My Chemical Gaymance

Jim: 0:12

Three Zero. Live dog. I'm Jim I am precise, smart, witty, sharp tongue Collie. I like craft beer and I'm a wine lover sounds like I'm an alcoholic.

Bobby: 0:24

I'm Bobby I'm dramatic a fucking stoner psychopath that thinks that the world ending every day

Jim: 0:29

and together we are simply not Well, that sounds like robotic ain is

Bobby: 0:42

fucking the goddamn door hello everybody welcome to another episode of not well I am something else you're

Jim: 0:52

something I'm Jared and I'm Courtney

Bobby: 0:56

I look like Ellen to my lesbian friends

Jim: 0:58

call me court

Bobby: 0:59

for sure you definitely look

Jim: 1:02

or I'm court court now. I already feel that marijuana we might do that but you look like you are liquid shit hits

Bobby: 1:09

right away sweetie.

Jim: 1:10

And I have these little sage Yeah,

Bobby: 1:12

we have bracelets on it's email, email we

Jim: 1:16

were why are we feeling email?

Bobby: 1:18

Why wouldn't you feel email and this kind of God down world?

Jim: 1:22

And that's true. I mean, it's not good. It's not going well.

Bobby: 1:26

Not well, not well at all.

Jim: 1:28

It's not going well. They want to arm the teachers and they think that'll solve everything that concept to me is so Lunch Lady Doris will save the day. The 19 Cops will talk about

Bobby: 1:40

like maybe regulations. We're not trying to take away your guns. We're just trying to regulate. Oh, no more guns. We're gonna get more guns. We're gonna arm the teachers and we need better bulletproof glass and bulletproof doors and locks everywhere. I'm like, do we want to this doesn't sound right yeah, it's not gonna work. People are like afraid though that we take away the guns and only the military will have it and they can take us over I'm like, Girl Where the fuck are you at? We're introducing to

Jim: 2:02

you thank you and your your best bud that you jerk off within the deer stand are going to be all take on the US government. I don't know. Just because you have an AR 15 You think oh, you're just going to take on the military worry honey, you can still jerk off with your best straight friend. These dumbasses can't even storm the Capitol and keep it I mean, they think why did they think having guns is going to protect them from the government? They're fucking idiots.

Bobby: 2:26

They stormed the Capitol and then when it doesn't work, they're like it wasn't insurrection. It was just we were just we were just going in there for picture. It's you're ready to take over but you didn't even know when you got in there. You

Jim: 2:35

didn't know what to do. You're like, oh, well, it's

Bobby: 2:37

like, you know, but the thing is, is nobody knows what to do. Because nobody knows what's going on. Because nobody does anything in the government. Oh my god, you

Jim: 2:45

just went off the deep end, honey.

Bobby: 2:46

I did kicking in that shit.

Jim: 2:49

I think he needed another squirt.

Bobby: 2:51

I will in a second moment. Stop pushing drugs on me.

Jim: 2:55

Well, we were supposed to be at the weed Expo today but Bobby chickened out because he's too cheap. No, I

Bobby: 2:59

cancelled because it's like $30 to get in and my pointer not even giving away we. I can't even buy weed there. So like, why am I going?

Jim: 3:06

I'm wondering though, if they would give away like delta eight freebies, which are legal, and that's why

Bobby: 3:11

or CBD, or seven, eight. Now your ingrown toe looks like it's about to be infected again.

Unknown: 3:18

No, no fix. It's a little red.

Jim: 3:20

It's still a little red, but it's coming back.

Bobby: 3:24

Okay, well good for your feet.

Jim: 3:26

You're when you're when to talk. You don't even have a nail on either toe. I

Bobby: 3:29

do. Actually. I'm

Jim: 3:30

both it's about two millimeters long. So it's like your deck. It's like barely there.

Bobby: 3:39

And so yeah, we've had a day we went to a little Mexican place. It hasn't been a long day, but it's been a day we went to a Mexican place. El Segundo we both ate I didn't throw up this time, but Jim almost did. And that's

Jim: 3:51

not my fault. I'm still hungover from two days ago when I went out on a little date with

Unknown: 3:59

a very hot person. Show you a picture and

Bobby: 4:04

you can I would like to be the judge of this I will be the judge with us. Okay, now, we all know that we all have a type so I'm not gonna like really judge you hard for this but I'm How does six

Unknown: 4:14

three sound to you? Depends. Okay. Because I'm six five years so shorter the main bet. Oh, how to six seven sound you terrible sounds sounds like a tree. Too tall. Sounds like I want to be held by Sony six seven.

Jim: 4:30

I'm struggling to find a face pic. Yeah, cuz you're like me and everything else is just you're like me

Unknown: 4:35

and I'm like, I'm literally okay. Yeah, he's a dad. He has three kids. Okay, so yeah, love normal deck. I'm telling you like I love like just now. Free Willy. Free Willy Oh, yeah, three

Jim: 5:01

Willie, that wasn't even like full deck. No,

Bobby: 5:04

I liked the top deck like I like a picture like this. It's like a tee you need to make sure I'm talking about because I've been noticing

Unknown: 5:09

not so that's a lot. Yeah, okay. Okay, I'll take pictures and appropriate why

Bobby: 5:19

he's sending it he's got to know that the world's somebody took it for a reason and people are good people. Just because you're a good person doesn't mean you can't first of all first you're not a bad person because you show your cock. So you need to watch your language and your verbiage. Now does we got rejected this week by scruff?

Jim: 5:40

Yeah, and that I really I'm still reeling from that like I feel it because I thought any any one of us is hot enough for scruff but like no, I guess not. I don't understand why you wrote me Do people know what scarf is? Okay, for those that don't know what scruff is for? Because a dating app for larger people more wary or people's masculine hairy masculine Yeah, they're sending dick is very masculine. Yeah, it was like what part of it is masculine because it's more or less or in the air and nothing masculine?

