In this thrilling new episode of 'Not Well', we're delving headfirst into a tumultuous sea of controversies, chuckles, and chills. No topic is off-limits, no joke too dark as we dissect the Supreme Court's recent decisions on minority and LGBTQ rights. It's a grim banquet, and we're feasting on the bitter fruits of justice denied, savoring the tart aftertaste with a side of derisive laughter.
Roseanne Barr's latest escapades? Oh, they're on our dissection table, laid bare for all to see. She's skidded off track faster than a slab of 80/20 beef slipping from the blood-slicked grasp of Laura's Lean.
As we navigate this swirling vortex of absurdities, we also indulge in a bevy of alcohol and edibles jokes, because what's life without a good giggle amidst the chaos? The great snack debate ensues - brand-name vs off-brand, because when the world's falling apart, only the best comfort food will do.
We rattle off tales of escalator mishaps, because who doesn't love a terrifying story about moving stairs? We conceive the idea of a 'Gay Camp', a fantastical sanctuary where flamboyance is the new norm. Our admiration for the audacious Gen Z is palpable - they might just pull us from the brink, if they can tear themselves away from their screens long enough.
And we're not done yet. We're stepping back in time, reminiscing about childhood hangouts, from Slammers to gum-free pizza nights at Grandma's. We even drag dental hygiene into the mix because what's more nostalgic than a reminder of your first toothache? So prepare yourself, snag a snack (we recommend Oreos), and dive into an exhilarating storm of dark humor, controversial conversations, and unforgettable anecdotes. Welcome, brave listener, to the delightfully twisted world of 'Not Well'
--------- EPISODE CHAPTERS WITH SHORT KEY POINTS ---------
(0:00:01) - Discussing Recent Events and Controversies
We reflect on discrimination, shrinking rights, Roseanne Barr's statements, alcohol/edibles consumption, and the limits of comedy.
(0:05:24) - Current State of Affairs and Escalator Fear
Supreme Court decisions, dangers of the current administration, personal story, 'Gay Camp', Gen Z rising up, and taking a stand are discussed.
(0:15:33) - Childhood Memories of Church and Snacks
We discuss childhood nostalgia, brand-name vs. off-brand products, and Catholic Church communion experiences.
(0:24:10) - Sloppy Joes and Chest Hair
We share stories of childhood experiences, explore differences in upbringing, and discuss nature's influence on financial freedom.
(0:32:00) - Discussion on Teeth and Dentures
We reflect on cultural changes, dental care, and the no-gums rule at our childhood hangouts.
As always you can write us at nowellpodcast@gmail.com or call us at (614) 721-5336 and tell us your Not Wells of the week
Instagram
Twitter
Bobby's Only Fans
Help us continue to grow and create amazing content, like a live tour or just help fund some new headphones when needed. Any help is appreacited. https://www.buzzsprout.com/510487/subscribe
#gaypodcast #podcast #gay #lgbtq #queerpodcast #lgbt #lgbtpodcast #lgbtqpodcast #gaypodcaster #queer#instagay #podcasts #podcasting #gaylife #pride #lesbian #bhfyp #gaycomedy #comedypodcast #comedy #nyc #614 #shesnotdoingsowell #wiltonmanor #notwell
Transcript generated by Podium.page
Help us spread the word by tweeting about us at @podiumdotpage and including us in your shownotes! https://podium.page
0:00:01 - Speaker 1
It's different. Hello, oh, we're, this is real full thing. Oh, yeah, we're just doing it. Okay. Hello everybody, welcome to episode of. Not well, i'm Bobby, i'm Jim, we're just fucking you at 205. Hello, welcome, wow, okay, we're just gonna do it like it, is it? Okay, fuck it, fuck. Um, fuck everything. now We are live.
After we once again had some topochico or I don't know. You had, i had a Carina from Jackie. Oh, yeah, you're we. Yeah, you were right there. I have had an edible and like 19 beers, and that's why we're switching to Coke zero, sponsored by Like hook zero. That's why I have sunglasses on.
And then he just joined me to make me feel better. Yeah, mm-hmm, because, as you'll see, he'll be probably piling most of this episode. Whoa boy, we're in for a treat. Um, i have a lot of things that we need to discuss. Okay, like, well, do we just want to get it over with the fucking spring court? or oh god, okay, yes, we're gonna do this. Like we're gonna get the shout of the way because so bad, basically, everybody hates us.
We lost all rights this week, so have a great night and All right. Yeah, it's been a bad couple of days. We had affirmative action, just get thrown out like, no, we don't need that anymore. Can't discriminate against white people, but you can just run it against lb. Lgbt is what we learned. That's what you learned on day two of these decision. Hell, black people don't matter, latino people don't matter, people that are different don't matter, but the gays, they matter, and the gays don't need to. Oh no, never mind. What. What did you say? you were like the gays matter, we matter. Why? where? because they they're so worried about us getting married. They're like you guys matter, so we're not gonna serve you.
Oh, yeah, like there, i'm saying it the wrong way, but you need to go with it. Yeah, so we're losing our rights, so let's make light of it and just drink our way into heaven. I mean, i really do think it's the end of times. I'm not kidding. I really think that You have thought this for a while, though I think it's happening. I think this is it for America. What if this is like the last recorded thing where people didn't believe, and then finally, like in a couple days, something happens And we're all like this is the end of America, like this could be literally remember coven. We're like oh Man, we're gonna take off a week from work? Right, this is the same thing that's happening. This is the cove it about to hit for the United States, and by that I mean we're tanking folks. But what's hitting Everybody just giving up I mean, that's the pandemic now is just failure.
But I will say you're in the pool alone. Do you give up? or feel like you need to give up? No, i actually feel great when I'm in the pool, especially when I'm high. I'm like I float, i feel like space Time, this space, that's all you need in space. So, yeah, this room court shit happened to this week and it's not fun, it's not cute.
And then you have people like Rosie and bar God. She's like, hear me out, and I don't care if you guys are making like dragging me down, is I have it? You have. I mean, do you? yeah, okay, good, yeah, the holocaust not happen. She does want six million or thousand. She said Jews. Yeah, six million to die, all six million of them that are alive on this earth. She wants them dead. That's great, that's a joke.
