Yea…Good Thing I Am Not The One Complaining About Bags Under My Eyes You Old Ugly Bitch (Covid, Virginity, Comedy Profession, Aging)
As if they could not get any worse, Bobby has covid and is NOT happy about it. After a year of precautions and a vaccine, Bobby tests positive for covid and we are not shocked. Miz hates standup because he feels he does not fit in a certain mold. Jim calls out the guys about aging and tells us all about what the process is like. They also all go into details about losing their virginity and they are all unique in their own way. All this and more!
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all right i'm gonna get started hello everybody and welcome to another episode of She's Not Doing So Well i'm corona invested bobby
Jim:and i'm jim hoping this isn't our last episode ever
The Miz:and i miss hoping it is our last episode ever
Bobby:oh we are all on brand tonight one is sick one is whatever and one is whatever listen it's bad ones whatever
Unknown:the
Bobby:one is worried so sorry i use
Jim:the podcast whatever
The Miz:whatever whenever and check as bobby's like rubbing his face
Bobby:happy wednesday to all of our listeners it's not so happy for me though cuz i tested positive for corona
Unknown:literally gonna die
Bobby:top gym that scares me and you know what
The Miz:we're gonna be we're gonna be watching tic tock videos of you taking your goddamn last breath
Bobby:oh no oh no no no no no you have me on a full panic now actually i think i'm actually coming on the top on the top end of it i feel like
The Miz:i'm falling you're about to hit
Bobby:a fever you're about down yeah i'm about to go down
Unknown:down is back right
The Miz:right
Bobby:i hope i don't digress it'll be really sad for your last recordings it'll be here
Unknown:could be a huge move
Bobby:this will be the one that'll break us out and i won't be here to see it
Unknown:keep it going
Bobby:we'll keep it one week when you said i'm not going to keep it going to be like well we got a lot of ratings for that one that he died so like you know
The Miz:what the honestly think
Jim:i probably just died i'm gonna go out in june in new york city he's gonna use your hotel room bobby and then we'll record more episodes
The Miz:like when i remember we had that other guy who died from COVID who remember you will be like oh my god
Bobby:i ended all these interviews and like i've been doing this marketing like i'm gonna film the fucking whatever it's called the market that you fucking we just get signed by sony yeah i talked to the sony execs and we're signed rest in peace bobby rip bomb kidding i think i'm gonna be okay but i'm actually really spooked and so basically got my vaccine though to on the same week
Jim:typical bobby like this is like the next day gets diagnosed with copd
Bobby:three days after but you know he's on monday hit monday came around and i was like i'm kind of like a fever whatever but i was like tired i was like maybe just monday when they suck tuesday was my appointment for my vaccine so i go get my my vaccine i didn't have a fever at all wednesday comes around and i'm i'm sorry one moment please has been yelled at in the house
Unknown:when there's someone
Bobby:in the house june peed twice now in the house jim june
Unknown:i did though yes
Jim:i did i've had a lot of ipa i did 10 percents too much for me i
Bobby:did pee twice in the house so the dog beat twice in our house i just gotten formed
Jim:we have live breaking news the dog i got
Bobby:the way the lights hitting me i can't really see him and i'm looking i'm like are you gonna like what are you just watching like fighting raped he can watch or whatever and i was like he's trying to tell me something and i'm like what and he's like the dog peed again again in the house that's weird she's she's a puppy
Jim:that she has cancer or she's acting
Bobby:out she has she has COVID
Jim:get COVID
The Miz:bobby and jr and died at the same time
Jim:she has COVID that's what's going on she's getting diarrhea next
Unknown:tell you're
The Miz:about to be a widow on two accounts are dying
Bobby:would like her out of two losses in
The Miz:one week two losses in one week bobby and a fucking dog
Jim:and one and he loves on the other end get there
Bobby:well yeah finish what i was saying before i was the news wednesday i woke
Unknown:up sick
Bobby:wednesday or tuesday night after my vaccine i was very i was very like ag and i felt like shit and ps every night i've been having night sweats have you ever had night sweats before yes like legit where you wake up you're like how did all this water get in my bed and it's wednesday i was sick as well yesterday i was feeling better got news that there might have been a potential spread and so today i was like well i'm gonna go get tested well really what happened was and i'm gonna be honest about it so i'm really sorry and jim's gonna hate this and you'll probably hate it too but like in the middle The night I went like farted, okay, and I was awake. And you know when you you know when you fart, it's like one of those that you really know is gonna be like kind of bad. You know, everybody knows it right? Like just don't act on your fucking prove like
The Miz:bad in the smell bad and that's gonna end up being like a shark.
Bobby:No like batten the smell like you know it's like that like that like it's like hot it's like heated, like deadly it's gonna be deadly right so I'm like, Okay, what is going on? Jim?
Unknown:Get the fuck out. Go
Bobby:Go
Unknown:puking goes out from the sea. This is such insanity. I can't go through the chute. Oh my god. What the fuck? What is a sheet?
Jim:He put up a sheet to try to be professional. I don't know. I'm lost. I'm so confused.
Unknown:I can
Jim:all I can say is I yeah, Bobby getting COVID like at this point, honey. COVID this whole year did you
The Miz:know I mean, I don't think I never thought I never got diagnosed with it.
Jim:Like I definitely lost my sense of smell and taste for about three months. But that's
The Miz:but I never got diagnosed with COVID baby.
Unknown:Soft back.
The Miz:Last weekend, we were all making fun of Bobby. And now he like having a respiratory infection.
Bobby:Like goddamn like why is she not
Jim:going in there? Did she pee in your Thank you. Why would she? Why did Michael put her in there?
Bobby:Thank you. Why
Jim:didn't she go to the fucking cage where she should be cuz she pissed. bows.
Bobby:Thank you. So anyway, I fucking COVID Okay, clearly it's making me angry.
The Miz:Yeah, you're kind of angry tonight.
Bobby:I'm a little bitchy. Well, I mean, yeah,
The Miz:I think you definitely are a huge batch and I
Jim:you niches.
Bobby:Yeah. So I tested positive and I got the vaccine. So I have antibodies being built right now for all.
Unknown:bareback was. Okay, what is the last word?
Bobby:wolf? That's what the bears say. Honey. Do you want to know I like when Jim does it ready to go? Yeah. No contouring guy.
Unknown:Tommy Thompson. Y'all got
Bobby:you said it better last week. Okay, so I was gonna talk about my acid reflux attack in the middle of the night.
Unknown:Oh, good. But,
Bobby:but that happens.
Unknown:Yay. But actually, I
Bobby:wrote down something different. I want to know, I'm actually asking a question this week. How did you lose your virginity?
Unknown:Oh, yep.
Bobby:No, literally one details. First, I guess are we talking? I'm talking gay. Gay virginity.
Unknown:Yeah, it has to be gay.
Bobby:Being bottom or top?
Jim:Or both? Or anything any The first time you played with a deck? Well, the first time you played with a deck, play nothing at all. Not when you were in the truck when you were three years old, like an adult.
Bobby:Oh my god, you know? You just made me realize something. Uh huh. My first ever like hook up with real Dick was in a truck. So my virginity my gay virginity. I mean, it's not like a great story I guess I mean, I let some
Unknown:sell it way to sell it
Bobby:some straight curious guy decided to just jump into my life and fuck me.
The Miz:Like fuck your ass.
Bobby:Yeah, fuck my whole and it
Jim:was Wait What can you wait? I'm Why is this not interesting? like can you tell me?
The Miz:I really am trying.