Bobby: 6:08

Is a masculine like masculine presenting like hairy, a beard. Okay. It doesn't mean you talk masculine but it means you you sort of

Jim: 6:15

says hello, you look at you your little cab, do you want to come on down here and rub Mama's belly hate that sorry, no offense, for those that have that kind of a vocal. That's my favorite thing in the world is when I meet a masculine looking guy and they open their mouth and first of all, it's just like, they open their mouth a purse falls out. Like Hi, how are you? I'm ready to take a call. Oh, Sis, I'm like, it's common. It's very common. Very common. It's at least I don't like tease you. I'm just like my nails are painted. I'm like, you know how I'm gonna sound actually more

Bobby: 6:47

masculine than probably suddenly goes on scruff. um wow. So we were unscrew Oh, we got an email from scruff, scruff one at our bodies. They wanted us to interview this thing called I'm not even gonna say it cuz I don't want to fucking advertise it. But there's this new thing coming out for them, but blah, blah. They reached out to us. So we're like, yeah, we can do that like to interview some of the people certainly people on there are meatball, which is a podcaster there's another person on their fucking hot Dipper jelly. All these fucking people. I don't know. Regardless, we're waiting for like an answer. Sort of like we're just kind of sitting around. I'll send you an email. We've decided not to give you guests for the podcast.

Jim: 7:25

Yeah, this is. This is when you know you're not succeeding. No, but you listen to us. Yeah. And you reached out. You reached out. Then you said sorry. Then you're like we can give you a free preview. Bitch. I'm not I don't want a free preview of your little sock puppet. Fucking sock puppet game.

Bobby: 7:43

Say that again? sock puppet game.

Jim: 7:46

We got beat out by meatball and hot jelly donut. Well, we literally are like, Oh, this is so bad. This is the vocals?

Bobby: 7:54

No. So I listened to their podcast or just as vulgar so it's not that it must be our looks. And they don't like the fats in the fat. I think we put the wigs on and they're like nevermind there to genocide feminine to fam and you really like a lesbian? I just can't get over it. There's nothing about court is not found. I gotta show you mo whelming because you're gonna be like, Oh, I do look like this bitch. She does. It's really weird. Hey, dude. No, it's like

Jim: 8:20

she wants aka man. Man she wears dude shoes.

Bobby: 8:24

I have dude shoes. Now we discovered that I wear straight shoes. Which checks out.

Jim: 8:29

I see Bobby walking around. And he looks like you know, every 30 Something dad who wants to pretend they're still in college, but they can't. Because their knees are bad. Oh, I just look just like great. Do you

Unknown: 8:42

look just like a lesbian? Is that bad?

Bobby: 8:46

No, I don't think it's bad at all.

Jim: 8:47

I mean, that I at least a hot butch lesbian lipstick lesbian.

Bobby: 8:56

I don't know you're kind of in between.

Jim: 8:57

Am I a pillow? Princess?

Bobby: 8:59

You're a pillow biter.

Jim: 9:01

I like pillow horror. I learned Did you ever or? I mean, I haven't heard of that term pillow princess. No, actually

Unknown: 9:08

look it up.

Jim: 9:10

It's a little treat for our listeners treat. We're

Bobby: 9:11

gonna do a little definition. today. We're gonna We're going into lesbian. We're going to talk to our lesbian like, well, we're looking so

Jim: 9:18

let's talk to our lesbian listeners. Let's

Bobby: 9:21

what is it called? Pillow Queen pillow princess. A pillow princess is a slang phrase that describes someone mostly an LGBTQ woman who prefers to receive sexual stimulation more than they do to give it so pillow Princess,

Jim: 9:35

you're just gonna say that's why I wanted to look it up. Um, so you are a pillow princess.

Bobby: 9:40

And I really have been lately I've been doing a new technique. Yeah, what is this? I'm trying to get more sexual. So I figure if I'm gonna be sexually mindful, enjoy. True just like that's the point. That's the goal. So we have this little toy that I got when I first got on Prozac. I was having trouble coming. So I was like, I need like a really high stimulating toy. Yes. So I get this toy ball. Bob, my latest thing is that I'll be like Michael, I want you to use the toy on me. And I will literally ask him to torture me basically and I can't lay there. I'm more like a quadriplegic is the term that has been thrown around. Now I'm not evil is this ableist? No, it's not able this but I don't want to move on. I want to be tortured. I want to feel like I'm not in control. Love this. So like, you're just laying on your butt naked and he's almost killed sometime like it's kind of hard when he's close. Like, I feel like I'm getting to watch

Jim: 10:29

that porn growing up as close to Yeah, man. Yeah, see, FNM close female nude male. Oh, the f&m was like the hottest thing to me. It was just like men walk right? Men naked and women was slapping the doc like get off your clothes and she's like I don't want to see you anyway. We don't want to see the woman so we want to see the nm we don't want the sciatic and male we want the nm so yeah, so I'm the nm in the situation and I'm just laying there like Michael's the CF and he's the CF but then he gets an M and then yeah, I will say this destroy now this is what is this toy that warning of warning to our female listeners.

Bobby: 11:05

Well females have this thing it's like a big old I'll post it right now. It's like a wind it's called the wind or whatever and then you have this little fill one Duan the one Oh, I love them. Oh Allah. So basically you put this little cap thing on and it has a hole that you fuck basically and anyone who vibrates it shakes a hole also shakes the hole Yeah, so when you when you turn on the thing at Zoo and it's like buzzing and they have little like rebels and or what are called

Jim: 11:36

proxies where the pouch jeans. prickles scale ribbed rip, per se.

Bobby: 11:42

And it's great. And that really does the job. I came more than I've ever I almost like double came and then I like and then of course it's the torture like this is what I hate. Ladies and gentlemen, and those who want to play with penises. Ladies, gentlemen is amazing memes and straights the penis is very sensitive when you're done. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. And have this toys toy on it is like hell on earth. Oh, yeah. It's such a weird concept. Because you want the field you want that feeling so bad. And then you get EUCOM. And then you're like, Oh, God, that hurts. Like, you're not I mean? Yes. Like when you so fuck, touch that head, honey.

Jim: 12:18

I told Matt. I was like, keep your hands down. I'm going to keep going for as long as I want. And I tell him that. So he doesn't get to push me away. When I'm after he comes. I get to keep going with mail. I told him I was like, we're not done yet.

Bobby: 12:32

Interesting. To go for to the other day. Yeah, hi. I've definitely I have never gone for two or have you ever double orgasm. Oh, like once.

Jim: 12:42

It was with a vibrating toy. That wouldn't be with anybody. I think it's like you need that type of toy.

Bobby: 12:46

You need your dick to be like I could come and then two months later come again with a toy. But like I know people who don't know people actually. But people talk like they do. Like they can just come right away.