Remember when you used to be the poor girl and do your show and you got. We've rooted for you, for you, i was rooting for you. We were all rooting for you out there. You learn something from this. And you have that 80% meat that you buy at the fucking store and we Rude it for you and you know what you did with it. You fucking ruined it. 80, 20, chuck is like 80, 20, chuck, baby, 20, 20. It's my mom shit, oh, really comes in the tube. Oh god, that is just. I mean, we were also like pink slime. We were we've talked about this. Yeah, pink, no, 80, 20 is just a lot of fat. So you have a lot of oil you have to like drain off as you're cooking. It really did. 90, good Lord.
Laura's lean beef remember that, babe? remember Laura's lean beef? It's like is this beef? remember? Oh, it's a brand like still is. Why can't it Really? No, i don't eat meat anymore, so I don't know. Right, okay, well, that's scary to me.
Laura's lean meat Like why? what makes it so lean? What does she have these cows running on a treadmill? Yeah, they're all organic, all It's like man, they're skinny cows. How did you keep the cows skinny? They're skinny, that's why they're. All they want to do is eat. Right, she's like no, you've had enough, you've had enough. Back to the pen. Oh my god, okay, that's scary. Look at that pink tube of me. That's gross. It wasn't when you made a hamburger helper. I know your mom was Roseanne. Okay, i can see that I loved Roseanne. Okay, i fuck I was gonna watch it.
Well, yeah, cuz it's inappropriate, cuz she was yep, being groundbreaking. It's really funny to me that somebody can go from being groundbreaking to falling backwards like I've never seen somebody push the limit so hard to then pull it back. So you're right, it doesn't make sense. It's almost like regrets pushing it that far. Right, something happened to her. She got like.
She was like I feel nervous about this now and I don't want to do that, i don't want to push that. I think it's so she's gonna go back. But I also think it's we're in her life where she's like I'm irrelevant what's happening. Oh, let me just say this it'll be fine. That's what they all do. They all get old and tired and they're like what can we do to make life? I mean, look at Donald Trump, he's. I'll just make fun of people. I'm gonna run for president, just like.
Call everybody fucking idiot. It's like, and it works in this country, literally. It's so embarrassing when you put it that way. I was like, wow, i will. I will say I really hope Gen Z's pissed from this day should be, and I really need them to set the fuck up Now.
I was told, in two years We've lost so many rights just in two years. And why? because of crazy Christian Justices, huh, and why? because the crazy lady with the emails all the sudden, yeah, doesn't have the emails and we voted in. This idiot might say we, i mean my fellow can, or my fellow Americans, my Kentucky and I Really hope you're happy, because what's gonna happen now? It's the people that really didn't mean to vote for him and just were like oh, i'm Republican, though They're gonna regret this, cuz your sons and daughters will be put in camps, and that's me and you. We're going to camp. The bus is here. It's happening like if you don't think the bus is coming to pick us up, bitch, you're on fucking something. They're coming. Hope your pussy's ready. You're pussy, be ready for camp. This is hilarious a camp.
I want to go to gay camp, though, but I do too. I like I want to be like, as long as there's not death at the end, like I'm willing to go. I said just don't put my land. If they don't feed us, we lose weight, or holiday, we'll be prancing, fucking, eating a bunk bed with a like hot hunks. Formerly, i mean they're gonna be wasting away. I mean literally as long as you get them, when they're like, throw all these gays on this Island, see what happens. We'd survive. We actually would probably. We'd probably make a new virus.
You know those monkeys in there? Um, yeah, that's well, it's not so much. Oh, it's real. Oh, maybe the green monkey or whatever, what. That's what I heard. I don't know what that okay, irregardless. So eight minutes in, so no, i have a lot.
Uh-huh, now do you have something? Can I please tell you, can, what you've heard about my escalator fear? Okay, have you? What are you talking about? I am scared of escalators, okay, and here's why I saw a video one time in China. It always happens in Asia, so I'm pretty much, i'm pretty sure they're not doing very good with their standards of Like they can build shit quick, but they don't know how to maintain. That's actually, it's accurate. There's no maintenance in China, it's like well.
So I don't know where this was exactly with some Asian country, but basically this old woman was on the walking. What do they call it? the walking uh Pathway? yeah, like walking pathway. Okay, she now has one leg less, because it sucked her in at the end. Because it's what? yep, i don't know if you've ever seen the video of the person going up the escalator that then gets sucked in the top. Oh, no, no, i've never seen that big like death chamber, oh, and that's why I want to go up. You'll see me jump out because I do not fuck. Oh, my god, you just free.
I didn't know there was a video of that and crushed. Do you want to see it? No, oh, my god, i guess I should. I don't know if I can, though I should maybe, because I'll be afraid It's really bad. It's, are you sure? Oh, I didn't know it existed. I'm getting lightheaded. Why are you knowing where to find it? because I've watched it.
Oh my god, is it Asian? There's no emergency stop button. Just died as the baby Just walking on the end. I Can't. Oh, this is so uncomfortable And this gave the baby away and the baby to watch her mom die. So that's, this is one event. This has happened numerous times. It just happened again in Taiwan or somewhere I'm probably not going, don't know. I don't think you have to worry about this like, but it was the walking pathway And it broke at the end and her foot got in and luckily it stopped. But, like this one was the gravity and I think she was Asian, so she was little. True, if it was me, it probably stopped right on my ankle. Do you know what I'm saying? Oh, because it was low, because she was light and little, so it was like it just sucked her in.
We're mine would be like, oh, we got a fat ass to crush here. Like, oh, okay, my pelvic bone probably break the fucking escalator and then I'd be half a body. You wouldn't mind, you wouldn't have to go anywhere. I was like, well, can you wheel my, can you take me back to the couch Now? can I get that? It's my fake leg. Yeah, it's bad. So, yeah, i have a have a little literal to do, it's true. So that is my fear. By the way, like I don't know if you've ever knew I didn't, i didn't, noon it. Ask Michael when we leave here, ask him be like, what's Bobby's biggest fear? like that's really random, and he'll probably say it. I, i, i'm horrified. It's horrifying. I jump out now like I don't even like I'm about to. It's. It's really bad, though I'm really scared of it. Okay, well, cool, nobody else is scared of it, and fine, it's fine.