Bobby:I don't really know. What is
Unknown:where I was or who I am like
Bobby:it wasn't that much because I was late actually. Okay, here's an interesting point. I will miss your period. No, I was 29 years old when I lost my apple virginity. Wow. 2929
Unknown:older than Mrs. Now
Bobby:is older. than yours is now. Listen, you remember your aid story from a couple of weeks ago? Yeah. are basically in every set that you do now. Yeah. So I used to have that fear every day. So I was scared to
Unknown:fight.
Bobby:No, like, I was like, I'm not gonna get no, you're missing the point. The reason why I was 29 when I lost my virginity was because I didn't want to get HIV.
Unknown:Okay, because
Bobby:I was scared of it.
The Miz:You're correct. I am missing the point.
Bobby:missing the point. So, yeah, so I was old and I was like, give it to me, daddy. And then I remember I listen to a song but uh, you
Jim:know, you're with a straight man who picked you up in his truck.
Bobby:Now this is no this is not the 20th No, you're Yeah, you're really fucking bleeding lines. This when I was 29 years old. It was. It was really hard for me to tell my story sort of Bobby.
Jim:Oh my god, I miss it. The truth is, have you seen this before? Have you ever seen now i don't think Oh wait, who is he? You need to see I don't know he sent him his Instagram like oh,
Unknown:yeah, who is he?
Jim:Thought one sky is literally the hottest. Please hold the hottest guy I've ever met please hold on your whole God I wish I would my hall and I like fuck me. This isn't fair. My holes never been fucked by a hot guy like that.
Bobby:Honey, I'm hot. I'm a novelty and he likes some fat clearly poor I'm gonna give you a few I'm done taking screenshots right now so I'm just gonna let
Jim:you just send it to the group cuz I don't think Yeah, and he say
Bobby:a great text. I'm gonna be like, Hey, I won't like so I didn't lose my virginity to somebody who was like just like a run of the mill.
The Miz:Oh, he loves his body.
Bobby:So do I
Unknown:see him right
The Miz:away? Can I wait Porsche? Oh my God I want this guy. I want to lick him I want to like sweat just get like I need his clean for sure. So
Bobby:that was my first experience with
The Miz:it. It's interesting cuz like 30 people that you guys usually like fallen over like I don't like but this guy I like this guy is very very cute.
Bobby:Yeah, so that's what broke my heart as well that person
The Miz:I don't blame I don't fault you at all for that. Right? I
Bobby:know. It's really bad like and he was so cute like he would
The Miz:he could break anyone's heart frankly.
Bobby:easily without a doubt and but he was in the closet when we met and he's like, Is he
Unknown:gay gray now
Bobby:he's not gay gay but he has a boyfriend
Jim:unfair
Bobby:he saw that's what I should say my answer would be it was what what people don't believe about me or whatever that I can pull some hot fucking deck
Jim:right I didn't believe it I still no
Unknown:I believe I should
Bobby:I belly does not mean show I
The Miz:think you're i think i think you can pull out of hard drives
Unknown:it's not the bottoms
The Miz:No, I think I think it's just your whole aura is very attractive. So I think my
Bobby:god that was the nicest thing you've ever said to me. I got a
Unknown:guy
Jim:his whole aura or his entire or the whole by you ah
Unknown:okay the whole thing the whole
The Miz:I can't speak to the whole or yeah unfortunately. Yet yay until June 3 and then I'll be able to every last crevice of the hole or I cannot
Bobby:wait for you to be in
Jim:a roll so
Bobby:I don't have to hold
Unknown:you to but I Yes.
Bobby:No I can
Jim:hold from his surgery.
Bobby:I don't have
Jim:that. Left.
Bobby:It's healed there is no hole so there was
Unknown:one
Bobby:yet chop out this fucking sis thing and I had an open swoon. I
Jim:wish I could find the pictures and send to you and if you sit on a plane long enough it opens up again.
Bobby:Not anymore.
The Miz:What you mean when you say I'm falling out
Bobby:you know when I feel like my body falling to the ground. I'm like all my organs.
Unknown:God Guys, guys, I'm
Bobby:falling out. Maybe I don't know what that means. Exactly. The falling out thing. That's a good I need to look that up. Probably Can you
The Miz:manage you can start your leash.
Bobby:The leash. Oh, I didn't tell you my mom's. So I called my mom and I did a video on how he takes now. Oh, I shouldn't do that in my car. block my airway.
Unknown:Yeah, right. pig's feet or anchor so fucking supper by
Bobby:chicken do your chicken
Unknown:I've never heard a chicken much drama.
Jim:You haven't met my cock?
Unknown:What about sheep? Today?
Bobby:Did I send you guys the video of the guy that said be a bald eagle. Please God, did I send that to you?
Jim:You did not. You're gonna die right now save it.
Unknown:Okay. Okay, so
Bobby:that was my virginity story not that fun but also a little intriguing because of my age and just the person that asked me
The Miz:the person that asked me Frankie Saft I really liked you
Bobby:fuck you set out that was a fuck you stuff. I really like the moment because it was like a go. I was a long time, Matt. And then my goal and then I just sent one door in his face. Well cure con. Oh, well, I'm sick. Wow.
Unknown:I'm sick.
Bobby:Ms. Any stories got to be better?
The Miz:No, it's really not. So when I so I lost my virginity to a man in 2015. So I was 2022. And
Unknown:I was 30.
The Miz:And I actually topped him. I lost my virginity at the top. But it did not go well. So I met him on Tinder. We talked we chatted it was fine. I met him I met him at a bar and this is what I think my alcoholism Park is because before I met him, I sat an alleyway and drank seven nips of blueberries Smirnoff and was like, Okay, I need to get reg blacked before I meet like the first man. I'm going to sleep.
Bobby:No wonder you're a fucking horrible top.
The Miz:Well, I was I was the one. My dick was up. His body was not I was down. So. Okay, so we go out to a bar. We're like meeting like, we're sitting at like a bar. Not a gay bar. Because this is in Boston. This is not in New York. This is in Boston. And so we're gay bars aren't really a big thing there. So right? They are. We're like chat, right? touching each other at the bar, like the go people that everyone loves it. You know what I mean? Like, oh, look at this gay that the bar is like all over each other. And you know, that kind of thing. Like great, great, great, great, great.
Bobby:And you're at this point, right? I'm gonna block out I'm also here for you in near bar
Unknown:seven,
The Miz:wax. Correct. I also was in business casual clothing because I just called my client. So I was I was it was not great. But then he's like, All my friends are getting drinks at this bar. In this like whole other neighborhoods really get on the subway and go and then he's like, I don't feel good. Like, I think I had too much to drink blah, blah, blah. And then I'm then I'm just like, Well, Jesus didn't come back to your apartment.
Bobby:Show me your whole want to circle
The Miz:back real quick. So I didn't drive here for nothing. And then we go to his apartment. We're laying in his bed. Okay. And then I tell him I love Mariah Carey. Right.
Bobby:That's a turn off.
Unknown:He starts singing Bye. Bye.
The Miz:He literally sitting there like,
Unknown:I guess I need another song.
The Miz:He goes, You can't be feeling emotion. I could not and I'm sitting there and I know no one in the audience and we will see what this is but I'm looking around like the imaginary friends it's been like what the fuck is going on?