Jim: 12:56

I don't trust them. I don't trust those kind of people, the kind of people who just double come all the time to me when you're in trouble calmer. Something's wrong. Next player. I don't know. So I was in my hangover brain yesterday. And I was having a moment in the late afternoon. Where I let this dog that M dog sitting out.

Unknown: 13:20

You got peanut butter, right?

Jim: 13:23

The fuck? Now Ill sick. That's not for me. And first of all, if it's not chunky, don't look at my deck. I looked at the dog and I was trying to tell the dog I was like, Don't worry, don't be sad. Mommy and Daddy are coming home tomorrow in the afternoon. And then you can go sleep in your house because she like looked over at her house and she wanted to go back into her house. And I said don't worry, you're gonna get to go home tomorrow. And then tonight we're going to have cuddles and you're going to be happy. Okay, so I did that. And then I just like was sitting on the newer hangover brain. And I've been hanging around I stared off into the distance and I was like, why do we talk to dogs like this? Because I'm creating a story about her being sad and needing to see her mommy and daddy and wanting to be in her bed. And I'm telling her it's gonna be okay. You're I'm creating a narrative that doesn't exist in her head at all. She's like, Oh, there's a house. I think it's my house. I smell it. Yeah, that's probably it. I wonder if she's probably not like, I want to go inside and see mommy and daddy. I don't know because they you might just wonder where they are. Right? They

Bobby: 14:38

she misses them. But that's why like their homes though, too. I think they might because like, they know what you're saying.

Jim: 14:46

They talked to like, I know, like, tomorrow mommy and daddy are coming off the plane and coming home. Like they don't know. They have no idea but I'm telling them like the full fucking story. Daddy's gonna be fun mommy later, Daddy's gonna have his big ding dong swinging in the way No if

Bobby: 15:00

it's anything that I heard of it is

Jim: 15:04

so I'm just like trying to figure out I'm like, why do we talk to dogs like that? And I think it's more for us than them because like that didn't help her at all. I'm gonna say I think oh no you're full you really in your bed Wow drug seemed fun we breath a

Unknown: 15:29

little bit little bad

Bobby: 15:33

dogs are very in my opinion.

Unknown: 15:36

You need them and

Jim: 15:43

Oh shut up and Bobby is very junior high.

Bobby: 15:47

Oh weird I wonder why? Because every day I need to get high to live my life I am sorry. Oh my God, that's depressing Oh, in this world

Jim: 15:59

you are blocking most of the not and not well.

Unknown: 16:03

I wonder why you're so close to me. Okay, there we have it. Wow, I'm

Bobby: 16:09

sorry. It's fucking Christ.

Jim: 16:10

It does cause Yeah, like thinking about I'm like, wow, we just really talked to dogs like humans and they're not and they're not experiencing what we're experiencing at all. They're literally like bathroom, food sleep. And then it's just like, that's it. We're like, oh, they have a full brain like,

Bobby: 16:27

they don't. They don't. Yeah, I

Jim: 16:28

don't know. They don't care.

Bobby: 16:30

I don't know my dog. No, sorry. She's smart. And she's better than everybody else. Your

Jim: 16:34

dog could get adopted and be fine in another home. And wouldn't even probably think of you until she's I

Bobby: 16:40

don't do any dogs do. Yeah, they don't. They're there for I feel like your dog though. In particular, like, whatever dog comes to you and whatever dog you connect with. There's a reason

Unknown: 16:49

it's the god it's the universe. It's the

Bobby: 16:52

god universe.

Jim: 16:54

The universe period.

Bobby: 16:56

I do believe that they come in your life at the right time. And that they can also Like I remember my dog growing up like, there be times I was a closeted gay kid. Laying with my puppy. Being like sad.

Jim: 17:08

Oh, good. I thought this was going down the sexual route now ah, and I would I would touch the balls

Bobby: 17:14

my asshole in front of her face and give her some peanut butter and my whole

Unknown: 17:20

I'm not actually a fan.

Jim: 17:23

Why did you have to go to the hole? Well, I just thought most straight boys would do the deck and you went to the hole which explains that every explains everything. When when your parents walked in with your whole spread and peanut butter. I don't know fuck. He's a gay not at all. At least it feels on his cock. We one thing we could explain that.

Bobby: 17:39

But yeah, she would lay there and like be upset and she would make me feel better. I love so I think dogs really are man's best friend. I know. That's and I can't say the same about cats. I'm sorry. I can't ask you not cats are not man's best friend. Cats are fucking bitches. And they're annoying. And they get whatever they want.

Unknown: 17:55

They actually do like they don't really like you know, they're just like, they're like, Oh, well, thanks for the food. Thanks for the food. I

Bobby: 18:01

guess you shouldn't a box. Okay, okay. Hey, cats. I'm sorry. No offense for cat people.

Jim: 18:07

I mean, I like certain cat. I'm happy for you. It's just that a lot of cats don't follow the trend and are not nice. But then there's like one out of 20 cats. I'm like, Yay, Kitty.

Bobby: 18:18

I'm not a fan. Wow. I'm not a fan at bars. I'm not a fan. I'm anywhere. Sorry. throwing that out there bars just throwing it out there especially dog friendly bars. Um, so yeah, that's a really interesting concept, though. What do you talk to yourself?

Jim: 18:36

Oh, all the time. All the time. I'm talking to myself. Or other people are like, Why are you saying that? And I'm like, that's just for me. I'm like, I'm gonna go downstairs and get a glass of wine

Bobby: 18:48

or you like have to like tell yourself what to do inside your head. And some people

Jim: 18:52

will be a big boy and clean. I literally have to do that. Yeah,

Bobby: 18:55

I need to remember like, okay, just just go like just, it's going to be easy. Don't be fat. Don't be rude. Why would you tell yourself don't be fat because I have an eating disorder. Why? No, I

Unknown: 19:06

thought you ate a lot of lunch but

Bobby: 19:09

I mean those tacos were good sorry. I usually don't eat that much girl. You know it but I want you to again I probably need again ice for dinner.

Unknown: 19:19

Cuz that's healthy. It's not sad at

Bobby: 19:22

all. That's not bad at all. I don't know why I'm so

Jim: 19:24

overweight. I probably haven't half gallon of ice cream for dinner

Bobby: 19:28

with a little chocolate sauce but at least it didn't have real dinner. I wish I had both. Most people though I feel like I know there's some Christians that believe that the inner voice if you can Christian those Christians think that the inner voice is really gone. That's dark sided. No, that's God they think that's God.

