh. One. Don't waste it. Ew, that was sick. No. I'm even calling myself out. That was drug addict move. That was like vile. Yeah, that was like the bath salts are running out. You're like no. You're like don't waste it. I'm like. Okay. Hello everybody and welcome to another episode of Not Well I Can't Speak English. I'm Bobby. And I'm Jim. And we're back bitch. Oh my God. Hi Dave. We have been gone so long on vacation. Everybody's so sad that we've been gone. Did we skip a week? Yeah. We had to, sorry. We actually almost broke the record last month for the most listens. What? Yeah, we're doing this. Okay, I love it. This is how we go. Up and then a little dip. And then up and then a little dip. And then up, a big up and then a big dip. Okay. And then another dip but then an up. So we do this like thing where we're still increasing. Are we dipping this week or what? We're dipping this month because we missed a week. But we still got decent amount of. Sorry guys. We're still in the Filipino. We're just humans too and we have to go on vacation. Well, it's gonna be interesting because I do speak about this in here. And I actually wanna say, actually may I just do the reverse order. Okay. So basically I was, I don't know what the fuck but taking off a week I was like so excited to not do anything I think. And then this week I was like, why? Like this is so much work but then I remembered why. And this is why. No, I just needed to like, I just need to get back into the groove because once I go out of a groove, regardless of what it is. Yeah, you're done. It's like your drone. It's like your drone, your painting, your music making. All of it. It just keeps going in circles and circles. You're like really into it and then you're really out of it. It's so bad. It's like actually a disease. I'm not kidding. I've said that. I really feel like I need professional help. You need to read that book, how to fix your back again. Well. Because you can fix yourself. Oh yeah. How to fix your back pain. I need to. It's TMS. It's my mental. TMS, yes. Well, and this is why I'm glad. I am actually, was thinking about it and I'm like, I really am glad I'm going on that solo trip to be honest. I want to be silent. I am gonna make an album. You're gonna fuck my slutty little- I decided I was gonna be like Bon Iver and make a little album, but it's gonna be horrible. And it's not gonna be played. I can't wait to listen. But I was thinking like, I need like a theme or like a, this is really gay and really stupid, but I think I'm like at my wits end. I just need to be quiet and go into my creative mode without any pressures of anything. I actually hope it rains some of the time. You're gonna be jerking off the whole trip. I don't know what you're thinking you're gonna do. Well. Well. Well, oh, I have a lot to say. Like this is gonna be a really sporadic show, sorry. Especially with this mixed in lemon lime marijuana mix. I got approved for Cialis. Oh, good. I'm not actually a fan. Oh, I am a fan. What do you mean by approved? I went on hims. Oh, okay, you didn't wanna ask Randall. Fuck Randall, I haven't talked to him in months. I'm actually ready to, my next visit to a doctor, I think I'm just gonna switch. You need to go to Michael. Or I need to go to like. Like you're not married, so. That's true, but he won't give me any drugs. I need somebody who can give me drugs. Here's your oxycodone. Yeah, he's like, here's your 200 milligram Tylenol. Zofran, yeah, it's like, it's not gonna work. Zofran is the. It's the best. It's the best. It's literally. I'm sorry, they need to put that over counter. It's life changing. It really is. Like if you think you're hungover, just take a Zofran, you're fine. So bad. Legitimately. I think it's not over the counter because it encourages everyone to drink more. It encourages everybody to be complete savages. You're like, oh, I'm fine. Oh, I'm not sick anymore. Well, time to go back to the bar. It's great, it's fucking great. It's so bad. Okay, so you got approved for Cialis on hims, good. Yeah, I just did that randomly. Did you try it out yet? No, I haven't got my first dose. Yeah, you won't believe it. Well, and I was even reading how like. You won't even. Like a lot of your body, your blood vessels are open and your dick will hang lower. Oh no, yeah. It's like a good day dick all the time. Right, it encourages open veins. And then the littlest thing, on looking online or maybe. I was kind of scared of that part, like oh no. But I need to get the erections going again. I was thinking. You literally will get, you'll be like, oh. Okay, whoa. Well, I think this is part of my midlife maybe because 39's here. Yeah, that's gonna come up this episode because I realized that as I was doing your Instagram profile posting thing. I was like. That's so cute. I was like, oh, you're welcome. You're like check your Instagram. I'm like, I'm on the fucking plane. Like I'm not really sure. I was like, pay $28 for shitty internet. And I tried, it was only eight actually. And I was like, okay. Oh, that's not too bad. But then it still doesn't load. It didn't work. I know, it's like, what am I paying for? Just give us internet. Like if the pilots can see everything in the world, we should have internet. Here's Delta, Delta gives it to you if you're a SkyMile member. I know, or if you're a Delta One. Like I. Exactly, so fuck Southwest. I mean, they do give free bags. It's not, okay. But then like I'm posting and I was like, wait, this is 39. And then I was like, I had a panic. I literally was like, he's leading the way. Like he's going full blast into 40 way before me. And I'm just like, okay. I actually think this is our official four year anniversary too. Which really puts a fucking spin on things. We're so popular. Whoa, girl. Four years. Four fucking years, almost half a decade. We're almost out of this bedroom. Yep, we're almost out and into our own studio one day. We just need about 75 more Thatchers is what we need. Thank you Thatcher. What's a Thatcher? Our best friend. Oh, our Thatcher. Yeah, our Thatcher. I thought that was a new like. Like a bird. I thought it was like Patreon or something. Like Twitter, it's Thatcher. Isn't that a bird? We need more Thatchers. Yeah, a Thatch, a nut hatch. A Thatch, a hut natch. Honey. So you're almost 40. So you're almost 40. I'm almost 40. I'm on a fucking collision course to hell. I'm about to fucking have a nervous breakdown and I'm getting on Seattle. But at least you'll have an erection. I'm thinking that's also part of my, like I need to be sexual again. No, because you can't get one now. So you're like, wait, wait, wait. Because. Yeah, I was gonna say. Maybe in Wilton I. Well, this will come up when you discuss Wilton. But I know when I go out and I wanna be ready to go, but I'm not ready to go, it's like very, it puts a damper on things. It does, it's like boring. You're like having fun and then you're like, what if I don't get hard for this person? What if I don't even care? I really just wanted to help everything. I'm thinking maybe it'll like. Maybe it'll make other people think you care. Well, and spark like. What's in that fucking weed? And honestly, that's half the trick. I'm not gonna say why I know. I just wanna feel that 20 year old cock again. And I know it might not happen right away. And I know it might. We're not gonna get back to 15, but we might get back to 20. I mean, 25, fuck even 30. I know, I know. I mean, something, and honey, I don't know if you're there yet either. That's the fucked up part. I'm not quite. Because between like 35 and 37 is when my dick decided that it was pretty. Like everything shifted. Everything's shifting. Like my body's changing. Hangs a lot. Yep. Everything's. It's just grows. It's just. No, my tits are starting to just, even when I've lost weight. You don't have that spring back. No, nothing's springing. That youth spring. That little, the A cup, you know what I mean? And same with the dick. It's just like. No, I don't care if mine falls farther down. Just keep going, babe. Hit the floor. Hit the floor. One thing that doesn't droop though, I'll tell you. Well, except for my balls. So those balls are just engorging everything at this point. So that's great. Those are dragging on the ground. So anyway. Can I make a comment about when I went to Myrtle Beach right before I was packing? You made me think of this. Okay. Your balls. So I like. My balls can bring some. I like put on a Speedo and I was like telling Matt. I was like, I'm gonna wear this in Myrtle Beach. And he's like, you are? I was like, yeah, you can too. He's like, they don't make Speedos for this fat ass. And I was like, they make one for Bobby. So they definitely make them for you. Honey, you might not be able to get a large because if your ass is an XXL, you're gonna have to go to XXL. Oh my God. And that's okay. Honestly, if you have a fat ass and you're wearing it, it's hot. Yeah, people I try to tell him. He needs to pack that ass into a Speedo. Pack the ass in the Speedo, then the front won't matter because your ass will be all over it. And it does kind of pull back. Yeah, it does. Oh yeah. It eats it. I hate it, but I also love it. I don't even care anymore. I honestly don't even fucking care. I know. I'm gonna be that old creep. Actually, I gotta tell you a story. We gotta just keep moving. We gotta keep moving because we are. I do wanna show you some of these little news events that have happened. And this one thing happened in particular that I was like. Girl, roll my eyes. Whoa, girl, fuck. Accidentally, are you on purpose drinking wine out of a coffee cup? How do you think I start my day? Wow, the truth comes out. No, this is a chai. How do I get my chai latte before I came over? With almond milk. It's a dirty chai as well. He's a faggot. It's a dirty chai with almond milk. He's a faggot. This right here has me absolutely, I'm fucking confused. Gooped, gagged. And I'm sure people have seen it because we were a little delayed on the situation. But I mean. Hashtag vacation. But yeah, like it's okay.