Unknown:now cuz
The Miz:I never saw her kid when you're both naked. And then he
Bobby:says Mariah Carey naked. I'm done. He was expecting
The Miz:that he was he sang it and then he sucked my deck and then and then we ended I ended up with like, rallying him but then he's like, I need some bread he verbatim with a guy named Brad and I was like he was locked out. So then I need one. I tried to escape I tried to get so I drove there. So I got a car in Boston. So I'm like, Okay, I'm gonna get out of here. I'm gonna drive now. Why am I drunk driving drunk all the time. Then I was like, Okay, I'm gonna sleep here and fine. Not a big deal. And we woke up the next morning and had sex for like three hours.
Bobby:I have a question going into the evening though. You did you set up that this was a guy you were going to fuck or didn't just happen?
The Miz:I mean all dates I go on. I'm fucking but this
Bobby:was your first virginity this is losing your virginity so like a lot of people have that like idea that it's going to happen
Jim:do you know what i mean you know it was happening how did you know this would be your first time
The Miz:because i would not be going on a date if i was not going to be full
Jim:before this you never went on a date
The Miz:so i was your first gay date i never want to get it for them
Jim:so now you think all times you go on a date you have to find out oh
The Miz:here who i just never want to go on date without fucking gay
Bobby:very interesting information that we've just learned
The Miz:like why would i go on a date to not be
Jim:yeah just to like see if you want to date them
Bobby:but not even oh well you were closeted at that point
The Miz:um no most everyone knew at that point this is interesting
Bobby:to me that's very interesting and also it's on brand though
The Miz:yeah i mean it made sense to me but i didn't have any interest in getting to know him i just wanted to fuck him and i'm glad i did because he's hot
Unknown:do you still talk to him
The Miz:it's funny because i did not for years and years and years and years but then he moved to new york and then he added me on snapchat
Bobby:that means he wants to fuck
The Miz:yeah so that was that and it was it was that in the weird part of it all was that his name was i'm not gonna like be afraid of his name is jonathan and dale was a person as an actor i went to school with who was the only gay person i knew that was named jonathan absolutely oh my god so weird that is so
Bobby:weird
The Miz:he was really hot he was hot like i'd fuck him again
Bobby:i think it's gonna happen
The Miz:i think and it was and it was a night like he got you checked off all the boxes it was like i fucked all got dick as it was everything everything you
Bobby:don't fuck around you don't like slowly dip that toe and like it's like swimming you jump right right in that fucking water
The Miz:right right well cuz i had already experienced like penetration with women like several several times before that so that's true i don't really care about that element of it like i want them more like what about your asshole mine
Bobby:yeah that's a little more scary and a little more i feel like it has to be a little more
The Miz:yeah i agree i agree i my first deck and asked experience actually was in new york and it was like the first year i moved here and he put it in and i was like seeing red like i haven't haven't taken it out
Unknown:and he just shoved it in
The Miz:yeah we have any lube or anything he just like took his fingers like licked them through and then like oh
Bobby:my god right
The Miz:in there and i was like
Bobby:no no it feels like it's about to like explode
The Miz:i'm like i'm sorry but like i'm either gonna like punch a face or you're gonna have to pull out your deck like like i can't that
Bobby:feeling is like the worst when it's like too quick and you're like oh my god
The Miz:there was like or anything and i was like now this is
Bobby:okay so wow how do you lose your ass virginity with no lube like are you kidding me
The Miz:right right bro power bottom in new york it was my first gig date in new york and oh my god so we might as an industry which i don't even know if it's open anymore but it's cash only and so i went up to the bar and like i was like hey okay i want like what kind of drink do you want he's like i'll take a malibu in the orange and i'm like what the fuck was
Unknown:goodbye yeah what a fucking queer
The Miz:malibu malibu and oh jennifer hey girl just sent them
Unknown:a throw off
The Miz:and i got a bar and i ordered them and they're like and i give him my credit card and they're like well we only take cash so then i go back to oh and i was like so like can you buy me a drink actually because i don't care and he was like yeah and so then he did that and then i was like i want to go back to my place and then we go back to my place and he's like i'm sucking his dick and it's it's probably to this day like the best thing i've sucked it was big and like meaty and like it was the perfect color he was afro latino amazing love it then he goes like okay like turnover and i was like what do you what do you mean and then he's like yeah like like like can i just like fuck you like put it in and i was like okay and then he did it and i was like
Bobby:this sounds like a fucking disaster you
Unknown:got to get out of here
Bobby:so out of your asshole and out of the department
Unknown:i think you gotta like
Bobby:i gotta go i gotta like make sure my asshole is not split up i gotta like
The Miz:i was like you're gonna leave this is what needs to happen like this is not a good thing the next day i had a meeting at 9am so i was like okay like this cannot be happening
Bobby:i really enjoyed your story see i knew your story is way better than mine but it
The Miz:was so like not looking back on it i was like wow what a fucking leymah like i should have just like had lou donna
Bobby:yeah i mean once now that you just take tick on the rag well you used to until you
The Miz:i really don't i i wish jim
Jim:what are your whole horrifying stories let's see the first submitted anything with another day i was 17 and i'm in college and my next door neighbor came over to my dorm room it was an all male dorm we're at a catholic school so he wanted some of the beers so of course we have like natty light in the fridge because he had to hide it you know yeah you know trash like vodka like hidden in your dresser in the way we're taking shots of like peach flavored smirnoff you know some smirnoff shit and he starts telling me stories about how his uncle gags is my first gay experience he's telling me how his uncle molested him and then his older cousin like touched him where's this going like okay that's me like hey i'm not like yeah like how i was never molested so that's terrible
The Miz:so everyone's touching your penis like can i well you're weird segue and then that's kind
Jim:of what he did he kind of just like reached out to me and like wanted he was like wanting to kiss me and i'm like okay fine so we made out next and now he's grabbing my dick i'm like are you molesting me are we like just doing this so i don't know son is i have no idea so i just we started messing around i'm like literally i i've only known this person for three weeks they moved in next to me at the same time like what a trash whore i'm sorry i'm
Bobby:sorry i just think it's so funny sitting here and mrs like oh i don't go out on a date unless we're fucking and i'm like oh my first time i had lost my asshole virginity i didn't have a clue and you're like i've only known you for three whole weeks and we've talked every night and he touched my deck like it's totally no
Jim:i didn't talk to him every day i just he moved in at the same time as i did three weeks before this
Bobby:but still already had an ml
Jim:ms would have but i didn't know this guy was gay even that's the other part is he didn't he had a girlfriend
The Miz:i find it odd that like his like segue into getting you talk him was like talking about his molestation
Jim:salutely and then he's like here's
Bobby:let me grab your deck
The Miz:he's like i'm such a troubled soul everyone wanted to fuck me like sexually harass me but also will you fuck me
Jim:this like is that is a catholic thing that is a fucking catholic thing
The Miz:and it's all male doormen
Jim:it's all male and female dorms to this day there are no frats there aren't we have varietals you have to be in bed by midnight all the females had to be out of the male dorms at midnight or you get you get written up in center wreck life or whatever the fuck it's trash this is why i didn't go to college
The Miz:that sounds horrible all
Jim:right well but he had to follow his lineage jesus that's not even my first whole story my first whole story is more horrifying
Bobby:great i don't know what's more horrifying than somebody saying i was molested let me touch your deck but go ahead let's say
The Miz:like oh i have such a troubled past but also like touch my deck like why don't
Bobby:your faces ms god we've got to make this a video podcast because it's everything it's everything
The Miz:i'm does it just doesn't make sense to me that's been that's like being like oh like oh my god like i i'm so allergic to peanut butter i can't even stomach a foot like let's make a sandwich like why i don't understand how that works like
Jim:he's not rolling the cycle that here's this here's the saddest part of all of this shit about two years later i miss still an undergrad a different guy from my dorm comes to my room starts drinking with me and tells me he was molested by his grandpa and then we have sex that was your virginity no that's not my virginity that's just a second person in two years told me led the way with i was molested in order to make the gay part okay
The Miz:no i think what that does is confirmed the fact that you give off huge molester vibes jesus fucking christ they're like in case you wanted to
Unknown:watch me like
The Miz:hey babe babe i've been watching for so we can make this work
Jim:i think it's just a gay problem it's something like wrong with it they have to justify why they they're literally telling me the reason i'm gay is because i was molested and the catholic as a catholic catholic
Bobby:they're they're so guilty about their own sexuality that they're gonna use molestation as an excuse to do
Jim:i was molested and who knows if they were even molested or if they're just saying that in order to be gay like okay
Bobby:jim i can't say something yeah i feel like you don't have boundaries and i don't think you know how to say no what i do oh my
Unknown:knowledge
Bobby:in life
Unknown:oh no Now
Bobby:because like, I feel like it's gonna be really easy to fuck you. Like, you don't want to cause trouble. You'd be like,
Unknown:Oh, man,
Jim:I'm telling you it's true. I probably wouldn't I probably like it's fine. Like, do whatever you want. I don't care. It's more work to like, set up all of these rules.