Jim: 19:46

That's horrifying. Because it got you honey. God should not be talking the way I talk to myself. You fat fuck get out of the shower. You fucking asshole in the shower. Look in the mirror and I'm like you fat fuck.

Bobby: 19:56

I have been dealing with that lately too. But actually, I'm trying to love my body more but it's God's been

Jim: 19:59

yelling You lately God's yelling at me that I'm a fat fuck. I gave you this wonderful life and a beautiful body and you've gotten it fat you've ruined it if ruined it. You have arthritis in your thumbs from playing too many video games you overweight or I know God's probably pissed and the more the more he gets angry the happier I am. No, it's just weird

Bobby: 20:21

life is really weird because I do feel like I'm slowing down. I'm not actually I do as I get older, I do feel like I'm slowing down slowing down. They also said slow walkers have a higher chance of getting dementia. You walk so slow. You waddle. It's because I'm trying to walk like everybody else, but I have that fucking penguin walk. So I'm trying to walk normal, so it's slower because I can't cross my eyes. Like I'm trying to go pigeon toe. Yeah, it hurts to be normal. I just trying to be like everyone else.

Jim: 20:51

Actually, as people gain weight, though their feet naturally go outwards to like balanced better. So overweight people usually have knees and legs that lower legs go out.

Bobby: 21:02

I've always blanked them so and I haven't always been overweight. So yeah,

Jim: 21:05

so somebody was have it. I was like,

Unknown: 21:06

Look why you will click a dog. Oh my god.

Bobby: 21:10

When I was 70 So sad. It's fine. It is what it is.

Jim: 21:13

I wrote his God. Tell yourself about that.

Bobby: 21:15

What does God say? Because why did God make me duck footed? Why? Why don't I have toenails anymore?

Jim: 21:20

Why don't I have a beak? webbed feet? Why don't I just swim around on a pond?

Bobby: 21:24

Why don't we have so anyway, your inner voice is really important, but don't think it's God, please. Psychopath motherfuckers speaking of inner voice,

Unknown: 21:33

okay. i Oh my god, there's my weak book.

Jim: 21:39

It's been here since last week. Yeah. Are we surprised? I

Bobby: 21:42

didn't. I forgot to put the plant over it. I couldn't find it for the longest time. But I also was high. Because I was looking for the weed book as high as your high. I know. I have a problem. I'm getting high all the time. Every day is it a problem though?

Unknown: 21:55

Are these on? What are the where's my fucking?

Jim: 22:00

It was on there. Did you knock it off?

Unknown: 22:03

Or fog?

Jim: 22:06

Hopefully mine picks up isn't even on. Yeah, I

Unknown: 22:09

put it on. It'll probably pick. That's sorry, everyone

Jim: 22:14

has been buried underneath the hole if you would stop grabbing your mic so often.

Bobby: 22:18

Trying to just

Unknown: 22:20

get it clipped on. Okay.

Bobby: 22:22

So anyway, I've been getting high lately and whatever. But I had a moment where I was like super high and I was like, I'm gonna write zactly what I'm thinking and just keep writing and not stop not analyze it just keep writing stream of consciousness. So the first thing that my inner voice said to me was this is like, I hope like I'm okay, I hope

Jim: 22:45

it only did check you in Yeah, you might

Unknown: 22:47

get that feeling once you make it to the top of your dream after you make it there and you go down a little bit you're gonna always want to feel that way again. As she can continue to chase that high. So we'll okay so anyway, I'm not gonna read that cuz I can't read it. So will you ever be worth anything? Or ever? I should appreciate

Jim: 23:09

it I'm sitting here listen like

Bobby: 23:13

and such as like and there's like sometimes when you reach the peak in you again Oh, but I thought about it like think about okay, okay think about let's just pretend I'm Britney Spears Well she's about let's just say you are as crazy as Britney so yeah, all sudden we get this contract and we make some money and we're really popular but like we kind of fade a little bit but we're still like pretty popular. Okay. You're always going to be chasing the next the next thing I see so you're never going to be fucking satisfied and that's why I kept writing like weird things about being so this is gonna go oh my god I'm crazy

Jim: 23:58

yes

Bobby: 23:59

I oh well get ready honey. I was I I'm gonna

Jim: 24:04

read exactly as I wrote it please do right

Bobby: 24:21

so I think I was a oh it makes sense.

Unknown: 24:29

Look up jewelry bandanna

Bobby: 24:32

look up jewelry bandana the beaded Vandana.

Jim: 24:35

I'll post it now I mean, I was a Native American woman who smoked piece pie

Bobby: 24:39

picture myself like doing like little Fanny with like a little feather or something. I'm saying I was her. I feel that way. And I'm sorry. And then I wrote

Unknown: 24:51

that tonight, but have you ever thought of your somebody? Do you ever get the feeling like you're having a Got there could be some hot 20 years is that no? Oh, yeah.

Bobby: 25:03

Okay, so let me I was doing Google voice too. I was doing the voice to text and obviously that's a problem. cannot do this so I thought to myself, Oh my God. Like I'm having a pain here. Weird 20 answer.

Jim: 25:17

Yeah, like you should have what would have killed you by 20

Bobby: 25:19

Maybe not slow growing. Okay, but that's something I'm always like, oh my god something that happens today can affect tomorrow these are deep meta thoughts. This is the one that I'm going to really try. I'm hoping I wrote it right this is one that's like deep. I don't know.

Unknown: 25:34

I'm still fine Bye. How if you don't know? If you think they're nothing You are nothing and if you are nothing are you nothing? That is the case nothing matters at all. But what if it all matters? What if you are something someone to somebody? Something is more than nothing? So like everything to have everything for everybody you have forever to do it. The dawn of your new life Forgive

Jim: 26:12

me, oh my god,

Unknown: 26:14

this is gold. This is gold. Like everyone is looking at me but it's really my energy looking at those people not looking at me. I hate sitting all day by like I've had earlier and now I keep buying it.

