We weren’t just blacked out; we were spiritually somewhere else for eight days.

Untitled - September 18, 2024

00:00:00 Unknown: Jesus knows the truth. Jesus knows the truth. Well. Well, we're back. Hello, everybody. Welcome to another episode of Not Well. I'm Bobby. I'm Jeb. We have been through the ringer. We have been through the ringer and back. We've been through the ringer and back, literally. I mean, I... I'm surprised I'm alive. I'm at that point where I'm looking back like, how did we do it? How did my body do it? I mean, I'm looking back and thinking the same thing. Like, how did I do it? Well, and the thing is we're middle-aged. Right. Some of us are middle-aged and it's like, even more shocking because everyone's like, oh, once you're over 40, you won't be able to even wake up in the morning before 10 and you'll be a sleep bite. I'm like. I was up at seven. This bitch over here, seven. It was probably like 630. Not me. That was my friends. That was not fucking me. Because they're like. Are you guys ready for breakfast? I know, it's like 6. Yeah, I know. It was literally 6.58. It was all the moms. They're on a different schedule. They're up too early. Breakfast. This is why we don't have kids. Like, I'm not doing breakfast before 7. We just were blocked out six hours ago. I had room service delivered with three CDs and pizza at 1 a.m., and you want breakfast by 7. My body's confused. Yeah, I honestly don't get it. I don't get it. So let's tell the people what we were talking about and what kind of happened in the past couple weeks. So the past couple weeks, we well, we didn't decide. We planned on going for my birthday, my 40th birthday. I was like, what did we do? To PV where I forgot my weed gummies. And that really set the tone off. That set the tone for me. When you told me that day, I was like, you what? I was like, so I'm going through my bag as I get there. I'm like, where the fuck are these gummies? Because I packed the gummies. Didn't pack them in the bag, but I packed them in the goddamn fucking whatever. So they were here somewhere. They were on the bed over there. So when you got home, they're there. Yeah. No, they're still there. Okay. It's the fact that I didn't throw them in my bag and thought I did, but then I was like panicking. You were searching. At the airport, you were like... They're in here. Oh, I made it through. They're in here. I made it through. I fucking made it through. It was literally nothing. When you go through PV Airport, it's like they're looking for fruits and vegetables, not weed. Right. Or fruits. Whatever. And vegetables. I'll be the other way around. Yeah. Oh, my God. So I, like, lay around and stuff. I like that. We're like a vegan's dream. We're fruits and vegetables. So yeah, so we went to PV and we spent seven days just blacking out. Seven nights. Seven nights, eight days, seven nights, eight nights, seven days. Seven nights, eight days. No, other way. Saturday, Sunday, and then that's two. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. That's nights. That's six plus two is eight. Days. Okay. We can... Okay, so you thought that was a day. We had a day. That's a day. I mean, I wake up at 11 here when I can. My body went into full shock that first day because I couldn't find my weed. And then I was like, I'm cold. And I was like in the pool, like freezing cold in the 90 degree humidity. I forgot about that. Yeah. I thought you were sick down for the count the whole time. I was like, oh, my God. I thought you were sick. You had a blue nose, blue lips. I had to lay down. You had sweat, but you were cold. And you were just also in a Speedo. When you travel, when I travel personally, I am different than others. I can't just get off the plane and be like, all right. No. Michael's talking about flying red-eye to Argentina and waking up in the morning and then going for a full day. Uh-uh. I can't do it. I can't. I just can't do it. It's not worth saving the money over. No, I can't do it. Like, it's just not cool. Well, in this trip, like, it's great to get places early. But for me, if the flight is taking off before 8 a.m., I'm fucked for that day. Right. I'm going to be exhausted. And then you get like loopy exhaustion where you're like, where am I? And I'm like, why am I this tired? I still slept like almost five and a half hours the night before. It's just different. But it's because of the travel. The travel in the morning is very interesting in the morning. I can't do mornings. I hate mornings. See, I kind of like it. I can do 8 a.m., but I don't want to do 6 a.m. See, I like the 6 a.m. I like getting there, and then I'm like, oh, it's still early. Time for a long intermish. And that's on God. And that's the truth. And that's the tea. And that's what happened. Your body went into shock to force an intermish on the first day in PV. I think it might have. Your body was like, why aren't you napping, bitch? Well, and then it started storming and, like, all this shit, and I was like, I don't know what's happening. No, it was great. It was actually great. You guys had so fun that first night, too. That's what was really sad for me is that you guys went to, like, cool little bars, it looked like. Yeah. It was Saturday night. It was fun. It was a little bit. Yeah, it was cool. That's why it was busy. And the other days are not busy. It's off season. Well, some of us were busy. Well, I'm not actually a fan. Well, I was, but... Yeah, you were busier than most of the bars. I was wide open. DP'd. I've rekindled my... Inner bottom. Yeah. We had to bring this up. I know. So let's just paint the picture. We went out for the afternoon. We were like, the girls want to go shopping. None of us wanted to shop. So we went to lunch and we had a nice little long table where all nine of us could fit. It was a good place. That's why I picked it. The freshness of the guacamole and salsa. They just bring it and make it in front of you. So fucking good. There it is. You're like, oh. That's all it is? Freshness. It won't be that good. Guaranteed. It's like, okay. And they're really nice, by the way. Like, I know people think Mexico's, like, scary, and I was one of those people that was like, oh, God. You should have heard my aunt. Oh, I know. Yesterday, she was like, oh, my God, be careful. Literally, or two days ago, she was like, Mexico. Mexico. It's like Mexico. Yeah, I know on Fox News and Trump and everyone talk about how scary Mexico is, but it's literally not scary. It's actually safer than most of the places I've been around here. No offense, I'm going across the border the other way. Hopefully they don't build a wall because I want to go the other way. We won't be able to get back in and that's okay. I would live in PV. I would live in PV. Actually, I've really thought about it. Like it's actually, and it's, it's, it's affordable, right? It's affordable. So you can still travel if you want to. And it goes major, and it goes to LA, it goes to Dallas, it goes to all these directs, Atlanta. So you can get anywhere you want in the world. Honey, I don't know, it might just be our retirement. I would do it. We'll go work at Montomar, which we need to talk about Montomar. Okay. Okay. So we're going to get into my inner bottom, but we got a lot to fucking talk about. So the first day, Sunday, after they went out Saturday