10:04 SPEAKER_01 Y'all are not prepared. So this person Logan is with their mother at a Target. I've never seen this. Oh, you'll see this. And sees this.

10:12 SPEAKER_04 So they start recording. You're literally doing blackface. Yeah. In the middle of the store. Lester Holt did white face. Nobody said shit. Where's your pride section? I need to know. We're past. Oh, I thought they were celebrating this and they took our flag forever. No, I was wrong. My bad.

10:37 SPEAKER_02 Then why are you here? I do take citrus. My Facebook. So they're racist.

10:48 SPEAKER_01 Okay. That's the craziest thing I've ever seen in my whole life. And it doesn't stop there because then they hear a ruckus in the parking lot

10:54 SPEAKER_04 and they go out and see what's happening. All right, drive the button. Thank me later, bitch. Thank me later, bitch. Fuck you. You don't know me. You don't know me. I'm gonna kill people like you.

11:07 SPEAKER_02 It's not fair. So somebody's really triggered by this. Oh, okay. Well, if you watch your friends get killed by police, you might be triggered too. So also, just on the same vein really quickly, this is Pearl from Drag Race the other day. She did this and posted it and is in big trouble. Obviously. What are we doing? Why is this happening? Like, what is happening? I don't fucking know. I thought we were past this shit. I mean, remember like 2015 to 2020? 2012. Like 2012 to… Why do you think I came out? I felt safe. Now I'm like, what the fuck are these? This bitch walks into Target with a black. Where's my pride section? Where's the pride section? You stole our flag, tell me! And I was like, okay, I have no motherfucking clue what you're even saying. You don't shop at Target, but you're here. I take citrus. Don't even know what that means. I don't either. It's probably some weird like, it's like true social. It's like Trump's Twitter. So I'm queuing on like, we take lemon juice and we're safe from the gays. It's like, girl, it's not like garlic and fucking… Zinc. Zinc oxide, bitch. Ivermectin and zinc. I just, I had to show that. Honey, I have not seen that. I know, isn't that so unhinged? That's the most unhinged thing I've ever seen, I think. I feel like it's in Arizona. I don't know why. I just get the Arizona vibe. Oh my God. Or like somewhere out there. Oh my. Comments, thoughts, like I couldn't even believe, I was watching going, I can't process it. And then it's the pride section part that I'm like… Because she's tying it all together. Lester Holt, dead white face. Like what? What? Who's that? I don't even remember Lester Holt. He's the NBC fucking, he's the NBC guy, but yeah, you're right. Who's that? Like, we don't look at our news people as like, like celebrities. Yeah, they're like, oh. Like, not like Tucker Carlson, like they love him. It's like, no, they're just news people. And honestly, they're probably half right. And they're probably half right. And they're probably like sexual misconductors. Yeah, I mean, anybody these days, all the straight guys are just… Jake Tapper, was that, all of them have been accused of things where I'm like, oh, maybe it's not him. Oh, you know, he is. I don't know why he gives me this weird vibe. They have a big fat cock. Not fat injectable. Like Anderson Cooper, Daddy Cooper. He's got a nice thin cock. He can rail you though with it. Pink? It has to be. Oh, for sure pink. Andy's a literal dad. It's kind of hot. Well, recently, I think last week, Andy Cohen came out as a top, or apparently he's always been a top and people just weren't paying attention. And I'm like, girl. First of all, cool. Yeah, I know. Honestly, it makes sense because you know. Oh, well, like great, you're a top. Oh my God, you're a top, really Andy? Who are you topping? Yeah, that's the question. Who's bottoming for you, Anderson? Probably only Anderson. I don't know, I feel like they have a secret. I think, no, they have. I remember how drunk they would get on New York. They're like. Girl. It's New Year's Eve, let's get drunk. It's like we went from Kathy Griffin to that. And I know Kathy Griffin made some mistakes in her world. Did she though? Because I think it was hilarious. Actually, no. She's like, here's Trump's head. We were all like, oh, that's so bad. He's the president. And it's like, no, Kathy's right. We should have killed him. And then she's pissed at them because they didn't stick up for her. Like, Andy, you were quiet. I know. I'm, okay, this is going to be part of the theme though. Because I'm goddamn sick of it. I'm so fucking done. I have some, okay. I'm just going on and on right now. Sam, I'm ranting. You're going to have time. I'm ranting. I have like a really big update. Our girl. Which one? Our girl from. Our girl. You know the girl. You know her, honey. She's rip roaring and psychotic. Our girl right here. I'm like, which one of our friends? It was like Amber, Emma.

14:52 SPEAKER_04 Fuck! I don't give two fucks, but I am telling you right now, that motherfucker back there is not real. And you can sit on this plane and you can fucking die with them or not.

15:08 SPEAKER_00 I'm not going to. It's me, Tiffany Gomez, probably better known as the crazy plane lady. First and foremost, I want to take full accountability for my actions. They were completely unacceptable. Distressed or not, I should have been in control of my emotions and that was not the case. My use of profanity was completely unnecessary and I want to apologize to everyone on that plane, especially those that had children aboard. We all have our bad moments, some far worse than others, and mine happened to be caught on camera for the whole world to see.

15:58 SPEAKER_04 Dancers, do not let them flight leave.