Jim: 26:30

So do you ever like Oh yeah, yeah,

Bobby: 26:32

but then he like make it worse. Oh yeah, he just like suck on all day longer until you go to sleep. It's gonna be sucked on until you go to sleep. And usually the mouth heals really quickly. So the next morning

Jim: 26:41

better. I think you need another little shower

Unknown: 26:49

from the Reverend Pat Rob Pike from the riverbed law in rollerblades has been thinking about it. Ali Ali, Ali is my favorite personal

Jim: 27:11

is this just weed? This sounds like math. Okay, well, I'm really sorry that everyone's sure weeds the drug for you.

Bobby: 27:19

I think it absolutely like honestly,

Jim: 27:21

this is concerning shit. Like God damn,

Bobby: 27:25

do you. Okay, so I wanted to like discuss this because I feel

Unknown: 27:29

like it's very.

Bobby: 27:33

I don't know what's happening. I'm very meta lately. We

Jim: 27:36

don't really.

Unknown: 27:37

I'm very introspective. I'm

Jim: 27:40

very word. Yes. Definitely. Or land trespassing. looking inwards.

Bobby: 27:45

Very much so though, like, good. But is it good? I'm writing shit like that. And I feel like I'm a fucking poets part of your process, like bad rock and roller blades. I was trying to like roll on. Like, go on.

Jim: 27:59

I think I think it's just part of your process. You

Bobby: 28:02

think that everybody kind of has to look inward? Do you think people know? Yeah, but do you think somebody would don't even look inward? Is Socrates

Jim: 28:08

say Know thyself? Know thyself. That is your goal in life? No,

Unknown: 28:14

that is that the goal? Yeah.

Bobby: 28:16

And that's why I'm saying it's very bizarre to think like, that's why the nothing in something and everything. Like

Jim: 28:21

I like to get my goals from people who aren't crazy Christian. So yes. Like, my main goal is not to be saved and make it into heaven. I like to focus on this planet. Yeah, like it's what I do today. Right? Yeah. Like it's it makes sense. Like, why don't we get it from philosophers rather than the church? Because the church is fucked up. Like real bad. They're like, it's on the next life. Why?

Bobby: 28:44

What is the next life? Right?

Jim: 28:45

Good deed. So you're gonna be in heaven? Is that whatever new mm. Like, why would we do that? And

Unknown: 28:49

what's forever, forever is now. See

Bobby: 28:54

how you can go in this little spiral zone. If you're really high like me, and then you're like, and it forever is now than what is tomorrow and then you're chasing the next day, and you're on the next stream. I was having a moment about that. Because I was like, Oh, my God. All I keep thinking is like, oh my god, forget like a Spotify. Let's pretend

Jim: 29:08

I feel like what you're talking about is called satisfaction. And how do you get satisfaction out of your life?

Bobby: 29:12

How do you get satisfaction? You really don't have something? Right? How

Jim: 29:17

do you feel satisfied in the present moment, which I do?

Bobby: 29:19

I do, too. I really enjoy. I really enjoy this process. Like I really enjoy creative. It's your Yeah, so like, anything creative to me, is my process. I like how I communicate that everyone

Jim: 29:32

needs to find a process like that something an outlet, a way to express themselves.

Bobby: 29:38

And now how do you express yourself?

Jim: 29:41

Through your mouth, probably through connecting with other people. Yes, I like main actions. like talking to people I like learning their stories. Like we were if you do because when my friend Sabrina and I talked about this all the time making connections. And you do it also when I'm on trips with you, but like even around town like the other day, we were at alibi, that little cocktail bar. And we started talking to the waiter and he opened up and shared that like his father had committed suicide in recently and he lost a friend or drug overdose and we just talked for like half an hour. Interesting. And like made friend, his name's Andrew. And like I was like, interesting. Well, that's cool. So yeah, I just think making connection and learning hearing other people's stories to me is is a great way to remind myself of what why we're here.

Bobby: 30:30

You really are the King of connections and you really, like even today, you take off your sunglasses and go oh, wow, the light or you started sneezing. Oh, yeah. And so he was excuse or bless you, which whatever. But then you started talking and then they were talking to you laughing and I'm like, every where we go forgot. It's like something though. But you do connect instantly with people.

Jim: 30:51

Yeah. So like, that's my way of like, being human. Do you think that I think everyone needs to make connections. I think we're very social animals. And if we don't do it, right, we're in trouble. You're in you just broke your bracelet. And why did you break it? I

Bobby: 31:06

don't know. 10.

Jim: 31:07

You kept playing with it. 10 chains are fine.

Unknown: 31:10

I couldn't get it tightened up. Put on. Put on another one.

Jim: 31:15

I can't stop thinking of you as a Native American woman.

Bobby: 31:17

Well, we could go watch

Jim: 31:20

with a peace pipe. And do you think it was very ceremonial? I don't think any of them ever got high? No, but I do feel like you'd have a ceremony.

Unknown: 31:29

For some reason. I was standing in the shower.

Jim: 31:33

Okay.

Bobby: 31:34

I really feel like do you mean? Do you think that there was a past life though? Sometimes I do. What would your past life character be? Or who were you? Do you ever think about that? Well, I

Jim: 31:46

think if there was one past life, there were probably countless. And

Bobby: 31:49

then how come you can't remember? I picture you as a you're definitely weren't Native American. You were like Swedish. I could see that. I think because you're blonde wig. It's really weird seeing with hair like you kind of look good.

Jim: 32:02

Oh, yeah. Everyone wants me to have hair. Sabrine keeps telling me to go to Turkey to get a hair transplant. Like why do you have to go to Turkey to get that? Oh, because it's the best thing and it's cheaper. And that's where her husband goes. A lot of men in that area are very self conscious about no hair. Really? Yeah.

Bobby: 32:17

Is that a sign of weakness in their culture? Probably like Samsung. Sometimes I think it's a sign of sometimes it will get Oh, who?

Jim: 32:25

Who were afraid of not having hair, you know, who

Bobby: 32:28

don't have hair as more masculine. Same form,

Jim: 32:31

it's more like is because of testosterone in the scalp. So you're so rambley that you lost all your hair. Right? You know, we have big balls when we don't have hair. And we do. Pick a couple of hangers. Low hangers. Babe,

Bobby: 32:44

I don't have low hangers on high hangers.

Jim: 32:45

Absolutely.