night, we go to Montomar, which is like a gay pool. Yeah. It's the only way I can describe it. I mean, it's ridiculous. It's like your fantasy. I couldn't wait for you to see it. Cause like when I came back, we went twice and I like was trying to describe it. Exactly. It's like, exactly. It's like for me when I go to camp, but it's hot people. Does that make sense? Like camp like Buckwood? Yeah. It's like camp, but it's hot people. Like the pool party. There's a lot of people around. There's a lot of sexy bodies. There's a lot of men. It's like... You're right. I mean, it is so... It is like... The people are... They're prime. They're prime. Most of them were, I would say, all the 5%. I would say about 80% were fuckable. Right. There were still 20 that was definitely not fuckable. And I also thought I was going to get spiked. Flower hat? Wait, who's the flower hat? Who's Flower? The guy who had the little flowers and things coming up. Did he tag us? No, he didn't tag us. Oh, he didn't tag us, but we were just in the video. Yeah, there's a group of ugly gays that came. They made up about 15 of the 20% We basically made it onto some influencer's TikTok. Shocker. I know everybody's going to be really shocked, but here we are once again. Once again, almost famous. We didn't even really know we were being filmed. We didn't, but we looked good. We looked really good in every shot. We looked good. You could see our little speedos. We were getting tanned. Bouncing around. So we did Montemar. It was really fun. We met some hot guys in Atlanta. It was just a good, like, drunken. And some of my friends had fun. Some of our friends got into some besties. Yes. Except now I know the owner of And when I go to New York in October, I'm going to try to find this Puffy lipped person. Crackhead. Crackhead. No offense, but like he was. Well, when he says it's a tablet and he doesn't know what's in it. Right. We were like a little concerned. Right. Maybe it was math. And you're like, I've been awake for three days. And he's like, I just took math, I think. And you were like. I was like, that makes sense. Yeah. I never tried it myself, but. Good for you, champ. He was like, well, there's also... He's like, I took Xanax, Ambien... And none of it, I couldn't fall asleep. It may have been meth. I was like, so you mixed meth with- So you just take all these drugs. It's so bad. I mean, he's like, now that you know you can do cocaine with the drag, cleans out back. And I'm like, okay, I don't do cocaine. I'm going to pass. Like, I'm 40. Right. It's lit. Well, he was too. I mean, well, he's there. There's a big comparison, right? I think 40 is a very key age for different roads. Yeah, it's a fork in the road chosen. I'm trying to be young forever, forever young. I'm going to I'm I'm an adult. Yeah, like I'm going to go ahead and take the adult road. I'm not going to go full swing. I'm going to stay here and like kind of close, but I am not going to be the ones like, you want to go cook? literally if I'm gonna do a cocaine I do it silently off a key just like Charlie I went to a rave at 3am in the basement on Tuesday and it's like I don't care that you do that, but I'm not at 40 bragging about it. I'm just going to do my thing and go home and be done. If I'm going to go do drugs, I'm going to do my thing and go home. I saw a meme. It was a picture of someone totally out of place in a classroom, and it was like gays over 30 watching the VMAs trying to figure out who the hell these people are. And it's so true. Trying to be over 40. Right. I mean, oh, yeah, I didn't even think that doesn't apply anymore. Right. But that's what, I know, honestly, a lot of these people are like, did you see this video? And I'm like, nope. They're like, look at the red carpet looks on Instagram. I'm like, I don't even know. Can you talk about something? I know that we're just jumping all over the place and that's the way this episode is going to be. It's... But did you see Chappelle? Chappelle Ron. Yeah, did you see her bitch out the photographer? So glad. We feel like she deserved... Right, so I think she's angry, though. I'm a little concerned about her anger issues because I think she's just not able to handle the fame, and she's kind of coming off as a bitch to me. The thing for me is I don't think you're supposed to handle it. I don't think it should exist. She's saying, I want to be an artist. I want to make art, go on stage, do it for you guys. If you love it, great. Some things you're not going to like. That's it. I don't want you to know everything about me. I don't want you to know my address. I don't want you to stalk me. I don't want to give you millions of pictures. Every time I'm walking around and getting a coffee, I don't want to have to hug 50 people because they think I owe them that. I don't know them. It's like, to me, it is right. I don't think she's handling it, and she knows she doesn't need to. Yeah, I think it's just weird on the outside looking in. Like, it's not how normal, like, normal. Right, the rest. They're publicists being like, girl, keep going. No, bitch. No, turn over at the corner and look. Honestly, this is what's going on. No, fuck you. You shut the fuck up. You shut the fuck up. Not me, bitch. I was like, yes, bitch. So she gives me a vibe of like, I'd actually be really scared to meet her. Like a witch. I would never want to meet her. I'd be like, oh, hey. Like I would never, if I saw her, I'd be so fucking scared because I'd be like, she's going to, she's one of those girls though. This is the thing that these are the girls. These are going to be, this is my friends. These are my, these are the girls that protect you though. Like to protect the gays. So you're right. So she's the one that has that vibe. Yeah. Like, fuck you. If they're like, shut the fuck up. It's scary. She's like, all right, come on. Right. It's kind of bossy with a little bossy bottom. Oh, I like that. So anyway, I just wanted to say that because I felt like it was a very aggressive VMAs and situation. And that came off of Gays Over 30 not knowing anything and that came off of your forking thing. So you were talking about- So Fork in the Road, and that came off of Rise from New York. So Montemar. So we got back to Montemar. Okay, we're back. Why are we... Okay. So we're leaving Montemar, and all of a sudden, Gas comes on from... It's Charlie XCX and Billie Eilish. I couldn't speak English for one second. And I was like... I kind of panicked. I was being a total... I was like living my dream. And I'm like... And then those DJs you were flirting with the whole week. Oh, yeah. I forgot. Twin DJs. One of the twins wanted to fuck me. And I was back... Honestly... It was. Yeah, I was like, it was the perfect time. Because you hadn't fully flowered yet. When I came out of the bathroom, he was standing there DJing, obviously. Yeah. And he looked at me, and he smiled really big, and he goes... And I was like, hey. And then I was like, oh, he's probably just waving at everybody like that. No, he doesn't at all. I never even saw his face. He kind of just did like a, and I was like. Oh, no. So then I get a message and it's like, oh. I wonder if. You're the DJ. Wow. Okay. And so... That's how we started the week, basically. So I was like, oh, my God, this is the best week of my life. Tiptoe around your