We started to get the pond sound there. Do you want to go back to that? the pond sound? Oh, you're it. It's kind of a nice peaceful moment. Do you just imagine Everyone goes your eyes And let's you, floating by the pond? think about your day, what you did wrong? Just fell the turtle, touch your thigh. Just let the turtle head stick out just slightly, not all the way. There goes a cricket. Now I Don't know what. There's a written down.
I think this, yeah, this can't be a real episode. Why it could be. This is terrible. No, it's not. I don't think it is. I really don't think it is. No well, agreed a disagree.
I want to say that I also think the whole brewery and market phase is over. I'm not actually a fan. This is the bitchiest, the bitchiest comment you've ever made. I you think it's over. I do too that this are the brewery plus marketplace plus, like what the fuck's happening? everywhere has a warehouse marketplace. Like oh, have you been to spring street market? No, i know, because it's the same goddamn market as the East market, dublin, and now in hillyard, and we have hot chicken everywhere, changing their goddamn recipe. It's like no God. But do you know what I mean? Fucking markets like breweries. It's got to end, it's got to stop.
Even with breweries, i've like like I've talked to some people. I'm like so what makes your pills are different? and it's just like a wacky name. A cool can. It's like absolutely nothing. It's a wacky name. I'm a wacky name in a cool can. That's all.
Marketing is for beer. Yeah, it's the same beer. Like a lot of places. I'm not. There are unique ones where I really love like their version of, but most of I mean when you have four or five Ingredients and you're just mixing them together, it's beer is gonna be the same. A lot of places like yeah, like let's just walk into another brewery and like place, oh, this IPA Ring toss game, that's like edgy. You're like, oh, it's on a string, you have to throw this fucking ring and hook it on the hook and everybody's like trash. Can beer? Oh, you know. Yeah, it's like okay.
I think that we've hit the quota. We can't keep turning these old buildings into breweries. We're all gonna be drunk and never be able to afford anything, because now beer is like $10 of beer, so I paid 1325. Jesus fuck, it was a double IPA. It was like. No, i mean, i mean inflation's doubled Thanks to bad thanks Biden and Obama. Trump tried to save us. Yes, exactly. Now I'm over that phase. Yeah, it's. Do you feel that way? though I might really do? no, okay, i'm not trying to. Okay.
So I went to like I go to like CBC, like the brewing house, and I go and I'm like you know, it was really cool, fun. And now I'm like I've had it all, like I've tried all the appetizers and they're not really like. They're like They're good, but they're made, but they sound cool. Yeah, i do just start to feel like what is happening here, like so I came here for this, or am I supposed to go in the market? I go in the market. Half the stalls are empty. Literally half them are gone. I'm like all we really want is like an ice cream place. Hi, i'm Kelsey, i'm your server here at this really cool brewery.
Um, would you like an IPA? or like a sour? It's like We have the wacky, tacky 451 or, and I'm like okay, what is the like like holy trinity, tried like honey, i love them, but well, it's just the brewery thing. Is you love the original one or the second one? I think that's been the biggest problem for me.
For me It's like he got rid of that girl. For me, when the wife left, we left. We left, yeah, because he was sassy and she was great. She was great and she was sassy and I don't know the real story, so I can't just say like, oh, it's all good, but I just can't. She was the one, she was the one, she was the one, wasn't you husband? No offense, i mean you've been very kind to us and if we go in there We will say hello and we do like you still. But if we had to pick one out of your former marriage, we would, we would have picked her. Yeah, we would have picked her, but that doesn't mean anything.
Our opinion doesn't matter to you. We literally have no opinion that matters to anybody really, and that's on God. Speaking of no opinions, have you been to district West? I'm just kidding. Oh my god. No opinion, no comment. That's all we have to say. I mean that's literally get called out and it is officially now also like I'm the whole, like. Do you remember when Axis started to get scary? Yeah, yeah, you remember that feeling there. And then it started well, well, gunshot. I think I was a Firework, don't know till it hits you. I have some things to say. I think you do, i think that's you. Oh, i don't have a phone, so I send it to you, to send it to me, so send it to her.
Show you now tell me why this phrase just makes sense in your head. Like just off-brand Oreos at AA meetings. Because, like, well, do you remember the off-brand duplexes? Let's get into this. Because, but first then we'll get to the why that phrase makes sense.
But my mom bought like these, like duplexes. They were called. I don't know why they're like Oreos, but they weren't. They had like little like, and they had like white cream filling. That was a little, but they have little holes in the crowd. They had holes in the yep.
You know what these are. These are the church It's. They pass out of the church and a meetings are in church basements a lot. Wait, what the fuck is. Why is that related? those cookies, a duplex, off-brand Oreos, churches, aa. They must be feeding them some sort of like. That's the only people keeping them in business. These cookies are not great. They're not. They're not the only people that are keeping churches in business are alcoholic. So I mean in general, and that's it. That's on God, actually, that's true, i have a porn addiction. I'm gonna go pray to God. Okay, great. So then they switch it to so now they're. Oh, now you have a porn addiction. I have an alcohol addition. Go eat your fucking Oreos, your fake Oreos, that taste. And they left like a little, yeah, that Grizzle Like oily film on the top. you're like Duplexes were terrible.
Like even though they had a name. That's the fucked up part. I think it was duplex. I'm like what's a duplex? you can get chocolate way from one side, vanilla like CCD class all over again. I can't.
It was like literally I had them. Here's your two cookies and go wait for your mom over here. And they did only give you two. They were strictly forced to. I would be like can I get like one more? I was like, can I get one more cookie? Oh, my god. But then we, okay, my favorite thing is a kid in this. Like what, okay, i would go over to friends house. Did you ever have that? I don't know how you grew up. But did you ever have that friend who had everything brand name? I'm talking, yeah, jd Spansky, yes, you go over the house You could cut some coke, yeah, and you're like I'm like, are real Oreos?