Bobby: 32:47

I don't want that tight pouch. You know,

Jim: 32:48

I look at a tight pouch. I'm like, are they inside? And it makes me nervous when I'm like jerking a dick off. And the balls are like right there. So as you go down, you're like, Am I hurting? Am I hurting you but you're not hurting? Oh, you like to have yours, like tackled at the end? That's

Bobby: 33:03

your thing. When I was getting that bond,

Unknown: 33:06

I started getting hit in my balls. And I was like,

Bobby: 33:12

anyway, I'm not actually a fan. So that's my life. Oh, we

Jim: 33:16

just went right back to your bowls. So that's my character. I'm just Swedish. Cool. And what were you

Bobby: 33:24

I was a Native American woman that fanned like the heat. Like that's one lifetime and the others. I think before that I definitely was probably

Unknown: 33:36

Portuguese.

Jim: 33:37

Oh, wow. What did you like egg custard tarts?

Bobby: 33:42

I don't know why I said that. I'm just going on. Instinct.

Unknown: 33:45

Okay, so.

Jim: 33:47

So I feel like when I encounter people, sometimes I wonder if I've had a past life with that person. Okay, I make a connection so deep so quickly that I'm going I know you more than we were we friends before this life, probably, like 100 years ago. Where were we together? Do we live in Brooklyn together? Where we we work in a factory together and we had to go to a factory we spent 18 hours a day together, filling our lungs with smoke indicted 19 vitamin D deficiencies.

Bobby: 34:16

I mean, just think about that alone. Like I keep thinking about the way that this country is about to end probably. And I keep thinking oh my god, all that anybody have to do is get rid of our power was cut the power cord bam.

Jim: 34:29

The assault of the whole like grid you would overheat immediately

Bobby: 34:31

United States would fall to the ground. You don't need bombs you don't need yeah, that's all it's you only what do we do with those guns when they cut the cords?

Unknown: 34:40

You imagine?

Bobby: 34:41

No. Can you imagine if they if somehow let's just say Russia?

Jim: 34:45

Guys, Russia, they don't even need power. So that's the concerning part here.

Unknown: 34:50

Yeah, yeah, that whole situation.

Bobby: 34:52

A lot of people are graduated from high school

Jim: 34:55

transitions. A lot of people have graduated. So

Bobby: 34:58

do you remember your high school Graduation. Do you remember the feeling you had did? Yes. Participate in anything?

Jim: 35:05

I was excited but also concerned. Tell me why? Because I was going to college. So some of us, some of us went to college it was I Oh, really? College Prep. Bam. Ah,

Unknown: 35:20

I know what's college prep. That's the you had to do college prep or tech prep.

Jim: 35:26

Oh, in high school. Would you call it just high school? Everyone went to college? Well, you went to a private school. Yeah, that's probably why I was in public school nearby another different tracks and public school. A lot of times people in public schools don't make it. They don't even make it through school half the time honestly, if they would have advertised to make the money that people can make now getting out of high school just working because actually like going to you what i've done tech prep in a garbage man. Well, I actually had to switch. Because here's what a data college so I failed. Trigonometry. I did. Because I tell the story. No, it's just not an easy course. I failed trigonometry. And I didn't have enough credits. But if I switched to tech, prep and college because I took a lot of computer classes because I wanted to be a web designer at the time, shocker. Another creative hour soccer, soccer, we're going full circle. So I had all the credits to be tech prep and college prep. So I was actually a dual degree. Thank you. I could go anywhere I wanted. I love this. Now,

Bobby: 36:25

if you could go back, I would have told myself, I want you to give the commencement speech now. Like knowing what you know, now,

Unknown: 36:34

what would you say to the class of whatever.

Bobby: 36:38

I don't know what the motorcycles are doing in this neighborhood.

Jim: 36:42

They're probably part of the shootouts that you've been having lately. Family Dollar feeling are

Bobby: 36:46

700 feet away, it literally says on citizen 100 feet away shooting, I'm like, I literally can't even walk.

Jim: 36:53

Bullets can easily go that far. Oh, boy, you want

Bobby: 36:57

me to do my speech or you wanna do your speech or your command match to like, think about it's have a mode where we can both like kind of fill in gaps. If we want, we'll do it together or dual speech, we

Jim: 37:05

have a together.

Bobby: 37:06

Class of 2022, I guess we'll just talk about Currently, I am in the class of 2002. IMO, what you're gonna think here is that the rest of your life is starting now? What do you think, you know, you will not know.

Jim: 37:27

Wow. And what you will learn will take you further than you've ever been before.

Bobby: 37:32

High school was a waste of time, it was a place for you to go. So your parents didn't have to watch you.

Jim: 37:40

It was a nice way for your parents to think that you were going to make something of your cells, even though they knew you were not. So here you are today, you're sitting here in your gowns. Some of you look good, others they don't. So you have acne scars, some of your tips are too small. Some of you have so many guys are queers, a little bit of queerness going under the robe. Some of you are currently pregnant and don't know it yet. Some of you have had a baby. And that's had abortions. And that's preferred well,

Bobby: 38:09

and honestly, you might be the last set of abortions available in your age bracket, legally.

Jim: 38:15

So to stock up on those pills, now. We're gonna need them.

Bobby: 38:19

What I would say about your future, and what you have to look forward to is just know that people are absolutely. People are absolute jokes. And when you work at a corporation, eventually, most people don't do anything. In fact, most people are lazy as shit.

Jim: 38:37

And so if you're ever worried about your performance in a job, just know that you can be lazier than anything. And you'll keep your job. No concerns there. And I want you to look on the bright side of things, you survived High School, which means you didn't get shot up in the cafeteria. So that is good for you. Honestly, that's one positive thing that's happened in your lifetime. Now, the workplace, I can't promise that you won't be you know, shot up there, but

Bobby: 39:10

church or mall or the movie theater, or

Jim: 39:13

it can happen anywhere, or in a hospital. Yeah, or if you don't like the doctor that did back surgery on you two weeks before, you can just go in there and shoot them.

Bobby: 39:23

No big deal is 54.

Jim: 39:25

It's wherever you want to go. You can take like, wherever it leads.