Bobby:Right? So what about your whole? Let's get there.
Unknown:Yeah, and I do want to get there. Really good.
Bobby:We don't have to talk about it if you don't want. I mean, you've already had to really I don't know what could be any worse than
The Miz:like, what the prompt was like your first molestation like story or like the first time you had sex like Wait, what? How do we get into the gym talking
Bobby:about his first ever sexual experience?
The Miz:Your first your first home?
Jim:No, it wasn't there was no hole. How did your hole get touched the first time my whole The first time was horrifying. It was with a townie as they're called. And he had to judge Yep, that's local towns person who was also 17. And it was it was chest pain. I had no contact with gay people before this other than the one I was molested guy like a few weeks before this, so I can call it
Bobby:WhatsApp that you moved really quick in college, like a few weeks before I got with a molester guy. And now this guy's even worse. Okay, go ahead. Sorry.
Jim:I didn't say it was worse. I just said I wasn't told how to prepare.
Bobby:You should everywhere. Well.
Jim:I wouldn't say I should everywhere. I'm just saying. She didn't know they. I am not sure. Like he acted very strange afterwards. And I remember him if you shout on him.
Bobby:You shown his deck you shit on his fucking day. Yeah,
The Miz:just so weird after I shot on him. I don't really know why.
Jim:Well, first of all, there was no lube. I mean, there were several things wrong, so I wasn't sure if it was blizzard.
Bobby:Like who the fuck? It's fucking their whole.
Jim:I was 17 and I never knew a gay person before even baby oil though. Like hey, do
Bobby:you ever fingered your asshole? No, I guess you don't really need to have like lube for your fingering but you never like experimented with like petroleum jelly or anything? Are you
Jim:were you molested as a child like what the fuck?
Unknown:Oh, that's a COVID call.
The Miz:You would sit around take like petroleum jelly like shove it up your butt.
Bobby:I'd like play like a jackoff petroleum jelly and like, I don't know. Oh
Jim:my god, after you got raw and your dad was like you need to stop.
Bobby:Yeah, basically, I was like,
Unknown:I need some petroleum jelly. You just need to get a good Wow. So
Bobby:our gay experience mine was the best I guess Really?
The Miz:Jim was shitting and bleeding everywhere. I can't wait kind of scrub like five more beers
Jim:and get another beer. I feel like I was bareback again.
The Miz:I feel like I was molested like all of Jim's ex lovers are 100%
Bobby:molested or whatever. I don't even know. I'm like kooky right now. Bubble I know. Unfortunately, this week is not gonna be the one but next week we can.
Unknown:Bubbles next week
Jim:if you're not on a ventilator in the hospital.
Bobby:Jim, please, Jim.
Jim:They're like Annie's little bunnies.
Unknown:Got a fucking headphones.
Jim:Bunny grams.
The Miz:You wouldn't eat an Eve.
Bobby:He does. Danny's in the fucking mac and cheese.
Unknown:Oh god that was sorry.
Bobby:laughs depending on my state of mind, I think and like the start is like
The Miz:I fuckin hate and he is
Bobby:making you miserable.
The Miz:Now, side note, like I really hate any news
Jim:because it's organic.
The Miz:educate the same people that walk around with tote bags and
Bobby:drink. IPA beers and a glass.
The Miz:Yeah. My question for you, Jim is who exactly do you think you are?
Bobby:Gay. Oh, that's not a good look without the beard.
Unknown:Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no. All right.
The Miz:How weird I saw you're like, vein in your chin moving but that's fine.
Unknown:I didn't see his chin. Wow. I love this.
Bobby:Welcome to my life money.
Unknown:Check your water you fat fuck.
Bobby:Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.
Unknown:Yeah, but COVID will
The Miz:COVID raw only hurt you Bobby it might kill you.
Jim:He gets worse and worse. I'm out of the woods, doctor.
The Miz:Oh my god problems. Okay, let's make me miserable as a bubbles has COVID, frankly. And can I just? Can I just address our audience for a second? Fuck you all for not writing in to tell us why you're miserable. I just have to give a major FUCK YOU
Jim:TO THE carebears or whom?
The Miz:To every single person listen to this goddamn show. And I know who you are. And I know you're fucking miserable. Because you've every fucking right to be in your lives. So you should definitely be writing in and if you're not then I and frankly,
Jim:and frankly, we haven't heard from Mikey in a while.
The Miz:I just I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Online thing and and they and they know that we like when people write in and yet here we are with no one right? Yeah, it's really hard because I have to be like,
Bobby:Hey, guys, right? Like, I mean, it's like people are scared to write or call. It's so dumb. Okay, I don't know what you're miserable. But I want you to tell us about what you're miserable. And I think I know what it is or what it could be gonorrhea.
The Miz:Know that? What do you think I'm miserable about what I think. Okay, so basically, I'm not miserable about it because I understand that like, honestly, if I had the wherewithal to share that link with a bunch of people I would have been on it for I did. But I think what I'm miserable about is that I'm a sore fucking loser. And I know I am I'm trying not to be but I am I'm a sore fucking loser.
Bobby:You know what admitting it is the first step. Honestly,
The Miz:I'm not striving this or I am I'm not good at losing. And I lose all the time, which is problematic.
Bobby:Like everybody loses all the time so
The Miz:like it doesn't get any
Bobby:easier. I was really hoping that you're gonna get the headlining show.
The Miz:I don't know some some some fucking dumb ass person who writes like by the book comedy Got that? And then that bitch, I actually fucking listening that fucking bitch posted on Instagram. Some men mood flyer, a man made flyer that says we have a winner. So and So why wonder judges pick from flappers comedy,
Bobby:she made herself
The Miz:for her fucking self made girl. There were three people that got audience votes, who were not you. You got the judges vote and now you're making yourself a flyer, like, come on. Like,
Unknown:are you following her? Well, I
The Miz:was following her until she posted
Bobby:she follow you
Jim:know, I blocked her.
Bobby:Oh my god, I would love to send posts like I would make the exact same flyer that she posted for you. Like one
Unknown:second place.
Bobby:I really wanted that for you. I really wanted that headlining gigs, we got to LA and like I could,
The Miz:well, here's the deal. Here's the problem with me. It's like the way that I do a comedy show would never be a headlining Are you fucking kidding me? That is just selling yourself short. And you know what? No, it wouldn't be traditional.