16:00 SPEAKER_02 She should have been arrested in question. Once you start saying don't let a plane leave, did you plant a bomb? Well, that's what I'm wondering too. I just love how they're like, lady, lady. All right, let her leave. What did you do to the plane, man? So, while I'm very happy that she spoke out and she, cause she's like my secret. I just don't know what she spoke about. I feel like there's something more, there's something else. She's been lobotomized, she's got an alien in there now. She's coming out there like, you must apologize. Or they're doing deep fakes, which they do on AI, so it's fine. What they're trying to do in Hollywood, they already did with her now. Hi everybody, it's me. Oh my God, this is like Westworld. She's really in a lab, like chopped up. Yes. Yeah, I know. Cause she saw the alien. It's absolutely fucking horrifying. Reptileoid. But I'm just so glad she spoke. Like I've been waiting so long for this moment. I think people like every week I go, like where is she, where is she? Crazy plane lady. And then it'd be like, still has, they always thought it was Stephanie Gomez, that's her name. She now has a website called Stephanie Gomez.com, and you can go there to help fight bullying. Whoa, girl, fuck. I'm like, okay, well, at least you're trying to, I mean, she's in marketing. She actually has a $2 million house. Of course she does. She's like a really high marketing. She's a white lady. Literally. Can you imagine if like a Muslim with a head wrap said something like that, don't let that plane take off. Oh, it would be totally double standard. It would be over. I mean, I would say anybody but a white woman or white man even. I have an ambient cocktail. She must've had like an ambient. She had an ambient, this is the sleepwalking shit. Yeah, this is definitely ambient. She took Xanax and had too many martinis. Something was not right. Like even if she wasn't drunk, there's some kind of chemical reaction that we're having here, so it's like too much Xanax. It's something. She wanted to sleep all the way to Florida. That's a substance. Ma'am. So anyway, thank you Stephanie Gomez for finally fulfilling my fantasy and like speaking up. Yes. I just wanted to quickly talk about Lahaina. Yeah, we gotta talk about that. I've actually personally been there. Everywhere I go seems to catch on fire, burn down, like 9-11 and all these other things. So. It's really sad. It is so sad. I'm fucking so sad for them. It is so sad. Meanwhile, there's a bunch of white tourists literally laying on the beach while they're cleaning up dead bodies in the water. And this is the problem with Hawaii for me is I think all white people should be banned. We need to give it back to the natives, let them have their land that we just stole from them recently. This isn't like the Native American tribes we killed in the 1700s. No, we definitely infiltrated their systems. The problem is that 80% of Maui is tourism. So they're like, please come, please come. They're still saying to come The hotel owners are, yeah. Even the mayor of like, or maybe the… Who gets elected by the capitalist, the owners. Yeah, true. It's all about the money. The people that live there, the native people are like, do not come, stop coming. We don't have water, we don't have food. We can't afford to live here, don't come here. And if you're gonna stay at the West End, please don't like lay on the beach and look over at the burning city. I saw this video of a woman giving an interview and she's like, yeah, they're coming here to swim in the waters we died in. Like, but how? Like, can we show a little? Fucking dumb and just, who's going? Like that's, I'm trying to figure out like, who in our friend group would be like, well, I have a vacation, so I'm gonna go to Maui. I'm sorry, I have to go. I mean, if I was gonna do that. I would never fucking go. I would go. Probably. To clean up. But I would, yeah, you could definitely help out. To volunteer. Yeah, I wasn't gonna say that, but yes. You're like, I'm not hiking, I'm not lifting, I'm not sweating, but yes. No, I would stay like, not near Lahaina. I mean, at least a little bit respect. The whole island is just, I mean, now. I was half a virgin when I met him. I mean, I think if you pay that much money for a huge vacation, that's gonna end up, and they're asking people to come though. They're saying, please don't come. No, they're saying don't come. The citizens, but like. Right. But they're like tourism. They're the ones without water. They don't have water. It's really bad. It's bad, yeah. It's bad. Okay, regardless, it's bad, because now their economy is based on tourism. So yeah, we can give their land back to them, but they're not gonna be able to, they're gonna have to go back to the ways of like farming or whatever. They would love that. And honestly, good. I love Hawaii. I do. I love it. Well, like the Navy has a base there, and they poisoned the water of the other island. Like it's just like. Well, Pearl Harbor is like still, oil is still coming up. It's just. What we've done to Hawaii is just a fucking mess. It's all these billionaires like Oprah have all this land. It's like, why did they get to buy up all this land? But she was at least there handing out water. I will give her that. Well, she has a green lawn herself. She has hundreds of acres. It's a mess. I know. Why do we have golf courses in paradise too? Instead of just being in Myrtle Beach, there's golf courses in Hawaii, which is like, yeah, we gotta go play this Scottish game over in Hawaii. Yeah, I played in Hawaii too. Oh boy. I guess I'm part of the problem. You are your father's son. It's true. Even though he almost kicked me out, I think I might've mentioned this story, but it was after I burnt down the bed and I was drunk at the airport, and we got in a little bit of a tiff, and he said, I'll buy your car right now. I'll give you two grand if you just fucking stay here. And I would have stayed in Lahaina probably. He was gonna have you stay in Hawaii. He was gonna pay you off to stay in Hawaii. He was, I'll give you $2,000 for your car and you don't have to come back with us. Yeah, he's an asshole. No, I'm not kidding. He didn't even call me on my birthday. It's fine he texted, but yeah. It's fine though. This is therapy. This is why I'm in therapy. This is why I'm in therapy. I've never. Yeah. Yep. On an island that you've never, you're not from there. I was 21 years old, black. Well, we were drinking before the flight. But who cares? I got mouthy, I'm sure. I was 21, about to be 22. Of course you were mouthy. And dick's in the mouth. I wish, God, I wish I would have known. Oh, back then I could have. Oh, all the married men, their wives are sleeping. Back when this hole still worked. Oh my God. When this dick in this body was hot. So anyway, I just wanted to make a comment about that. I know it's. God bless Lahaina. Is that. Hawaii strong. That's what my dad put on his face. Take it! You are part of the problem. Yeah, honestly I am. Do not come, do not come. Your dad's like on the first plane. So yeah, Hawaii strong. And one last little quick clip for me and then we'll listen to her. Yeah. I listened to a podcast called Scamanda. Okay. I'm highly recommending it. It is so fucking unhinged and psychotic. There is a woman who literally, who was in California, faked cancer from 2010 until literally recently. Oh my God. And kept a blog and would be like, well, I'm starting this blog cause I want to. And you know, I thought, okay, like, I won't tell you everything that happens, but I'm just telling you right now. I am telling you. Right now that motherfucker is not real. Like the cancer is not real. It is so fucking nuts how much money she gets, what she does to, I mean. So anyway. People want to have a cause to feel for someone else instead of just actually feeling for real. I mean, I'm talking. In their lives. They're like, oh, there's someone with cancer on the internet. I don't know them. Yeah. There's millions of people across the country with cancer. Like, why are you reading the blog? I need you to listen to it. Oh my God. I need everyone to listen to it. Is it a multi-episode like about that topic? It's like eight. Yeah. Okay, good. I like that. I can do that. I was listening to the next like trip or something. Like I was doing that on the airplane. And I was like, oh my God, I couldn't stop listening. I was like, I have to listen. Holy fuck. It's a Sunday. Scamanda. Okay. Now, oh my God. I can't wait to hear the whole, this whole thing. Okay. This hog of a thing. This hog.

23:54 SPEAKER_01 Hog knobbins. Hey guys. Also six calling. I've called you guys before. I got a new situation to share with you guys. So my partner and I were planning a trip to a town in Ohio and he has a couple of friends that live there. And while we were planning the trip, they invited us to stay with them, which was very nice. And I had never met them. So I wanted to, you know, meet them, you know, video chat or whatever, and, you know, say thank you for allowing us to stay with them. So I got a chance to chat with my partner's friends and everything went well. And then I got a chance to chat with my partner's friends and his partner, and we had a really great conversation and we discussed, you know, what we wanted to do and what kind of wines we enjoy and what kind of food we like to eat and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. We had a great conversation and, you know, we were all excited to meet each other. So my partner and I get down there and we meet them and my partner's friend, his partner and I hit it off really well and we had a great evening. And the next morning, you know, we're all kind of hanging out and stuff. And I don't even know one thing led to another. And I split off with the friend's partner who I really enjoyed talking with the night before. And my partner went off with his friend. So we had a really good sex. And then at the end, we all kind of joined up and, you know, kind of just laid there and relaxed and just chit chat and whatever. So yeah, it was a lot of fun. It was a lot of fun. The thing that's, I guess, not making me well is that after that encounter, I found out that he's a priest. So that was a bit of a shocker. So I guess he's been on the download and he spends time with his boyfriend whenever he's not at the church and whatever. Well, you know, whatever he chooses to do, I don't care. You know, do you, but you know, he's been contacting me ever since wanting to know if we can hook up again. And, you know, just knowing that he's a priest kind of weirded me out. And yeah, I don't think I'm interested in having sex with him again, but I gotta tell you, the sex was phenomenal. But anyway, I thought that little tidbit would be of interest to you guys.