I have big case, yeah, my, my big case, i big case, i'm big a. I didn't even have like Jiffy peanut butter. We were a brand peanut butter, that's it. Yep, we were lucky to have big cousin always had like the real cereal to. It was like actual, those houses it was. We're talking about the outside of the colony and I'm like, yeah, the cool house, the cool house is never really clean. They usually have too many animals or too many things. Oh, yeah, yeah, kids, animals, something. But they are the best fucking house to go to. You can say fuck. You can say no Oreos, you can drink so does, and not even tell your hair pop tart, brand pop tarts. They would have pop part with the eat. The Kroger brand pop tarts tasted nothing like the don't I seen in the bread Like neither part tasted like a pop tart. Now I will say Selection at Kroger is no, i do love privacy. I am a. I really will say, okay, international girl, okay, international work, work, i got, have a go. I need to say this one for good, say it.
I've ever told the story, but I'm already in Catholic school. Catholic school, at Catholic church, when it was time to learn about communion and Whatever they had the kids and and we were able to taste I already know where this is good. We were able to taste the bread and the wine, yeah, which I don't know if it was real wine. Probably not with kids. Well, i mean, it's Catholic. I know. Actually I did get real wine as a kid And I got a bus.
Literally they're like, here's some wine. You're like, okay, and they're like now, go see, priest, do you know how many people I touched that liquid? and we're just like, yeah, give me that. There's like 65 people touch this before me, the blood of Christ. Now, like they wipe it with the same The blood of Christ, the blood of Christ. And then you just turn and it's like turning and it's like and I was an anti wine girl like as a kid, i never, ever got the wine either.
Why would you? it tastes like shit. It tasted bad. I didn't want to make a face. Everyone was kissing it. I'm like I can't do it. I still don't do it. I told my mom I don't do the wine now, as an old mom had a best friend and so, like my fake cousins, my fake cousins were forced to take the wine by their parents. Yeah, my parents, like you, will take the wine, the blood of Christ, every time, like it was like if they were irish or east, or they were literally irish. I'm not. I mean, there it is, you're gonna drink this one. There's free wine, you're gonna drink it. You got to learn early when you're from ireland. Um, now, yeah.
So I was at ccd class and we were all like talking about the bread and at my church It wasn't hosts. Okay, we had actual, like bread, unleavened bread, but it was like bread. Ew, it was really kind of gross. It was a crust and a filling and a crust, because mine was just like crust, right. So yours was like probably a paper wafer, thin wafer from. No, i was like a little piece of bread that was like bread. It was like actual fucking like. Ours were like necko wafers is what we would like. No, ours were like they go up there Body for convenience, but they would cut it up there. There'd be like actual bread, cutting the bread up. Yes, real. Did they give you some oil to dip it in? no, i wish so. We'd have the bread.
But here's what I thought when I was in first grade I stole the body of christ um to eat in the van on the car ride home. Now You've never told me this And I literally they're like this is a very serious thing. I know they're like it's serious came in like, prayed for us or whatever, and I was like I had a whole fucking wad of that. I had my jacket after it was consecrated, after it became the body, maybe I don't even know. I wasn't listening. I was all about that guy. I was like, oh my god. So then we had a ride in.
Danny Kamacho was his name, was a fat kid. I had a fat friend, which is fine, but he used to have like gum stuck on the back of the van and he was like video games and shit I cannot. We used to get whole packs of starbursts on the way to church class to eat them and it was like great. But I remember sitting in the back of that goddamn van. His mom was driving there from like Trinidad and I was, so that was interesting. Oh, so they're black. Uh, kind of. It wasn't like I was trying to imagine what's interesting in a small white town in georgia. I'm like, so they're black, it's like you know. They were like, yeah, they were like foreign, okay, yeah, yeah, the mom didn't speak very clear English And I remember I was in the back fucking seat, though, trying to not get caught eating this fucking bread.
I'll never forget it. I'll never fucking forget it. So you're eating, and so when did they catch you? though, nobody caught me. I thought you got talked to by the priest. No, nobody fucking caught me.
I ate the body of christ in the back of a van, oh. So then, when they got there, they were like she didn't have it. So I literally so you, you mentioned if you had to have a meeting with a priest, and he like talked about it. Yeah, so okay, first grade ccd class, oh, okay, we're all sitting around a table and they're like the priest comes and goes this is a very important thing, oh, and then you ate it, and then he's like we're gonna try it. So you guys know what it is and don't.
How did you take it, though? Where was it? because they were like passing Just a little bit. I tore off a big piece, i was like and put the little one and I grabbed the breast and put it my goddamn pocket And I was like I will show you the body of Christ. I know what a pig I'm like. Well, i love that. It's literally the story of my life and I just reminded I don't know why I was reminded of that I was always so scared of my hand, like, oh my god, and so you would take such a big piece? Oh, i had the biggest big, old, low piece of Christ's body fucking Christ me. I was like, i mean, maybe one day Christ is hung. I had his cock. Um, christ was hung, yeah, so, anyway, that was a really fun memory for me.
Um, do you have any memories of I was actually reading an article? Yeah, i can get, i can get a memory. Oh, no, this is actually on the same topic as your Don't touch my titties, my coffee. The same um topic as kind of like off-brand. Okay, have you ever had to eat a meal? Oh, no, like that, you absolutely Could not stand. But, yes, you were somewhere and you had to like, yeah, act like it was great. And let me just describe this everyone.
So you know, growing up in america, everyone loves sloppy joe. You know I think right, yeah, okay, i hate them. Um, but here's why I really hate them. I would go over to my grandma's house. It's my dad's mom who we're not as close to, so we have to be extra nice to her because we don't see her that often. Grandma's rules, and not that one, no, she's the fun one, she's the crazy fun one. Um, my other grandma's even more different, like crazy, yeah. So we go over and like almost every time I fail away to visit, i think because my dad liked them.
As a kid, my grandma would make sloppy joes. Now, when I say sloppy, these things were like almost liquidy. I remember it was so gross. It was like little maggots. The ground beef tubes would form little maggot shapes And like swim around in the sauce and then she would throw in big, thick onion pieces and then peas. Why were there peas in a sloppy show recipe? It sounds like you're fucking P-patch, let's get your vegetables. Yes, and I. I literally would sit down with a bun and just be like you would try to eat it, so bad. I would Listen, i'm full. And then the only other thing she'd have would be like cheesy grits And I would have to like. I would film myself with cheesy grits. I was just like a cheese. I don't, i don't feel good. Yeah, that's cheesy grits.