Bobby: 39:30

And I would actually we talked about this a little earlier. But I would say if you don't have a plan to go to college, I would actually get a plan then to move the fuck out of your hometown. Because I think the biggest thing that's most important, you're gonna remember this high school and this city for the rest of your lives. And I'll talk about some of you will be stuck in this era. Some of you have already peaked and unfortunately that's going to be rough for you. When you realize

Jim: 39:52

roughly half of you have already peaked. The important thing is to not know that if you know you peaked, then you're going to be depressed for decades. So So, if you're unaware, that's fine. But when we see you at the 20 year reunion, you're still talking about the high school game. Again, no big deal. No UPS when we are coming from the big city to you. That's when you know you, Pete, and it's okay. Because in that timeframe, you've been married for 10 years, you have four kids, and they're going off to college soon. So then you can have your second when you can have your crisis, and then you can get divorce. And then you can find a second partner and maybe it has step kids that you can be the step cool stepmom, and maybe you're hot to them. So don't worry if you peaks because there's always another peak coming in life, like that. Bobby is currently on a second peak, for example, and it's going okay, okay. So

Bobby: 40:41

just take a look around and look all the fats and the uglies around you. Because those are the ones that are gonna be hot and successful.

Jim: 40:47

Ladies and gentlemen, the queries if you made all the queries, you're not going to hear it. You're

Bobby: 40:50

gonna look around right now and think everyone here is straight, but then you're going to find out that about 20 of them were actually queer.

Jim: 40:57

And if you made fun of the quiz, you're probably the one on Grindr hooking up in your workplace bathroom. Don't be surprised. So don't be surprised if there's a dick in your mouth in about 10 years. Okay, so just remember, did I make an appearance or not because you should prepare your whole and now and also, if you made fun of lesbians, they're probably going to be beating you at coed softball soon they were the teen years or

Bobby: 41:21

you need a lesbian friend to fix your would work out.

Jim: 41:25

Any tools that might not? Kudos, good news, homemade water every time you have to move. If you need to pack a U haul, you're gonna have a lesbian friend that you could have had that you made fun of them in high school. So just reflect on your life to reflect on your life. Think about where have you been? And what what did you do wrong? What could you do better? What could you do better? That's a question everyday wake up. What can I do better? I only had seven white calls yesterday. Can I have eight today?

Bobby: 41:50

Or five six? Because that might be

Jim: 41:53

in Bobby's case of for edibles. not working anymore. Do I have to take two? Rock out. So in conclusion, in conclusion because you're witnessing the societal collapse of the United States, every empire muscle we're at? I like days. So enjoy all you can. And applause

Bobby: 42:24

Congratulations, class of 2022.

Jim: 42:29

And now let's go get drunk at all the backyard graduation parties and hot guys into the pool. I just had so many feelings of shame. Come over me. Over Me and you should you should show you should feel I feel shame for you

Bobby: 42:41

feel dirty. You should feel old and you should feel fat.

Jim: 42:45

Check check, check. Wow, I really liked our graduation speech. I did a good job. I

Bobby: 42:51

think we did a really great job. I

Jim: 42:52

think that now Now, speaking of graduation speeches, there was a speech in Marion Marion, Ohio, and this is present day. This is not a made up speech on a podcast. It's a real speech that the class had to listen to. And the commencement address the dresser said that they should follow biblical laws and if they're going to get married, they female should be with a male and a male with a female. Like, you know, they're getting on Noah's Ark. That's how he talked to these people. And that's 2022 I think it's public school school. We have to listen to this dumb ass. This 60 plus, and this is what I'm talking about when I'm like Christianity is ruining our country. It's poisoning mine

Bobby: 43:36

fully like what is that when you're speaking? There was a shooting two days before you could have been like, Guys,

Jim: 43:41

let's talk about peace and love to shoot each other. Let's not kill each other. Nope. Let's let's I've got to talk about political marriage because it's so important to me and my family and my Christian family. And if you don't do it, we're all going to hell. It's like why how does it have any impact on you? Like so I want to know is like these people. It's like, okay, so why are you talking about it? Right? Like, you don't have to get an abortion like why are you You don't have to hear what I do married. It leave us alone and they had an abortion. Leave us the fuck alone. It's so sad literally. Like stopped alone. Just leave us alone. We don't bother you. We're not Grindr goat hildren I don't go to a church and talk about like, Hey, you guys are violent. Remember how you killed that abortion provider? You guys firebombed an abortion clinic? Hey, remember that? I don't talk about that with the Christians. I'm just like, Oh, that's nice. Yeah, have fun at church on Sunday. These Christians Oh, they're constantly coming after us. They are literally coming after us all the time of the time. There was audio or a trans bill that was trying to be passed in Ohio that actually great. Yeah, it just was like genital they want to literally look at the genital so if you're so were the groom were 10 years old, right? We're the ones trying to turn your children gay and we can't have both even mentioning a child to dad's love, we can't. We can't talk about that in the classroom. They want to look at your kid's genitals, just to be sure you're, you're a tomboy, we better check to make sure you have a vagina. Let's look. Let's look down that little girl's pants,

Bobby: 45:17

right? So you can be the star football player. And they're gonna you might have on my grow. And it could take two weeks to process this you might lose your senior year because you might be a little feminine, but you still can throw football,

Jim: 45:29

or just like a really, but also who the

Bobby: 45:32

fuck. If you are catering

Jim: 45:35

if you were gonna come to me and be like, I'm gonna look at your kids junk at school. I'm gonna like absolutely the fuck not. You're not. They have to get it. Yeah. Oh, no, you're not.

Bobby: 45:43

Here's another thing that I would like to say. You're so concerned about women's sports, but like, do you see the inequality that happens when women's sports how they don't pay? They don't get the

Jim: 45:51

literally? What women's sports do you watch? I would like to know that. Do you know why you don't watch them because they don't play them. You can't turn on ESPN and watch women's sports when there's a fucking March Madness basket NBA Finals, hockey, plays baseball, then football, to basketball. It's Jay saying it's nonstop men's sports. And here's the other thing I read recently about why women's sports came about as a thing in the early 1900s bands obviously. No, it's because women were winning. So there was like sharpshooting tournaments, there were archery turn, oh, all of these other tournaments that aren't just sheer physical strength. Women were beating men. So what did they do? They made women's categories. They said women can't compete in sports, because they have such repairs. Everybody. Women are better at a lot of sports that men play as well. A lot of sports. I'm just saying like, watch out, bitch. Yeah, I think if you think it's all track and football, like you're wrong track and field. It's just crazy to me and like the people have never cared about women's swimming or suddenly up in arms. And I'm like, you've never watched it a day in your life. You've never followed it. You can't name one other famous women's swimmer. But now you're like, yes,

Bobby: 47:04

Lea Thomas my my boss. It's like you're just mad because somebody's actually

Jim: 47:08

someone's fired you up. Fired you this isn't fair. Our whole country's not fair.