Bobby:Our audience, the people who have not been able to make it to your $20 fucking Wednesday night at 10 o'clock shows and last for two hours. A little taste of your comedy like give us the opening act. Give us an opening. Like just do it. You're so good at it. You're so crazy.
The Miz:I don't I literally don't even remember.
Jim:I remember I want you to comment on St. Patrick's Day and how fun it is for us or
Unknown:Easter thing.
The Miz:This is what makes me so fucking mad is why I hate comedy. I hate it. I hate it. Hate it hate it. Because people sit there and read their jokes because they think they're funny. And I hate that. I think that right? I like to soda. Why talking to people? And like making it funny.
Bobby:Right? And I think it's, it's amazing because you're like, you're more interactive.
The Miz:I hate everything about comedy. I'm never doing it again. I'm never doing a good job.
Bobby:I'm over that shit. I'm
The Miz:never I'm
Bobby:never doing this. I don't know if anybody was able to tell you this when you were growing up but winners never quit and quitters. Quit quitters? never win and winners never quit and quitters
The Miz:and quitters. Don't ever get off their lease. quitters never
Jim:quit and winners never win. I'll tell you winners. And up losers never lose and winners never win and I want you to win.
The Miz:never win
Bobby:the picture or MS and Jim Oh my god COVID brain I just sent a picture of Yeah, it looks like
Unknown:this is what I see my gym for.
Bobby:I got a post like I mean this is gonna be your debut face.
Unknown:Like the motherfucking farm. This
Bobby:is why he wears a mask guys trust me you'd rather the unicorn.
Unknown:Like literally I'm a yell I actually
Bobby:I honestly think Ms that you are very talented.
The Miz:Well you know what? Fuck that I'm miserable because I came in second place for some dumb pitch with eyeliner who talked about goddamn Star Wars The whole time was about
Bobby:No, that was bad. Sorry. It was bad. It's a popularity contest on that. That's like really the dumbest thing to me.
Unknown:Well, yeah, I
Bobby:agree me, because it's all popularity no matter what, like if you get the most people to go there, you're gonna win,
The Miz:right? And the person that won the corner court judges pick was like, she like goes bonkers all the time. She had like button. She had like, buttoned up like traditional comedy like good. And she had like, weird awkward pauses where people would laugh like good
Bobby:good for Yeah, she was very textbook, and it worked. But it was like, to me I would much rather see your special than hers though. Like I'd rather see you. Miss listen. Yeah, you don't even need flappers. Now you can do your own thing. We can go get you a license in New York and we'll just go on the streets and have you do your stand up.
The Miz:Let's hang out. Yeah, I know. I agree.
Jim:I agree. You need a license to do comedy? No, there's this
Bobby:new thing in New York this this summer because of the COVID they're allowing artists to like perform on the streets anywhere. So like you need a license though. Or like whatever to like do it seems pay money probably but
Unknown:oh my god. No. Like
The Miz:I hear ya. I hear ya. I hear ya. I just saw noise. I just I need to think
Bobby:outside of that box. Like, just because you didn't win the flappers comedy contest doesn't mean shit to be honest. And honestly, you've got to take this to the next level. Like you don't need to worry about winning contests and going to these things you need to worry about just getting your act fucking together.
The Miz:Show the show on February 13. I did not understand it. That was part of a contest I really had no idea because that's how I ended up in the one right last week and then the one that I had no fucking clue that was part of a QA I after after I came in dead fucking last the Boston Comedy Festival. I was like I'm never doing this again. But here we are. Apparently. This is one of them. Here we are now mad again. But you know what? I don't fucking care. I'm probably paying for her goddamn seamless check. So good for her.
Bobby:I love her fall back and I love it.
The Miz:It's my fault back my gap. You wanted to pursue comedy and write these horrible jokes that you think people are gonna go about? Okay, great. You fucking get your EBT down to goddamn CVS and get some fucking bread.
Bobby:And other news I'm taking a comedy class from flappers University on Saturday, which is tomorrow. Oh, are you doing it?
Unknown:Waiting? Yeah. Wait Wait Did you have both when
Jim:and when it last week and he wanted this week?
Bobby:You that's what I'm saying? admins like they're obsessed with us. There's something
The Miz:about the three of us assessed and I saw that. I saw that the MC followed. She's Not Doing So Well. Sorry.
Bobby:Not sorry.
Unknown:Sorry, not sorry.
Bobby:I'm not charisma, uniqueness and talent. Were comments.
The Miz:charisma uniqueness. Like hurts.
Bobby:What's the nerves and talent? sexually
Unknown:we got sexually on earth and so
Bobby:is is that the MS?
The Miz:I don't have really anything to say this week. Besides the fact I'm fucking mad because I'm a sore loser. And I'm fucking mad because I'm just over I'm over. I'm over. I'm over. I'm over. I'm over people who do things completely by the book and get rewarded for it. I hate that. So like like get get get creative for a hot second
Bobby:100% grade. Like I can't agree more. Because in the world that we live in today, uniqueness is what makes you stand out right or you're just gonna be another if
The Miz:you weren't that talented. Would you be making yourself a goddamn flyer to post on your Instagram like now?
Bobby:I probably one
Unknown:amazing comedy. We love
The Miz:them like okay, but a flyer to promote your show is different than a flyer to announce that one when you made it yourself.
Bobby:Yeah, it's really awkward. That's like an awkward moment.
The Miz:It's something to be like, hey, come to my show. Here's a flyer that I made versus like she said, I
Bobby:want Yeah, she could have said something else like hum more humble. It was kind of like I
The Miz:had such a great time doing a show. I'm doing a show with this. Other point angelic eyes
Bobby:I can't believe it I one you couldn't you could just post a picture of yourself and just be like doing comedy or whatever and being like,
The Miz:she like we have a winner judges pick so thanks
Bobby:to whoever was the celebrity guest I'm like
The Miz:I would love to know who the celebrity I probably the janitor of flappers comedy club was a celebrity guest. Like a fool who was
Bobby:you have to be
The Miz:I didn't see any celebrities. If there's a fucking celebrity on a show that I'm associated. Well, I think that's a far cry. That's a far cry Wednesday at 10pm there's a celebrity guests like give me a fucking break.
Bobby:Is that the Miss?
Unknown:Wow. Yeah.
Bobby:I'm sorry. I don't wanna make it a tradition. But I had to. I had to I had to I'm really excited to get to Jim segment to be honest.
Unknown:Yeah, me too.
Jim:I'm not sure why because the more you know with Jim
Unknown:we wait.
Bobby:What does that instrument exactly? You really think about it
Unknown:my chest. Okay.
Bobby:I feel like that's a sound bite. Oh, no.
The Miz:I don't know what any of you to just said. That's
Jim:like from Bobby's bear backing song. Put it in my chest.
Bobby:That's what it says.
Unknown:your gut. My gut. My gut. Well, that would be my phone. Oh, my gosh.
Jim:I wish I could be stuffed and filled. I mean, hi, doll. I'm ready. But like with a really tiny like, you can't feel it. sighs
Bobby:right.
Jim:Like, you know, oh, it's in. Okay, good. Go ahead,
Bobby:pound away. But there's no way
Jim:I can't see anything. Thank God. Okay, so, Bobby, can you preface like, why are we talking about the thing we're going to talk about?