Your dad's like I love the sloppy joe. Even he's like over already. He probably hated it. No, i think it turned out he didn't really like it either. I talked to my mom about. I was like mom, i hate when grandma makes sloppy joe. She's like none of us really like it, but we just tell her we like it. Wow, so her whole life She's like they love my, they love my sloppy joes. I mean, i had sort of a similar situation and it actually was like a year ago And I was at work and we decided to do we're gonna do it, we're gonna do a chili cookoff.
So everybody's bringing in their chilies. Great, all of them are really fucking good. Okay, because? so then we have the guy from second shift choice and I should have known the second shift guy probably isn't really a chef. Yeah, the second chef. He brings this, this fucking chili in and I'm telling you it tasted. It was like sour, oh my God. He's like yeah, my mom, we always put a lot of tomato sauce in, but it was like not like tomato. It was like vinegar, yeah, it was very.
And I was like, and I'm like, oh, and then they had this meat in there that I was like, oh, it's like beef aronis. Oh my God, it's like a sour beef aroni. And I'm like this is supposed to be chili, this is supposed to be chili, this is supposed to be chili. You're like chili, this is sauce, yeah, and like a sprinkling of meat tubes. Talk about meat tubes? Yeah, oh my God, not even meat tubes. I'm talking like the cheap.
He got spam. He got spam and put it in a vinegar, something like that. Yeah, like literally. And I was like this is what my mom and I do. You're like, ok, i was like mm. And he's staring at you like I'm like, oh my God. So you didn't pretend to take bites. Yeah, you're like, yeah. And then I threw it the fuck away and I was like this one is god damn disgusting, had no flavor, it was sour, it was gross. Did it get you sick? Because that sounded like kind of like a baby absolute diet.
Well, i did not eat any more of the chili. So we were doing like little samples and we were like, oh, number one, that's really good. And then we got to number 12. And I was like, well, thank God it was the last one, because I can't eat anymore. It's something to me. And then he even said do you want more? I'm like, oh my fuck. No, i was a good actor. You look like a food competition judge Right now. Yeah, like the way I look I'm dressed. I get to see you sitting there trying to smooth out. All right, ladies and gentlemen, that was pretty good. Thanks a lot. Next one, number two. Number two Little briny. Ok, thanks a lot. Number three What kind of meats in here Is this venison?
Did you kill it? Vison? That's what I meant, though Some vice venison I've never had. I don't like gamey. Sorry, gamey, i don't do gamey, i've never had. Well, i did eat alligator, i'm just wrong. I also have eaten elk or caribou. Ok, you had more.
Yeah, there's something else. Men with hair patches OK, down, i have to describe this. Ok, is it like this? I got to find a picture. Let me see Where it doesn't connect. Oh, it is kind of No, no, but not like that, like more thick. I'm talking thicker than that. Oh, where it sticks out, there's like OK. So there are people, there are men who like to like. I love a man who has chest hair We know, love them Established, and if it's open and showing, even better.
Like that's great. Like, take me downtown and pound me. Oh yeah, mother of pearl. Oh my god, are these your pearls? Fuck my little hole. These are my cousin pearls. What's that mean that I bought last weekend That sounds so dirty. I put these in my cousin's pussy and pulling out one by one. He bought these from Thailand for a dollar, and I bought them from 50 from him to support him. Yep, these are that. Who said that? Who was it that you bought that from My cousin? the unalived one? Oh yeah, the unalived brother. Yeah, you were. Like, they're selling these. They go to Thailand, buy them and bring them back.
Make like $5,000 a weekend at one event, every festival, what They do, like four. They have four people running it, and telling you it's not. I'm telling you those cost like a dollar in the Philippines, thailand, like anywhere in Southeast Asia. Those are a dollar, literally, and I'm thinking that's why the escalators are not that great there. I mean nothing. There is really ran well.
My problem is, though is that, holy fuck? what am I doing with my life. Why are you spending $50 on something? Yeah, and also, what are you doing with your life? Why am I sitting at a fucking desk for 40 plus hours a week going? Why is this my job? To make what? And then they're making that much in like a month, stone out of fucking One month, and all they're doing is hanging out $5,000 there, $5,000 there, $5,000 there That's $15,000 a day. I bet you they make $200,000 throughout the summer and they just hang out $15,000 a day. Yeah, sounds like it. Some of these are like Thursday to Sunday festivals, and it's fun at these festivals.
You're like I want to go to the jewelry. I like jewelry. They're making so much money selling cheap jewelry Because we're all dumb. We're all so dumb. Well, i want to tell you we were in even Italy, so we're in Sicily, blah, blah, blah. So do I remember? We go into this jewelry store and I'm like this is really cool jewelry, and it's like five euro, 10 euro. I'm like where's this made? I thought this was a little Italian jewelry store. They're like, oh, like Vietnam. I was like, literally, ew, but you're in Italy, so it's like the same shit there. Right, it's like everywhere, you can get that shit everywhere. But why is it? Can we just address the fact that, like, why is, when you go to somewhere new or somewhere like fun and funky, you're like I want a necklace.
You always want to get something, a little memory? Why, oh so chest hair, chest hair. If you have a lot of thick chest hair here, i want it to connect, if you have any here, because there are people walking around with a little upside down triangle of dark chest hair right here on the low neck, like up here right by your Adam's apple, and then there's nothing for two, three inches And then there's a big bushy chest hair. Now that is inappropriate. That's a yellow card. You're almost kicked out, unless you're really hot. Then it could be a red card, and if you're really hot you're kind of like, if it's really hot, let it happen. You also kind of look at them like you should know better.
Yes, that needs to go. You have to shave that part, trim that part Like honey, get it waxed, get it weaned. Honey work, what Work? Get it worked. Because we don't want to see it. Now you are borderline happy ones. I just want to say that I didn't realize that. But it is not connected. It's not connected and why is it on your neck? Like we, you know we have this space which we trim and then all of a sudden you're gonna have thick hair here, like we got to go. It's got to go.
You got to go down to your clavicle bones right here. No, i don't believe in that Clavicle bones right here, but I don't have like the swoopy thing that I know you're talking about. I don't have clavicle bones. Even They're big honey, is that it? Yeah, i'm big clavicle. So that hair there. You do have hair right above. Yeah, you have a good inch.