hole. Like, tiptoe. That's when the hole started getting a little. The hole started to, like, open just slightly. You know what I mean? Like, it's just like, ooh, okay. Okay. So then Monday comes around. We decide we want to go out Monday after we drink all day. And it's literally a monsoon. I'm talking two inches of rain. Two inches? Two inches. Girl, I put my foot in it. It was like for... We're trying to make fun happen. No, going down the street. And when I was there in May, people told me that and I did not believe them. They were like, sometimes this street is like a river. And Matt and I were like, what do you mean a river? It's fairer than a bone here. She's like, no, there's like water just flowing down. I mean, it was... everywhere. And I was like, do they have drainage here? Or is it all just going to the ocean? It goes to the ocean. When you took off, did you see the ocean? The brown part? Oh! Yeah. I mean, it's from the river. It's just from the river, but it makes you think it's not. It looks like shit. who's up the river? That's my question. Who's up the river? I told Matt that as our plane took off. I was like, look at that. I said, Matt, it looks a lot wider from up here because from our hotel, it just looked like a little sliver. You go above the sliver and you're like, oh wow there's a whole entire fucking flood of brown and you're like So, so anyway. So we're going out. It's raining. We couldn't, all the bars were like empty. We tried to make switch on. Okay. Yeah. And actually one was kind of fun. We had fun. La Noche. We made our own thing. We went to La Noche. We were going to go to Spartacus, but then we asked how many people were there. And he lied. And he's like, 10. 10. I go, 10. And he's like, well, 8. 8. And then Jim was like, be honest. It's like literally, there's probably five or four people there. So we were like, and I saw all the people walking around. Yeah, I was like, I know. Do you always see the couples going around and they pass it and then they go back around the whole loop? God damn. I don't know. I'm like, you know where it is. There's a sign. It's not like that hidden. There's not a flashing billboard. If I see what's walking in, I'm not just going to force it. Do you know what I mean? That's the thing about Toronto Steamworks. Right. Because there's a bar right across the street and you can stare at all the people. I just want to go to Toronto. But it's so expensive to go to Toronto. I want to go too. So expensive. But then it's not solo. And then I get yelled at. Well, we can go to, we can go a different time. Yeah, we got to, like, November. That's a good idea. montreal even it'll be cold but like you feel like there's more uncut in montreal versus toronto Honestly, Toronto is more diverse, so there might be more uncut is what I felt. Because Montreal, they were cut on those fucking stages. Well, a lot of the- There was like one out of 20 maybe, but like- I'm trying to get over it. I am too. Because there's so many hot guys with uncut dicks and I'm like, why am I so angry at him being uncut? It's not that gross. It's just, I'm not used to it. Do you know what I mean? That's all it is. It is. It's just I'm not used to it. Most of our fears are just unfamiliar. And you know what's on the other side of fear? Love? Happiness. Oh, wow. Well, actually, when you're afraid of something, the other side of fear is success. The other side of fear is your dreams coming true. For me, I can't speak out loud. I say I can't. So that's what holds me back in my entire life forever. I can't speak out loud. I'd be a sales exec now if I could be like, All right, guys, let's take a look at the TPS report. You have all these ideas. I'm so scared. If you could just be that guy to talk. Can't do it. I could picture you as a straight guy like that. And maybe I can do that. But not as a gay guy. You know what, though? Now that I'm 40, I don't give a fuck. Well, yeah, it's like, what's going to happen? You lose your job? Well, okay, so I'm just older and uglier. Might as well just get up there and talk because nobody gives a fuck anyway. And that's what I'm realizing in life in general. But anyway, we'll get there. This is where then the hole started opening. And by hole, I mean my asshole. So then we went back from the rainy night because we just gave up. Was that Tuesday? Yeah. No, that was Monday night. Monday. And then Tuesday the girls came. Tuesday the girls came. We got fucking blacked out. Until 1 a.m. on the rooftop, I think. Yeah. It was just... We were... It was... Choices. I was blacked out. Yeah. You were... I got frisked with my mouth from... basically, we got drunk that night. Dead, dead, dead. And that's why you blacked out that night. Yeah. And then I decided, guess what? He's back and he's better than ever. And I got porked twice that night. By your partner. By your partner. But that's a big deal. Oh, really? I haven't bottomed in forever. No offense to the listeners that work with me and have to know that I'm a... Total top. That I'm taking dick. I know. It is so demure. I was very demure about it. And Michael said it was the hottest sex he's ever had with me. Because I was apparently really into it. I was like... Because you were blacked out. Well, I mean, it was fun. I remember it. I remember it. But let's just say there was spit involved. And I'm not sure how... How I went from not doing that to just fully taking that. That's amazing, actually. Wait, did I get fucked two days in a row? Yeah. Okay, so then Wednesday, this is where we were going with the good guacamole, the good place. We all were eating lunch. We went downtown with some people. Is that Thursday or Wednesday? Thursday. I thought it was Wednesday. Wednesday. No, because it was Thursday, then we only had one day after that. Okay. The girls wanted to go because we only had the next day, and that was it. Okay. So it's like, let's go shopping now. Oh, yeah, because Sean was gone. Friday they had to leave. Yes. Okay. So we go downtown shopping. We have maybe like 65 drinks. At least. We stopped at like two or three bars. We stopped all over the place. We were like yelling across town. I was like, where's the next bar? And then we go into this little margarita bar next to La Noche. and uh yeah cash only cash only cash only we turned the bar into uh we really did turn it brat like they went to the youtube computer and just started playing playing brat and i was like so this is what that's actually what got me like drunk and hyped I was like there yes we're taking over Mexico I look across and Courtney is talking to some daddy looking guy and I'm like okay He's cute. I mean, he was cute. Yeah. He was definitely cute. I think he was cute. He was. Like, there's no doubt about it. I have pictures. Yeah. Yeah, he was cute. I mean, he was older, so... But I'm older. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. I mean, when I was 20, I was older. You're not 68. He wasn't 68. He said he was. There is no fucking way. Yeah. That's what was shocking. He's over 60. I mean, I could see a 62, not 68. If he was 68, honey. Well, he's retired and he's down there. Is he retired? He didn't retire in my asshole. Oh. So then. Yeah. So you have to go to his Airbnb. Well, so I go flirt with him. I'm like, and I'm sitting there and then Courtney kind of like fades off. And then Michael comes around. I'm like, this is my partner. All of a sudden it went from zero to 60. I'm in a full blackout again. And I was like, well, where's your place? We should go to your place. And he's like, well, I just moved. He's like, it's up the hill. You can go. And I was like, I'm not hiking. And then he's like, well, I do have my other place that's an Airbnb. Oh, my God. And I was like, oh, okay. And I was like, oh, God, we're getting murdered. No, I knew where it was. It was right off the park. At this point, I thought we were with the cartel. And I was like, we're about to be just chopped up in this room. And here we are like, we're horny boys. It's like tacos de Bobby. Literally. So the three of us go back to his Airbnb where I proceeded to then, which I never do this. I decided to take on daddy. What does that mean? Take on daddy. Take him in. Oh, I thought you meant something else. No, so we all had a little threesome going on, and then I was like, me. Oh, so you were just making out for a while, okay. And he was blowing Right, and that's what I'm saying. That's crazy. Where did that come from? It's my new era. The margaritas? Probably. Tequila. We had tequila all day. That's what it is. Like we literally did though. That's what it is. We stuck, we stuck to tequila. Because I've talked to you about tequila before. I've never drank tequila with you. You haven't. We don't do it around here. We won't even get one. It's... Tequila Bobby was out because I didn't give a fuck. Why don't you fuck me? When I'm in tequila mode, nothing matters. Literally. I'm like, I don't give a fuck what's happening. Literally. I do want to make an announcement that we are being safe with our choices. We did take our doxy. We did take our. Not soon enough. Oh, right away. Right. Not Michael. Yes, he did. He waited till after dinner. He was sick. He's like, we waited until after dinner. 72 hours you have. Anyway, just for your educational. Also, I just got my STD panel, and I'm free of all disease. I love that you got tested. Well, I had to. for PrEP, which is the other medication I'm on to prevent HIV. See, he's safe. I'm being very mature about it, okay? I agree. And maybe that's why I allowed it. Yeah, because it's like, I'm like, I'm on PrEP. You're prepped and pepped. Prepped and pepped and ready to fuck. So I did. So Daddy, we all had a little moment. We took a little shower. It was nice. He walked us to the corner of the street. Sent you off to school. Yeah, gave us kisses, and it was on. Here's your line. And then I was like, we're going to dinner now. Literally, you show up at dinner. Show up, and I'm, like, flushed, and, like, I'm like, hey. And I was like, we had 10 minutes. apparently you don't need lube. No lube, Bobby. I don't know what. That's a scary nickname. I was constipated in Mexico. That's what made everything great. so anyway, this unlocked a new era. Yeah, we are in a new era. So the new era is that I don't give a fuck. Um, I want it all. And I'm like, this is it though for me. And that's what I'm saying. I think it's like, okay, I'm 40. So now it's going, we're going down the hill. So right now I'm at my fucking peak. Like I've got to do what I got to do right now. And then we'll slowly fade. And then we'll become daddies in PV and fuck other people. It's like a circle of life. Does that make sense? Wow. Yeah. You have it planned out now. I like this era. But my new thing is I read about it is taking Imodium. Oh, yeah. No, that's legit. Like before. Like just first, like six hours before or something. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Take some modium, lock her up, get fucked. Okay, Polly Pocket. Thank you. I don't know what's going on. I don't know what's going on. Maybe you're in a manic phase. Probably. I think I'm just, like, happy, because I really did have a great time on the trip, and I really... Yeah, it was a good trip. I had a little emotional, like... I just thought about it. I was like, God, I'm so fucking lucky. Do you know what I mean? I'm not trying to be sappy on the show, but I'm just really lucky. You had 12 people just having fun in another country for a week. It was a blast. Some of us had more fun than others. I don't understand where this is coming from. You're not lucky enough to keep these nasty hairs off your mic. Okay, well, anyway... So I have some things written down. This is something that I think you brought up at Montemar. Okay, are we going to pivot from the trip, or are we still kind of on that? No, we just have a few things. I didn't know if we were pivoting or not. I was like getting ready. So this was something you brought up at Montemar called whole fear. Can you tell me what a whole fear is? I think because I was wearing a thong and you were like, I have whole fear. Like, you can't see holes, like, in public. Oh, my God. Meanwhile, then I'm like, here's my hole. But then you give your hole. Maybe that was the unlocking. Yeah, you had hole fear, but you gave up the hole fear. I just don't. I just don't like thongs. I just can't decide. I just, I'm trying. I'm trying to be. Oh my God. I'm trying to be accepting of them. You know, I know you're a fan now because now this is all you're going to wear. I think it's not true. I'm not going to lie to you. I'm just going to say this to you as a friend. I think you look better in jock straps. Just me personally. Oh, my God. It's true. Why? The way your ass sits with the jockstrap, it gives it more of a pump, if you will. Saggy. Not saggy, but just the way it looks is just different. It's just different. This is more like... I just have seen women in thongs. So every time I see your ass, I'm like... Is it a woman? Is it a woman? Is it a they, them? Like, what is it? Honey, that's a woman's ass because that's taking dicks left and right. I can't even talk about it. I really can't. It's like, let's not speak on women's ass. No, no, I'm not. I'm not shaming women's ass or anything, but I just that's just the way that I like. You want a man's. I'd rather have the jock strap. I don't know. Maybe that's just me. It might be a fetish for you. I'm not going to lie. The thong is coming in. And I'm going to tell you right now, the straight guys will end up fucking doing it 10 years from now. Oh, yeah, they're going to. Remember when they used to call it fag bags and now they all have a bag they carry? Right. Remember when they used to say short shorts faggots and now they're all wearing short shorts? It's next. It's coming. Don't worry. That is so true. They follow us 10 years later, and they think they're so trendy about it. It's like, hi. I know. When I see some of these guys, straight guys dressed- You used to beat me up. Well, I never got beat up, but- I'm one of the lucky ones. Do you know what I mean? Okay, so whole fear. I guess it's a real thing. You've unlocked it. And on the other side of fear is... Happiness. You were going to say something different. I knew that wasn't a real saying. No, it is. It actually is. Look it up. Google it. Google it. Bitch. I'm telling you. Bitch. The other side of fear is it's like something like your dreams, your happiness. I'm telling you. Okay. This was a controversy. Not for us. We agreed, but we both like innie versus outie bellybuttons. I'm sorry. I'm team innie. I think if you don't have an innie, I