Bobby:Cuz I don't tell us because there was no reason because you came. You went to work. And so it was like, I called you and you're putting something underneath your eyes. And you're like, somebody asked me if I was tired.
Jim:Yep. Okay, now I can now I can go. You've triggered it. Okay, trigger warning. This is about aging. So everyone who's afraid of their aging? Take a break. Pause for a few and listen. Okay, wow. Wow, I need to respect people's boundaries. Okay, so I was going to work one day, this is like three days ago. And as soon as I walk in, I take my coat off. I put my things down and put my purse down. And the person worked with me.
Unknown:Space just now was like,
Jim:Ah, it's so gold. My purse down and the woman I'm working with goes Are you tired? And I'm like,
Unknown:he gap pitch I'm carrying around.
Bobby:Sleep. Why do you ask?
Jim:Yeah, of course. I'm fucking tired. Because apparently there are dark circles under my eyes. Which I don't know if that's a mark of like an alcoholic or just someone who's not slept well the night before. are aging. Aging. So I've told this story to Bobby and he pointed out like maybe I'm just aging like maybe my skin is changing as I become a full woman. And so I looked this up about how do we get wrinkles? Because, you know, it's um, you know, if people are commenting.
Unknown:Oh, you look tired or you look Oh, are you feeling weak?
Bobby:Are you feeling old? That's because you're carrying a goddamn purse.
The Miz:Carrying the fucking purse baby.
Unknown:You guys I had a backpack
The Miz:what's in what's in the purse?
Bobby:Like what are you bringing to work with? You need to fucking
Unknown:tampons, tampons,
Bobby:that's a heavy flow too. So you really want to
Unknown:massage in this deck.
The Miz:I'm not misogynistic. I'm just questioning why you have a purse. It's something it's something against women or feminine people but
Bobby:why do you specifically have a part what are you bringing to your work that you need a purse my wallet
Jim:okay i cannot i am like being attacked
The Miz:yeah anyway so you get there you are huge crowds and arrived do
Bobby:you not only have you have bags under your eyes
The Miz:right so we got we got three bags on your fucking boat the weirdest
Jim:part is i didn't actually have a purse but you guys just went with it so i was like fine i'll let them think i had a purse
Bobby:cuz we listened to what you say
Unknown:i had a book bag that
The Miz:i could ever take your nails and i was like yeah that makes sense
Jim:oh my god we are family
Unknown:oh are you triggered i need a trigger we're gonna happen you're sad
Jim:i needed a trigger warning
The Miz:right anyway so back to the aging and how you're old
Jim:so bobby said why don't you look up how we get wrinkles and how can we prevent them because he doesn't like old people so i looked it up and there are extrinsic and intrinsic causes of how we get wrinkles some of our intrinsic causes are things like genetics so you know when i look at someone like jocelyn i can tell ms will have wrinkles very soon you know some other things are free radicals like drinking too much you could generate free radicals so that would be ms some extrinsic causes are maybe getting our grip and i'm
The Miz:not going to get here from putting my bags into my eyes the old ugly bits
Jim:would be like the sun which ms never sees so thankfully it'll be fine from that standpoint no wrinkles there other extra indices these are all x trends these are extrinsic so another one would be like smoking so like you doing hookah would be bad for your wrinkle
Bobby:wow
Jim:i'm just saying 30 is gonna hit you like a truck like funny to watch out
The Miz:for what supports introns
Jim:just like your yeah like you're in intracellular
The Miz:heritage said you're warning me that when i grow up i might look as bad as you
Bobby:and you said yes you
Unknown:yes
The Miz:all right well that's a good people actually wait for
Jim:that to happen when you hear black don't crack it's because they don't get sun damage
Bobby:i don't think anthony is gonna have anthony i never call you anthony it's the COVID yeah i can't
The Miz:i can't really ever imagine myself looking like your friend
Bobby:says you're italian like me and like so i'm 36 and this face like really doesn't have that many wrinkles i have a little bit on my forehead but because we're oily naturally because we're italian like i don't ever wash my face is that disgusting
Unknown:yeah no
Jim:it's not i don't accept that while
Bobby:i cry i mean i but i don't ever put
Unknown:yeah i do in the shower i don't like wash it
Bobby:in the morning or anything you know those people have to wash their face all the time it's like no
Jim:i don't have time for that either okay so there's extrinsic and intrinsic factors that contribute to your age and you can only change the extrinsic like most of these things are it's genetics like you can look at your family and be like yikes and if you apply an spf
The Miz:so what happens what is
Bobby:what's your excuse
The Miz:so if you look like this is what it like it's horrifying oh
Jim:she's horrifying she looks like mommy looks like the mummy came back from the dead and like you're dying mommies it's over like yeah at some point you have to admit defeat so that's what makeups for and botox and so we attack our genetics with medicine and like burning our fix i heard there's like an acid pill that you can get like last six years there's a vampire peel where they like poke your skin and make it bleed so that collagen is built up underneath the skin yep
Bobby:there's no money out of this this is really actually my issue
Jim:you do have you levin's the 11 yeah in your tea spot like those are deep
Bobby:yeah this cuz i do that a crevice i always like i'm always like
Jim:yeah that face that's like when you're like writing a deck
Unknown:oh god oh my fucking guide daddy take me to your truck
Bobby:that's very interesting though i mean like i'm glad that my mom and dad are young looking so my trench check in prison and transact is in bad my extra chin zyk is smoking smoking like i used to smoke cigs but now i don't
Jim:know why but Other Fun fact just for Bobby. This is about I want you to guess how many calories does a whale swallow in one mouthful?
The Miz:Okay, so I don't know. Why don't you tell us Jim?
Bobby:I'm gonna say 25,000 calories.
Jim:That's a good that's pretty good guests actually. Thinking, one swallow I don't
The Miz:really have any Intel into this. That's why when did you know we have
Bobby:whales?
Jim:I love whales. Actually, I do love whales because I do too. I
Bobby:mean, really,
Jim:I mean, think about how they evolved. So like, people, things can't
Bobby:miss your faces. I just can't.
Jim:They came out of the ocean. And then mammals were some mammals were like, No, fuck it. We're gonna go back in the water and live in the water. And then whales came out of that. Because if you notice, like fish, they flap their back fin they go side to side. all mammals go up and down like whales, because we evolved separately, like mammals went back into the ocean. And we're like, no, we're gonna swim this way. This is how we swim. And we get the air. Yeah, yeah, we breathe air. And so we're different because I don't know why but some mammal decided to go back into the water. And so anyways, the back legs developed into that type of fin like, God flip flopper. I think God so give them Oh, Jesus fucking Christ. So whales are cool. But in one mouthful, a whale swallows half a million calories.
Unknown:Holy shit. So
Jim:you're supposed to have like 2000 calories a day. And a whale is a whale I 100,000.
Bobby:So how many mouthfuls does a whip z always open his mouth? Is he always eating? The filter?
Jim:Yeah, the filter feeders will do like a full big swallow and then
Bobby:yeah, love your facts, Jim. I just it's it boggles my mind a million calories.
Unknown:A lot of stuff. Now.
Bobby:That's very interesting. Thank you.
The Miz:I don't love a day where I could eat half a million, right?
Jim:Like I would just live or die. Oh, my God.
Bobby:I hate eating actually, I think like
Jim:700 calories. So think about that. 700 calories and a Big Mac and then a whale can eat 500,000 calories in one mouthful.
The Miz:Right? Like, this isn't fair. It's not fair.
Bobby:I want to be a whale. Oh,
Jim:come back as a whale.