I'm going to wear my little slimp, my slimp nodes, my Snoop Dogg slip nodes. I need some Atlanta music, is what you said out there. And then you played, by the way, my Pussy Wet. Yeah, don't ever say I'm going to listen to some Atlanta music. And then in the neighborhood and you're in the pool and it's like my pussies wet. I love all these fucking blah, blah, blah And you're like maybe we shouldn't be playing this right here.
This was a good choice. I'm like here's another one and it's like a lesbian black girl song. Like you got a fails. Are you hiding? I said tell you something. So yeah, so this, you had something else on your box. Oh no, trans, lesbian or something. Okay, i can tell you, i got to see it. Okay, now this has oh no, oh no, it's an oh no moment. Well, because you remember those people who yelled at us on pride. They're going to say they're going to hate us again. Well, we need to talk about it because obviously it's something that needs to be talked about. I don't care, it's not anything against anyone. That's the thing is.
I'm just noticing that when I'm at certain lesbian bars here, maybe eating pizza, ordering pizza, what you do like twice a week, and I do I gave him everything. And I have to tell you, last time I was there, this lady without teeth was wandering around. I'm saying zero teeth. Like not Gums, gums, only gums. And she's like no, just looking around, like. And she looked at the ceiling.
I was like okay, what Matt? was like Matt, what's she doing? And then she's like Is that good? And I was like it was. We had pizza in front of us. I was like yes. I was like do you want to try it? Like it's pizza, like you can have a piece, i don't care. And she's like I haven't been here in 20 years. I was like so then I was like this is a goldmine, like goldmine, goldmine, gold, them, yeah, but you can get all the best stories out, you can Like yep, so she is.
I was like what was it like? back then She's like I'll tell you, a lot more women. I mean, i will say the gay boys have kind of taken over Slammers. The gay boys were in there, but not only that And this kind of comes back to my point. I don't know what she meant, but there were also a lot of very mask appearing or just lesbian like, okay, so very mask. Female, like cis women, lesbians And so I. But they were very masculine. And so that's where I think she met this like gum gum lady. Sorry, i don't know, i have a thought on that too. By the way, i forgot her name, but when she was eating our pizza, grandma Gums, it was gummy. Now Gums to me. Now I just need to say this So sick I feel like if I ever smell the breath of somebody, if somebody who's just gummed, i'm gonna gag Like I just think of that every day of my life.
Sometimes I just can't. Actually, when I see them, i think of my great-grandfather who would push his teeth out. As a kid we would be like push your teeth out, push your teeth out. And he would stand there and go and they would like go forward, and then he'd pull it back in. He would like So do you feel I'm gonna fucking gag? I'm gonna end up with dentures and it's fine, but I think you will.
I mean, i basically wear a CPAP and a fucking mouth guard at night, like it's already dentures. Basically, i mean I like, well, not really, it has nothing to do with dentures, it's definitely like dentures. Well, the mouth guard is what I keep thinking. Yeah, well, that's just so you can give your hell and gel. All right, i'm done. No, so I don't grind my teeth because I'm a grinder. Honey, oh, i wonder why Grind those teeth? I was just making something up. That is fucking crazy. Yeah, that is fucking-.
So she's like a lot more women and I was like she's anti-trans, she's anti-gay.
I'm sitting there like, yeah, she's also an anti-tooth brush. Oh, i'm not actually a fan. I mean, i don't think it's a lie So cruel. I don't care, i'm feeling it right now. I don't even give a fuck. Listen, listen, bitch, okay, okay, we can't get this off the top. Yeah, we can. Okay. Okay, yeah, that's a bit Now.
So gums are out. So no gums. No gums allowed. Now gums attached to teeth are these? okay? These gums are not great either. They're kind of gross.
So gums are out. So gums are out. So gums are out. So gums Now I will stupid for now. Like these gums Yeah, yours are fine, but I know some that are a lot not like that Like white stuff on them. Yeah, i know I don't hate the gummies, like really gummy people. I'm going to hell, i can't. I want to shut this up. No, you can. Where they're going over the tooth too much and they're a little puffy. At the end It's just just little baby teeth and big old-. Oh, my God, and I can't say that when I'm fat, yeah, like you can't sit back and look at the fat then be like I was going to love that, like bitch, everyone's gonna love my pussy. Did you figure it will go over you? today You've been eating a lot. No, i took the injection earlier. It's sick, i hate it. Oh, do you feel sick? Yeah, i'm gonna throw up on you. I can't Throw up on my pussy. Throw up on ASL. Tonight I think we're gonna see a ASL princess ASL princess, which we should probably like. Look into this a little bit more. Can I just say something? Yeah, this is to the gays. Some of you are really fucking hot, but when you're putting on like leotards or you're putting on these weird outfits that are just like you're trying to be sexy, but it's not to me. When you're wearing a leopard print suit that's just cut out around your abs, i find it very unattractive. It'd be so much hotter if you were in basketball shorts and like here. I'm just saying God, it's very mysterious. So he's really hot. He has bad teeth and a little dick. So some people are ugly, have a big dick and nice teeth. Some people have bad teeth, good dick and big I would say that's you Ugly, nice dick, good teeth, nice dick, good teeth. No personality. Yeah, i hate to break it, the thing that I'm really worried about. Break it down for me. I know that last episode I was saying I was so depressed I know you don't need to be Which I was Shout out to Thatcher because Thatcher, don't worry. Thatcher was so worried about me. He was like Thatcher, look at this, thatcher, look at this, look at us right now. And we're about to go to the bar, which PS. Yeah, it's gonna be great, we're gonna go to the bar, we're gonna see LSL, ls, something with it. Asl, prentess, asl. I literally went into the pool after I took an edible today And that's where you found me is the pool. I tried to rescue you. You didn't want to be rescued, so you stayed in the water. I stayed in the water To mind people. You were like nine PM, you're like a little demon kid. Well, no, cause me and Jackie, i'm not getting out. Me and Jackie were like we're gonna stay till dark. It was just stupid. But then you set, but then it was cold, sunset as the dark time, and I'm like it stays light after sunset, i know. So you, really, you got cold, so it's really sunset. Oh, is there even a sun? No, do you think? Is it just someone in the simulation turning a switch to make the sky dark? I'm telling you, easily They could just feel like, well, it's time, oh