26:53 SPEAKER_02 So there you go. What is that? I literally heard that and I go, I stopped it right there. I thought there was gonna be the jealousy, a breakup. I know, it goes, he sets it up like really deep. I'm like, then they'll have a foursome. And then I'm like, okay. And then he's like, but I found out I'm talking like an active priest in Ohio somewhere. We gotta find him. Like we gotta find him. We gotta find him and fuck him. If you don't wanna fuck him, I would. Maybe try it. I'm being honest with you. I'll try it. I think it's hot. In a confessional box. Is that really bad? Like a little glory hole in the prayer box. Can you imagine getting fucked by a priest? Like, and he's a hot priest. He's gotta be a hot priest. I mean, he's not like some ugly troll. He has to be a hot priest. So you're this hot priest that goes and sneaks off with your gay boy. Oh, the scandal. The. So he sneaks off. He lives. He lives at the monastery probably. But then we'll sneak off. With the boy. Yeah, and be like, I have to go pay for the sick. And then they have friends that visit. Then they all fucked. It's un-fucking. Fucking God. You wanna talk to the priest? You wanna fucking. Fucking God. You wanna talk about another podcast. Jesus fuck. I really. Jesus fuck could be the name. It could be. Fuck Jesus. I mean, honestly, I really feel like you should probably fuck him again. You'll be closer to the Lord. Yeah, if you liked the sex, then. Yeah. It's a divine intervention from the Lord. You're getting basically fucked by Jesus. Now I do have a problem with, obviously, the church and the priest. So, but. Also. As long as he's not touching children, then you should be in the clear. Right, as long as he's touching adults. You know, uncommon for them. Most of them are touching children. But. My concern. Huh. It's concerning, though. It is a little. Because it just throws everything into a wild wrench. It's always, it's like a little like, oh, okay, this is like. A wild wrench. So you're the one that's supposed to be the closest to God here at this church. You make us sit and tell us our confessions. You're a bottoming Mary. You're bottoming for Mary. You're a big old bottom who, obviously, has a good hole. Oh, God. Or a dick, I don't really know. I feel like he might be hung for. I feel like he's a hung for Jesus. I mean, this bussy is for Jesus, is what he. This bussy is for Jesus. Can you imagine. If I found that out after the fact, I would lose it. I actually, okay, now if I put myself in his position. Your face was definitely. Your face was. I would have been like, what the fuck? No one mentioned this before. Like, I would talk to my partner and be like, you didn't say anything about that. Would you? Or maybe they didn't know. He probably didn't know. But like, wouldn't you ask your friend, hey, who's that guy that you've been with for so long? And they might have been like. It might have been like. What's a newer boyfriend or something? What's a newer boyfriend? It's like, oh yeah, he's just, you know, he. He does community service. He volunteers every Sunday. Yeah, he does. Oh my God. Who's three, like what area code is 314? Like, no. Oh, those are spam. I get a lot of 314. Yeah, yeah. I get a lot of 314. So unhinged. Unhinged. Fucking hinged. Honestly, I think you should go blow him again and make him pray or, I don't know. Something about it makes me horny. It kind of does. Look at the Cialis. Once you get your sciatica figured out. Once I get my sciatica and my Cialis, I'll be ready to go. I'll say some Hail Mary, Sonny. I hope it works though. Cause remember our friend Dave, his dad, the pills didn't work. Well, also you gotta be in a good head space. And he has to inject in his. Oh, see, I still can get hard. That's the difference, I think. His dad was totally. Totally impotent. Where I'm able to get hard just fine. I just want it to be. It's this last for three seconds. Yeah, I want it to be hard for like an hour. Not like five minutes and be like, okay, we gotta hurry cause it's gonna fucking fade. It's not what it used to be. I hate getting older. There's like a firmness scale that they use. Like how firm is it? Well, it depends. I know, see. At first it's great. And then the minute it just kind of like goes down to like a half, not half mass, but like a, it's a little. 65%. Yeah, maybe 70. That's not bad. It's not bad, but it's not 90. It's not gonna go into anything. I want it to be 90. I can get it to go in, but then it's like, if it doesn't start sparking up again, it's just gonna keep. I know, I know. You know the feeling. Because when it gets squeezed in. Yeah, and then it's just like. Yep. And you're like, oh no, I'm losing it. And you're like, shut up, don't look at me. And once it slides out when it's like, that's not going back in. That's when I have to get nasty and be like, don't fucking look at me and like put my, that's when I get like. Okay, I like that. That's when I get turned on to be Dom. Dom Daddy. This is gonna be going, shut the fuck up. Okay. Okay. So anywho. Dom Daddy over here. Now that I've chatted the whole fucking night away. I don't wanna get fucked by a priest, to be honest. But I also have another big topic, our group topic. We need to. Did you hear about this? No. Oh, you were out of town. Dave Chappelle was here at the attic, right here at. Oh, I read a story about that. Okay. This was last week when I wrote this up. Oh yeah, because Mikey's Late Night Slice did the food for it or something. And I saw. Well, he's the owner. Wait, what? Of the attic. It's the same owner. That's why. Well, everyone was complaining in the comments section of Mikey's Late Night Slice. And I was like, I am trying to care, but I have so much to care about. And I just don't give a fuck about Dave Chappelle anymore. So like, I don't have energy for him. Like if you don't wanna watch him. I don't watch him. Yeah, like I'm not gonna. I can't go after every Nazi that's out there. I can't go after Dave Chappelle. Here's my thing. And I'm really getting kind of fucking tired of it. And this is where I might go unhinging it off. Oh. Comedy is supposed to be controversial. If it wasn't, there wouldn't be comedy. Somebody has to be a butt of a joke, whether it's the commie. No, it's true. And sometimes it's yourself. And sometimes it's yourself. I can make a gay joke all the time at work with friends and they love it. They eat it up. And this is where. Because I don't care. This is, you know. This is where I have a problem. And this is where I'm gonna call out some people and I don't really give a fuck if you don't like it or not. I don't care if you. Oh, we were called Aegis by the way. I read that comment. I said, are you fucking kidding me? And here's my thing. He goes, that comment after I said that we should not have 89 year old senators making laws about us, he said it was Aegis because you can criticize them without going after their age. We were talking about having an age restriction. So are all age restrictions Aegis? Like should the president be allowed to be 18 because that's an adult? Or should it be 40? And should we have an age limit for surgeons and pilots? Like, do we allow people to fly planes at 89? Not commercial. So are all age restrictions Aegis? Like, no, we're allowed to talk about the fact that you do slow down at an older age. And he's like, why don't you pick up the things that they're not gonna be. I'm like, it's age. It's age. It's age. In all of these people, it's age. You get slower physically. Your dick doesn't work. Your brain doesn't work. It's over. Like, it's just so. I was so pissed. I read that. I was gonna text you last night about it because I read it and I was like, are you fucking kidding me? Are you fucking real right now? Okay, I didn't read this. And so this kinda stems back to the comedy thing. It's like, guys, ladies, theys, thems, whatever the fuck you wanna be called, I don't even care anymore. You're so annoying. If you don't like something, don't look at it, don't talk about it, don't even whatever. But leave us a lot. Like, leave everybody a lot. Like, you're becoming a fucking pest. There is a difference between a lawmaker and someone like Dave Chappelle. Dave Chappelle has zero influence over my life. Like, he had a show here I didn't even know about other than the Mikey's Late Night Slice comments section. And then I didn't follow up on it because I'm like, I'm not gonna go to it or listen to it anyways. He, if he- The more you give it attention. Right, if you think he's transphobic, then stop watching him. Just don't watch him. Just don't watch him. Like- He does it on purpose now. Like, I mean, the thing is like- I know, I think now it's like- That's his comedy though. It always has been when the white executives used to make him say the N-word on Comedy Central because all the white people thought it was funny for him to say it. He's been manipulated just as bad as anybody else. I know. Yes, he made some comments about trans people, but he also is a comedian. Right. I'm done with that. I do think that their comedy by itself, just in its nature, is gonna have elements that are not kind. He had a trans best, like a really great friend who was a comedian who opened for him and shows like- Yeah. You're making jokes. I know. And if you find a joke distasteful, which my family would find- Sure. If I make jokes about religion, my family will find that distasteful. Sure. But are they gonna disown me? Probably not. Do they have to listen to me? Do they have to listen? No. No, they don't have to listen. And you don't have to listen to Dave Chappelle or any other comedian. No one's beaming it into your living room. Even if it's on Netflix, skip it. Skip