Unknown:I want to be aware. I just want to eat little tuna isn't bad. What was eat
Jim:jam? Well, it depends. Like Yeah, the filter feeders will eat the krill. They'll eat various like plankton anything floating in the water because they just kind of filter the water. Like little algae like that.
Bobby:But they're so microscopic, aren't they? Yeah, they are
Jim:but like they're the teeth that they have filter out the water and they can track that stuff and then eat it. But the bigger whales with teeth like orcas and sperm whale of orcas I love or a fine balloon kill. They'll just straight up kill whatever animal they want. Like they'll eat. orcas will kill great whites.
Bobby:They weren't workers. I love Free Will or goes
Jim:off the coast of South Africa. We're just ripping out the livers of great whites and leading. They just left the bodies of the great white floating around in the water after they ripped out the liver because it's fatty.
Bobby:The carcasses
Jim:orcas are horrifying. Like if you see an orca on the water swim away how
Bobby:things are horrifying.
Unknown:They're horrifying. They're off
Bobby:Bork is a horrifying.
The Miz:I don't understand why everyone loves well, so
Jim:I don't know. Because they're like the biggest things that have ever lived.
The Miz:Everyone think I'm gonna have the whale. But I'm like, why do I give
Jim:blue whales though? Are when you think about that the biggest animal that have ever lived, including every dinosaur that's ever lived. Blue Whales are the biggest animal ever by volume
The Miz:and weight and so therefore I need to care about them. Yeah,
Jim:that's amazing that they're alive at the same time as as I
Unknown:like the size of a chalk. Oh my god,
Bobby:there's so much bigger. Really? Oh,
Jim:fucking like a samurai 100 feet on there a lot heavier to fuck.
Unknown:I don't know, like 15
Jim:minutes. Yeah, these blue whales are huge.
Unknown:All right. Well, that's cool.
Bobby:That's I'm blown away.
Jim:That's neat that we live at the same time considering dinosaurs lived in Sydney 5 million years ago. And we happen to be alive at the same time as the world's largest animal ever.
Bobby:And we're only alive for like, maybe 60 years,
Unknown:man.
Bobby:That's what's crazy when you really think about it, like 65 billion years and here we are going like, we're here for 60 years.
Jim:Maybe the world's like high end 4 billion years old and you've you're gonna be here for 100 It's scary. It's very scary. It's scary. we should all just go jump off a building i'll just give you guys COVID
The Miz:this give us COVID levels which is a gym right into become like a marine biologist i
Bobby:would have that would have been cool for you except for you to apply fucking sunscreen and it's really boring
Jim:well i don't want wrinkles and so i could have combined those two things so clearly it's not
Bobby:it doesn't matter because those
The Miz:wait we wouldn't want them
Bobby:out bag thing is gonna still happen
Jim:the back thing is a matter of sleep
Bobby:i'm not you know i think i'm getting hotter and hotter as a no offense to anybody else in the room but
Jim:i'm glad you think that
Bobby:i know it's fax
Unknown:fax no printer wait
The Miz:jim do you think you're getting hotter oh no i think you are daddy
Bobby:oh great he's gonna try to fuck you now oh he's like oh god caught my top my apartment or what is that
The Miz:i think you're getting hotter as you age as i've seen you now for less than
Bobby:a beard though i'm sorry i'm just gonna say yeah really out with a beard
The Miz:let's be honest here yeah the beard works
Bobby:a lot because you have a good fucking beard
Jim:i'll bring it back
The Miz:i don't like the baby face i'm not gonna lie and always
Jim:depressing ms i
Bobby:wonder what your beard would look
Jim:like not yeah miss you with the beard would be good
Unknown:it would look bad no it doesn't it would look bad
Bobby:it would be really hot
Jim:i'm already really fucking hot
Bobby:actually i can see like see a shadow
Unknown:i can see the shadow
Bobby:really really good cheekbones
Unknown:yeah it would look bad
Jim:it'd be big because he's italian
Bobby:right you think it'd be thick but
Unknown:the more you know with jim
Bobby:ah ah no
Unknown:that doesn't work oh no we don't like you
Bobby:so i'm really sorry to everyone that i am not high right now because i do feel like i feel like you miss like last week when you were like at home it was i'm feeling very off not having any kind of read
Jim:i feel like you're off
Bobby:i can tell yeah like all i can think about is laying in bed like
The Miz:you're definitely you're off
Bobby:yeah i mean i do have like a pandemic in my body or whatever
The Miz:i have a entire global pandemic
Bobby:pandemic is in my whole
Jim:half a million americans are dead and they're in my body
Unknown:in my butt crack right now
Bobby:it's it's scary to think that like no i'm really pissed because i feel like i'm the only person i'm not going to running back to me i guess it's my final thought yeah let's do final thoughts okay my final thought is what i'm really fucking pissed about is that this whole time i haven't even gone to a restaurant i haven't really i mean i've gotten i've gotten maybe six six times out to eat in a year ms i know you do that on a weekend
Unknown:i know but then it's funny because
Bobby:i'm saying this is what i this is the exact thing that i'm saying that's what pisses me off is that
The Miz:so i guess my advice to you is just be smart about it
Bobby:i love to see he's he's getting it feels attacked so all of a sudden he's gonna start getting smart mouth over there but let me tell you my final thought is based on the fact that i'm just kind of disappointed and not anybody else but myself like i got it i don't know how i got it it's coincidental but like i thought i was gonna make it through without any issues and i have to worry about my future and what this pandemic is going to do to my body as i age because that's the big thing that nobody knows and that was the big thing the reason why i didn't want to get it is because i don't they don't they don't know in 10 years from now as my lungs gonna be so scarred that like i have to be on a fucking breathing machine for the rest of my life you know i'm saying
The Miz:i'll be right there with you at least i have some support i'll hold
Unknown:your hand
Bobby:so that's my final thought i'll be
The Miz:the COVID in the smoker we'll be in the same spot and then we'll see the edibles
Unknown:and one of the edibles won't be like
Bobby:it'll be like last week's episode but just both of us being that way we find whose final thoughts
Jim:i kind of already told bobby my final thought earlier but it's just basically that the people closest to you are the ones that can hurt you the most
The Miz:you also have that final thought and attack that
Bobby:means you're on fire tonight today whatever fucking time you're listening to this ms is on fire
Jim:i guess the question though is ms really apparently he's reading those texts but not responding to them
The Miz:hmm i don't think that's a question i think that's actually
Bobby:was episode but we can wait
The Miz:hmm quiet i don't respond to your yeah i don't really respond to your room
Bobby:it's hurtful it hurts my feelings
Unknown:i know i know i know i know i'm not gonna know I
Bobby:know like, I'm not going to put effort into texting any I mean, I know you love me so like, that's okay. I just can't have my feelings hurt when I'm like, Hey
Unknown:man, how
Bobby:are you and then 430 in the morning, I last night texted I was I haven't really heard from him. And I was like, hey, just wanna make sure you don't pick us. Remember, healing had a fit after his fucking loss. He
Jim:had a crisis.
Bobby:crisis. I was like, hey, just want to like, Are you alive? Check. That's at 10 o'clock. I get a response at like, like, 430 in the morning and said like, Hey, I'm like this mother fucker. Like, but meanwhile, then I'll see like 65 memes posted to a story and I'm like, huh?
Unknown:Alright, so he's doing well,
Bobby:so I need you to work on that. Like I honestly don't. I'm not gonna bother you as much I know. You don't like it. So I'm not I'm gonna work on my my boundaries with you. Because I know I can get a little like chit chatting.