just... I... This is so... We're so fucking... We're so vain, and we've come off really bad. But... But... Here's the thing that I don't like, okay? And this is going to be really fucked up. Because look at me. I know. I can barely do it. of happiness it's fear jokes of fear yeah oh we're going backwards you're going backwards um when you see like the hernia bump I just am concerned. It's not even a cosmetic issue. It's more like, I'm like, what's happening? And it's like, a lot of the Audis look like they have a hernia. Is that what it is? Yes. A lot of people have para umbilical hernia. Oh my God. And it's like your guts pushing. Right. And I'm like, I don't, It's weird. And if you feel them, they're like kind of hard. Yeah, I can't. I just got a fear. I feel like, can I just make a comment though? No, but I feel like it's with a lot of older men. Yeah. Instead of younger guys. Like I haven't really seen any younger guys within Audi. Think about it. You're right. So is it like something that happened in the hospitals? No, it says you stay big for a while. It presses and presses and stretches and stretches. And then goes the bowel. Great. That's going to be me next. You won't get a parambulical. No, this, this whole. And if you do, they just throw a little mesh in there. Vaginal mesh. I'm not even fucking kidding. Yes. The, the belly button situation. It's definitely a thing. It's definitely a real life situation. Then I wrote Bobby hook up with grandpa. Okay. Well, we already discussed that. This might be controversial. Oh, no. Oh, no. The way I worded it, too. I know we were in Mexico, but I wrote music in Spanish. Just know that. Wow. Because what a con we're like in that one bar, we were playing brat and all this stuff. And then all of a sudden there'd be like one or two songs inserted. That's all Spanish. And like one was a ballad. Yeah. And it was like, yeah. We're sitting there drinking like, how did we just go from crap to this? Maybe that's on purpose in Mexico. Like they turn you up to turn you down to turn you back up. No, it may be their culture. Because you know what I found out? Yeah. You know about the asking for your check. They won't give you your check if you ask for it. Yeah, that's real. Literally, they'll let you sit there all day long. It's at the back. Or the bottom of our menu said that. I was like, that's why they never come fucking over here. You have to be like, hey, cheque. Cheque. La cuenta. Carrot tasting stuff. Yuzu? Yuzu? maybe that's when I burped out. What's that? I heard a loud beep. Beep. Are we getting robbed? No. Okay. Anyway. Um... Now, that was a great trip. Yes. But we have to pivot. We're pivoting. We're fully pivoting. We've got to pivot to the funniest... thing that happened this fucking week. The debate. The fucking debate. And what an absolute disaster that was for Trump. I mean, it... She, I knew she was going to fucking do it. I knew she was going to eat him for lunch. I just fucking knew it. It was so funny. I mean, she was like, I'm going to invite you to go to one of his rallies. People leave early. He's like, they don't leave early. They don't leave early. I'm like, Like, oh, he's not. These are fake. They bust them in. That's. Oh, here he goes. And then when he talks about the dogs, let's talk about dogs. They're cats in Ohio. They're eating the dogs in Ohio. They're eating the cats. They're eating the dogs, the pets. And I'm like, okay. And she looks at him like, yeah, like she goes, are you? I think if we could have had the real Kamala, she'd be like, are you fucking kidding me? Right. Because at one point she said- They coached her to be like that. Oh. They're like, you have to be very professional. But she also had her little like- Yeah, she did a lot of good moves like this. Or she'd be like... That was hilarious. Yeah, I love that when she'd be like... Or just... Like I said, to the American people. She did speak to the cameras. I think she did really great. She spoke to the cameras. She almost called him a motherfucker. He spoke to the moderators all the time. His eyes were down here. He never looked up once at the camera. It's like, hi. Do you know who you're talking to for this? And she called it out. She's like, he's all about himself. One thing you won't hear is him talking about you. And then everything he did after that, he was just talking about himself. Right, he doesn't ever talk about. It was so. It's kind of sad. It's sad to me that people then came from that and think that he won the debate and there's people that are still going to vote for him. Or that he won in 2020. Or that Jesus anointed him. These are real things they think God has anointed Trump. I'm like, what? I don't get it. It's a different reality. I'm not saying being a Republican is the problem. It's this MAGA bullshit. Because if you notice, there's Republicans that are now on the other side being like, we're not associated like it's kind of sad the whole party got ransacked by this crazy because those ones are like how do we move on from this unless he loses again we get him away and he's done or dies They were trying to like. We can't move on. Right. And they're trying to like be like, yeah, that's our party. Yeah, exactly. And they're all behind the scenes going, God fucking damn it. What are we doing? These dumb asses. So it's tough for them right now. We need to feel for our Republican friends. You have really started a new era. But I did see something somebody posted on Facebook. You're bisexual or bipartisan. I'm a bisexual bipartisan. I'm not bisexual. Yeah. Not anymore. You're bipositional. I don't even like the top. Side? Yeah. Side to side. Back to back. Side to side. Side to you. Yeah, so that was very interesting. We've got a lot of things coming up as far as like, as far as the presidential debate is concerned. Fuck is that? Now, I do want to like... I'm glad you wrote shit down because I don't know if I have anything. The part where the debate moderators were like, Oh, what's your health care plan? Because you've been talking about how you're going to get rid of Obamacare and like come up with a new plan for nine and a half years. And then he's like, I have concepts of a plan and they'll be coming out real soon. I'm like after nine. They were like after nine years. What? What a way to phrase it. I know. And she was like. She was like a gay man up there. She was like, this queen over here wants to come for me. This was very gay. So gay. She was so gay. She was like, I mean, there were times that I actually thought she was going to come unglued. I was like, Oh my God, she is going to, when he's called her, when he said, did you hear him like call her a slut? Basically. He said, she says she's black. She's not black. She sleeps or she gets around. I know that I'm not supposed to say that, but she gets around. Oh. Yeah, he said it. Yes, and it was like a quick little, it was like in between, and she's like, her father's a Marxist, she's a Marxist, and it's like... And she was standing there and I was like, oh my God, I think she's going to come unglued. I was like, this is the moment that she's going to absolutely be like, fuck you. But then she's like, he's just so crazy. She's like, She's like, well, we're ready to move forward. Are we tired of the same bull? And it's true. Are we tired of this stuff? Are we