it. Skip it. Say, do not show me stuff like this. Just thumbs down it. Or get rid of Netflix. Just get rid of it. Stop paying for it. I mean, there's so many ways that you can just disassociate yourself without getting outraged and going online and posting and ranting. And just being absolutely batshit to where I'm like, this is why people don't wanna support you. They're like, oh, he's here in Columbus. Right, but where is he? And is he in a small, like 30 person- 30 person venue that he's practicing jokes at? Yeah, like- Yeah, it's big news for that venue, but also- Is it big news for Columbus? Not really. Who cares? I didn't know about it. I didn't know about it. I just- I know. And that's how comedy is though. Comedy will always offend someone. But it's just, it's to the point where now I'm just like- And is he really- I can't even follow him. I don't know, does he really pick on trans people or did he make a joke? So here's what happened. I remember the Netflix special, but I didn't watch it. Sorry, I- Maybe I'm going to hell. You can call me transphobic if you want, cause I'm not. Cause this is what pissed me off about the Mikey's late night slice thing. Okay. Is people were like, so much for an ally. Oh, I read that. All the shit, I'm sitting there thinking like- I was like, what? Do you know, when I moved here- What? When I first moved here, there was a gay guy getting harassed and Mikey's late night slice said, fuck you. You're not getting pizza. Cause you're a piece of shit. And told the guy to fuck off and like protected the gay guy. They've always been a big fan of- They're everywhere. They're a drag with- They donate money. Yeah. Money. I mean, so fuck- Mikey's has always been an ally. So don't sit here just cause he has one comedian that you don't like that said some things, but here's what the thing is. So he said one thing, he told a story about how trans people get, how they can get angry. This is the whole point. Well, and they do. And so after that special came out, everybody's, oh my God. So then what does he do? He adds on, I'm not supposed to say this, but I'm gonna just, and then it's funny. And it's like- Oh, okay. And then they go after him again. So then he like goes even further and says like, have you heard the word the turf thing or whatever it's called? Oh, I know turfs. Yeah, I know some. And so he made it, what's her name? JK Rowling. Yes. Yeah, she's awful. She's horrible. And he made a joke cause he was being attacked by trans people. I'm a fucking tur, like he just does it on purpose to piss you off because look at Donald Trump. The more he does shit, he's in the news more than anybody I've ever met in my fucking life. Literally cannot get rid of it. He can't every night. Donald Trump is indicted. Okay, nobody cares. And do you know what he gets? He gets hundreds of millions of dollars donated from idiots around. Yeah. That's all we're giving him. All of his legal bills are being paid by idiots. So if you don't like it, don't watch it. But I don't pay attention anymore, yeah. Anyway, I was so heated by that because especially- I remember now the Mikey's post and I was like, why are people so upset? They also- Like just ignore it. I mean, that's the thing. And they were like- It doesn't directly impact you. It does not directly affect you. And they're like, well, it's the bigger culture talking about it. It's ultimately going to be a harm to the trans community. I'm like, is it- Oh sorry, so 1% of the United States? The biggest thing I've- I know that's a controversial statement, but like- It's, yeah. It's the biggest 1%. It's the truth, like get the fuck over it. Like, God. I know. Tell that to the legislatures. There's like 400 laws and counting. And it's like 1% of the- How many laws are we passing about 1% of the- Well, it's embarrassing. It's really embarrassing. As a country, the rest of the world's like, you have to ban them from what? You're mad at Dave Chappelle, but where were you at during like- Oh, Ohio. Like did you turn up to the protest when Ohio reintroduced all these bills? Thank God we passed number- We got to bring that up. August 8th was literally the best day of my life. I was down in Myrtle Beach, which we will get to. And I'm surrounded by trash. And I realize 57 to 43, we voted down issue one, which is massive. It's massive. And this- It was a massive turnout. We have got to fucking steamroll into November and get abortion in our constitution so we can shove it in all the faces of these religious nut jobs. They are so panicked right now. They are panicked, cause they know. They're like, oh, moderate Republicans, moderate men, women, all sorts of women showed up and young people showed up. It wasn't just- You know, Nate, Nick's friend, my stepson's friend, Nate went and voted no. My stepson said he would have, I don't think he did it in time, but he would have voted no. Young people would have voted no. Young people aren't stupid. And even though they might, the problem is they're influenced. So I get it from their parents especially. So right now they might be like, I'm Republican, but they're really not. They just think they are. They think they are. They're like, yeah, I want lower taxes. Yeah, isn't that so funny how we're brainwashed? I love it that that's- I was Republican until- Cause of that, I was like, oh, fiscally. I was like 25 years old. I'm like, this is fucking stupid. Also, all these Republicans keep getting in trouble for lying and cheating and stealing. Child pornography. Pornography, yeah. So, yeah, like the former president is about to be a felon on so many counts. I'm just ready for his ass to die. I know. I'm just so done with it. I'm just, I can't. I keep wondering, I'm like, is that the way out for us? Yeah, and same. I wanna hear, so speaking of trash and the whole world being a fucking shithole, you got to experience it firsthand. Now, let everyone know where that you went. I- I'm sorry. I'm a shimmyner. Okay. Okay. That's my image of Myrtle Beach. Yep. This is pretty much, this is literally. So Matt's family chose the location. We've never been on a family vacation with them because they're- There's a reason why. Not wealthy and so their vacations are few and far between, et cetera. Which is understandable. Which is fine. That's not the problem. So they pick Myrtle Beach. Okay, which a lot of people from Ohio like Myrtle Beach. Which apparently people like, Pittsburgh and Ohio go there. They have stickers on their cars here. Literally, literally. And I'm like, for the same price or less, we could have rented a giant Michigan lake house and just had a blast and gone hiking and had fire pits and everything. Nope, no, no. And still had a beach. Okay, so we go to Myrtle Beach. First of all, we drove, which was good because we got to bring Penny. Baby girl came. Oh, she came. Yeah, so it was heaven. It was heaven. So whenever I was in the condo, I was like, Penny's here. Penny's just cuddled. I'm having fun. Yeah, cuddle. She stayed in the bed. I'm having fun. My dog too. I literally was like having fun with Penny there and she loved the beach. She loved the sand. Don't you love it? She was like, this is so fun. She ran around, met everyone. The whole, okay, so we pull up to the place though. I'm already, I already have low expectations because Myrtle Beach, right? But from the pictures we saw online, we thought this isn't gonna be bad. We walk into the building and get told our room has changed from the third floor to the first floor. Okay, so now our back door is just right into the public area where everyone like hangs out for the whole condo. There's like grass, there's corn hole. There's like a ping pong table. It's by the pool. I'm like, oh, well, we don't have a view of the water anymore because we were supposed to be on the third floor. So we walk into the hallway for that first floor unit and I'm looking around like, this said renovated spring 2023. It felt like a dingy basement. Like it was, it smelled like mildew. So like the dunes. Yes, literally like the bunker. It felt like a bunker. You had your own. We opened the door. Stop. Popcorn ceilings with smoke damage. Don't you hate that yellow. The floor is like dirty. I'm like, did they sweep this? There's like a TV on the wall, but it's not set up. Was this an Airbnb? It was a hotel, like a condo, like a two bedroom hotel condo. So it was not cheap. And so then I go to the bedroom, double bed. They didn't mention that in the listing and the picture didn't look double. I was like, so I was like, so me and Matt and Penny have to have a double bed for a week. For a week. I literally, I mean, I was, I actually was unwel, I was not well. Not well. That whole, we got there like 5 p.m. And so I was experiencing the condo at 5 p.m. Then I'm like, Matt, don't we need to like hang out with your family? Cause they've been here, you know, part of today. He's like, yeah, we can go over there. So we like get over there. I'm like, Matt, did you ask them if we're gonna meet them at dinner? Okay. They said, no, don't worry about dinner. We're getting pizza. Okay, cool. We get there. They got Pizza Hut. I'm not actually a fan. There are no less than 30 pizza places on Myrtle Beach according to Google Maps and Yelp. Some of them have really good ratings. They have a Mellow Mushroom in Myrtle Beach honey. They have a Mellow Mush. So I was like, we go with Pizza Hut. Well, first of all, I ate a piece and a half and threw up the next morning cause Pizza Hut is so sick. I just threw it up and I was like, this is foul. Everyone was sick the next day. Like literally my stepson, Matt, like we were like not feeling well from Pizza Hut. Why did we get it? Cause it's his family. So yeah. Which