Bobby: 47:13

Life's not fair to me. They don't want to hear it though. No, they don't they don't want to hear it

Jim: 47:17

they want to talk about this tiny issue which has nothing to do with their general life at

Bobby: 47:23

all they're not worried about guns but you know what they are worried to be on Fox News.

Unknown: 47:27

Well in general not talking more about the pot psychosis violent behavior connection

Bobby: 47:36

well that's a very good question Laura. They are literally trying to now be like well, because PA is legalized these capitalists fucking Republicans I don't know why they don't want weed legal first of all half of them smoke it but second of all, it's money okay, but they're trying to now blame not say gun violence is not because of weed because of weed. It's the it's high yield problem, honey. Okay, you know, I'm high I'm on the couch I'm not going to a school with guns. I'm going to be sitting on the couch with ice

Jim: 48:06

cream. Well, you know, as legal weed and is very similar to us in every way. Culturally. Canada. Yeah. Canada, you can go in any province you can buy weed from a dispensary if you're over 18 So so so they have the same type of people same culture will warm read, they've got all their mental health issues. They have everything we have, but they don't have as many guns. And they don't have the mass shootings. But we want to blame weed here. Even though they have weed legal, it they're really grasping and this is where I'm like the collapse is coming because happening these people are struggling so hard. They're either gonna overreact or they're gonna give up. I don't think they're giving up I think they're gonna overreact we're gonna go trying to seize all our rights away, take

Bobby: 48:47

them take them take it, we're not gonna it's not gonna we're not gonna like either either. We're gonna have a new country or they're gonna have no country but somebody's gonna break your pick. I'll take West's United States

Jim: 48:56

you know what I would say is they can have all their trashy red states Yeah, take all the red state because guess who's not making money the red state All right,

Bobby: 49:04

they're literally literally here

Unknown: 49:07

because of us. Yeah, it's baggage. Whore. Oh, wow.

Bobby: 49:13

Well, that's now I need you to watch this. The last thing I'm gonna do is watch it as well. I want you to watch this and I want your first your reaction after but second of all, I want you to tell me okay. I bet after listening to this you'll feel tingles in your body listen to let me know. Know I feel the tingles, but not I think since the hair I felt tingles of embarrassment. That was terrible. I am literally going to do a spoof video of that like that in a way.

Jim: 49:55

That's not light language. Like she made that up.

Bobby: 50:00

And she has a tons of you the money to do grab these cities who?

Jim: 50:08

I mean, that's not that's not language.

Bobby: 50:09

I'm like this girl has 20 Like Meanwhile, I'm sitting here in a whole goddamn fucking studio that I've built. I'll post a video, I'll get three likes, and then

Jim: 50:19

you feel the tingles. You're like, No, not really.

Bobby: 50:24

I swear to God, that's gonna start to I'm gonna be like, I don't really feel the weight. Oh, tell me if you see it. I'm gonna start doing shit like that when

Jim: 50:29

I post up. No, I don't feel the tingles like No, I actually called out like

Bobby: 50:33

I did when I did it yesterday, but the more you tingly Yeah, but I think it was. Oh, that's really thick right now. I love it. Oh, I hate my

Jim: 50:40

Tet. Everyone loves tits. Just relax. Man. Women both men Wilmot Wellman that will I'm a well known him a woman. They've EMS. Any housekeeping we need to do sundries. sundries. We have a lot of trips coming up. So we're in trouble. We're in trouble. We're gonna try to keep feeding you guys spoon fed meat and corn cheese.

Bobby: 51:01

Cheese, cheese.

Jim: 51:03

That's the first thing I thought oh, this is very fancy charcuterie here, we're

Bobby: 51:06

gonna be sure scootering your whole Oh, and that might be the title. Yeah, we're gonna be a charcuterie for your whole there's some trips, there's some things so we're trying to get ahead, but we're also gonna fall behind and that's fine. Sunday for me it would be I feel like I got out all my stuff. Like I did have my a crisis in my weed book. And I apologize for anybody who like gets freaked out now.

Jim: 51:28

I'm concerned, but I'm not I won't be concerned.

Bobby: 51:30

I it was just me trying to like be deep and like, I was trying to just listen to my own voice without interrupting myself. Okay, because it's really easy to interrupt yourself. Like when you're thinking of something you're like, Wait, what was I thinking? Especially when anyway, when you're high it happens. If you only

Jim: 51:46

know. Well, I just felt high listening to that explanation. It's

Bobby: 51:50

fine. And honestly, Fuck if I get fuck everyone. Except for the class of 2022. The class of 22 is going to define well the class 2022 Let's say 20 years. Do you want to ask classes? Oh, and

Jim: 52:03

23 Hopefully Florida is half underwater. It may be

Unknown: 52:10

who? I'll be 57 Oh, wow. And you think the tickets are bad now?

Bobby: 52:19

Oh, they're going to be down here. Can't wait can't wait. Um, be like, you're gonna have a bra for your scroll down but oh, that really might need to be a thing. Yeah, it's gotta plasti it's I don't know everything's just like shifting. It's just like, things are getting old things are getting young things are not young. Not my whole like everything about us is just aging like I said the vintage thing but it's also like our holes are getting bad. Our dicks are getting rough. Our like our balls are have been so squished in between our legs for so many years that you I'm saying like everything about us is just getting weathered down. We are weathered. We are literally rode hard. It was a terrified screen. Yeah, no, it was very, let's be honest. So anyway, that's my sundry. I don't really know. We're just all dying. So everyone have a great week.

Jim: 53:07

Have a great week and we'll catch up with you next week.

Bobby: 53:11

This has been another episode of I don't want to say that. Yeah, that's been another episode not well. As you know,

Jim: 53:16

I'm Bobby I'm Courtney. Or Jim.

Bobby: 53:21

Well, hi Your name is Courtney. But then I had a Taylor court I like court better yeah my court you fucking Yeah, I mean I guess that's

Unknown: 53:28

it we're gonna do like a face for like like look straight in like I think your face is too big for that. I know it's like that. It's like really well it's this right here I think it was so much better now. Oh my god me like it Justin Bieber would like to add more elements later that Slater is getting a headache I feel like I wish it was like something that came out that we can have a reaction to I feel like which is okay, we need to be a little more evergreen, but I feel like