still talking about the same shit? And then my favorite thing of the debate is when we have Trump saying like, You're you. My tariffs were so good. You kept them in. But then in the same breath saying, but you ruined the economy. And I'm like, so. So your tariffs ruined the economy. So is the economy ruined or your tariffs working? And if they're working, that's great. Then leave your legacy and go away. But like, if they're not working, then don't. say they're still here. It's all confusing. You had four years to do what you're saying you're doing. And he doesn't even realize who pays the tax. He acts like other countries pay the tariff. They don't pay it. It's the companies here who import the stuff who pay the tax. And then we get the cost. Right. And then, oh, weird. It's weird. We pay more for the item. It's not that China pays more. I wonder if that's why inflation happens. Huh. Huh. Is that weird about the economy? And suddenly we are... Such as maps. And all of a sudden we are... South Carolina. And such. That's Pam. It really is. Pam! Yeah. That was unhinged. Very unhinged. That's how I feel. Very anti-Demir. Very anti-Demir. I'm very anti-Demir. I'm very... Grateful? Grateful. We can touch on that. Am I great? Yeah, I'm grateful. I'm actually really sad. Jack, am I great? Oh. I have something to say that's sad, but nobody's going to care. So I'm just going to say it. Because it's the fall. Oh, no, it's Bratfall, babe. Oh. There ain't no fuck... I hope she comes out with a new color, too. I'm ready for, like, an orange, like a nasty orange or something. Fuck it. Fuck it. Or, like... I don't want... I don't either. Yeah, I don't like it. We gotta go back. We gotta get a doll. I was like, girl. Girl. Doll fault. What if it was like a pale pink? Okay, I could do. Like a cute little pink. Or like a. Oh, a periwinkle. I could do like a purple. Yes With yellow writing Back to back to back to back to you Okay The sad news for me is And it's not a big deal for me at all really Well it doesn't affect me directly But one of the hockey players got killed And we were gone. So that was where a star hockey player who signed in Columbus and nobody even saw that coming. He wanted to come here to start his family. And he knew Columbus was close to New Jersey, which is where he's from. He was playing in Calgary. That's where he got drafted. Way far away. So he wanted to be closer to his parents. So he visited here and he loved it because a lot of the ex-hockey players stay here because it is a really great hidden gem. It's easy. He was home for his sister's wedding, and they just did the rehearsal dinner, and him and his brother, who also played hockey or whatever, took bikes back. They're like, oh, we're going to ride back like normal people would do. From dinner to their house? Yeah. Okay. And they get struck by a drunk driver and they are dead on the scene. Dead. This is like a huge hockey. They call him Johnny Hockey. And he also is very little. He was five foot eight, five foot nine. And he was like really small. And they were like, you're never going to make it. And he like was a superstar. Anyway. Wow. So that's been really. That's pretty amazing. Yeah. So it's been a really, I really didn't realize that. And I know it's sports. I know it's all this shit, but like. Dead on arrival. Yeah. Yeah, it affected me, though. Really? Well, I also watched the funeral. So you were reaching for it. Oh, I was reaching. And the wife. No, the wife, what she said, she was like, she said in Columbus and she started crying. She's like. I wish we could have spent more time with you. You're the best thing ever. Like she's like, cause she's going to move back home to Jersey. Cause she's from Jersey too. But she's like, but she was like, Columbus was where my babies were born. This is, Oh, she's pregnant too, by the way. And she just told him a week ago, she's nine weeks. Um, so yeah, it's, it's horrifying. If you watch her speech though, she talks about like, it's, Oh, that's so sad. It is horrifying. So, Anyway, that's something that's been weighing heavy on me, so I don't have to bring down the mood. So should we ban alcohol? We should ban alcohol. Ban it. That's the only way to... I think we should ban, no offense. No. I think we need to ban riding bikes on roads. Well, that is... And I'm not trying to be a dick. That is a topic I have been wanting to delve into. Well, let's open it up. Because do you... Cyclists are some of the most annoying people you've ever... Psychotic. Psychotic. They don't stop. I... I got a century coming up. I'm like, what? What is that? It's like a hundred miler or something. I'm like, you guys are just insane. Imagine their taints and their assholes. They're probably raw. The outfits. The outfits. I do like the front. oh well the tightness of the front right but think of most of the cyclists you know in real life thinking about it don't look like that take a whiff of that uniform when it was up Oh, God. But I'm talking even just regular cyclists. I'm talking like we're going to be going 35 miles per hour and there's like a bike and they swerve because there's a don't know what they're doing. It's so scary to me. You don't know what they're doing. So actually what happened was So there was a car that was moving over to pass them. So I was giving him room and was going over. Well, the guy there was I think it was two lanes. I think it was Tulane Road. Okay. And the guy over here... Two lane on both sides. Yeah, so going this way and going that way. Okay. So the one guy's... The first car A is in the left lane. Okay. Like, moving around. Like, just gonna move around. Okay. Around the bikes. The guy that was in the left lane... Saw the one that was coming over to the left. Car A. Yeah, Car A into left lane. It was slow. Listen. No. Car descriptors. It slowed down, so he then ripped it to the right lane to go around him and then smacked him. Oh, so he hit him head on. Yeah. Of course they were dead. That's why I was like, from behind? No, from behind. They hit him. No. So he was, so the guy was moving over so that he could get around the bikers. I can give him plenty of room. Cause he was going to pass them. Okay. As he's going into the left lane, he's going slower than the guy that's in the left lane. So he goes over the guy in the left lane goes, fuck this. and screwed over. He didn't see the bikers. You said two lanes on both sides and you did. So there were two lanes on the one side of the yellow line. I think so, yeah. Oh, okay. That makes more sense. Or he crossed the yellow line. He was like, I'll pass him on the right. I don't know. He said, I'll pass him on the right. Or he crossed the yellow line. But this is what I'm saying. These are two guys that are not cyclists. They're not wearing their uniforms. They're not wearing reflectors. They're just living their lives. And honestly, it's a summer night. I can see myself... Oh, yeah. We used to take the scooters drunk as shit. Yes, yes, we did. So I'm not saying that, you know, we don't make mistakes, but. Some of us should die for them. No, no, no. But I think there needs to be a lot more... I just don't think bikes need to be on the roads. Like, sorry. I don't know what to do. Is this just your anti-movement, like, persuasion speaking... I don't know. Because you don't like biking. I've always