shit, we're late, turn it dark, do you know? kind of say something. We were talking about this in the pool and I want to know your thoughts. Oh pie, so Titanic, right, we're going back to that. The submarine goes down, okay, okay, inplodes. So what happens in an implosion? Everything's lost or does due, because all of a sudden now they're finding body parts. I know When I heard that I was like no way, no, you couldn't find them in the ocean for five days. But now you found their limbs. Here's an arm. I'm like what Girl? how is that even available? I think there's something going on. If there's a lot of billionaires that start fading away or dying off, we're going to catch you, because you're probably going to Antarctica and going inside the Antarctica thing. There's like the center of the earth, oh, so that you can keep living while the earth burns. Because, also, i think there's a really bad solar flares. Is it's kind of changing, happening quickly? Yeah, it's happening really fast. And they said there's solar storms coming that could knock out our internet for four months. They've been saying that for a while. They need enough energy to have growth food down there. They're going to need solar panels somewhere. No, but I think they have. Have you ever heard about the energy that people found in Africa? Are they using the geothermal heat energy from the earth? No, but have you ever heard about that thing? in Africa They find these little energetic gems or something. Oh God, no, i've not heard of this one. No, seriously, it's like a OK, i'll find it, we'll find it. Folks, you know what? Fuck off. First of all, i know what I'm talking about. Anyway, do you feel like that's a lie? I mean that they found body parts. Yes, thank you. Wow, is that all I had to say? Wow, i was hoping for a little engagement, but you can just keep looking at your fucking Instagram. I'm literally texting my husband because I'm required to. Well, he, by law. Wow, i'm sorry, by law. You were texting your husband. He's watching Andrew Pemperals. He can wait. Which? can you ever see that show? No, is it bad? Listen, is it like? It's like West Hollywood? OK, west Hollywood, i know we hate it, but they're straight. It's like girl, i know. So where are you hanging out? So, literally, they all sleep with each other And they're all like you slept with Tom, and they're like well, you slept with Daniel. And it's like OK, like everyone, and every season it's like a new cheating scandal. I'm like how is it? Oh, yeah, this. Recently I remember people being like can you believe Tom, scandavall, scandavall I just saw his name everywhere And I'm like Scandagate or something, and there's Scandavall. Oh, so he slept with someone, like he cheated Who came? Why is that was literally like This is all You don't understand. He cheated on Rebecca And Rebecca doesn't deserve this. I mean, people are so upset. I'm saying like you've watched the show for 11 years. He's on season six. I've seen bits and pieces And they've all cried about cheating And somebody's doing this. We're going to go downstairs when he's watching it And I guarantee you Someone's cheating. They'll be like you slept with Sam and so, and it's like is this what happens in LA? Yes, among the straights, i know There's probably not enough of all Like in West Hollywood. I know What are they doing there And, if I'm being honest, like Lisa Vanderpump is smart And I find being honest, i went to her place when I was in WeHo. So Right, so like, literally, though It was fun, they just closed it. Oh, that one Pump's closed, yep, no, i don't think it was pump, it was the other one. That's Man on her. No, maybe it was pumpkin. Sir is a little bit pompous closed now, but she's a smart bitch because she's like Let me get a group of 20 somethings from the Midwest. They're all gonna move to California. I guarantee you. She, like the one, sounds Australian. They're just. You want to say that, yeah, it's Australian. Beat as offense. Oh, i love Australia. And if you've never seen summer hide tie, please do my god I'm gonna do a fuck with. Can we put that on? like that is so good? Oh good, jim, yeah, i always post. If you're following our Instagram, i always do post little clips. She's like I want my kicks it right now. It's like she's not Now. I really think you know we should come up with though. Okay, now I'm here for it. Next time I get high We're gonna have to write. It won't be tomorrow, be right now, in 10 minutes. I want to write like a little mini him. No, i think this will be funny if people would get involved. Like a very short, five-minute baby episodes of like really funny gay moments, but like script it very well. Does that make sense? like only things that happen to gay people, okay, but almost like a broad city, like very raw, like that, like a broad story and 2 and 1, yeah, 4 and 3 and 2 and 1, okay, so, yeah, scripted moments of gaze like I don't know what your life literally live it. I brought my boyfriend like almost like a Saturday night live situation but like have a weekly thing, david, i like that cock, we like uncut Yeah, we do kind of do I want to play with that? oh, what if you get in there and it's like pimento cheese? I gotta learn to like cheese. You love cheese. You just ate eight cheese sticks. If you bring some crackers, it might not be a big deal. It's a big deal. Make sure you clean your famonta. Now To the cut boys too, though. Like a lot of them aren't clean, like can I remember and had the phrase a hot dick. Like he was like And he came over I sucked his dick, but it was like a hot dick. A hot dick is one That's. You did it fucking shower it. Can I tell you, i feel like if you don't clean your dick, you have, there's a. If you don't Law, you have after you come a lot. Oh, my oh, need to clean your dick. Yeah, agree, because if you don't, if you just put underwear back on, it's like and then then like that's like a leech, it's bleach and it like really is bad, it's bad. So you've got to clean your balls in your penis after you come. That's the rule, and ladies probably clean their coochies and go ahead and clean those pussies. And I love the word pussy, and that actually might be my sundry. Well, i don't know for sure. Your sundry is that you love the word pussy, you do. You say pussy all the time, pussy. And I'm just like yeah, i guess that's like you. I mean in a non offensive way, i like the word pussy, i like being like oh, my fucking pussy. I just think it's so funny. If you want to make me laugh, just say pussy in a non offensive way. Non offensive, okay, call people with assholes and dicks all the time and oh, yeah, right, but you can't say pussy. Well, and you really can't say Yeah, i love con it. I mean, it's a great word and what I met. So I met an Irish couple when I was in Italy And I asked are you allowed to say can't where you're from? and the guy's like of course you are. I was like in Ireland and you can't. It's like literally said it right after I was like you're allowed. He's like oh, yeah, you're like, well, thank you. They're like well, thank you. I'm gonna take this on back to my