again. Then after dinner, which what? It's okay. If that's your vibe, but let me know. Right. I don't want Pizza Hut. I'll go ahead and order my. Yes. If they had said we're getting pizza, I would have said, I'm going to order a pizza over there. Or we'll go to dinner. Or suggest like, Hey, I was actually thinking, why don't we try something different? That's not a chain. There was a good pizza place that we later got. We got it later in the week right across the street from our hotel. We just walked. It was better than Pizza Hut. Yeah. It was so good. So after the pizza first night, we go back to the unit and I'm just like, like a resume panicking. I'm laying on the bed. I was like almost crying kind of Matt kept looking at me and could tell it was not well. You do get socially. I was like, I was not talking. I was like, and I just started having a feeling of like, I honestly wanted to drive home eight hours back in the car home. Like I was like, I'm done. I don't want to do this week, especially if we're here. So I started looking on Airbnb and looking at other options. There weren't enough. There were barely any. And some of them weren't open until like two days, two nights after we got there. So I was like, oh, so we're going to do two, three nights here. We were going to fake a family emergency to get out of that place. And then when we were going to do it on Sunday, after we got there Friday night, so the Saturday night, so Sunday, I was like, okay, we're going to do it. I go on Airbnb and the place we were looking at was gone. It wasn't listed anymore. So we ended up just staying in this shitty place. Okay. There were other weird things going on at this hotel. What calmed you though at this point? So did you just say like, fuck it? Alcohol. Okay. Alcohol was the only thing that calmed me. And a lot of food, honestly. I ate a lot. Obviously not. I did. I was like, I'm going to eat some cheese. Can I ask a question about Myrtle Beach? Like where were you at in the vicinity? So Myrtle Beach? We were actually on the nicer area, more North. Like we were not by the boardwalk or that wheel, the wheel of death. Like literally we were supposed to be nice, but nice and Myrtle is not really nice. Like nice and Myrtle is nice for Myrtle. Yeah. You have to go outside. And so the only fun part, the water was fun. There were big waves, which I'm not really an Atlantic person. I've learned that. Like wave jumping is fun for a couple of days. And then you're like, it'd be nice to walk in without getting ripped away by a rip current. Like there were alerts from the National Weather Service being like, don't get him right now. Like we can't save you and you will die. They were like, do not get in the water. And there was a lifeguard preventing people from going in. Well, one guy just died there. So yeah, it's like, hmm. So we like went down, okay. His family, so we went from pizza the first night. We had to do some dinners alone because his family, all they wanted was fucking chicken. One night they went to Zaxby's for dinner. See, I don't- Zaxby's. Chicken. Zaxby's. Here's the thing. The next night they went to a chicken wing place. And all of this, like they know I don't eat chicken. So I'm like, but then they were getting mad that we weren't going with them. We went to like a nice steakhouse. We went to a seafood restaurant and I literally had to tell them, I was like, guys, I don't eat chicken. You know that. So why are you getting mad that we're not going to a chicken place with you? Also, you've had chicken three to four nights in a row. And then we went to a nacho place one night. Nacho mama. A not- not hippo nacho or nacho hippo or something. Oh. And it's just like, it got, I was just like, do they want to have any good dinners? Or like, do they just want McDonald's every night? Well, that's what I'm saying. We went to Pizza Hut, Zaxby's. And I get that they had a lot more kids than I had to pay for. But the kids, even, we went to Margaritaville one night. Yeah, honey, it was one of those trips where, you know, like, you're getting through it. You were tying it on every fucking second. I was tying one off. I was seven sheets to the wind. And it was one of the trips where you need a vacation from the vacation. Yeah. Like I was ready to get home. That's why I don't like family vacations personally. My- well, mine are fine, actually. See, I just- Because they let me take a three, four hour break every day alone. See, it just depends on who- They're like, oh, you're going in for your lunch and we'll see you at 3 p.m. at back at the beach. See, that's so nice. I'm like, bye, guys. I'm going to watch my laptop in my room. I literally on my family vacation, you can disappear. OK, so that's- You can take a nap. OK, OK. Yeah. So that's what they should be like. It's like your family should realize when you need a fucking break. Because some people can't handle it. And all the nieces and nephews, my mom will be like, I know you're not used to being around all these kids. My sister will be like, stop making Uncle Jim play with you all the time. So basically, the only nice place was the spa I went to. Where was the spa? The spa was in a Hilton Run condo association. I don't know how I didn't see this before. Yeah. And they're like, oh, don't worry, just pull up. So after sleeping in a double bed, which was hard as a rock. Trust me. Milo back was killing me to the point where on the fourth day I could not get out of bed. I had to move. I had to pee and I couldn't move. I literally know it was like I was in bed, like holding my legs up. Now you have back problems, don't you? I already have a disc out. So to me, it was like, oh, good. Is this happening again? I didn't bring my Medroll dose pack and I didn't bring my Gabapentin and I didn't bring my ibuprofen. Like I was like, oh, my God, is this it? Is this it? TMS. So I looked up spas. I found the number one on TripAdvisor and I book it. They're like, oh, don't worry. Just pull up. The valet will take your car. It's included. We walk up to the fourth floor of this Hilton walk in. And I'm suddenly at peace. I was like, oh, my God, are we still in Myrtle Beach? So I did a couples massage with Matt and it was like a 60 minute. We were in the same room. They were really good. And then after that, we had a little salt soaking in a tub for 30 minutes. We got to go soak in a two person hot tub, basically. Oh, and things got frisky. And if you're on camera, I kept thinking that I was like, well, it's too late now. I mean, I was in my element. I was fully relaxed. So I was having a little fun. There was a little whole play. It was a lot. Wow. It was fun, though, in the spa, in the spa. Now I had to tell Matt to stop making so much noise because he was splashing water quite a bit with some laughing and our movements. Repetitive arm movements. And I was like, you really have to be quiet. We write off a hallway. I was like, Matt, remember, we're in a relaxing spa and we're right off the hallway. And all there is is a sliding door to shut in between the walls. So don't make noises. So I walked out and I was like looking around and I'm like, did anyone see that or hear that? I mean, I think that's hot. The front desk person was like, bye. They're like, drain that fucking tub. No, we did watch it during because I was like, is it going down? It was a little nasty. It was freak nasty. But that's everybody needs a free nest. You need a free. You have plenty of which I'm about to hear about. Yeah, you are. So that was Myrtle for me. I met a nice Ukrainian refugee who lived in the first floor unit our condo hotel, and he was like his wife was. How was he? You think he was kind of hot ish? And he wore speedos every day. And he was probably like 40. And his wife was Mongolian. And like she kept Penny kept running into their condo. Our dog literally just kept running in because she would like play outside. Their door would be open all the time because they live there. And she would run in. So after the fourth time of running in, the wife was like, do you want fish soup? And I was like. If an Asian woman offers me cook home cooking, I'm going to eat it. Right. So I was like, fuck, yes. She brought out which so you like went inside their house. And I said, oh, I love it. And it was like the I loved it. Apparently, that's awesome. So, yeah, I love those kind of I know I love the moments that you can't. I'm like, oh, I met a Ukrainian refugee and like his nice wife. And they had two little kids in this soup. Oh, my God. Yeah. And are you really authentic? It was exactly. Now, I want to make a comment about Myrtle Beach and play Devil's Advocate here for just one moment, please. Now, I do have people that live there that I know. But it's south of the city in Surfside Beach, it's called. Well, then, yeah. And south of that is Murals Inlet. And I want it really. I've heard. No, I've heard that specific area. Another friend said it was good. That's where my aunt got. Like, that's our problem is like we were in the north. We were on the water. But it's still it was still north. It's still the nicer touristy. It was. But it is. Oh, yeah. Because when we went down by the boardwalk, I was like, I don't like being down there. I said, Matt, this is the place where there's going to be fudge. And then there was fudge. Like you're it's like a fair carnival. Yeah, it's like just trash, trash, trash. It's like people who think paying four dollars for a beer is too much. It's like those types of people. And like and again, there's got to be places for these people to go. There I just also think like, but we could just like why does I don't know. Do you want to mix it up a little? That's like I think if half