tried to get you on a bike, and you're like, I'm not biking. I don't bike. Okay, first of all, I used to bike when I was a kid. Until age seven? What does that mean? No, I was like a mountain biker. Oh, really? Yeah, for a second, and then I crashed, and I was, like, so horrified. I crashed so hard. That's what I like now. I crashed so hard. I crashed so hard. I crashed so hard that, like, I got up and I was like, are you okay? You saw God. I was, like, shaking. I was like, yeah, I'm good. I'm good. We get back to the car. We go back to my house. They drop me off. They're like, all right, bye. And I was like, bye. This is like the dad of one of the kids. And I go in the garage and I was like, I mean, it was devastating. Oh, no. I was going down, like, rocks, and I got loose. Something got me loose, and then I panicked, and then I flew. Yeah, I could have been really hurt. There's a couple times in my life I could have been dead, so... So that's why you're grateful. So, no, I'm grateful. But also, again, back to it, do not go on the fucking road. I'm sorry. Bikes off the roads. Off the roads. And then they're like, we're going to make a bike lane. okay well then i need a full fucking uh i need a full concrete barrier right because these motherfuckers they're not lanes yeah if it's not and that's why we liked montreal because they had real bike lanes right you have to have the real like an actual concrete yeah yeah Even New York has bike lanes. They scare me. I'm more scared of them than the cars. I'm like, oh God, somebody's going to come out of nowhere and smack me. I am terrified of being hit by a biker. More than a car. I've been hit by a car before. It was just my leg in Short North. Just me leg. You got earlier. Oh. My right leg. So I was walking across. When? Axis. Oh, in like 2014. 2014. No wonder you, I've always noticed you had a little. Well, I think my leg is a little. A little wobbly. Is gimpy allowed to be used anymore? I don't think that's appropriate, but we're going to use it. Gimpy. You're a little gimpy. I don't think that's allowed. I don't know. I don't really give a fuck. It just sounds like it's on the list. Definitely. Oh, he's now handicap capable. Handicapable. Like, I don't know what to say. I don't give a fuck. I really don't. I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck. I don't care. Is that how you become a Trumper? You just slowly don't give a fuck about so many things. You know what? Fuck it all. The FBI is fake. You just make conspiracies. That's when you go way off. Cats. I don't care. They're eating the dogs. Can you really look at the facts from that? Like, the shit that was spit out from that? Yeah, it's like, what? What is he even talking about half the time? Like, what is he saying? And Putin. And we're not in Aurora. We're not in Springfield. Like, where are... But that's what I think happens is when you just don't care about everything, you become that. So I don't care. Because you can just say anything and it doesn't matter, but other people will agree with the sentiment. You're just angry. And so they're like, yeah. Yeah, I'm angry too. Is it because we work our whole lives for nothing? Right. Oh, that's another goddamn thing. New topic. I decided that I was like, you know what? I wonder if I can pull, like, withdraw from my 401 , which apparently you can, by the way. Can you? Because according to my 401 retirement plan, The only way I can do that is if there's a major issue medically. If somebody's dead and I have to bury them. Other than that, you're not allowed to pull it. Unless you quit. Unless you're job. That's crazy. And I said to myself, I go... Wait. So this is my money, but I can't pull and the reason is because they've got to keep building their Yeah, for them. It's for their company. They're like, we need as much money to invest as possible for our company. Correct. That's insane. So imagine yeah. Oh, my God. Because Matt did that. Matt had to do it. When he had to buy a house or sell a house, he had to pull money. But like, I'm thinking to myself, like, I want to pull money and I want to put it, I guess maybe I could do what you want. You can't do it on a secondary house. So that's not considered an emergency. So like, if I want to take some of my money and be like, I'm going to invest this, not in the stock market anymore. I'm going to go ahead and just put this in the property. Can't do it unless I quit my job. which is making your, quitting your job more and more appealing. You're like, so I get all that with me. You instantly get it all. I will pay the fucking fee. I don't give a fuck. No, Matt did. It was better. It made sense. I'm not, like, we're not retiring. You're not retiring anytime. We're not retiring. Ever. Ever. We're living too long. Don't you want to retire at 50? I'm like, what? I want to retire now. That would be nice, but no, that's not. That's only 10 years for me. I only have 25 more years left in the workforce anyway, so might as well just... It's not that long. I'm already halfway through my work life. Yeah, you have left. Like, that's easy. You've already done 25 years in life. This is where I start panicking, and I'm like, oh, my God, I'm getting older to where, like, You only have 25 years left where you're in the world. Yeah. And then you're like a retiree waiting for death. But then I'm like... Then I'll be like the guy in PV fucking... I'd be like, yeah, bitch. Thank God I was on semi-glute tight. I'm alive still. Because that's what's keeping me alive. I don't know where that was a Donald Trump. I think you're not caring about things. I just don't care about things. I don't care. I don't give a fuck. I only care about Penny. Well, and that was established in New Orleans. That was like a moment of truth. It kind of was. And it was like, I was so mad at you that night. You were just such an asshole because you were slurring. And I'm like, do you not care about anybody? I don't care about anybody. You don't care about anybody? What about me? That's it. You were like, what about me? I was like, just Penny. Just Penny. And you like looked away and I'm like, and then you're like, lesbian to the waitress who wasn't a lesbian. I mean, she was, but. She looked like she was. This bitch looked full lesbian. She walked up. She looked like she was at Slammers. And she was talking about doing parades and shit. And then he's like, well, lesbian. And she's like, oh, I'm not lesbian. And I was like. We'll take the check. I was like, well, oh. And this is right after you said, I don't like panties. So I'm like, oh, he's in a full blackout. He's calling for the lesbians. How is he going to get out of this? And he did. I did. It was still awkward. She was so awkward. It was so bad. But I did kind of get out. But you did get out of it. You're like, oh. No one was bad. Uh-huh. it was so bad I was like you seem cool enough to be one or something yeah you're like oh you just gave me the vibe of like not caring because we're gay yeah and I'm like I may have done that yeah you kind of like circled back yeah she's like this is New Orleans honey so if you're mad that means you're homophobic and we're gay right um So don't do it, honey. Don't do it. You look like a lesbian. Yeah, like, period. Oh my god, it's internalized. Yeah, this week we are going to see... Back to back to back to