Jim:These fucking boundaries. Oh,
Bobby:nothing. Wow, just like your tags. Nothing mass, like the text.
Jim:But he's reading them. But he's reading them. Yeah.
Bobby:I'll show you receipts that you send some
Unknown:shit back.
Bobby:That was actually epic. That's like epic actually. I think you fucking texted it. And it's like, oh, cuz you haven't responded? in four days.
Unknown:You fucking
Bobby:iron this wrinkly shit behind me. But anyway,
The Miz:like, I guess, is like, I'm fully aware. I'm a horrendous communicator like I really am. In terms of texting. I really am. So fucking deal with that. Well, I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. No, you're kidding. This week. But this week, it's because a very bad week for me. However, I it's not an excuse. And you're not the first person who's gotten on my case about this. So I understand that it's a problem that needs to be addressed. I'm just really billowing out of dressing. And that's okay.
Bobby:I mean, the thing is, is that nobody's perfect.
Jim:I had a friend that I brought this up with before about responding. And they just said that they needed a break from all the notifications because they were making them anxious. Like, do you get too many alerts,
The Miz:he does not even know I see the text and I like read them and I'm like, enjoying the conversation. I just,
Jim:you're just an asshole. Okay,
The Miz:I get it. I just don't like bother. Which is any better. This is where I'm like, I see him. I'm like, Oh, look at that. And then
Bobby:all sudden me and Jim will be like digita bah bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah. And your buddy supposed to be like, so then you go. OMG and I'm like,
Unknown:stop talking. You're saying I'm in G? Omg. Then you're like,
Bobby:I'm not gonna say anything. I get it. I get it. That's why I'm when I'm really need you I have to touch on the side of like, man, are you fucking alive? And you're like, yes. Hi. Hey. If
Jim:everyone needs a slide deck,
The Miz:most of the time, most of the time actually, the best way is a face time. I know you've a timer yesterday, but I was at dinner with my boss who was sobbing under control because I was leaving. So yesterday. Bad
Bobby:Day that was that the crisis?
The Miz:No, the crisis was I wanted to quit comedy, which I'm still thinking about doing. But then I went to dinner with my boss and she started sobbing. And I was like, at dinner from 7am and then I was at her apartment till three I Oh, no.
Bobby:See, then you have reasons okay. And you know what? I'd much rather you be focused on somebody who's in front of you than the phone so I actually applaud you for that. But I do know that's not always the case. You know what I think too, and I just had a moment and I'm really chatty all the sudden because it's my last time talking. True myth I think we need to turn your stand up into like New York not like a media thing like like your St. Patrick's gig where you're like, fuck me I'm Irish instead of kiss me or whatever you want me my whole in the car in the truck you know your joke that joke like do a video of that like do a video of like straight people being like didn't like and then show this other gays do it and be like fuck me.
The Miz:I'm Irish. Yeah, I turn turn my entire series.
Bobby:Like a minute long videos, little minute long videos. I think it'd be cool because I think a lot of stuff you say is really funny. Like, like last week when you talk about Jesus and you're like you one girl.
The Miz:I think a lot of things I say it would be funny from now. That's just bullshit. I think if I had like a reason for people to like me, then it would go over a lot more.
Unknown:You
Bobby:What I love about you,
The Miz:I think it's your sir. I think I'm an errantly not absolute.
Bobby:I really, when you start talking people listen. So remember that.
The Miz:But then at first glance, you're like, Oh, look at It's like
Bobby:dumb stuff that you that's your own head. That's your problem. That's not anybody else's problem because everybody else's Do you think I'm gonna pay? I mean, I love you but you think I'm gonna pay fucking $20 to come and see you at go last on zoom comedy show I didn't think you were actually funny now, so well I know we all think all of us are getting your comedy out there last time you put out a comedy fucking look real when's the last time that you? I need to I need to wait for my next I'm saying you need to start really? Like really showing people your standup and I mean I've Yeah, okay, you're fine.
The Miz:I know. No, I know. But I feel like people like I feel like a lot of it's because of the shit. I talk on Twitter being like,
Unknown:comedians, they don't make any money move.
Bobby:So people are like, I don't believe that and all that's all in your head. You're like creating the own drama in your own like situation so you can quit without having a reason to quit. Oh my god, you're like creating your own fucking Housewives of comedy. You are.
The Miz:I think I just don't fit the mold of and you shouldn't meet him which is fine.
Bobby:What is the mold? The bits that one the fucking contest that the judge picked? Cool. And we all hate her and didn't make her own flyer. So the mold obviously isn't real. I'm done with you. dump this episode. You're the little video. Have you seen it? So good
Unknown:streaming?
Bobby:I hate you say no things. I'm screaming at the video. Like the video was like you will never even she didn't even she doesn't know.
Jim:She doesn't know. I'll never gonna know. And she's No, she don't need to know. I really
Unknown:thought you I really thought you had a party. Oh
Jim:guys, I brought up I bring a book bag to work. So I'm weird.
Bobby:But like what do you put in the book bag of
Jim:everything? Oh yeah, book bag. Yeah,
Bobby:I have he comes in my bag.
Jim:I have shit to bring everywhere. I don't want to like carry.
Bobby:Like Mr. Rogers. He brings a pair of chains of shoes.
Unknown:Yep. shoes. You want with like a son. mm is back. Oh. Yeah, we do. I agree. Why don't you think? Yeah.
Jim:Yeah, that's a good idea. I like that. Okay,
Bobby:flare ups are like amazing. They're like these wool shoes. I'm wearing mine right now. They're the most comfortable fucking shoes to wear in the house and shit. Like it is the best.
Jim:There is. You need a pair of house shoes. You have a house now.
Bobby:You have a house.
The Miz:I'm wearing a negros. Oh,
Unknown:we got a gym.
Bobby:What are you straight? Sorry. I'm just like not okay.
Jim:Bobby has got to go. Alright, so make sure to share with your friends.
Unknown:Okay, great. Good episode. Everyone wants to
Bobby:make sure you share with your friends. And Jim, five stars. Five stars. We'll be back next week on I'll hopefully be high because it's over.
Jim:We're really hoping that Bobby survives COVID and can do this again later. And if he can't Well, we'll carry it on for maybe one more episode. Yeah. The farewell episode.
Unknown:Oh,
Jim:remember Bobby he was such a drag on the show. He
Bobby:was such a bitch. What if we should see him when he's not drinking her? Hi, he's an asshole and he's a con he
Jim:barely fit in his coffin. They had to squeeze him in You're such a fucking prick
Bobby:actually is my fear but I'm not going in the coffin and
Unknown:the coffin fell off the
Bobby:little still all where my if I'm gonna give you a necklace with my body in it.
Unknown:Oh, really? Yeah, like Bobby's rib bone.
Bobby:Here's a yeah though. I'm gonna get I'm making my bones chipped off and like make little necklaces for everyone with the
Jim:biology of that. That's hot.
Bobby:And that's me being I think I carry you with I think this is Mrs. Morning tonight.
Jim:I can tell he's on the apps. You can look at his face. He's like a fat.
Bobby:Thank you guys for joining us this week. It's been so She's Not Doing So Well. I'm Bobby COVID written hassle.
Jim:Jim's COVID written asshole. Ms also has COVID but doesn't know it.
Bobby:Now he probably already had it. And he's, he's he's so young. He says he's me. I don't even know. Oh, thanks for joining us, and we will see you next week.
Unknown:Bye. Oh fuck. Oh, fuck.
Bobby:It's just a struggle right now. For
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