of these people went to like a gay area for vacation, they would their minds would be changed. They would never vote for Trump again. Oh, they'd be like, this is more fun. Wow, this is nice. And wait. Oh, they're welcoming. Wow. They oh, we go to a gay bar and get drunk for cheap. We like that. Oh, they like Miller Lite. So that was my vacation. So now I'm just looking forward to my next vacation to Portugal. Like, I can't. That's going to be so exciting. Yeah. Now, now you went on a little trip. I want a dirty little freak. My little 39th year old, 39th year old, 39th year old ass. This has this pink. Yeah. I mean, honey, this hole is 39 years old. Like, it's not cute. Like, just think about how many times it's been torn apart. Think about the undercarriage just being swallowed by balls for about big balls for about 16. Well, since I was 16. So, oh, really? They were always I always had big balls. I mean, I do, too. Yeah. Matt says they're big and they're not like, but now it's like now. But mine aren't mine. I just maybe your situation is just. Yeah, I think it's just sad. If I had a label, honey, we've already talked about this. It'd be the puffiest lips, lips, lips, lips, lips. So I went to Milton Milton, Milton, Milton Wanner's, Wilton Manor's, where we just went literally last year, not even a year ago. A year ago. So you had an itching to return. I had an itch to return. And that that did. Now it's thyself. And I will say, first of all, Florida. Well, well, Matt's going to be mad. Matt's like pissed of anyone going there, even though I'm like, well, Matt, there's gay people who live. I'm trying to help the gay people get out. So I got to give them money to be able to get out. Amen. Also, to me, well, manners is just so gay that like it doesn't. I think it doesn't count at all. I don't think they follow the laws. They absolutely do not. Like, I don't think there if you like suck someone off in public that DeSantis is going to come get you. Yeah, like I said, it's not going near there because honestly, DeSantis might be there at the Eagle, like in the back. I could see that. I could definitely see him with a mask on. You can't see him. Just a jock in a harness, like in his ass eating. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. I love that. Isn't this where he does the laugh? Have you ever seen him do the laugh when he goes, oh, yeah, it's psychotic. He's a robot. So it's hotter than motherfucking hell in Florida right now. And I remember when we were there was hot. Yeah, it was. But it was like 85. It was like 80. This is like it brought me back to my childhood. But not only that, but like, how are we talking? Like 90 heat index was like a hundred and seven. It was probably 93 or 94. Humidity is at 100 percent. I can't do above. Oh, my God. The pool water was like 90 degrees. So it's like, oh, we got a pool. Great. Fucking great. Well, it's warm. I'm talking like when I would have the grossest story to my god. Oh, blah, blah. It was very actually chill. Like all I wanted to do was just hang out at the pool. I got public subs twice. Bitch, I tried to make people get public subs pub subs on the way down. And they were like, Matt, pass the exit. And then was like, we'll just get sheets because we need gas. And I was like, I want a fucking pub sub. Pub subs are the best thing. Matt, if you're going to drive my ass to the south, get me a pub sub. Ambo jangles, but you don't like chicken. Now, did you get the egg salad pubs? Oh, honey, I got the egg salad side that I dip chips in. Babe, I know what I'm doing. Anyway, so it was very chill. And then we went to the eagle and that's where things got a little je ne sais quoi. I was in my cute little short jean shorts. And did you get a locker? We did because we did. You're such a little freak. So we went back, we got the locker and we were just kind of hanging out, you know, whatever, just drinking like a fucking fish, like whatever. Because that's the room where they make you take your shirt off. I love that. I love that. They're like, you can't come in with your shirt on. It's like, yes, thank you. And oh, no, oh, I started. Remember when we saw those guys making out? And we followed them into the dark room creeped on. So basically, I mean, they put on a show. So let's put this this way. I went from a rated G with you to like X. I. What did you fucking do finally? Well, we were standing there and so we were in the back and I was standing against the wall and Michael saying next to me as well. And then some guy came up and started taking down my pants. And I didn't say no. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. So then he was like, oh, and Michael's just watching. Yeah. And so then there's this other ginger on the next side of me. He was getting his dog. That's I'm looking over here. I'm rubbing his nipples and it's in the pitch black. I'm in a full blackout. Oh, yeah. Like full blackout. I'm like, oh, I don't like this. But also, it's like kind of hard. But I just have to just do it. So there we were. There we were. Like the Toronto bathhouse. I was like, I I don't have weird. But I was like, I don't have shoes on. There's come all over the ground. I'm standing in come. And then I was like, but it's great. It's so I know straight people really don't get it. I don't like swingers or be like a party. I mean, I know they have sex parties and so they're not like prudes. Straights, though, are prude. They're actually like I was telling people at work and they were like, oh, and I was like, I know I was like, well, you want to get your dick sucked at the bar, right? I'm literally looking at guys. I'm like, so you're fucking lying. Like straight guys are like, if you're telling me if a girl came up to you at a bar and just started sucking your dick, that you would hate it. No, they would love it. Fuck off. So anyway, straight people need to be honest. So you're getting so I'm getting. Oh, so also you're getting I'm sweating like a hog. Oh, yeah, obviously. There was this Mr. Bean looking motherfucker. I can't go on. I mean, even did look the. To me, and I was like, oh, no, I was like, oh, we're definitely like. Not all there. That's the pedophile like you've got to get away from high. When I did my second lap around just to like because we just kept doing laps for some reason, we know it's coming out. No, oh, I wouldn't be able to. Oh, I was in a blackout and higher. That's true. You can't get in a blackout. That's true. Like I don't really I remember it, but I don't. You know what I mean? So I don't know. Anyway, I feel this person's hand on my back. He'd been following around all day. And I'm like, so I'm in the back, so I don't know. Like I'm like, I'm not going to be like, stop touching me. Which, by the way, when I'd walk through, I'd kind of put my hand on people's dicks and they would swat away, though. I'm like, you're standing in a dark room. Yeah, that's but they just want to watch. They don't want to be participating. And I'm like, no, that's not allowed. Right. So in the dark room, it's all all right. I'm like, you're you're in a dark room. Don't slap my mother. And Michael's like, yeah, I was like, oh. So then I feel this hand on my back, kind of more like a squeegee. Yeah. No. Yeah, that's when you throw up. No. I feel like he was he was squeegeeing off the sweat off my back. And I'm like, so I finally was like, what the fuck? And then I finally looked back and I was like, oh, it's fucking Mr. Bean. And I'm like, no. And I was like, please stop. You said that. Yeah. I was like, you're sick. Like that is stop touching my back. It's like killer. It's like you're going to murder me. You're going to reopen my palanquin idol. Right. So let's just say while Wilton Maners was very relaxing, it was hotter than hell. There were some creep moments. Also, on the way home, we had to sit on the tarmac for an hour because there were storms and they weren't letting people take off like all whatever. Like what? Yeah. So it was an hour in the heat with one engine running. I was like, you know me. Oh, yeah. Oh. And you're on the window seat where there's no airflow. So you know, I'm like, wow. You're like, dude, dude. And you're hungover. Absolutely. Yeah. I was like, why do you think I should have taken an edible, to be honest. Well, that's like it was so hot waiting to come back from Toronto after Beyonce. We were on the tarmac for almost two hours. And I was like, so they're like, oh, we're there opening routes again. We're first up for the next route. Don't you love this route? I'm like, what are you talking about? Routes make a new route. What we did for us, make it a route because they're there. Because what we had to do was since I'm on pilot, we had to take off. Yeah. And then we came back across the airport and then back again. So it was like we were just staying in this little like because the clouds were coming all around us, we had to get up to a certain height. Then go. It's the. Oh, so there's a picture of me. I posted it, I believe, on our Instagram of me talking to a pilot. This is after we landed. I saw that picture when we got there. We're flying in. Everything's fine. All of a sudden, the plane goes. What's up? Just. And everybody's like, oh, and everybody's like, oh, and it's like, that was it. It was not anything dramatic after that was. So I see the pilot after I go, hi, you're the pilot for my flight right from Columbus. He's like, yeah. I was like, can you just I'm just curious. Like, what was that thing? He's like ready to get food. And I'm like, what was that? And he's like. Honestly, he's like, I don't know. Then I go, OK. And I know like wind, it could have been a wind shear. Like it could have been something like