back to back. Are you going to make it? Because you're going to be tired. I know you're going to be really bitchy about it. I'm going to. No, I'm going to make it. I have to. You have to. I'm a brat. You don't have to get fucked up. No. Back to back. I want to meet the bitch, okay? I'm so Julia. Oh, my God. She's so hot to me. She is kind of... Like, I don't know what it is about her. It's like, I think... Well, when you're rich, you don't give a fuck either. So she doesn't give a fuck. And I don't give a fuck now. So I'm like, oh, there's somebody who doesn't give a fuck. She has like Hermione hair. I love it. Her hair is. And she's just like, here I go. Yep. Good for her. And then with Troye Sivan. That bottom's going to be in town early this week. Just stop. I wonder when they are going to get in town. We talked all this about Charlie and then you're like, and then there's Troye Sivan. Which actually he called out somebody. Next topic. I have my phone. Well, I was like, do you think anyone's going to be dressed in Troye Sivan colors? No. No. What are they even, actually? There are some Troy songs, though, that I really like. No, I think he's okay. If it wasn't for Brad, I would not be going. I wasn't even going to go. Okay, so let's just talk about that. At the beginning of the summer, I was like, fuck no, I'm not going to that shit. I don't even like her. Well, guess what? I like her. I don't like her old shit. I do like the Barbie song. Who are you talking about? Charli XCX. The Barbie song? Yeah. Oh, my God. You know it. No, I do know it. This one. At the restaurant. At the restaurant. That's what I like about this. Okay, so Troye Sivan, Troye Sivan. So he gets on... So there's a controversy right now on TikTok. Okay, good. Wait, I think my... I turned myself. Did he get on TikTok live? No, but so here, let me just tell the quick story of it. Okay. So basically there was a, I guess there's like a website. It's like celebrity gossip or something. And there was a guy like person A who's foreign is about to go on a tour and she should be doing this and this and she's not and she's partying too much and they're going to pull the plug. And they're like, and then there's person number two who's also foreign that would rather just go to city to city and he's happy just to sit on his grinder. So Troye Sivan saw this video and responded. And I really loved his response, to be honest. And there's something he says in there that I really feel like is true. So the tour's not going well? No. It hasn't even fucking started. It starts, we're like on the first shows. Oh, so none of the kinks will be worked out. That sucks. He's just happy to be on the road and hitting Grindr at every stop. straight people are getting way too comfortable. I released an album. I am touring the album with Charli XCX. We are playing 22 shows across the country that are 95% sold out, by the way. The only city that we're flopping in is Nashville, and it's at 78%. But to say that I am touring the country to go on Grindr at every stop, like, that's genuinely homophobic. It's like a stereotype. don't sex shame me first of all i don't need to travel the country to get laid i can get laid wherever i want i can get laid in l.a um i'm going on tour because i released an album and because people are buying tickets to come to uh see the show So, fuck you. Also, if you, this is just like a general note. Wow. If you say twink where you meant to say faggot, that's still a slur. That's like our word. I don't think straight people should be using that. Oh, wow. I didn't know he was so intelligent. It's so hard. I was like, bro. He can fuck. Wow. Isn't he like a femtop? I heard that. Don't ruin all my dreams. He had that Bloom song where he's bottoming, though. I think he's a femtop. No, don't do it. There's another femtop in the world. And then what's that? And then what is that guy, Shawn Mendes, is the bottom? Like, listen, Shawn Mendes looks different. Did you see him? He looks so old now. Oh, really? Yeah, he looks sad. Is it the Ozempic? He never had to do Ozempic. I know he was always kind of skinny. But I think he's the bottom for Troye Sivan. That's what I was saying. But... What Troy was saying is kind of true. And no offense to our straight... That's a good summary. No, but like... Oh, he's just a little twink, and I'm like... Yeah, I know. It's like when they... But you're a fucking straight wife that has four kids. Why are you calling him a twink on Grindr? And why would you suggest that he is going around just to get on Grindr? And why would that matter? Well, also, it's like, if he wants to, yeah. He's like, I don't have to get laid. I'm about to go on a sexcation. You are. You're kind of a whore. It's happening, and that's okay. You're a twink. Do you know what I mean? I'm a little twink now. So, oh, I lost all this weight, and I'm a whore. I think that's... Well, it was hiding within you all along. Well, no. I just have confidence now. Chisel away. The difference is confidence. Period. Oh, this is the shirt I got in PV. Oh, I thought so. I liked that. Wrecked my hole. That's where that cute chihuahua was. It was. It was the nicest chihuahua we've ever met. The only nice chihuahua. Do you have anything else you want to say? Any announcements? Any... I'm sure everyone's glad we're back. You're welcome. So glad we could do this for you. Yeah, like we're sacrificing our lives. We've been so busy. There goes an hour. Great, okay. It's just hard to live these days. It is. I'm ready to sell it all. Again, I've been saying this, but it might actually happen now that I'm 40. Sell it all, bitch. Sell it all. Sell it all and get a tour van and goodbye. Sell it all, bitch. Call me Troy Savant. I'm going to be a twink in every stop. I'm going to get my own bus, bitch. I'm going to go on tour with them. Just to get fucked. Can you fucking imagine? Just to get fucked. I go, I'm on tour with Charlie, and I'm not, though, but I'm still going to every fucking stop with my bus and parking as close as I can to them. Wow. Can you talk about a new low? Can you talk about brat? How brat is that? That's brat. Stalking is brat. Stalking is brat. Brat as fuck. I'm just a creepy stalker. I am just following you on tour because I'm going to go on Grindr. On tour. Actually, like, when does Troy catch on to? He's like, this guy is on every Grindr I go on. Is he going to everywhere? I'm like, I'm like. Fire. That's how he realizes you're a stalker. He's like. I'm going to get busted. I mean, this has been another episode. I don't know. Call us. 614-721-5336. I don't even know if... I didn't surprise you know that number. I know. I know. Actually, what's scary to me is that whenever I'm at work and I'm saying, okay, our number is 614... I don't even know my number at work anymore. 614-527 blah, blah, blah. But I'll be like... I get them confused all the time, is basically what I'm saying. It was a call at 614-721-5336. It's because we made it mnemonic, is that what it's called? Like, da-da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Period. Okay. Live your life. Live your life. Love is love. That's a phrase I keep using this week. I just feel like it's so true in my heart. Love is love. And remember, on the other side of fear. Is happiness. Is it though? Yeah, I like that. We have unhinged catchphrases now.