friend in the state. I'm gonna go back to Ohio, like where are you from Ohio. Literally, they're like Dublin. I'm like, oh, you're from Dublin, ireland, and I'm like, hi, i'm from Ohio. They're like what's that? Yeah, like I'm from Dublin. We're like, oh, we're from central Ohio, we have the worst air quality. They're like so what do you got there? I'm like, uh, have you heard of Ohio State? We got a lot of breweries. No, i'm literally like I'm like alcohol, fried chicken, breweries. You just said it. Oh, we have markets, we have breweries and we can go to Ohio State stuff. I try to I always play that card because a lot of times I have heard of it randomly They'll be like well, oh, yeah, we had a friend over here. I'm like what Are you from Cleveland? I, normally what I say is like you know where JFK airport is? it's like a two-hour plane, red west, that's a good way to put it. That's all I say. Oh, good night, okay, sundries. So your sundries, you like the word pussy? Yeah, i'm trying to think. I don't know if that really is gonna be my sundry. I feel like I can't be my sundry, can it? No, it can be, of course. Okay, okay, sundries, what has happened to me? What's bothering you right now? What's something that's like really interesting. It's. It's peaking your interest. Peking, your pussy's wet for it. Oh my god, pussy, pussy, pussy. That's a sad question I have to think of, something like is anything like what's making you happy right now? What's making me calm? nothing? Well, dick, hot Dicks like. I want to smell one now. It does smell, you know, like hot dick. That like Not sweaty, but it's like it's warm. It's like a warm. Oh my god, i know what you're like, right as a guy. I know what a hot dick is, right as a guy's getting hard and he's like finally hard. And you know It's been like in this under all day long the skin still a little loose, but yeah, okay, i'll get. It's not rock hard, no, and it's just like you smell and you're like it's hot, it's a hot dick. It's been in those underpants all day long. It's definitely like a tanner dick, like it's a brown dick. Yep, it's a hot dick. It dig like he's out in the sun all day, yeah, in his underwear all day, and then it's, but it's not like he's been like doing manual labor, it's more like it's more just it's been cramped and he's let it out and you're like it's like a blow-up doll. That's weird that we connected over hot dick, i know, and actually and that just be my sundry I love hot dick, yeah, yeah, i think that's my fucking son. The idea of hot dick Like, i'd be fine with it as long as it doesn't smell bad. If it's a hot dick, though, and it's like smells like dick, i will like a man dick, man dick. Yeah, you know that it is a man. We're about to go smell it. A wall like. The problem is those that sometimes I want Into no deodorant man. Is it man dick or is it asshole? and is it like I shit today, asshole and just like hanging out, and now it's like Musty and sweaty and like all these things combining and you're like this is hot. Do you know what I wish I had? I wish I had the confidence of one of these hairy, hairy old A wall who just stick their finger up any hole because they've come up to me and felt my asshole and I'm like You're lucky I come here fresh. Like you're lucky I could have taken a shit and then walked in here and you'd be like finger on my hole rubbing in shit. Yeah, like, and then I, but then they like it. So after I was like, oh good, he got a fresh holy, but he liked it. Then I'm thinking, though, he probably just touched some poop, eat butthole just a five minutes ago, and now I get dried poop on my butthole I'm not actually a friend and I'm fresh. But then some other guy like he's not, like I'm trying to be fresh, that is absolutely. I'm getting other people or a fecal transplant on my asshole. I have never thought of that. Fecal transplant from his fingers Is he's like poop. And then he goes fresh one, but poop. Now, why do I think it's weird? to him I said no offense, but like you're in a public place also, like I'm like really trust this shit, like cuz, literally like what, if I just like, i mean what if a little vibration gets a big log out? cuz it can and it will, yeah, i will. I just want to end on one note. Okay, well, first of all, give us a call if you fucking want, but this 7215336 Wow, you know it, thank you for you have someone calling patreon. You're about to start getting all these fun episodes. This is actually gonna be a real one, though, cuz this is good, it turned out good. I told you all right, i'll do, but we will be getting some hot dick episodes out on patreon. So make sure you join. It's only five dollars a month. We might have a fracture and do 35 and get Free shirts. Oh, yeah, i should probably just send them a nude. Yeah, you think I should. Yeah, okay, all right, that's, you're gonna see my cock And you're gonna like it, my cut. No, i was gonna end on this, though. What was I gonna end on? fuck, no, no, no, it was really good. What's it text? I'm really past. You're gonna think of it. Just give it a moment, remember, okay, okay. So the last thing I want to say is I was reading on a gay camp friends on Facebook. the question was when you're at camp, how do you clean out? and Wait, yeah, i'll take it like into the woods and get fucked and stuff. And I'm thinking to myself fuck, okay, being a bottom. Yeah, it does. It's not for two minutes worth of your time. No, you have to literally spend about 20 minutes for every two minutes of fucking. You get so for me And I hurt, so I'm done like it. Fucking is like. Honestly, i swear to God, i think that's why I'm a site. I know it's ridiculous. Why do you have to. It does hurt, like it hurts. You have to always be clean and ready to go. Like, like I'm at what? oh, i can't have big beans at the campfire. Oh, no, no, no, no, food maps, no, nothing, you can't eat at all. Like you're like, oh, yeah, you have got, you got a fresh. I just want to say to everybody who's like that question, like so then what do they have to do? like, go do it, i'm on, then land the mulch and then a lot of the campground. One of the campgrounds has where you buy the tip, okay, hmm, and put it on your shower thing. Yeah, well, you has like a thing, it's like a, it's a minute, so you just you're spraying that much water up your booty hole. Yeah, oh yeah, people do that from the other way, the colonoscopy but have you ever done the one from the shower? I don't understand how it works. How does that work? coming in the shower like, yes, obviously, oh, my god, they're not getting out of the shower, drying off and then releasing anything. I know sex is disgusting. People are pooping in the shower. It's disgusting. It's disgusting. You have to smash it down the drain if it gets stuck and won't go down. You have got to be fucking With these eyes. This has been another episode of not well, i'm Bobby and I'm Jim. Thank you so much for joining us and having fun with us on our Friday night. What is this PBS? and that's pizza. Thanks for having fun on this Friday night. Oh my god, yeah.
Transcribed by https://podium.page