that, that kind of threw the plane off. But I'm starting thinking like, um, so no one's really in control other than AI. Well, and they probably did take control at that point because it does fly right into the I mean, even the height and everything. I literally which is nice to me. You have a robot, you have a double, though, like you have the guy watching. Yeah. But there's also like basically a robot doing it until the very last second. They turn off autopilot and they land it. It's stupid. But yeah, he was like, yeah, I don't really know. I was like, OK, great. Well, nice landing. Enjoy your hearties. Also, there was a screw loose on the way I saw that picture, too. I can't like what it I mean, and that's why I went and did this. I was like, oh, my God, are we losing part colonial woman? There's a colonial. These motherfuckers are not real. Some girl was doing that whenever we landed. Oh, really? She was this mousy girl with her fucking husband. You're like, can you shove a cock in her mouth? She's like, shut her up. All of a sudden I look and she's doing a tick tock. I'm in the fucking tick tock and she's doing the fucking this motherfucker pointing at her like husband or something. And then when they got to me, she's like, you want to go to Vegas now? I'm like, I, I, I, I know. Breeders, I swear. With breeders is that they won't stop breeding. They don't know what fun is. Yeah, they don't. It's so bad. When you're like, let's have fun. And they're like, no, well, I just I just don't know. I just got up. It's like, no, we played Yucca for an hour. It was great. It's like, oh, my God. Like, what do you guys do? It's it's horrifying. If you're a straight person, I need you to start letting your pussy talk. I need your dick to talk. We need to get you guys more. They need to go to a bar where there's a dark room. Like you go to a bar where there's a dark room. Try it out. Seeing guys now, too, with these bathing suits that are like shorts that are down to their knees. If they're at your knee or lower, you're doing it. Guys, wives of these guys. Horrible. Please get your husbands out of these fucking shorts. It's disgusting. They look like incels. Like they look like you don't know them. If they were shorts past the knees, wives, you're not fucking them. Like, I probably wouldn't suck. I probably would still, but I would hand only for a guy like if you look like Limp Bizkit, you're getting a hand only like I just oh, that's it. So anyway, I saw a lot of shorts like that in Myrtle, actually. That's exactly are you wearing Capri's or what? Exactly. And that tattoo, when was that a good idea? That's Scorpion that is. Yeah, I know what it's Chinese letters. It's like, like it was wire. That's always the big one. Fuck the barbed wire barbed wire, babe. It's that it's that Gen X sundries sundries. We'll do a Bible next week. I mean, we got this is like a horrible next. Yeah. OK, I can go first. Yeah, I need to think of mine. OK, well, I decided that I hate birthdays and here's why. I just hate when people are like, oh, my God, it's my birthday. Like, we're going to do this. I'm actually the opposite. I'm like, don't talk to me. I don't want I don't. I hate my birthday. I just don't like having to like, I mean, and it's sweet. People are very sweet. But it's like also I have people on Facebook who have been like, happy birthday. I'm like, bitch, you haven't talked to me in seven years. Yeah, it's like, shut up. When are you again? But it's causing my watch to go off. So I have to turn off all my alerts, which I already do anyway most of the time. But like, I'm tired of that. I'm just like, you don't even know me, bitch. Like, I don't know. And then there's the people who are like, well, and you're not like this at all either. Like, you're very not. No, you're not. Like, it's like, no, on your birthday, you were chill as fuck. Oh, yeah, I'm not. Right. I'm not flashy. Because to me, it's like it's a day. It does commemorate a day. I'm very proud of it. Like, like, I'm thankful. I'm surprised I'm still alive. But but also, I don't need to be like, I can go out to the room. Yeah, like I can do what you do on birthdays any night of the year. Like, I can literally we can go somewhere. We traveled home. My brother Michael's like, are you sure you're OK with flying home on your birthday? I'm like, yeah. What else am I going to do? I it's better to sit at home and order a pizza. Like, literally. Yeah, I agree. So anyway, birthdays are overblown for sure. Blow out those candles, but don't overblow sundries. I've never been to market days. I have. That's my sundry. Why? Why have I never been invited? Hi. Why am I? Well, maybe I'm never around. Well, so I don't I'm not mad. Summer. I know I got some randoms. Yeah. But like, I don't know. Like, I don't know how I've never been there. Is it fun? I don't know, because I've never been. So I randomly went on my 35th birthday. It was a while. It was like the first year. I mean, I'm like, we were like, let's go to Chicago. I never been to Chicago. And then, oh, it was market days. And we weren't really like super gay at that time. So yeah, I know. I know. So we go and it was OK. I mean, it's harder than fucking Chicago. Well, I know dogs eating the dogs pups in the basement, licking dog bowls full of beer in Chicago to jail cell or something. Some cell dark cell. I can't. I mean, so it's like that they have a stage. They have like a gay singer because my boyfriend went. So I'm asking Joey, I'm like, what was it like? And he's like, I'm so tired. So he probably went to fucking. But he was with his like female friend the whole time. So he like went places where she could get in only. And like he didn't necessarily do all of that. But it's like I just wonder. I'm like, I feel like I need to go. It's like there's people selling stuff and that's. Oh, that's what it is. That's why it's called market days. I thought people were marketing themselves and you could buy. Well, you know, no, that's in Charles. I'm just kidding. Oh, I've never been there. I'm not actually a fan. Yeah. So I just like I need to go to. You want to go for the experience. My sundry is and this is why I'm bringing it up, because I also have never been to fucking P town or Fire Island. And all my Columbus friends went to, well, acquaintances, went to P town for carnival. And I'm like, oh, everyone of all everyone's in P town where you like dress up and have fun and they're like the week you like where you were caught. No, this past week. Yeah. And now you're in. And we're still there. And I was in Myrtle. So I'm like looking on the Internet and I'm like, oh, people are in P town. So I think you have to like really you have to plan. And then take a ferry. Take a ferry. It gets booked. We need to do it. OK. Yeah, I think we should. I think we might need to bring our partners because like if we don't, we're going to be in trouble or we could not. And I'm ready to share a room. OK, I would do that. I'm tired. Yeah. Maybe if we just made it a solo trip, it would be easier. Yeah, like especially now that I'm planning for three. Yeah. I see people go there, too. And I'm like, it seems I don't know. Fire Island. I know a far fetch. I don't think fire. I think P town looks fun, though. And there's a lot of bears there. Very like, yeah. Fire Island is like a little twinks from Manhattan on like twenty two year old drugs, like so many drugs. Like you don't even know their names at one a.m. They're like, what? Oh, you read. So you don't want that. Yeah. So anyway, I just need to do some gay things. That's my sundry. And I'm going to play this quick PSA and then we're going to be done. PSA is basically talking about it's really good. It's this guy talking about he's like, so so and so from this pastor church and so and so from this and so and so from that. No drag queens. It's like they have this website now. They constantly are. OK, I love this. So anyhow, well, thank you for. Thank you. Thank you for the patience. And thank you. And thank you for the patience. Yeah, that's how they say it in Myrtle Beach. Thank you. Thank you. They I mean, I'm looking at them at the end of the day. South Carolina. I mean, that's so that's the biggest problem. One, four, seven, two, one, five, three, three, six. Six, one, four, seven, two, one, five, three, three, six. I want to know about your priest fucking. I want to know about all the people you're fucking. I want to know what gay things I should do. Yeah. Call us and tell us what is the gayest thing you've ever done. Like, even if you're straight, what's the gayest thing you've ever done? If you're straight, I want to know. I want you to ask your husband. Yeah. I just want their husbands. Yeah. Ask wives. Ask your husband. Ask your husband. And that includes showering with men in high school. Yeah, I mean, that's gay. College. Yeah. College. I'm thinking of the times when you most likely to college. We didn't shower, by the way. Now, like we had showers, but nobody showered. No one showered, unfortunately. So weird. I mean, some people did after my gym class, and that was great because I like to weightlifting. You're like, and so like, I was a blast. Did you actually shower? I did a couple of times. Yeah, so I would just stand around. You're like, oh, I got to put the steward on for 45 minutes. Yeah, I know the drill. Yeah, I saw a lot of dick. So anyway, we'll keep you updated on my Cialis. We got another couple of trips coming up. I mean, honestly, literally. Yeah, there's a lot of shit happening. So we will do the best we can, but I'm not going to stress about it because I'm 39. Going on 40. OK, good night. Night. Thank you. Going on 40. You are. You're officially going on 40 now.